Sweaters & Cigarettes (40 page)

"And pizza," he agrees.
"
Daredevil
, maybe?"

Max makes a pained, oddly impressed
sound.

"Oh, that is bad," he
says, sounding a little appalled, and Theo nods.

"It really is," he
confirms.

"We must watch it."

"Yes."

It's only much later, in the middle of watching Ben
Affleck run around in red leather, on the TV, that Theo actually realizes what
Max was worried about earlier. Why he was anxious about Theo meeting his mom.

Theo just sort of assumed that
perhaps Jeanine would be angry about it, or that Max was simply nervous about
introducing his boyfriend to her. Now he realizes that Max's mother reacted
exactly the way Max feared she would, in a way Theo didn't quite account for;
indifferently
.
Jeanine just didn't seem to care that her son had a boyfriend. Hell, she even
seemed a bit doubtful and amused by it, which still irks Theo, when he thinks
about it, and she didn't even seem to remember Theo's name, within moments of
meeting him. Then again, she didn't spare him more than a glance and a
handshake, after all, before basically dismissing him entirely.

From what Theo can tell, that's
pretty much the normal way for Max to interact with his parents; briefly,
shallowly, and with quite some distance. They ask about his grades, maybe some
other small stuff, and Theo can't help but notice how Jeanine's reaction to
Max's
nearly full score
was neither good nor bad. It just wasn't really
there, just a little sigh, like it didn't really matter and she didn't really
care. And from what Max has told him, Theo suspects there would only have been
a proper reaction if Max's score had been either at one hundred percent, or
very low. Anything in between seems to be deemed unworthy, somehow, as if the
silence should be enough to make him want to do better.

"I'm sorry," Max says
after a little while, slumped against Theo, on the couch. Theo looks down at
him.

"For what?" he says, and
Max shifts.

"For putting you through
that," he explains. "I mean, I saw it coming, and I was kind of expecting
my mom to not take it seriously."

He sighs.

"Like I've said before,"
he says. "My parents have sort of met guys I've been with, just not like
that. I guess she just doesn't think you're any different."

Theo only has time to feel an
uncomfortable pang of jealousy in his stomach, before Max seems to realize the
bad phrasing.

"That came out wrong," he
says, sitting up so he can look at Theo, properly. He looks a bit apologetic,
and a bit worried. "I just mean that they've seen me with other guys. I
think they're pretty aware of my... previous habits."

It's obvious that he doesn't want
to talk about it, about the looser lifestyle he used to have, and Theo somehow
appreciates that.

"I was afraid my mom wouldn't
take you seriously," Max continues, a bit softer. "That she wouldn't
take
us
seriously, like you're just some random guy. I guess I was
right, and I'm sorry. That's why I kept putting it off. I hated the thought of
putting you through that."

He sighs frustratingly.

"God, I just get so sick of
it, sometimes."

Theo just looks at him for a few
moments, before leaning in to kiss Max on the mouth, closing his eyes during
the brief touch of their lips.

"It's fine," he says,
moving his hand up to smooth over that black hair, pulling his fingers through
it and settling at the back of Max's head. "It's done. And we did
good."

Max scoffs, a small smile on his
face.

"Yeah, I guess we did,"
he says, absently trailing his hand along Theo's chest, softly. "It was a
bit anticlimactic, though."

Theo chuckles.

"Yeah," he agrees.
"But I still haven't met your dad, so there's always that."

"Oh yeah," Max says.
"His way of seeing things is pretty much identical to my mother's, so that
should be fascinating."

The sarcasm is obvious, and it
makes Theo smile. He already has his arm around Max, and he pulls him in a bit
closer, kissing the top of his head, which seems to be enough to make Max
simply relax against him. They sit like that for a little while, then, not
speaking.

Until Theo starts thinking about
what happened earlier that day, the reason they went home early, in the first
place. And he can't help himself.

"Hey," he says softly,
and Max hums in confirmation. "About today, what Luc did..."

He can already feel Max tensing up,
next to him.

