Sweaters & Cigarettes (12 page)

"Yes," he says, surprised by the
steadiness in his own voice. "I really mean that."

Max looks up at him again.
There it is
again
, Theo thinks.
That fear.
It dissipates slightly after a
moment, but it's still present enough for Max's attempt at an ordinary, casual
half-smile to look just a bit awkward and still kind of scared.

"What?" Theo asks, frowning
slightly, and Max glances away.

"It's just, uh..." he says, as
though looking for the right words. "No one's ever called me that,
before."

He sighs, deliberating what to say.

"At least not―" He cuts
himself off, chews his bottom lip for a second, thinking, frowning.

"At least not, what?" Theo says,
waiting. Then Max sighs again, turning back to him.

"At least not without getting
laid," he says. There's a bitter, almost sad edge to his voice that Theo
wonders if he meant to let slip. "No one's ever said stuff like that to me
before, without wanting something. This is... unfamiliar."

Max doesn't look sad as he says it, not
really. He looks more as though it's a fact he doesn't like, but that it's
simply there, and he can't do anything about it. And it breaks Theo's heart.

"What?" he says dumbly, simply
shocked to hear this. But Max just shrugs.

"It's weird hearing it like
that," he admits, gaze flicking away for a second, in uncharacteristic,
unsure distraction. "I mean, there's nothing in it for you, and you say it
anyway. It's weird, that's all."

Theo doesn't know what to say. He can't
believe that Max hasn't been told this before, by anyone, like this. It seems
impossible.

But then he realizes what Max is like. If
there's one thing he's comfortable with and secure about, it's sex. He has no
problem saying pretty much anything about it, no matter how inappropriate or
explicit, and he seems to have no problem with the action itself (Theo is
pretty sure he has tried pretty much everything, too, honestly).

But then, in contrast, Theo remembers the
first time Max actually made a move and
cuddled
. The hesitant way in
which he touched Theo, as though he hadn't done it before, and the way he used
to complain about Theo touching him so much, one second, and then practically
grab his hands and keep them there, the next.

Theo realizes that slowly, very slowly,
Max has started touching him more. Not sexually, not even very much, but just
in little ways. Brushing his fingers against his, occasionally pushing his hair
back with his hand, very lightly brushing his lips against his skin if they're
close together for longer than three seconds. Theo remembers how surprised he
often looks when Theo does these things to him, for no apparent reason.

Max may know sex, Theo realizes. He may
know all about that and how to act and what to do and how to simply say what he
wants, and then ask for it (or give it). But he doesn't know touching. He
doesn't know caressing and simply being close, just for the sake of it, or
showing affection simply because you want to.

So feeling that Theo's compliments are
weird, it makes sense. It makes sense, because desire and affection aren't
necessarily the same thing. Sex and intimacy are not necessarily the same
thing. And Max has only ever really had one and not the other.

Theo is almost shocked at how intensely
he's suddenly aware of this, and he just looks at Max, dumbstruck. Then he just
goes on instinct, and cups Max's face in his hands, softly, without even really
thinking about it.

"You are beautiful," Theo says.
He's vaguely aware of how weird that probably sounds, and how he has never said
that to another person, but he can't help it. It's true; Max is the most
beautiful person in the world. "All of you. Inside and out."

Max just stares at him, as though torn between
suspicion and surprise. And there, somewhere in the background, is something
that looks oddly like terrified joy. It's enough to make Theo keep going, and
he plants a soft kiss on Max's lips.

"I don't want anything from
you," he says. "There's 'nothing in it for me'. I just want you to
know that. Because it's true."

He smoothes his thumb over Max's
cheekbone, on some kind of impulse, and he can feel Max react, almost as though
he's tensing up and relaxing, simultaneously.

"You're the most gorgeous person I
know."

Max just stares at him. Someone could just
as well have slapped him in the face, with that expression he's wearing, and
for a moment, Theo is genuinely worried that Max is actually going to pull away,
and run. But he doesn't. Instead, he just stands there, for several, long
seconds, until he finally exhales slowly and swallows, dark blue eyes
refocusing.

"Um," he says, and Theo resists
the urge to smile. Max is speechless. For the first time since Theo met him,
Max is actually
speechless
, and it's ridiculous how that makes Theo
feel. It makes him feel all warm and happy, in some inexplicable way.

