Surviving the Fog (21 page)

Ralph stared down at his hands, and he said,
"All right."  Mary got up to leave.

"Mrs. Brown?" she heard him say.  She
turned.  "Thank you for putting up with me."

She smiled.  "You're welcome, Ralph.
 And when we are alone, you may call me, Mary."

During the following month, Ralph made an
honest effort to do as Mary had asked.  He curbed his sarcasm.
 He made sure that he said, "please" when he asked someone to
do something.  On the rare occasion that someone actually
responded, he made sure that he said, "thank you."  It wasn't
always easy.  Sometimes he forgot.  Sometimes he
remembered, but his effort was not reciprocated.  Sometimes he
had to walk away and stew for a while, but gradually things got
better between him and the twins.

Asking them about them or speaking about his
own life was harder.  He was not naturally a loner like Jacob,
but he was a more private person than most people.  But he
made an effort, and slowly his efforts began to pay off.

During this period, the Christmas season
arrived.  Mary showed the twins a fir tree she wanted, so they
chopped it down and carried it back to the house.  The girls
were busy making natural ornaments.  The little kids talked
about Santa and elves, and they watched the same Christmas cartoons
on the old DVD player over and over until the whole house could
quote them.

One night after the kids had gone to bed, and
Mary and Ralph were still up, Mary suddenly said, "The angel!
 I forgot to get the Christmas angel for the top of the
tree.”

She went to the hall closet and rummaged
through it.

"Found it!" she exclaimed triumphantly.
 She brought the ornament to the Christmas tree along with a
rickety old stool.

Good
grief
, thought Ralph as she climbed the
stool, leaned forward, and attempted to maintain her balance while
placing the cherub on top of the tree.  Ralph got up from the
sofa and moved behind her, just in case.  Mary set the
ornament on the tree, and then she leaned back.  At that
moment, the stool wobbled dangerously, and with a gasp Mary fell
backwards, right into Ralph's arms.

For a moment the startled pair stared at one
another.  Then as one, they became aware of the feel of the
other's body.  As Mary gazed into Ralph's eyes, she felt the
strength of his arm under her knees and warmth of his other arm
behind her back.  Suddenly, for reasons she could not have
articulated, she blushed.  Seeing her blush, flustered Ralph
and muttering something incomprehensible, he lowered her feet to
the carpet.

Mary composed herself, and she threw him a
nervous smile.  "Well, thank you," she said.

"You're welcome.  I guess I'll go to bed
now," he answered, and he withdrew to the safety of the attic.

Later, as she lay in her own bed, Mary was
troubled.  For the first time since she understood that her
husband was probably dead, she had responded to a man with a rush
of pleasure.  She didn't want to feel that, and she especially
didn't want to feel that about a younger man who was living with
her.  But she was still a young woman in her late twenties,
and in certain circumstances her body would still respond
naturally.

Mary thought back to when she had been a
young bride.  After college, she and Davis had moved to
Anaheim.  Davis had taken her to Disneyland and to Knott’s
Berry Farm.  Together, they had explored the La Brea Tar Pits
and the Los Angeles County museum.  It was a wonderful period
in their lives.  And Ralph was not much younger than Davis had
been at that time.  Mary tossed and turned in her sleep that
night, and for the next week, Mary and Ralph treated each other a
little warily.

Christmas Day and New Year’s Day passed
comfortably.  The kids were contented.  Comet made
everyone laugh by pretending to be a reindeer.  Then in the
middle of January, there was a cold snap and a lot of snow.
 Ralph made his way to the barn, and he stayed there until the
bad spell passed.  Every evening, Mary talked to him on Star's
walkie-talkie to assure herself that he was all right.  During
the day, Mary tried to balance their usage of wood and propane.

Finally the cold spell passed, and Ralph
returned to the house.  When he walked in the door, Mary was
so relieved to see him that not thinking, she flung her arms around
him and held him.  Ralph was startled, but after a moment, he
responded in the same way.  For a few moments they stood there
holding each other, and then becoming aware that others were
watching them, they moved apart, both blushing and pretending that
nothing unusual had happened.  The twins saw nothing amiss,
but Paige and Kylie exchanged worried glances.