"Why haven't you told me about
that, before?"

He knows that Max knows what he's
referring to; there aren't exactly that many options as to what it could be. He
knows that Theo is asking about the reason for him being so calm and dismissive
about actually being punched in the face, simply because he
knows how to
take a beating,
and Theo can feel him shift slightly.

"Because it's over," Max
replies after a little while, eyes on the TV. "It used to happen, doesn't
happen anymore, and I don't like talking about it."

Theo swallows, looking down at his
boyfriend. He's leaning slightly against Theo, and there's no real tension in
his body, to match the tense subject. So Theo tentatively tries again.

"Okay," he says gently.
"I'm just asking, 'cause―"

"Why do you wanna know?"
Max asks, glancing up at him, and Theo hesitates.

"Because I want to know
you," Theo replies. "That's all."

Max looks at him for a little while
longer, before looking back at the TV, sighing. Then he straightens a bit, so
that he's sitting next to Theo, rather than slumping against him.

"There's not much to
tell," he finally says, looking at Theo, shaking his head slightly.
"Some guys kept picking on me, taking my stuff, beating me up. It lasted
for a couple of years, but it's over now."

Theo doesn't reply. He wants to say
something, but he doesn't know how. Max seems to notice, and answers his
unasked questions.

"It got pretty bad, for a
while," he says, and for the first time, some painful discomfort shines
through. "But then it stopped. And the guys who did it were a grade above
me, so they graduated last year, anyway."

"How did it stop?" Theo
asks, absently trailing his fingertips along Max's shoulder, very softly. He's
only half-aware that he's doing it, and he's not sure Max notices it, either;
they tend to touch each other like that all the time, one way or another.

Max seems to think about it for a
moment, before sighing, apparently gazing at the half-eaten pizza on the coffee
table. Then he seems to decide.

"You know why I got
these?" he asks, tapping his shoulder lightly, to indicate the tattoos on
his back. "The wings?"

Theo thinks about it for a moment,
realizes that he has never actually thought about it much. He has mostly been a
bit baffled by the fact that Max is so young, and has them, at all. Finally, he
shakes his head, and Max pauses.

"It was actually an escape
kind of thing," he says, before looking down at his hands. His brow
furrows a bit, as he deliberates.

"I mean, these guys... They
were assholes." He shakes his head a little, and his voice has a slightly
somber tone to it, uncharacteristic for him. For some reason, there's no
sadness, though. "They beat me up, made me feel like complete shit. And no
one really seemed to do anything about it, or even really notice. It messed me
up a bit."

He exhales.

"But then," he says,
"after a pretty long time of on-and-off bullying, in lack of a better
word, I just decided that I'd had enough. The ones who did that to me,
they
were
piles of shit. Not me. And I just wanted to leave it all behind me, rise above
it. So I did."

It's obvious that Max is
uncomfortable about using the word
bullying
, and Theo thinks of what he
said earlier about it implying that he's a victim, when he really doesn't see
himself as one.

Max looks at Theo, blue eyes oddly
determined, without a trace of sadness or self-pity.

"I chose to change," he
says. "I chose to deprive them of the satisfaction that came with hurting
me. I chose to stand up. And these wings remind me of that. They remind me that
I'm better than them, and that I can just rise above the bullshit, if I want
to."

He sighs, and Theo just looks at
him, waiting, processing his words.

"I decided to get them just
before I turned eighteen," Max says, a slightly lighter tone to his voice.
"Which probably wasn't the best idea, to be honest. That was actually one
occasion when my parents
almost
got properly involved. Even Gavin asked
me about it, asked if I was sure. But I insisted, and he did them for me.
Afterwards, I actually kinda freaked out a bit, wondered what the hell I'd
gotten myself into, 'cause I mean, they're
huge
."

Max scoffs lightly, a small, rueful
smile on his face.

"But then I remembered why I
wanted them, in the first place," he says. "And if nothing else, I
figured I was stuck with them, anyway. So, I just went with it, saw it
through."