He can tell that Max is uncomfortable,
though, that maybe Theo just went a little bit too far. They don't generally
talk like that, after all, especially not Max, and Theo feels just a little bit
self-conscious, in the midst of it.

So he lowers his hands from Max's face,
and Max visibly relaxes, as Theo takes a small step back.

"Sorry," he mutters, hoping that
Max knows he's referring to the way his words made Max feel, rather than the
words, themselves. "I just... Wanted to let you know."

Max doesn't answer him, just keeps
staring, eyes still slightly widened, and Theo stares back, before looking
down. Yeah, he definitely went too far.

Theo feels the odd discomfort settle in,
and he fidgets slightly, unsure of what to do. But then, he's shocked to find
Max moving closer, and he looks up.

Theo isn't sure Max has ever really hugged
him before, not like this. Sure, they've kissed and made out, even cuddled a
bit, and a lot more than that, but never
hugged
. It's enough to make him
just stand there for a split second, surprised at the way Max just puts his
arms around him and moves in really close. The split second is over
immediately, though, and Theo reciprocates the hug, pulling Max as close to his
body as he possibly can.

Max's face is by Theo's shoulder, nuzzling
against his neck, and Theo frowns slightly at the way he can feel Max gripping
onto his shirt, arms tightening around him. It's desperate, somehow, almost as
though he's clinging to him, and Theo automatically hugs him tighter.

Neither of them says anything, and
although quite a few seconds pass as they still hold on to each other, Theo
doesn't have any intention of pulling away. Because Max needs this, just like
Theo does. He can tell.

Max wants this, and Theo isn't about to
deny him anything.

Chapter 9

Steps

Having Max over turns out to be a much less nervous
experience than Theo at first expected.

After spending an hour or so in
Theo's room, the two of them decide to go back downstairs, since there's not
much to do up there, anyway (besides making out, which Theo honestly finds
himself a bit uncomfortable doing, with his little brother downstairs).

They find Riley still sitting at
the kitchen table, still studying, and he looks slightly surprised to see them.

"You still working?" Theo
asks, equal parts confused and disbelieving, and Riley gives him a look that
Theo imagines will one day evolve into a full-blown bitchface.

"It's due tomorrow," he
says, and Theo cocks his head, making his way over to the fridge.

"You want anything?" he
asks, directing the question to both Riley and Max, and they actually glance at
each other for a moment.

"A Coke," Riley says,
turning back to Theo. "If we have any."

"Sure thing," Theo says,
extracting a can from the fridge, before looking over at Max, who deliberates
for a second. Then he gives a small smile.

"Coke's fine," he says, and
pulls out a chair at the table, while Theo gets another can.

Riley glances as Max
apprehensively, as he just sat down almost right beside him, Riley sitting at
the end of the table. But Max doesn't seem to care. Instead, he leans over the
table's corner the slightest bit, looking at Riley's homework.

"You stuck?" he asks, and
Riley frowns a little.

"Yeah," he says.
"How'd you know?"

Max doesn't answer him. Instead, he
just keeps his eyes on Riley's book and his notes, chewing the inside of his
cheek, thinking. Then he picks up a pencil from Riley's pen case and doodles on
his notes, and Riley just stares, apparently completely taken aback by Max's
disregard for boundaries. He looks up at Theo, who sits down at the table,
opposite Max, a questioning look on Riley's face. But Theo just half-shrugs,
and after a few seconds, Max puts the pencil back down and pulls back, lacing
his fingers together and resting his hands against the table. Riley looks down
at his notes, and raises his eyebrows.

"Hey," he says, surprised.
"I hadn't thought of that."

"You were doing it
backwards," Max says, unfolding his hands to open his can of soda.
"Common mistake."

Riley looks up at Max, who takes a
sip of coke, then looks at Theo.

"Oh," Theo says.
"He's a bit of a genius."

Max looks at him fondly, putting
his can down and moving one hand up to rub the back of his neck.

"It wasn't exactly
genius-level," he says, quirking a small, tired smile. "But
thanks."

Theo responds with a small smile of
his own, and for a few seconds, they just look at each other from across the
table, Riley sitting between them. His eyes dart back and forth between the two
of them, until he makes a small, almost disgusted sound.

"Gross," he mutters,
looking down at his homework, and Theo snaps out of his trance, instead turning
his attention to his soda can. He's suddenly blushing slightly.

