Swallowed (Devoured #2) (3 page)

Julianna didn’t have a good excuse to go to Kirk’s
office hours except that she wanted to see him.

She needed to know she wasn’t crazy, that it wasn’t
all in her head, that they had something worth exploring, that he felt it, too.
After all, she was a firm believer that unrequited love was overrated, and she
longed to know whether their secret was one he hated to keep or treasured as
she did.

Because even though she had seduced him before, he
hadn’t had a chance to take the lead. There just hadn’t been time.

Now they had a chance to make things right, to try
again. She hoped he would be a man and take her. She wanted to feel the extent
of his emotional and physical desire for her.

Because if there was one thing Julianna couldn’t
stand it was being wrong. The only thing she hated more than that was being out
of control when it came to men. She had only been wrong once. About Charlie.
She thought it was true love, and he had gone behind her back. She wouldn’t
make that mistake again. All she had wanted back then was for Charlie to want
her like he wanted his slut, helplessly and hopelessly.

It was that feeling by which she now judged her
relations with men. Either a man would do anything for her, risk anything for
her, be anything for her, or he wouldn’t. She didn’t need love making and
security and Valentine’s day romance. She needed to be craved. She wanted to be
obsessed over.

But in order to test Kirk’s feelings, she had to
alter her approach. She had to give Kirk some space and not come on so strong.
He needed to know she was available to him and then hopefully, he would seize
the opportunity.

Julianna looked over her shoulder and then wiggled
her breasts into position and licked her lips.

She knocked quietly on the door.

“Come in.”

She turned the cool door knob and poked her head
inside. Kirk was sitting at his desk with his chair angled towards the door.

“Julianna.”

“Hi.” She closed the door behind her.

“Have a seat.” He reached for a brown cushioned
chair in the corner of the room and moved the papers stacked on it to the
floor.

“Thanks.” Julianna sat down and smoothed her skirt over
her smooth, bare legs.

Kirk pushed his glasses up his nose and sat back in
his seat.

Julianna was pleasantly surprised by how relaxed he
seemed in her presence.

“So,” he said, folding his hands in his lap. “What
brings you to office hours?”

“I was in the area. I just thought I’d stop in to
say hi.” She looked around for pictures of babies and noticed a blond woman in a
frame on the far side of the desk. “Is that your wife?”

Kirk looked over his shoulder at the photo and then
turned back to Julianna.

She felt like an idiot. It was obviously his wife.
He was standing next to her in the picture, and she was wearing a wedding
dress. “She’s pretty.”

“Yes,” he said. “She is.”

“Congratulations again.”

“Thank you.”

“You didn’t tell her about-”

“No. I didn’t.”

Julianna pursed her lips.

“Julianna.”

“Yes?”

“What are you doing here?”

“Well it’s your office hours, isn’t it?”

“Yeah.”

“So I thought it was a good time to come see you.”

“About what?”

“I just wanted to see you.”

“Well here I am.”

“Kirk.” Julianna pressed her knees together. “I know
you probably haven’t thought about me since I graduated, but I think about that
day in your car a lot.”

“So do I.”

“You do?”

“Yes.”

Julianna searched his eyes for more information, but
he gave nothing away. “I just want to know if you’re… angry with me? About what
happened?”

“No.”

Julianna exhaled.

“I’m angry with myself, but I’m not angry with you.”

Julianna crossed her legs and straightened up in her
chair. “Did you miss me?”

Kirk moved to the edge of his seat and leaned forward.
“Can I be honest with you?”

Julianna nodded.

“I missed how you made me feel,” he said. “I missed
how you felt.”

Julianna’s stomach dropped.

“But I didn’t miss you.”

Julianna looked at the floor. “Oh.”

“Only because miss isn’t the right word.”

“Oh?”

Kirk shook his head. “I wanted you. I craved you.”

Julianna swallowed.

“And what I wanted most was what I thought you could
give me.”

Julianna’s stomach twisted in on itself.

