Swap Out (22 page)

Her grip tightens. “You had a home, a family, and it became a nightmare.”

“Most families are nightmares,” I tease. “And you know what happened next?”

She shakes her head.

“I got to go live with Starr.” I lean back and tuck Zoe’s hair behind her ear. “She taught me about fate and peace and acceptance, we burned incense and would lie on the carpet for hours, just staring at the ceiling and listening to Pink Floyd. I helped run her shop and she taught me how to read palms and tarot cards, and we took care of each other. So it all worked out in the end.”

Zoe stays quiet for a moment, before hesitantly she asks, “What happened to her?”

I tilt my head, watching her eyes. “I don’t know,” I admit. “She went out of business and couldn’t really afford me anymore. I don’t know if you realize, but teenage boys? We eat.
A lot
. So we talked about it, and then I went back to the group home. But she was tough, I’m sure she’s doing fine,” I tell her, brushing her hair back over her shoulders. My palms smooth down her back until they settle on her hips, and I lightly tug her forward. “Maybe one day we’ll go see if we can track her down, say hi. What do you think?”

Zoe smiles, or at least tries to. “I’d like that.”

“She’d love you,” I say emphatically. “Your hands are like catnip to a palmist. So much story.”

“But my story sucks,” she says flatly and I roll my eyes.

“Right before you die, you can then look back over your life and decide whether or not it sucks. You’re not even
thirty
, Zoe. You’ve got a ways to go before you’re eligible for life summaries.”

“Oh God, don’t remind me I’m gonna be thirty in two years…”

I squint and touch the corner of her eye. “Is that…is that a
wrinkle
?”

She bats my hand away and I grin.

“It’s gonna be fine,” I tell her softly. “Although…if I were you I’d consider getting a boyfriend because being thirty and single? Yeesh. Talk about spinster in the making.”

She gasps and smacks my shoulder, and when she glares at me I chuckle and hug my arms around her neck. But she doesn’t push me away and instead, her hands lightly settle on my shoulders as I press a kiss into her temple. And as soon as I do, I catch a whiff of something that shouldn’t be there.

I duck my head and inhale behind her ear and she giggles and squirms.

“Stop smelling me.”

I pull back and arch an eyebrow. “Oh, you are so busted,” I drawl and start walking out of the kitchen.

“Luca,” she warns and I peek back at her over my shoulder, then dart towards her bedroom.

“What’s going on?” Tori calls out curiously as I run past her, Zoe hot on my heels.

“Don’t you dare go in there!” she yells after me and I ignore her, sprinting over to her side of the bed and grabbing her pillow. I burst out laughing when I see the uncapped stick of deodorant—the exact brand I wear, although mine is at my apartment—lying innocently on the sheet.

I grab it and hold it above my head, Zoe stretching up to try and grab it away from me.

“You care to explain this?” I ask with a laugh, and she narrows her eyes but keeps reaching desperately.

“
This
is a gross invasion of my privacy!”

“This is just gross,” I reply and she huffs.

“I don’t have to explain anything.”

I flare my eyes mockingly, wiggling the deodorant at her. “Spill it.”

“No.”

“Fine,” I say and shrug. “Then I’m telling Scott you think he has a nice ass.”

“Why would you do that? He’ll be jiggling his butt at me every chance he gets!”

“What’s with the deodorant?”

She scowls, crossing her arms.

I reach into my pocket and grab my phone, and she stomps her foot with a curse.

“Okay!” She runs a hand through her hair, then stares at the floor, muttering, “It…it helps with the nightmares when you’re not here.”

“What nightmares?”

She rolls her eyes and looks away, and I toss the deodorant onto the bed and tilt my head at her, gently turning her face towards me.

“What nightmares?” I ask again, and she shrugs. “What happens in them?”

“Just…they’re just nightmares, Luca. It’s not a big deal.”

I search her eyes, then ask very quietly, “How long has this been happening?”

“A few weeks,” she confesses, then adds, “and again last night.”

I nod. “Real clear? Vivid colors and crazy situations where you’re not in control like…the water hose flooding the house and you can’t find the nozzle, then a pack of beavers comes in and eats all the food in your kitchen?”

“A little worse than that, but yeah. They’re just
really
intense. I’ve never…not like this.”

I exhale. “Zoe, lucid dreams are normal, okay? They’re kinda part of the deal with the hormones and everything else that’s going on.”

“Okay,” she whispers, because for all the ways she doesn’t trust me, this is the one area where she takes my words with absolute faith.

“But when this happens and you wake up, I want you to try to remember that you have nothing to be afraid of. I will never let anyone hurt you.”

She nods. “I know,” she says, then the corner of her lips pulls up. “I even have the front door to prove it.”

I chuckle. “Scott said the door is coming in next week, we’ll replace it over the weekend. But do we really have to paint it
red
?”

“Yes,” she says, and I shudder.

“I swear you did that as the ultimate man repellant. You may as well hang a sign saying ‘In order to get to the goodies you must first pass through a giant used Maxi Pad.’”

“Too bad it didn’t repel
you
,” she says and turns on her heel, and as she struts out of the room I walk over and sit on the edge of the bed, laying back with my feet on the floor.

Fuck, I’m tired. Maybe I can just go to sleep and not get into trouble for it.

Yeah…I’m seeing the chance of that as absolute zero.

“What was all that about?”
I hear Tori ask from the other room.

“Nothing,”
Zoe says casually, then sighs.
“He’s just…pushing my buttons.”

Tori giggles.
“Which buttons?”

“All of them.”