After the cold spell, the house returned to
normal.  Then one night, Comet caused a new crisis to arise.
 Ralph had gotten into the habit of putting Comet to bed and
tucking him in, and on some nights Ralph would read or tell Comet a
story.  The twins usually not there, since they went to bed
later in the evening.

One night, after Comet was comfortably in
bed, and Ralph was about to leave the room, Comet said, "Read me a
story, Daddy!"

Startled, for a moment Ralph thought that
Comet had simply made a childish mistake, but then he saw that
Comet was watching him intently.  Ralph did not know what to
do or say.  Finally, he decided to ignore the endearment.

"Uh, all right," he responded, and he read
Comet a bedtime story.  Satisfied, Comet went to sleep.

The incident troubled Ralph, but he hesitated
to burden Mary with any more problems.  Then, a few days
later, Comet called him, “Daddy,” in Mary's presence.  Ralph
could see that Mary was stunned.  At the first private
opportunity, Ralph tried to apologize to Mary, but she wouldn’t
have it.

"You don't have to apologize, Ralph," Mary
assured him ruefully.  "He was barely three when his father
left.  There is no way he is going to remember his father much
longer.  It's different with Star.  She adored her
father.  If you don't mind him calling you, ‘Daddy,’ then I
can deal with it.  When he's older, I will explain it to him.
 I'm more worried about Star's reaction."

The next day, Mary's words proved to be
prescient.  When Comet called Ralph, “Daddy,” Star's eyes grew
huge, and then she exploded.

"He's not your Daddy," she raged angrily.
 "He's not our Daddy.  He's just some old bully. Our
Daddy is dead. " She burst into tears and ran to her room.

After that, Star's behavior took a turn for
the worse.  She was belligerent to Mary, mean to Comet, and
nasty to Ralph.  She refused to clean her room, help with the
chores, or go to bed on time.  This lasted for a week.

One day, Comet was in her room trying to get
her to play with him.  He happened to pick up one of her
dolls.  Angrily, she slapped him.  Crying, he went to his
mother to complain.

"Why did you slap your brother, Star?" Mary
asked, bewildered at her daughter’s violent behavior.

"I hate him," Star snapped. "He's a
dumb-dumb, and he's stupid.  I hate him."

"That's enough out of you, young lady," her
mother admonished the girl.  "Your brother is not dumb, and he
is not stupid.  You apologize right now."

"I won't," cried Star.  "I hate him, and
I hate you.  You made Daddy go away.  You made him
die."

Mary turned pale, and she slumped down on the
sofa.  She was unable to keep tears from seeping from her
eyes.  Seeing this, Star fled to her room.

"I'll go talk to her," Ralph said
quietly.

Mary looked up, as her eyes continued to leak
tears.  "Ralph..."

"It'll be okay.  She'll be okay,” the
young man said. “I'll talk to her."  He went to Star's closed
door where he found Paige and Kylie standing by the door, calling
to her.

"Go play with the twins, please," he
requested.  Reluctantly, they left.  Ralph knocked on the
door.

"Go away," he heard Star yell.

"I'm coming in, Star," Ralph said.  He
opened the door and entered the room.  Star was lying on her
bed crying.

"Leave me alone, you big bully," she choked
out through her sobs.  Ralph did not respond.  He sat
down on her bed and waited.  Presently her sobs tapered
off.

"I had a little sister.  She was five,"
Ralph said.  Star kept her head pressed against her pillow,
but Ralph could sense that she was listening.

"My parents were divorced when I was twelve.
 My Mom left us.  Then my Dad remarried, and he and my
stepmother had a baby girl.  At first, I was mad about it.
 But then I got to like her.  She would follow me around,
begging me to pick her up.  One day, my parents left her with
me.  She messed in her diapers, and I had to clean her up.
 That was weird, but I had watched my stepmother and my Dad
change her, so I did it.  I cleaned her, and I powdered her
butt, and I put another diaper on her.  I don't think I ever
looked at her the same way after that.  Somehow she was not
just their kid, she was my kid, too.  When I realized that she
was dead, I got crazy angry.  I was so mad.  I blamed
everyone and everything."

"Like me," said Star with a sniff, her head
still face down.

"Yes, like you.  Now I realize that
mostly I blamed myself," Ralph replied.

