Authors: Jenesi Ash
Swap (22 page)
“You could, but you didn't trust me. You didn't think I could handle something like that? No, that can't be it,” she said as the anger flared in her eyes. “You thought I'd take advantage of it.”
“I trust you,” Aidan insisted. Mia was probably the only person he did trust these days. “Even though you're the one who couldn't tell me that I wasn't enough.”
“I didn't say anything because I didn't want to hurt you!” She dug her fingers in her hair and took a deep breath. “And I would have been fine if I knew you liked to watch,” she said in a calm voice. “I would have done everything in my power to make your fantasies come true.”
“Like the swapping?” Wouldn't that have been convenient for her? “And now the ménage à trois?”
“Yes!”
“Do us both a favor and don't say you'd do it for me. You want those things for yourself. The fact that I would benefit from it makes it easier for you to argue for it.”
“That's not true.”
He felt like they were going round and round in circles. “I need to get out of here.” He moved toward the door.
“Are you sure that you want to?” she asked. “Do you trust me in this house alone with Jamie and Caleb?”
“Stop it. Of course, I do.” It didn't enter his mind that she would do something behind his back.
“I can't believe you're doing this,” she said as she turned away from him. “Why are you stopping now? We have today and tomorrow left. Why couldn't you have given me at least that?”
“It's too much, too fast,” Aidan answered.
“And you feel the need to set boundaries because . . . ?”
“I'm trying to protect you,” he said, the frustration making his voice gruff. “To protect us.”
Mia jerked her head up. Had she heard the underlying fear in his voice? Did she finally recognize that as much as he wanted to give her everything, his first priority was to protect what they had?
“You know,” she said as she slowly turned to face him, “I like it when you tie me to the bed. I always think of you as my anchor. I know I'm safe no matter what's going on.”
Aidan wasn't sure where this was leading. Was she going to tell him that he went too far in his duties? That he was putting too many limits on her?
“I have no problem when you make the decisions when we're in bed together,” Mia continued. “Sometimes it annoys me, but in the end, I'm grateful. It's your way of protecting me.”
If she was trying to make him feel guilty, then she was doing a damn good job. Those decisions in bed were not based on the fear of losing Mia. They were made to create a glorious sensual awakening for her.
She stepped closer to him. “I know that you're making this decision because you are placing the boundaries that I need. You want to make sure that I don't have to deal with my greatest fear.”
“Going out of control,” he murmured. He had a feeling that Mia was scared of her wild responses, and that she didn't know how to handle the intense passion.
She nodded and placed her hands on his chest. “So, if you don't want me to take part in a ménage à trois, then I won't.”
It wasn't as easy as that. “You're going to resent me. I know you will.”
“No, because you make me feel safe.” She raised her hands and linked them behind his neck. “You'll know when I'm ready. There are a lot of things I wanted to do when we first met, but you made me wait. I want to try something different when you say I'm ready. Otherwise, I'm not going to do it.”
He believed her, but he wasn't sure if he wanted that kind of responsibility. How would he know if he was holding her back for her good or for his?
“You're not disappointed?” he asked as he wrapped his arms around her waist.
“I am,” she admitted wryly, “but watching you in a threesome will make me feel better.”
“Whoa!” He stepped away and stared at Mia. Where had that come from? “What are you talking about?”
“I may not be ready,” she said with a pout, “but that doesn't mean you guys shouldn't do it.”
He was stunned by her generosity and selflessness. He knew that she had nothing to gain by the offer. “You would be okay with that?”
“I can't wait to watch you with Jamie and Caleb,” she confessed, her eyes sparkling with anticipation. “But I better warn you,” she dropped her voice to a whisper, “I think Caleb swings both ways.”
Aidan laughed. “No, it's not Caleb.”
She looked confused, her eyebrows dipping down. “Wait a second. What do you mean by that? If âIt's not Caleb,' and I know it's not you . . . “ Comprehension dawned on her. “Are you saying Jamie is bisexual?”
