Suspicious Minds (Fate #3) (11 page)

“It’s crazy,” she whispered. “Here I thought I was so obsessed
with him that my feelings for him were unmatchable, and now I just . . .”

She went quiet again, and this time he had to ask. “I just what?”

“Nothing. Never mind.”

Oh hell no
. “No way, Liv. You can’t leave me hanging like
that. Just say it. You just what?”

“This is gonna sound ridiculous, considering everything I just
told you about him but . . . I feel mean.”

“To who?” he asked, confused.

“To Jay.”

Lorenzo went quiet, sitting up a little straighter—stiffer—as he let
what she’d just said sink in. “You feel
mean
?”

“Yes,” she said. “I’ll just put it as nicely as I can because I
don’t mean to put him or anything I had with him down. While we did have our
intense moments, I learned a lot about myself, and our good moments were amazing.
He was going through a lot himself with his dysfunctional family. I’d known
about it since we were younger, and it’s probably why I understood him better
than anyone else. So while the romantic relationship we had was purely toxic, our
friendship, even after I moved, was a good one. The bad stuff was also a
learning experience. All that time we went back and forth, all the things that
happened while I was involved with him, I went along with it willingly. No one
forced me to. As warped as the relationship got at times, I actually believed
that was love. It’s just that . . . in all the years we went back and forth, even
with all the intensity, I don’t remember ever feeling for him what I’m
already
feeling for you.” She went quiet before adding almost in a whisper. “It’s
insane.”

“It
is
insane,” he agreed immediately. “But you’re not
alone. I promise you I’m feeling it too. And I’ve been in relationships before
also.” Scooting down in his bed now, Lorenzo felt the tension drain from his
body slowly. But he was still curious about something. “So you said you still
talked to him when you moved. How come you two aren’t speaking anymore?” Not
that he’d be okay with it if she still was.

Not even occasionally.

He’d never go down that road again, but he wanted her explanation
of it, especially since she’d just told him they were friends for so long.

He heard her groan. “He’s engaged to my best friend, Margie, who
I keep referring to as my
ex
best friend now. And you know I’m actually
beginning to think maybe I should just be happy for them. I have no desire or
intention of ever getting back together with him anyway. The last time I spoke
to Margie she
swore
nothing had ever happened between them before I’d left.
They fell in love
after
I moved and were only trying to keep each other
company in my absence. It just feels
so
weird. It was why . . .” She
didn’t finish again, and Lorenzo sucked in a frustrated deep breath but waited.
“It’s why I went out that night I met you. I’d found out about the engagement
that week and just felt so betrayed. Not so much by him but by her. The whole
time Jay and I had snuck around she was the only one I’d ever talked to about
it, and . . .”

Lorenzo squeezed his eyes shut, wondering if this was a habit of
hers he was going to have to tolerate. It wasn’t so much that he was
that
short on patience. He had a feeling he’d have more than enough patience when it
came to
Liv
about most things. He knew the lack of that virtue right now
had everything to do with the fact that she was in the middle of telling him
about the ex she’d once been
obsessed
with. Despite her saying what she
had about not ever feeling for the guy what she already felt for Lorenzo, it
was still galling. Any sign of hesitation made him wonder if that was also a
sign of uncertainty.

“Since Jay,” she finally continued, “was my first
everything
and I hadn’t made time for any relationships in the last two years, he isn’t
just the last guy I’d slept with—he’s the
only
guy I’d
ever
slept
with. So I guess knowing that all this time he’d been sleeping with my best
friend while
technically
I’d remained loyal to him, I just . . . I don’t
know how to explain the stupid state of mind I worked myself into that week,
but I didn’t want him to be the only one anymore. I felt like he didn’t deserve
that distinction in my life anymore. I know, I know,” she added quickly. “He should’ve
stopped deserving that the moment he went out and slept with someone else the
first time. But I think this time, because it was with my best friend, it felt
so much worse.”