Tori laughs again, then says a little quieter, “
So, while he’s in there doing whatever, can I just say: what the hell is wrong with you?”

My eyebrow arches.

“I have been the most annoying, nosy bitch in the history of the world and he’s been nothing but sweet.”
I flip Tori off through the wall.
“So I don’t know what you’re talking about when you say he has this Hulk-like temper because it hasn’t poked its head out once.”

She says I have a temper? As in bad enough to warrant calling in a friend to mentally poke and prod me to see if I’ll snap?

Something just crashed through the ceiling and shattered every bone in my chest. I’m sure of it.

Am I…do I really yell at her that much?

“He’s just on his good behavior. Probably trying to get laid.”

My mouth gapes.

“Well, I can’t really hold it against him seeing as the guy is obviously crazy about you. Plus, you cut him off.”

I throw my hands up in agreement, mouthing to the ceiling a heartfelt,
“Thank you.”

“And okay, I know his background is kind of weird—”

“I don’t care about that,”
Zoe says, and I blow out a long, slow breath, propping my hand behind my head.

Like I’m really going to go back out there now since I’m finally getting the unfiltered truth, even if it makes me a dick to do it by eavesdropping. But desperate times and desperate measures and all. Totally justified.

“Then what is the problem? He is the definition of Come to Mama gorgeous and I spent barely an hour with the guy and based on nothing more than how he looks at you, I can tell you he’s ten minutes from being on one knee. And I love you, you know I do, so that’s why I’m just going to be blunt and say you need to stop jerking him around. Don’t look at me that way, Missy. I heard your little, ‘I’m not your girlfriend’ verbal bitch slap.”

“Tori!”

“If you’re not careful one day he’s gonna walk out that door and chances are you’ll never see him again.”

Something slams in the kitchen.
“You want to know what the problem is?”

“Dying of suspense.”

Aren’t we all.

“It’s just…it’s too easy to get...”

“Swept off your feet?”
Tori offers, and I consider revoking my middle-finger salute from earlier.

“Yes. And I can’t do that. Because the truth is, he doesn’t care about me. He didn’t want more before this happened, and now he suddenly wants to be together and cares about me and I’m just supposed to faint and say, ‘Take me away!’ I don’t think so.”

“Zoe—”

“The night I told him I was pregnant he said—to my face—that he’d never be able to love me because I was selfish, manipulative and cruel.”

I wince. That’s…

Okay, I said it, but we were in the middle of a fight. She said some fucked up shit to me too.

“He said that?”
Tori asks, but she sounds a little skeptical.
“Out of nowhere and without you possibly provoking him? Because again, I love you, but you have a way of…getting people to fly off the handle a little bit.”

“That’s not the point,”
Zoe says.
“And you’re supposed to be on my side. You’re supposed to help me figure out what to do about this because I…I’m totally screwed!”

“I am on your side, which is why I was being so rude to him.”
Tori chuckles.
“Poor guy walked into the lion’s den and served me a freaking Rib Eye on risotto as I made fun of his military career.”

“Tori, I can’t trust him. I’m trying to, but for all I know he’s going to manipulate me into having this baby then run off with it in the middle of the night.”

Yeah, that’s it. I get up and walk towards their voices, distinctly coming from the kitchen, because there’s a line of reason and that comment just flew over it in a commercial airliner and didn’t bother to wave goodbye.

“Oh come on, Zoe, you don’t really think—”

I lean against the doorframe of the kitchen, both of their backs to me.

“He doesn’t love me,” Zoe says. “That’s all I need to know.”

Tori throws a hand up in exasperation and turns, her eyes widening when she sees me. I give her half a smile, then push off the doorframe and walk towards Zoe. Her back stiffens and after a heavy pause, she turns and faces me.

I take a deep breath, and her mouth is set but her eyes are filled with guilt and about five other things I can’t even name.

I clear my throat, rubbing my palms down her arms. “Two things,” I say and she swallows. “First, when you’re ready to talk about that night, then we will. There’s more than one thing we need to clear up and I have a long list of apologies to make.”

Her bottom lip trembles.

“Second, you don’t know everything. When I told you I want both, I meant it. And I know you’re upset about what happened at work last night, despite saying you’re not, but it had nothing to do with you.” Her gaze drops and I hook a finger under her chin, making her meet my eyes. “Listen to me,” I say gently, “you know how I feel. You know it at night, and in the morning, and every hour in between. Especially when I wash your hands.”

Her eyes close and I glance at Tori with a smile, even though she looks like she may never be able to speak again from pure shock and embarrassment.

“It was nice to meet you, both versions,” I tell her, and she looks away as she bites her lip.

I look back to Zoe, trying to keep my voice calm as she risks a peek at my eyes.

“I’m gonna go,” I tell her. “I’m helping Scott with an AFF
[1]
jump tomorrow so I’ll be out of cell phone contact most of the day, but if it’s an emergency you can always call the school and they’ll track me down.”

She nods, and I press a kiss to her forehead.

“Call me if you can’t sleep, and I’ll come stay with you,” I whisper, then flash one more quick smile to Tori before turning and walking out.

I shut the door softly behind me, and there’s a huge part of me that doesn’t want to leave, telling me to get back in there and stick this out because I know what’s right, and some things you don’t walk away from. But there’s also only so much of this I can take at once. I need time to heal, just like anyone else. And it’s been a hell of a couple of days.

I put my key in the lock of my door, then hear, “Luca!” and my eyes close.

I sigh and rest my hand on the roof, and I don’t turn to face her.

“Look, tomorrow you can yell at me and call me every name in the book, but—”