"Well, sorry, dude," Max
says smoothly. "But unless you can think of some better way I can spend my
time, I'm just gonna keep staring at your big brother."

Theo blushes harder, then, and he
looks up at Riley, who is suddenly glaring at Max in a surprisingly familial
way. And Max just smirks, in that almost mischievous way of his, and Theo waits
for Riley's reaction.

"Like what?" Riley
finally says, almost suspiciously, and Max raises his eyebrows in mock
innocence.

"You mean besides undressing
him with my eyes?" he says, and Theo's mouth actually falls open a bit,
and he looks back down at the table, blushing furiously. Max makes a small
thinking-noise. "I couldn't help but notice, you've got a PS3 in
there."

He jabs his thumb over his
shoulder, toward the living room, and Theo is almost surprised at Max's
observational skills; there's a direct line of sight between part of the
hallway and the TV in the living room, but still. He must have seen it, on the
way in. And sure enough, they do have a Playstation 3, in there.

Riley seems as uncomfortable as
Theo at Max's blatant comment about undressing Theo with his eyes, but more in
a grossed-out, little brother kind of way, and he scrunches up his nose.

"Ew," he says, and Theo
looks up at Max, cocking his head, looking slightly embarrassed, as though to
say that Riley has a point. But Max just laughs.

"What?" he says, folding
his arms. "He's fourteen, he's not a little kid."

Theo glances at Riley, and is
surprised to find that he looks weirdly glad about that comment, and Theo
suddenly feels his embarrassment being slightly replaced by gratitude, towards
Max.

"I'm not," Riley says, a
bit defensively, but clearly agreeing, as he looks down at his notes.

"Exactly," Max says,
simply, and he turns to Theo. "So, tell me. Got any violent, bloody games
we can waste some time with?"

Theo just looks at him for a
moment, while Riley can't see, and relaxes when he sees Max's smirk soften into
a sincere smile. A smile he seems to have reserved for Theo, one that Theo
still hasn't gotten used to. And Theo smiles back.

"If Riley's finished with his
homework, sure."

Riley finishes his homework in a
matter of minutes, with a little help from Max, and soon enough, they're all in
the living room, spread out on the big couch.

They end up playing
Mortal
Kombat
, and they all get pretty into it. Theo, especially, gets
surprisingly competitive, which means that when he loses, Riley laughs and rubs
it in his face, while Max takes it upon himself to smirk smugly and kiss him on
the cheek. And Theo, being a bit sore about losing, pulls away, until Max
subdues him and plants kisses all over his face, making Riley retreat to the
corner of the couch, looking simultaneously amused and grossed out, trying to
get as far away from the two of them as possible.

They have a lot of fun, but since
it's a school night, Max eventually has to leave, and Theo walks him to the
door, while Riley stays put in the living room, playing some other game.

Theo patiently waits while Max gets
dressed for the cold walk back home, hands in his pockets, and eventually, Max
is done. He looks at Theo, exhaling tiredly. Then he smiles, hooking onto a
belt loop on Theo's pants with his finger, and pulls him closer.

"I had a good time," he
says, and Theo automatically puts his hands by Max's waist.

"Me, too," he says, and
Max studies his face for a moment, seemingly lost in thought.

"You were right, you
know," he says, looking back up at Theo's eyes. "About your brother.
I do like him."

Theo scoffs, smiling.

"I think he likes you,
too," he admits, and Max cocks his head as if to say
well, who
wouldn't?

They just stare at each other for a
few more seconds, and Theo feels an almost overwhelming urge to ask Max to
stay. But he can't, and he knows that. And he can tell from the look on Max's
face, that he probably wants to stay, just as badly.

Neither of them says it, though,
and Max leans in and kisses Theo on the mouth, softly and slowly. But just as
he's about to pull away again, Theo stops him by putting one hand by his face,
keeping him close, and Max relaxes against him, moving a bit closer. Theo is
half-annoyed and half-grateful that there are several layers of clothing
between them, right now, and he savors the kiss, eyes closed, until they
finally have to separate.

Max looks at him, blue eyes soft.

"See you tomorrow?" he
says, his voice low, and Theo nods, hand still by Max's face.

"Yeah," he says, and Max
nods in return. Then he looks over at the living room, and Theo's hand slowly
falls from his face.