Caleb winced. He hadn't mean to let that slip. If Jamie found out, she was going to kill him.
“She's not,” Mia said in a weary tone, as if she had to say that a lot. “Yeah, there have been rumors, but people have said so many things about her.”
He didn't say anything. He wasn't going to lie to Mia, but he wasn't going to dig a deeper hole, either. Aidan kept his mouth shut, like he should have done.
“She's bisexual?” she asked, taking his silence as confirmation. “Why didn't she tell me? Why didn't anyone tell me?”
“Because it didn't matter.” And he had a feeling that Mia was upset over the fact that Jamie didn't share this information with her.
“Well, yeah. Then.” She motioned to the door. “But we're . . . when we were kissing . . .”
“I'd better warn you,” he said, cutting her ramblings short. “Caleb is hoping for some girl-on-girl action. Jamie isn't going to push her luck.”
Mia's mouth dropped open in surprise. Her eyes were big as a blush seeped up her neck and flooded her face. “But she wants to,” she said softly.
“Do you?” If she did, he would make it happen. If not, he'd tell Caleb not to force the situation. He shouldn't have tried to make it happen without Mia's knowledge. He was ashamed for doing that.
“I don't know. I never thought . . .” She paused. “What are you hoping for?”
Aidan smiled. “I want to watch the two of you together, but I don't think you're ready.”
“I don't know, Aidan,” Mia bit her bottom lip and ducked her head. “This time, you might be wrong.”
Â
Aidan stood on the bungalow's porch, his mind chaotically whirling. He leaned against the brick column and looked out onto the street. It was easier to look outside than to analyze what was going on inside him.
Aidan stood on the bungalow's porch, his mind chaotically whirling. He leaned against the brick column and looked out onto the street. It was easier to look outside than to analyze what was going on inside him.
It was one of those lazy summer days in Clover Bud. Everything was bright and cheerful. Homey. Men and women had specific roles, and they followed the double standards without question.
Aidan sighed and slid his hands in his jeans pockets. He used to think that he was different from those who lived here. He thought he was better. At least evolved.
Turned out he was just like every other guy in Clover Bud. He looked after his ownâprotected them and provided anything they needed. In return, he felt his word was law.
It was no wonder Jamie was fed up with the men in town. And now he understood why Mia didn't want to live with him. It didn't matter that he practically lived in her house. He saw his influence, as well as his stuff, but it wasn't the same.
He wanted to live with Mia. He had thought it was in his reach once Jamie left. Now he knew that his goal was much further away than he had ever imagined.
All this time he had thought Mia was under Jamie's thumb, believing in total independence and freedom. Now he realized Mia resisted living with him because he was a jerk. It hadn't mattered how much he had tried to convince her that doing so was the next step in their relationship. She knew that if she took that next step, she would deal with the double standards in every aspect of her life.
Aidan heard the squeak of the screen door and looked over his shoulder to see Caleb stepping onto the porch. “What are you doing out here?” Caleb asked.
Aidan sighed and returned his attention to the quiet street. “Figuring out that I'm a hypocrite.”
“You needed to come out here to figure it out?” Caleb teased as he stood next to Aidan. “I could have told you.”
“I don't want Mia in a threesome, but she suggested I participate instead.”
Caleb nodded. Either Jamie had already told him, or nothing shocked the man. “That sounds like Mia,” Caleb said. “Are you thinking about it?”
Aidan was, and he wasn't proud of it. He felt damn guilty. Aidan knew he should have refused the offer and instantly purge it from his memory. How could he tell Mia she wasn't ready and then turn around and jump into a threesome?
“Mia is all about sharing right now,” Caleb said as if he could read Aidan's mind. “She wants to give everyone their fantasies and doesn't expect anything in return. Right now your fantasy is the ménage à trois. She knows this, and she doesn't want to stand in your way.”
“But I stood in her way,” Aidan admitted. It sounded worse when he said it out loud.
“I'm sure you have your reasons,” Caleb said as he looked out in the yard.
