Swansea Summer (24 page)

As Martin switched off the light. Jack lay on his back and stared at the ceiling. He was aware his brother was as wide awake and dejected as he was; he only wished they could talk about it.

‘I made love with John and I’m not sorry,’ Katie whispered into the darkness that shrouded Lily’s bedroom after they had turned off the bedside lamps. ‘A marriage certificate would make no difference to the way I feel about him.’

‘So that’s why you said what you did, when Judy asked Helen what it’s like to sleep with a man.’

‘It’s the most wonderful feeling ever, if you love him.’ Katie shrank further beneath the bedclothes. ‘But it’s impossible for me to carry on working with him the way things are between us now.’

‘Where’s the interview?’

‘Lewis Lewis.’

‘They have beautiful things in there.’ Lily recalled some of the clothes and fabrics she’d seen on her last window-shopping trip.

‘They do,’ Katie agreed. ‘The manager showed me over the store and the staff discount is generous. Not as generous as the warehouse, but then few people are as kind as John.’

‘What’s the job?’

‘Secretary to the manager,’ Katie said proudly. ‘When I put in an application I never thought I’d get an interview but I’ve passed the first selection process. Tomorrow’s the big day and they’re only interviewing three girls.’

‘Have you told Mr Griffiths?’

‘Only that I want the morning off. If I get the job John’s going to find out soon enough. If I don’t, I’ll have to keep looking and I’m dreading it either way. If I get it I’ll have to leave the warehouse and never see him again – well, not every day and no more than a quick hello in the street. And if I don’t get it I’ll have to carry on as I am, and I’m not sure how much longer I’ll be able to stand it.’

‘You’re shivering. Shall I get another blanket?’

‘Is that all you can say?’ Katie waited for Lily to comment on the secret that had weighed so heavily on her.

‘Other than I won’t tell a soul and I’ll always be here to listen.’

‘You’re not shocked?’

‘Just sad it didn’t work out for you.’

‘John did say if I was sure I still loved him after his divorce was finalised I could talk to him again then. But I think he only said it because he expects me to go off with someone younger, like Adam Jordan or Sam.’

‘Which you’ve obviously no intention of doing.’

‘Do you think he meant it?’ Katie asked eagerly. ‘That he wasn’t just saying it to let me down gently?’

‘I don’t know. But he’s going to have to talk to you if you get that job tomorrow. If half the things Helen said he told her about your secretarial skills are true, he’s going to be devastated at losing you.’

‘As a secretary,’ Katie murmured disconsolately.

‘I can understand him not wanting you to be any more until he’s free.’

‘Like everyone else around here, you’re afraid of the gossips.’ Katie turned over restlessly.

‘As you suggested, I’m sure he’s only thinking of your reputation.’

‘I couldn’t care less what people say.’

‘You would if the gossip hurt John, Helen and Joe, or trade at the warehouse.’

‘You’re right, I would. But I love John so much it hurts.’ Impulsively she hugged Lily before settling back on to her pillows. ‘Thank you, you’ve no idea how much it means to have someone I can talk to about this.’

‘Any time.’ Lily closed her eyes.

‘Just one thing,’ Katie said quietly. ‘Don’t invite Sam for any more meals for a bit.’

‘You knew.’

‘He’s been nagging me for weeks to go out with him. When he told me earlier that I had a loyal friend in you, I guessed he’d been pumping you for information and you wouldn’t tell him anything.’

‘He’s persistent – and keen.’

‘Not as keen as Martin is on you.’

‘I’m not so sure about that.’

‘I am. It’ll be great to have you as a sister as well as Helen. Goodnight.’

‘Goodnight.’ Lily turned over. Contrary to what she had suggested to her uncle earlier, she wasn’t too old for dreams. She only wished they could be about something more realistic than castles in the air – like Martin.

The telephone rang a dozen times in the outer office before John remembered that Katie was taking a couple of hours off that morning. Cursing Ann for not picking it up, he left his office and limped over to Katie’s desk. ‘John Griffiths,’ he snapped, as he lifted the receiver.

‘Mark Davies here, John.’

‘Just a minute, Mark.’ John looked at Ann who was on her hands and knees, going through the files in the bottom drawer of one of the filing cabinets. Doubting the girl would ever finish the task, he wished he’d picked out someone else to do it. ‘Take a twenty-minute break in the canteen, Ann.’