"See you around, Riley,"
Max calls, and Riley looks over his shoulder.

"Yeah," he says, before
turning back to his game.

It takes five more kisses and
see
yous
and
byes
, before Max finally leaves, and when he does, Theo
closes the door behind him, exhaling slowly. He's not sure if he has felt this
before, this light, fluttering feeling in his chest. He likes it.

When Theo enters the living room,
Riley glances at him, a big grin on his face.

"What?" Theo says,
sitting down on the couch, next to him.

"Nothing," Riley says
innocently, and Theo narrows his eyes at him. He punches his little brother
lightly in the arm, and Riley relents.

"You really like him," he
states, and Theo leans back in the couch, eyes on the TV.

"I guess," he says,
slumping against the backrest.

"Good." Riley sounds
amused, but sincere, and Theo glances at him. "I like him, too."

Theo feels weirdly glad about that.

"I mean, not like you
do," Riley adds. "Obviously."

"That's nice to hear,"
Theo says sarcastically, and Riley smiles, eyes on the game.

"You're in love with
him," he says, sounding so completely sure and sincere, and Theo looks at
him again.

"What?" he says, and
Riley half-shrugs, still smiling.

"You're in love with
him." He doesn't even flinch, as he says it, and Theo is taken too much by
surprise to give any kind of retort. So he just sits there for a moment, before
he looks back at the TV, a soft warmth settling in his stomach, as he fights a
smile.

"Shut up," he mutters.
But his heart isn't really in it.

♦

"Still not talking, huh?"

Theo looks up at the sound of
Cassie's voice, and realizes that she has caught him looking over at Michael and
Hannah. They're on the other side of the hallway, pretty much ignoring him, and
Theo sighs quietly.

"Yup," he says, turning
back to his locker.

"Dude, that sucks,"
Cassie sympathizes, and Theo gives her a small, appreciative smile.

"Yeah."

Cassie sighs heavily, leaning
against the closed locker, next to Theo's.

"How are things with
Max?" she asks, and Theo looks at her. She wiggles her eyebrows
suggestively, and Theo scoffs, smiling as he looks away.

"It's, uh," he says.
"It's good."

Cassie nods, looking pleased.

"Glad to hear it," she
says. She's clutching a notepad to her chest, as usual, and Theo absently
wonders if it's because she's somehow an insecure person, or if the notepad is
just really important to her.

"By the way," she says
after another moment. "They're showing
Thor
next week, at the movie
theater, with the sequel coming up."

She shrugs.

"You wanna go?"

Theo looks up at her, honestly
surprised, for a moment, and he wonders why. Then it hits him; his friends have
never asked him something like that. Sure, he, Michael and Ben went to see
The
Avengers
, when it came out, but that was different. Actually paying to go
see a movie that has already been out for a few years, at a movie theater, is
something that they wouldn't do. It's a different level of fandom, and Theo has
kind of gotten used to having to downplay his nerdiness. The fact that Cassie
doesn't make that necessary is really refreshing.

So Theo smiles at her, nodding.

"Yeah," he says.
"Sounds like fun."

Cassie smiles.

"Awesome," she says,
straightening from her slump. "I'll text you the details."

Theo is confused for a split
second, but then remembers that they exchanged numbers, the other day.

"I gotta go," Cassie
says, moving away from the locker. "Class."

Then she looks over Theo's shoulder,
though, and raises her eyebrows a bit.

"And also," she says, her
voice low and conspiring, "hottie boyfriend, six o'clock."

Theo actually starts, and looks
over his shoulder. Max is over there, talking to his friends, and Theo feels
his entire body suddenly tingle, somehow.

It's the sound of Cassie laughing
softly that makes him look back at her.

"God, you're not even trying
to hide it, are you?" she says fondly, and Theo blushes a bit. "You
should go over there."

Theo looks over his shoulder again.
Max is in the middle of a conversation with Jay and Beth, and he really doesn't
want to interrupt.

"He looks busy," Theo
says lamely, turning back to Cassie, who simply raises her eyebrows at him.

"For serious?" she says.
"He's your boyfriend. Go over there."

"Well, I don't―"

"Hey, Max!" Cassie calls
out casually, and Max looks up. When he spots her, he quirks a small, friendly
smile of recognition, and Cassie gives him a small wave. Then Max spots Theo,
and his entire expression changes.