“But just because you can give me what I want,
doesn’t mean you can give me what I need. Do you understand?”

Julianna nodded.

“And I would be lying if I said I was happy to see
you.” Kirk fixed his gaze on her. “Because I am definitely not happy to see you
and after you left, I hoped I would never lay eyes on you again.”

“I’m sorry.” Julianna stood up. “I shouldn’t have
come here.” She felt a lump in her throat and was afraid she might burst into
tears.

Kirk stood up after her. “I don’t trust you. And I
don’t trust myself with you.”

She swallowed. “I thought- never mind- I have to
go.”

She turned towards the door.

He grabbed her wrist and spun her back around, overwhelming
her with a forceful kiss as she crashed into him.

The taste of his spearmint tongue filled Julianna
with energy, and when he dragged the tip of his tongue along the roof of her
mouth, her body shuddered at the surprise. She pressed her hips against him.

He grabbed her round ass with one hand and slipped the
other between her legs, pressing up on her panties until they were soaked
through.

She dropped her head to the side and moaned as he
peppered her neck with greedy kisses. Then his fingers pried her thong away
from her body as she fumbled at his belt and slid his zipper down. Her hand was
just about to free him when there was a knock at the door.

“One second!” Kirk said, jumping back and doing up
his fly.

Julianna smoothed her hair and fanned her flushed
face.

“Who is it?”

“It’s Paul,” he said. “Ready or not here I come.”

Kirk sat at his desk and scooted in to hide his
excitement.

When Paul opened the door he nearly swung it right
into Julianna.

“Oh I’m sorry,” he said. “Should I come back later?
I didn’t know you were in here with a student.”

“I was just leaving,” Julianna said.

Paul stepped in the room.

Julianna stopped in the doorway and looked back at
Kirk.

“Thanks again for your help, Professor,” she said.
“That really cleared things up for me.”

Kirk looked past Paul towards the doorway after Julianna
left the room.

Paul gave a little wave to bring him back to Earth.
“You okay, Kirk?”

Kirk swallowed and leaned back in his seat, running
his fingers through his hair. “Yeah. Fine. You?”

“Was that who I think it was?”

“Sorry?”

“Dean Foster’s daughter?”

“Oh right. Yeah,” Kirk pretended to sort the papers
on his desk, unable to look his colleague in the eye. “I always forget about
that.”

“Good student?”

“Yeah. Yeah. Fine,” he said, feeling strangled by
his collar. “Tries hard anyway. That’s all we can ask, right?”

“I’m just glad she’s not in my class.”

“Oh?”

“Not sure I’d be able to focus with a pair like that
in the room.”

Kirk cringed.

Paul rolled his eyes up to the ceiling. “God forgive
me.”

“I hadn’t noticed,” Kirk lied.

Paul blew air out from between his lips. “You’re a
stronger man than I am then. Or you should get your eyes checked.”

“Are you warm?” Kirk asked. “It’s a bit warm in
here, don’t you think?” He unbuttoned his top button as eagerly as if he were loosening
a noose.

Paul shrugged. “No warmer than my office.”

“Did you want to see me about something?”

“Oh, right,” Paul said. “I just wanted to deliver
the good news myself.”

“Good news?”

“We got the funding!” Paul clapped his hands in
front of him. “For the addiction study!”

“That’s great news.”

“Well it was your proposal that got us in. I’m sure
of it. So congratulations are in order.”

“Thanks.”

Paul checked his watch. “Want to come down to my
office for a celebratory whiskey?”

“Now isn’t a good time, unfortunately,” Kirk said.
“I have some things I need to get done here before I can get home.”

Paul’s face dropped.

“Rain check?” Kirk asked. “Because I completely
agree this calls for a drink!”

The smile returned to Paul’s face and he gave Kirk a
friendly pat on the back. “Alright,” he said. “But don’t work too hard now or
you’ll make the rest of us look bad.”