Star began to sob again.  Ralph reached
over and softly stroked her back.

"It's all my fault," Star cried.  "It's
all my fault.  I told Daddy that I wanted a new video, and I
kept bugging him and bugging him, and finally he went to
Bakersfield to get one for me, and now he's dead.  It's all my
fault."  Ralph waited until her cries tapered off again before
answering.

"Your mother thinks that it's her fault," he
said.

Star calmed down enough to ask, "Why?"

"She says that she had been asking him about
dryer sheets and bleach and groceries.  So he went to
Bakersfield to get them.  But I think she forgets that he
wanted to visit his parents.  I think it was just bad luck
that he happened to be in Bakersfield when this happened.  I
think it was just bad luck that I happened to be here instead of
San Diego when this happened.  Or maybe it was good luck.
 I don't know.  I just know that it's not your mother's
fault, and it's not your fault."  Ralph took a deep breath.
 "And I guess it's not my fault."  They were both quiet
for several minutes.  Star sniffed from time to time.

"Did you ever go with your sister to the
zoo?"  Star suddenly asked.  Ralph was confused for a
moment at the change of subject.

"Oh, yes, the San Diego Zoo.  Yes, we
went there sometimes,” he replied. “I let my sister ride on my
shoulders.  But the place we liked the best was the San Diego
Wildlife Preserve.  It had this huge open area, and the people
were up high on a hill, so we could see everywhere, all at once.
 There were walls around the whole thing, and there was a
train that went around the whole place, so you could see everything
like the lions, and the zebras, and the giraffes."

Star looked up.  "Lions?" she asked,
giving him a look of doubt.  "In the open?  Not in
cages?"

"That was the best part for me.  They
didn't have to live in cages.  They could just walk around
free."

Star was silent for a minute.  "Mama's
gonna hate me, now," she said with a big sniff.  "’Cause I hit
Comet, and I said really mean things to her."

"Your mama will never hate you, Star," Ralph
assured the little girl.  "Your mama loves you, and she always
will.  But she will want you to apologize to Comet."

"All right."  Star wiped her eyes.
 Then in a small voice, she asked him, "Is it okay if I don't
call you, ‘Daddy?’  I mean, if you marry my mama someday, I
can wait and call you, ‘Daddy’ then, okay?"

For a long moment it was if his heart had
stopped.  There was a ringing in his ears, and he had trouble
drawing a breath.  Slowly he breathed out and then he said.
 "No matter what happens, Star, you can always call me Ralph.
 I promise.  You know what?  When spring comes, I'm
going to make a big sign and put it right by the road.  It's
going to say, Davis Brown Farm, so everyone will always know that
the name of this place is Davis Brown Farm."

"Davis Brown Farm," Star repeated slowly.
 "That's a good name.  Davis Brown Farm."

There was a knock at the door.  Slowly
the door opened, and timidly Mary looked around the door.
 Star looked at her and then started to cry again.

"I'm sorry, Mama," she sobbed.  "I'm
sorry I said that.  Please don't hate me."

Mary shoved the door open, and she flew into
her daughter’s arms.  "I love you so much, Star," she
cried.

Ralph got up, and he went to the door.
 With one backward glance, he shut the door, leaving the
little girl and her mother to their grief.

Things were better after that.  Star
apologized to her brother, and she made a point of playing with
him; even letting him chose what to play.  Star wasn't
perfect, of course.  She was, after all, a little girl.

February arrived, and it was time for the
twins' birthday.  Mary baked them a cake.  Comet gave
each boy one of his toys as a present.  They thanked Comet,
and they asked if they might keep their presents in his toy box.
 He assured them that it was okay with him.  Then they
watched an action DVD, while Ralph attended to the barn chores.
 After the movie, Ralph asked to speak with them.  They
went to the kitchen where Ralph presented them with spears made of
old broom and mop handles and filed iron spearheads.  They
were painted with lightning bolts.

"I thought it was time that you two had your
own spears," said Ralph gruffly.  "So I made these for you."
 The boys were amazed.

"Wow, this is so cool!" Kevin exclaimed, as
he examined his.  "Thanks a lot, Ralph."

"Yeah, I can't wait to show mine to the guys
at the Lodge," Nathan agreed.  "This is really decent of you,
Ralph."