“She's not ready for a threesome,” Aidan explained. But was she? What if it had more to do with him? Maybe he wasn't ready for her to be in a threesome.
“You're probably right,” Caleb said. “You would know better than me.”
That was true. Aidan had been with Mia for a year and had guided her through her sensual awakening. Now her curiosity and appetite were stronger than ever. He wanted to give her every opportunity, but only if she was ready.
Oh, who was he kidding? Mia was ready now. He knew it, and worse, she knew it, too. He couldn't abuse his power over Mia.
“I think I'm going for the threesome,” Aidan said. He would do it first and have Mia watch. If it wasn't to her taste, then they had risked nothing. If she was eager, then she would be primed for her turn.
Caleb nodded. “Why?”
The question surprised him. “To show Mia what it's all about.”
Caleb glanced at him. “If you say so.”
Aidan didn't like Caleb's tone. “Why do you think I'm doing it?” Aidan asked.
“Because you can.”
Aidan bristled at the accurate assessment. “I'm trying to make this a weekend to remember for Mia. I want it to be the time of her life.”
“And yours,” Caleb added.
“And mine,” he admitted. Was that a crime?
Probably, since he was fulfilling his fantasies while saying it was for Mia. The very thing he'd accused her of doing. There was probably a spot in hell reserved for him because of this.
“Are you in or not?” Caleb finally asked.
“I'm in,” Aidan announced. His nerves were jittery. “How are we going to do it?”
“Do you need step-by-step instructions?”
Aidan didn't find that funny. “Caleb, this is Jamie we're talking about. You don't think she has a strategy?”
Caleb turned and looked at the bungalow's front door. “Shit. You're right.”
“And knowing her, she'll try to get some male-on-male action.” That was one boundary he didn't want to explore, although he had no problems imagining Mia with Jamie. Aidan gave a deep sigh. It was yet another example of his hypocrisy.
“I got it.” Caleb splayed his arms out like a magician revealing a trick. “We use the element of surprise.”
Aidan waited for more details, but it soon became obvious that Caleb had given him the full plan. “That's it? I think we need something more.”
“Do you have a plan?”
“Does âfollow our instincts' count?”
Caleb clapped his hand on Aidan's back. “Now you're talking.”
FOURTEEN
“What are they saying?” Mia asked.
“Hush,” Jamie said as she lifted the lace curtain and looked out the window. “I can't hear a word.”
She saw Aidan and Caleb standing on the porch. Their heads were down as they talked quietly. It didn't look like Caleb was giving a pep talk. If anything, it looked like they were in a huddle making a game plan.
“I think Aidan is going to go for it,” Mia confided in her. “Just give him some time.”
“Of course he's going to go for it. He's a guy,” Jamie said, rolling her eyes. It was a matter of fact, but when? Unfortunately, they were running out of time. “I'm pissed that he's not going to let you go for it.”
“It's okay, Jamie.”
“How can it be okay?” It was just another sign of Mia's inexperience if she couldn't understand what she was missing. “You may never have this chance again.”
Mia shrugged and leaned back on the sofa. “I'm not worried about that.”
Jamie looked away from the window. “You don't want to do it?”
“I don't need to do it,” Mia clarified.
“Yes, you do,” Jamie insisted. “Today or tomorrow. This weekend is finding out what you need.”
“And I'm finding out more and more that I need Aidan,” Mia said with a happy sigh.
“Oh, God.” The dreamy look on her friend's face was going to make her ill. Of all the things Mia could learn this weekend, that was her big epiphany? “You're worse off than I thought.”
Mia gave her a sidelong glance. “Did you think I was going to have such a fabulous time with Caleb during the swap that I would wonder what else was out there for me? You thought I would dump Aidan after this weekend, didn't you?”
Busted! It was true that Jamie hoped Mia would find someone elseâsomeone who didn't have double standards or who didn't sexually dominate her friend. But, as much as she didn't like those things about Aidan, he wasn't a bad guy. Mia could have done a lot worse.
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