“I wouldn’t want to do that.”

“And when you stop by we’ll go over all the
parameters of the study.” Paul made his way to the door. “Looks like we have
everything we need to get started besides about five thousand volunteers.”

Kirk laughed. “Thanks for the warning.”

“No problem.” Paul nearly had the door closed when
he popped his head back in. “Sure you don’t have time for a quick one?”

“Yeah. You know I would if I could.”

Paul nodded. “Okay, then. Check in soon.” He pulled
the door shut.

Kirk heard the lock catch the latch in the doorframe
and put his head in his hands.

What if Paul hadn’t interrupted them? What if he’d
interrupted them minutes later? He had been so close to doing the right thing.
Where did he go wrong?

He played the scene over in his head.

He’d given Julianna the bad news. He wasn’t happy to
see her and wished he would never see her again. That was true. She nearly
walked out on her own, hanging her head. What came over him?

Was he really afraid he might lose her? Was he just
that helpless that he couldn’t control himself?

Kirk suspected it was more that he was too weak to
resist the carrot being dangled in front of him. His wife hadn’t touched him or
even looked at him in months, and when he saw an opportunity for that briefest
human connection, he couldn’t pass it up.

But he had taken it further than that, would’ve
taken it further. Her kisses were like potato chips. And the way she responded
to his touch. She wanted him, desired him. He could still feel the silky proof
on his fingers.

And she was eager to satisfy him. Didn’t he deserve
to feel good like that? It wasn’t his fault that Madeline wasn’t making any
effort to meet his most basic needs, needs that she had vowed to fulfill when
she married him two years ago.

He banged his fists on the desk and their wedding
picture jumped.

He took it in his hands and looked at the happy couple
smiling in the picture. He didn’t even recognize them.

He didn’t deserve her. She was pure, kind, decent, and
trustworthy to a fault. She would never betray him as enthusiastically as he
had just turned his back on her. And when she was in the same room watching
them! She didn’t even have it in her to do something like that, probably
wouldn’t even be able to wrap her naïve little head around it if he told her
about it.

He tried to imagine the scene.

“Madeline, I cheated on you,” he would say, “with
one of my students.”

Then nothing. What would she say? Maybe she would
just cry. There was no way she would accept any blame in the situation.

That’s what bothered him most: not that she wouldn’t
accept any blame, but that he couldn’t figure out whether his thinking that she
should made him a completely despicable person.

And she would definitely leave him. Or would she?
After all, her belief in the sacrament of marriage was stronger than his. Maybe
she would try to get through it.

For a moment he felt relieved that he’d thought of a
situation worse than the one he was in. After all, if he could protect Madeline
from the truth of his betrayal, he would still be doing her a favor, right? I
mean, she was already barely holding on. She couldn’t handle the news even if
he had the balls to tell her. Not now. Not ever.

He dragged his finger along the outline of her
wedding dress in the photo. The best thing she had going for her right now was
that her husband was standing by her through whatever the hell it was she was
dealing with. Or not dealing with. He was obligated to keep his own personal
crisis a secret. It was best for both of them.

Plus, he had really only kissed Julianna, right? And
it was just an impulsive accident.

He couldn’t deny that his thoughts had been
unfaithful to a more severe degree. Much more severe. But surely thoughts
weren’t punishable. Even the most happily married couples must suffer the
occasional deviant thought.

Kirk leaned back in his chair and put his hands
behind his neck.

There were only two things he knew for sure. The
first was that he clearly didn’t deserve his own wife. The second was that, as
a man and as a husband, he did deserve sex and passion and love. And the only
way he could be good enough for his wife was to be more patient and put his
needs aside.

But that didn’t seem fair. He had been patient for a
long time. Even before they got married he had demonstrated the patience of a
saint.

He just needed a stopgap, a gimme, an easy win, to feel
like a man again. So he could be there for his wife like she deserved.

God damnit. He just wanted to get his dick wet. Did
that make him a bad guy?