‘Shall I bring you back a cup of tea, Mr Griffiths?’ She brushed the dust from her skirt as she rose from her knees.

‘Please.’ He waited until she had left the office, then asked, ‘You’ve made some headway with Esme, Mark?’

‘Unfortunately not. But I had a telephone call from Richard Thomas half an hour ago. Your mother-in-law died early this morning.’

‘I’m sorry to hear that, although we were never close.’

‘He asked if you, Joe and Helen would be at the funeral. He’ll be reading the will after the interment.’

‘Are Helen and Joe beneficiaries?’

‘He didn’t say. What he did say was that Esme would appreciate your support for the next week or so.’

‘I don’t need him, or Esme, to remind me to attend my children’s grandmother’s funeral.’

‘I think he had more support in mind than that, John. He mentioned that Esme still wants a reconciliation.’

‘No chance.’

‘That’s what I said. You’ll tell Joe and Helen that Richard Thomas wants them to attend the will reading?’

‘I’ll tell Joe. Helen won’t be fit enough to leave hospital for at least another week.’

‘I’m sorry, I heard she was ill. You’ll pass on my condolences?’

‘I will. Thank you for calling, Mark.’ John looked up as the door opened and Katie walked in, looking extremely smart and, to his eye, heartbreakingly beautiful.

‘Thank God you’re here.’ He smiled at her with relief, without thinking what he was doing or saying. ‘That stupid girl hasn’t even sense enough to pick up the telephone when it rings.’

‘I’m sorry, Mr Griffiths.’ She hung her coat on the stand.

‘It’s hardly your fault, Katie. I was the one who picked Ann out from the shop floor.’ Leaving her desk, he looked back at her. ‘Is anything the matter?’ He was perturbed by her manner. She had become overtly formal in her approach since he had told her he could no longer see her privately, but he thought he could detect a new uneasiness.

‘I would appreciate a word in private, Mr Griffiths.’

‘Then you’d better come into my office.’ This time, he noticed, she closed the door behind her.

‘I have been offered another position and I’m handing in my notice.’

‘You’ve accepted another job?’ His blood ran cold at the thought of losing her altogether from his life.

‘Yes.’

‘Why didn’t you discuss this with me?’

‘Because I knew you’d try to persuade me to stay.’

‘I thought you were happy here.’

‘I was.’

‘If you want more money …’

‘I don’t want your money!’ she exclaimed, horrified that he should even think she was leaving the warehouse for mercenary motives. ‘I won’t be getting any more in Lewis Lewis than I get here. In fact, they were amazed that you were paying me so much.’

‘Then why go?’ he pleaded urgently.

‘Because I can’t carry on seeing you, day in day out, all the while treating you as though you mean no more to me than any other person here. I can’t bear it … I simply can’t …’ As she struggled to compose herself, she saw him looking towards the door.

Almost as though on cue there was a knock. She instinctively reached for the notepad and pencil on John’s desk as he called, ‘Enter.’

Ann bustled in with a tea tray.

‘Thank you. Put it on the desk,’ John ordered abruptly.

‘Is there’s anything else, sir?’

‘Nothing, thank you, Ann. We have some confidential work in hand, so I’d appreciate it if you’d go down to the shop floor and assist the supervisors for the rest of the day.’

‘Yes, Mr Griffiths.’

Katie and John sat in silence until they heard the outer office door opening and closing.

‘You will give me a reference?’ Katie asked.

‘A glowing one, if that’s what you want.’

‘It’s the last thing I want,’ Katie whispered.

‘Then don’t go.’

‘I can’t stay while things remain as they are.’

‘Do you think I’m happy with the situation?’

‘If you’re not, why can’t we …’

‘No!’ he broke in harshly. ‘I refuse to risk your reputation on my account. You’re young; these should be your best years and I won’t allow you to waste them on me.’

‘They are wasted without you.’

‘Katie.’ His voice softened as he looked at her. ‘You don’t know what you’re asking. How can you, when you’ve scarcely begun to live. I don’t even have a name to offer you and if I did, who’s to say you’ll feel the same way about me a month from now.’

‘I’ll love you until the day I die.’

Coming from anyone other than Katie the declaration would have sounded melodramatic. ‘You haven’t even tried to find happiness with someone else, have you.’