He looks straight ahead for a few
moments, seemingly deep in thought. Then he turns back to Theo, whose eyes and
attention are completely focused on Max.

"The wings make me feel
strong," Max eventually says. And again, there isn't a trace of sadness or
self-pity in his expression. "Powerful, sort of. I know it was probably a
bad idea, to get tattoos that big, so young, but I don't regret it now. I was
in a bad place when I got them, but it was worth it."

He cocks his eyebrows a bit then,
looking a bit smug and impressed with himself.

"Not to mention, they look
fucking awesome."

Theo chuckles.

"They really do," he
agrees, leaning closer so that he can press his lips against Max's throat.
"Why else do you think I have sex with you?"

Max makes a thoroughly offended
noise and makes a move to get up, but Theo grabs him and pulls him into his
arms, laughing as Max curses at him, and raining kisses all over his face. And
right now, Theo honestly couldn't be happier.

Chapter 26

Refuge

"I just don't understand what
I'm doing here," Cassie says, folding her arms.

"It's mandatory," Theo
replies, flipping through a brochure lazily. "Everyone has to go."

"Yeah, I get that." Cassie
sighs, a bit irritably. "But sex-ed is all condoms and avoiding pregnancy.
I don't need that."

"And why's that?" Theo
says, sounding bored, skimming through page after page depicting drawings of
ovaries and testicles.

"Because when I get
laid," Cassie says pointedly, "there are no penises involved."

Theo frowns and looks up at her.

"Well, that's just no
fun," he says, and Cassie punches him lightly in the arm.

"Just
try
to wrap your
gay little mind around the concept," she says, and Theo raises his eyebrows
at her pointedly.

"You do realize that we're
both equally gay?" he says, but Cassie just glares at him.

"You know what I mean,"
she says acidly, and Theo smiles a little, as Cassie turns her attention back
to the podium.

They're sitting in the school's
assembly hall, surrounded by a whole bunch of students from other classes, and
awaiting a guest lecturer who's apparently going to tell them all about sex and
its components. Not that most people here need it, being a bunch of horny
teenagers, but Theo supposes that it's good that they're being taught, anyway.
God knows, there's a shitload of myths that need to be debunked, even in this
day and age.

He turns back to his brochure,
which was handed to him when he entered the assembly hall, and reads some
interesting facts, before looking back at Cassie. She's still staring straight
ahead.

"You okay?" Theo asks,
and Cassie glances at him.

"Yeah, I'm fine," she
says, a bit too quickly, before turning her gaze back to the podium. And Theo
frowns.

"This isn't just about
penises, is it?" His question has a hint of humor, but he still earns a
glare from Cassie. When she doesn't reply, he nudges her arm. "Hey, talk
to me. What's up?"

Cassie seems to hesitate, before
sighing.

"Remember Emma?" she
says, and Theo thinks back.

"The hot brunette from New
Year's?" he asks, and Cassie nods.

"That's the one." She
sighs. "We've hung out a few times, and I mean, I'm into it. But she seems
a bit... put off."

Theo frowns.

"What do you mean?"

Cassie shrugs.

"I don't know," she says.
"Maybe I just read the signs wrong? I know she's not straight, at least,
that much she's told me. And I like her."

"So, what's the problem?"

"Well, when we hang out,"
Cassie starts, "it's like we both want something to happen, but neither of
us does anything. You know?"

Theo thinks about it.

"So," he says,
"nothing has happened since New Year's? Physically speaking."

Cassie shakes her head.

"No," she says, and Theo
considers this, before sighing.

"Have you tried making a
move?" he says, and Cassie frowns a little, before turning to him.

"Like... kissing her?"

Theo shrugs in confirmation, and
Cassie glances away.

"Not really," she admits.
"I guess I kinda assumed she would, you know."

Theo resists the urge to roll his
eyes.

"Well," he says,
"maybe you need to do it. I mean, she obviously likes you. Give it a
shot."

Cassie nods slowly.