Lorenzo let that simmer for a moment before responding. He liked
that he was her first in almost two years. Only her second
ever
. But something
from that first night with her and what she’d just told him had his heart
racing suddenly. He distinctly remembered the very thing that had drawn him to
her. Something in her poignant eyes had spoken to him. Like him, he knew without
asking she was dealing with something profound, and she was now admitting that
her ex, the one she assured him she was over, was the reason why she’d gone out
that night to do something she’d
never
done. Did this make Lorenzo her
rebound guy?

“Let me ask you something,” he said calmly, trying not to panic
that maybe he’d made a huge mistake jumping into this so fast. “When you say
you’d remained loyal to him all this time, what do you mean exactly? You
mentioned earlier that you didn’t make time for a relationship in the past two
years. Based on your looks alone, I find it extremely hard to believe you
wouldn’t have been asked out at least a few times. Were you intentionally
remaining loyal to him all this time?”

“No,” she said immediately. “Getting this business going was no
easy feat. Between training and trying to get as much experience as possible
then working free on ride-alongs with people who owned the mobile groomers to
help me decide if this would be for me, it really did consume my life. I never
said I hadn’t gone out with anyone in the past two years. I just hadn’t had the
time for anything serious that would lead to sleeping with anyone. Even now I’m
wondering if maybe my schedule won’t interfere with
us
. I work most
Saturdays too, and I can’t afford to cut down on clients. I’m trying real hard
to get this van paid off and—”

“Don’t worry about us,” he said, wanting to get back to his
original question. “I’ll take whatever time you can squeeze me into your life.
I’ve already been mentally rearranging my schedule to make sure I get as much
time with you as possible. I just need to know I’m not your rebound guy, Liv. I
need to know that, if this guy ever reaches out to you, I don’t have to worry
that you’ll go back on what you said today. I won’t deal with his ass in your
life in
any
way. This
is not
something I’m willing to negotiate.”

Lorenzo knew his being such a hard ass about this was a risk. He
knew his uncompromising attitude might piss her off, even come across as a turn
off, but he meant every word of it. If he so much as caught wind that she was
even communicating in any way with this guy again, he’d walk. He
refused
to deal with that shit in his life again.

He should’ve known with Linda her ex being the father of her only
child was significant. But he’d wanted to be the understanding, caring, and
trusting boyfriend—fiancé. And what did that get him?

As much as Liv was trying to water down the significance of her
relationship with this guy, he was her first ever, a longtime friend, the first
and
only
guy she’d ever slept with before the night Lorenzo had fucked
her so coldly and then gotten the hell out of there the moment he was done with
her. He’d likely left her feeling like shit that night, so making love to her
ex was still the only positive experience she had in that department.

The fact that her ex was dating her best friend and Liv was now
making comments like “She should just be happy for them” didn’t sit well with
Lorenzo either. That could mean eventually giving in to reconnecting with both
of them. Considering how even she admitted to being obsessed with the guy once
upon a time, that wasn’t happening. Hard ass or not, Lorenzo needed to get this
shit straight now before he was in too deep.

“I don’t know much about rebound guys,” she said and if Lorenzo
didn’t know any better his attitude about this
had
annoyed her. “All I
know from what I’ve read and heard is it’s usually the next guy you date after
being dumped or after a bitter breakup. My break up with Jay was neither. It
was gradual, and I’m actually the one who broke things off with him. He claims
that in the end
I
broke
his
heart and he’d always known that
would happen. If anything, I’ve wondered and even worried that maybe Margie might
be
his
rebound girl because before I left he really pushed for us to at
least try the long-distance relationship thing. I told you I knew long before
the move I was over with him and that unhealthy relationship. I just used
moving as my main excuse to try and make it less painful for him because he’d started
begging again. We’d always said we loved each other, and despite all the times
he hurt me, I knew it was because of all the issues he had. So I didn’t want to
hurt him by telling him I’d fallen out of love. At that point, I wasn’t even
sure I’d
ever
loved him the way he claimed to have loved me.