‘There’s no point when I know I can’t be happy without you.’

Leaving his desk, he limped to the window and looked out, trying to summon strength enough for both of them. ‘Nothing’s changed. I still refuse to risk your reputation by carrying on a hole-in-the-corner affair that should never have started.’

‘You’re sorry it happened.’

He turned back to her. ‘How could I be when you gave me the happiest moments of my life, but I won’t sleep with you again while I remain married to Esme and at the moment she is refusing to divorce me.’

‘You could divorce her.’

‘My solicitor has warned me that if I try it could take years and even then there’s no guarantee I’d succeed. She is a bitter, twisted woman who is terrified of losing her social position and ending up alone and ostracised. She feels she has nothing to lose by exposing us and she won’t hesitate to do it, Katie, if she thinks it will get her what she wants.’

‘You.’

‘The last thing she wants is me.’ He smiled grimly. ‘But she does want the money and respectability marriage gives her.’

‘And you,’ Katie asked seriously. ‘Do you still want to divorce her?’

‘More than ever but she wants us to carry on living together for appearances’ sake, both of us leading separate lives.’

‘If that’s what she wants, we could …’

‘I’ll not make you my mistress, Katie,’ he broke in decisively.

‘Not even if it’s what I want?’ she begged.

‘Not even if it’s what you want,’ he echoed dismally. He reached out and touched her face with his fingertips. ‘Perhaps it was an impossible dream from the beginning.’

‘But you’ll still try to divorce Mrs Griffiths.’

‘My solicitor holds out little hope that I’ll succeed.’ He turned back to the window. ‘I wish I were free right now to offer you everything I have, but I’m not.’

‘I don’t want anything from you except your love.’

‘You have that.’

‘Not the way I want it. I couldn’t care less about respectability and I couldn’t love you any more if you were free. A marriage certificate is only a piece of paper …’

‘Which a woman like Esme can use to destroy our lives.’

‘Only if we let her.’

‘God, Katie, I’d give anything to see the world the way you do. But I know what scandal can do in this town.’

She moved behind him and put her arms round his waist. For one blissful moment he leaned back against her, then he turned, intending to push her away, but her hands moved upwards. Linking her fingers round his neck, she pulled his head down to hers and as their lips met he forgot Esme, the divorce, the age difference between them, even his disfigurement. She loved him more completely than he had ever believed it possible for a woman to love a man and it made him feel omnipotent. As if he could fight the entire world and win.

The telephone rang, shattering the moment. Hating himself for being weak enough to take what Katie so innocently and lovingly offered, John extricated himself from her arms and reached for the receiver. ‘Yes.’

‘The Ekco television rep is here, Mr Griffiths. You said you wanted to see him when he next came in.’

‘I’m busy at the moment, Dennis. Offer him coffee and tell him I’ll be down as soon as I can.’

‘You don’t want me to send him up, Mr Griffiths?’

‘No, Dennis, I don’t want you to send him up.’

Katie handed John her handkerchief as he replaced the telephone. ‘You have lipstick on your cheek.’

John went into the cloakroom and used her handkerchief to scrub his face clean. Reluctant to see anyone until he had regained his equanimity, he remained in front of the mirror. Was it his imagination or were there more grey hairs at his temples? Had his scars always been so ingrained or were they deepening with age? He raised his hands to brush back his hair and caught sight of the withered claw that had almost been consumed in the fire. Then he thought of Katie, young, fresh, perfect … it couldn’t last between them – could it?

Taking a deep breath, he checked his face again before rejoining Katie in the office. She was sitting at her desk.

‘That was insane. Anyone could have walked in on us.’

‘Don’t ask me to be sorry or promise that it won’t happen again because I’m not sorry and I do want it to happen again.’

He held her look for a moment. ‘I’m the one who’s sorry and I understand now why you have to leave. How soon do Lewis Lewis want you to start?’

‘I told them I have to give two weeks’ notice.’

‘Two weeks!’

‘It’s what’s on my contract.’

‘It doesn’t give me much time to replace you.’

‘Everyone in Swansea has heard how good the conditions are here. There are plenty of experienced secretaries who’d jump at the chance of working for you.’ She knew the inference that he only wanted her to be his secretary would hurt; yet she twisted the knife in the hope that even now he’d change his mind about allowing things to go back to what they had been.