"Yeah," she says. "I
think I'll do that. Thanks."

"Don't mention it," Theo
murmurs, flipping through his sex-ed brochure some more.

"Hey, where's Max, by the
way?" Cassie asks, and Theo automatically looks around, even though he
knows he's not there.

"He's in the other
group," he explains, vaguely disappointed at not seeing Max, as he looks
around, slumping in his seat. "They've got this after lunch."

For efficiency's sake, all the
students were divided up, and Theo is a little sad that he and Max ended up in
different groups. But at least he gets to sit with Cassie, which really is good
enough.

The lecture isn't very long, and
surprisingly interesting and informative. It's always fun to watch several
students squirm uncomfortably in their seats, if nothing else, while the proper
use of a condom is demonstrated, for instance. Either that, or they try really
hard not to look too interested, and they end up just looking around shiftily,
while the lecturer moves on to talk about STDs and teen pregnancies.

By the end of it, there are free
condoms handed out, and brochures and stuff, and Cassie grabs a handful of
condoms, as she and Theo pass by the table.

"What are you doing?"
Theo asks tiredly. "You don't even need those."

Cassie gives him a slightly
indignant look, and then pops his shoulder bag open, shoving the fistful of
condoms inside. Theo barely has a chance to look at her accusingly, before she
grabs a bunch of single-use packets of lube as well, which are also being
handed out freely, in a small basket, and tosses them into his bag, as well.

"There," she says,
shutting his bag again, before he has a chance to stop her. "You need them
more than I do.
Way
more, I'm guessing."

She cocks her eyebrows pointedly,
and Theo just frowns at her, with a shrug.

"Why are you projecting your
sexual frustrations onto me?" he says, and Cassie actually laughs.

"Oh, sweetie," she says,
patting his shoulder. "I don't need to project anything. It's all over
you, already."

Theo glares at her, but she just
walks past him, still smiling.

"Uncool, man," he says,
in lack of anything else, and she's laughing again, by the time he catches up
with her.

♦

It's incredible, really, how dark it gets outside,
now. Despite it only being around seven p.m., it's pitch black, and Theo can't
help but feel like they're having dinner in the middle of the night, at his
house.

"Theo?" Amy calls, as she
prepares the food, by the stove. He turns to her. "You mind getting the
plates?"

Theo gives her a nod of
confirmation, stacking some plates in his hands, before setting them down on
the kitchen table. This is usually where they eat, rather than the dining room,
seeing as how they're only four people. But Eric isn't home yet; he has gone
out with some friends, apparently, so it's just Theo, Riley, and their mom.

"Where's your brother?"
Amy asks, and Theo shrugs.

"Beats me," he says.
"You sure he's not over at Ellie's?"

Amy frowns a little.

"Why would he be there?"
she asks, and Theo gives her a non-committal, but highly suggestive look.

"No reason," he says
innocently, and his mother narrows his eyes suspiciously.

"Is there something I should
know?" she asks, and Theo raises his eyebrows a little, as he gets some
glasses for the table.

"You mean, besides the
obvious?" he says pointedly, and Amy frowns. She looks like she's about to
say something, and she opens her mouth to most likely start interrogating her
oldest son about his younger brother's whereabouts, but she doesn't get the
chance. Theo's phone rings, vibrating in his pocket, and he holds his finger up
in a silencing, and jokingly patronizing gesture. Amy just gives him a
bitchface that reminds him of Riley's, but he only smiles; it's fun to tease
his mother, sometimes.

Theo gets his phone out of his
pocket, and frowns as he sees the caller ID, while simultaneously feeling his
stomach flutter for a moment. He brings the phone up to his ear, and answers
it.

"Hello?" he says, and
when he hears the reply, he's not surprised. It still makes him feel all warm
inside, though.

"Hey, babe." Max's voice
is clear on the other end. "It's me."

"Hey," Theo says, unable
to hold back a small smile. "What's up?"