It’s been two years, Lorenzo. So I can assure you, you
are not
my rebound guy and I have zero intentions of rekindling any type of
relationship with him and possibly even with Margie. As much as I miss her, it’d
just be too damn weird. But let me ask
you
something. You’re truly
passionate about not wanting any other guys in my life because obviously what
happened to you in your last relationship is still incredibly raw. Are
you
over
your
ex? Should
I
be worried that perhaps I’m
your
rebound girl?”

Son. Of. A.
Bitch!

Lorenzo practically jumped out of his bed and paced furiously. He’d
always known if he ever gave into the relationship thing again his experience
with Linda would likely be cause for issues—tension. But he didn’t think it’d
happen the first fucking night he’d gotten into one.

“I was over her the moment I realized she’d cheated,” he said
with acute certainty. “And you’re right: a rebound relationship is the first
one you rush into to try and numb the pain of getting dumped or a bitter break
up, which for me was both. The moment she chose to sleep with someone else she
basically dumped me—she knew it’d be over. But I’d hardly call the way things
happened between you and me rushing into anything. Sure today happened fast,
but I met you months ago, and instead of rushing into anything, I’d been
avoiding it at all costs. I can
absolutely
assure you that what I’m
feeling for you has
nothing
to do with trying to get over her. I’m
passionate about this because I
know
I won’t be able to deal with
sharing you with any other guy especially an ex, in
any
way, and I just want
to get this straight before I’m too far gone.”

“Well, then we got it straight,” she said quickly. “Just so you
know, even though I put up with a lot from Jay, I learned from my mistakes too.
I’ve had a lot of time to grow and realize how weak and stupid I was with him.
But I’m not that girl anymore. I won’t tolerate sharing either, so I’m glad to
hear you’re over your ex. I know this should go without saying, but you don’t still
talk to her, do you?”

Lorenzo had to laugh. “Hell no! The night I found out what she’d
done I told her she wasn’t allowed to say another fu—” He caught himself
because he didn’t want her to think he still wasn’t over it.

Because he was.

It was just a subject he rarely spoke of anymore, so thinking
about it now still brought out the seething anger. He’d likely never get over
the pain and humiliation of being cheated on, but he didn’t want to, especially
now that he was feeling so crazy about Liv. He could easily let his guard down
for her, and he’d vowed he was
never
doing that again. So the anger
helped keep him on his toes.

“The night I found out,” he said again in a much calmer tone, “I
knew I’d never want to speak to her again. And I never have.”

He heard her exhale. “Look. I get it,” she said. “I’m sorry that
you had to deal with something so traumatic in your life, and I totally
understand why you’d feel so strongly about this. I wish there was more I could
say to assure you that you have nothing to worry about when it comes to Jay. I
know it probably raises a flag and it’s hard to understand why I’d care about
whom he’s engaged to even after all this time. The only way I can explain it is
. . . Say you found out Vince had started dating your ex—was engaged to her.
Hypothetically of course,” she added quickly. “If he weren’t already married, how
weird would that be for you, regardless of the fact that you were over her or how
long ago you and she had broken up? Margie and I were like sisters. He took my
sister and best friend from me, Lorenzo.
That’s
what I’m most upset
about. No matter how much time passes, as long as she’s with him, things will
never be the same between her and me. She was my go-to person whenever I needed
someone to talk to and the only one that ever knew about Jay and me being
involved in that way.” She chuckled humorlessly. “Like I said before, I’ve
often wondered if Margie wasn’t
his
rebound girl. If I were her, the one
thing I’d probably be most worried about is that he might still have feelings
for
his
ex. It’s the kind of thing I’d vent or need my best friend’s shoulder
for, and how could she ever do that when his ex
is
her best friend? Nope,
things will always be just too weird. And they’re getting married now, so you
can be sure I’ll never have a relationship with him again.”