"Oh, nothing," Max says,
over-nonchalantly. "Just calling to talk about life, global warming, the
scandalous casting of Ben Affleck as Batman."

Theo frowns a little, amused, and
that's when notices that Max sounds a little out of breath. He can even hear
the vague crunching of what sounds like boots on snow, in the background, and
his frown deepens.

"Are you outside?" he
asks, and he hears a small huff from Max.

"Uh, yeah," he says,
drawing out the reply. "That may also be why I called."

Theo's eyebrows go up a little now,
instead.

"What?" he asks, and Max
sighs. Now that Theo is aware of it, he can practically hear how Max is huddled
up slightly against the cold, as he walks.

"I was wondering if maybe I
could come over?" he says, hesitance clear in his voice. "And by that,
I mean preferably
stay
over. If possible."

Theo can't help his spontaneous,
confused reaction.

"What?" he says again,
but Max doesn't take offense; he seems to know how sudden this request is.
"Why?"

"Remember how I kinda wished
my parents would actually get mad?" Max says, a bit too lightly, and Theo
nods to himself, remembering his first meeting with Max's surprisingly
indifferent mother, the other day.

"Yeah," he says, a bit
hesitantly, and Max makes a small noise.

"Well," he says,
"they got mad."

Theo straightens a little and looks
over at his mom, who politely ignores him. But still, he takes the call into
the dining room, where he can't be as easily overheard.

"What do you mean?" he
says, when he's alone. "What happened?"

Max lets out a small groan.

"We actually fought," he
says, with sarcastic approval. "Can you believe it? I swear, voices were
raised, even."

"What do you mean, you
fought?" Theo says, frowning. "About what?"

"You," Max says bluntly.
"Indirectly, at least."

Theo makes a confused face, one he
knows Max can't see, anyway.

"I don't get it," he
says, and Max sighs tiredly.

"Me neither, honestly,"
he says. "One minute, it was fine, and the next, everyone was yelling, and
I left. So, here I am."

Theo thinks about that for a
moment. If it were up to him, he would invite Max over in a heartbeat, but
sadly, there are certain restrictions that come with living at home.

"Just give me a sec," he
says, and he hears Max murmur something in reply, as he covers the mouthpiece
of his phone, making his way back into the kitchen.

"Hey, mom," he says, and
Amy looks up. "Can Max come over?"

She frowns a little, as though
confused.

"Of course," she says.
"It's a bit late, though, isn't it?"

"Yeah," Theo says
tentatively, aware of the oddness of his request. "Actually, can he stay
over?"

Amy hesitates, absently stirring a
pot of what Theo suspects is some kind of meat sauce.

"Theo―" she begins,
but Theo cuts her off.

"He just needs someplace to
stay," he says, almost pleadingly, not wanting to go into too much detail.
"Just for tonight."

His mother looks at him, seems to
consider it for a moment, before letting out a sigh.

"Alright," she says.
"But it's a school night, so... You know."

Theo presses his lips together,
suddenly a bit awkward, not sure what his mother is referring to or what he's
supposed to reply.

"Yeah," he says, tapping
his phone absently. "Sure thing. Thanks."

Amy gives him a smile that suggests
she found that last exchange about as awkward as he did, and Theo makes his way
back into the dining room.

"Max?" he says into the
phone.

"Still here," Max
replies, and Theo lets out a small sigh.

"We're good," he says.
"You can stay over."

Max's sigh of relief is very
noticeable.

"Thanks," he says, and he
sounds like he means it.

"No problem," Theo says.
"Where are you?"

"Uh," Max says, as though
looking around. "Not too far. A couple blocks from your house."

"Okay," Theo says.
"You, get over here. I'll see you in a bit."

"Sure thing."

When the doorbell rings, less than fifteen minutes
later, Theo is happy to find Max waiting outside, and he doesn't waste a second
in pulling him in through the door.

"Hi," Max says, a bit
tentatively, as Theo closes the door behind him. His black coat and black hair
are both covered in snow, and Theo can't help but brush some of it off.