Sweet Child of Mine (16 page)

His voice was soft but fierce. “I made a promise.”

“To whom?”

“To them. To Elaine and the baby.”

“What kind of promise?”

“That I’d never replace them.” And the depths of his grief and guilt dug deep grooves in his face. “They’re dead because of me, and I owe them that, at least.”

“Why do you say it’s because of you?”

“She’d told me the day before that there was something strange about the brakes, but we couldn’t afford a mechanic and I was too rushed to check them that
day, too worried about school and my job and proving to my folks that they were wrong about me. We argued that morning because she’d tried to call my parents behind my back to make peace, but they weren’t home. We had a terrible fight. She left, and I never saw her alive again. Her brakes failed, and she was hit in a major intersection. The baby died with her.”

God. How horrible for him.

“I can’t be alive when they’re not, don’t you understand? Elaine taught me how to love, how to take joy from every day. She taught me everything I know about what’s meaningful in life and how to make it count. I can’t betray that like I did last night when you and I—” He fell silent.

“Say it, Michael. When we made love. Because that’s what it was. It wasn’t sex. It wasn’t about using someone’s body. Until you let your guilt creep in, we were as close as two people ever get to be.” She leaned toward him. “Your heart touched my heart, Michael, can’t you see that?”

“You don’t understand.” His jaw hardened.

She looked at him for a moment, all her rage falling away and replaced by the weariness of knowing that he would never let go of his grief. But she had to make one last stab, though it would hurt them both.

“Elaine would be ashamed of you.”

Fire sparked in his eyes. “What the hell does that mean?”

“You say she taught you to love, and look at what
you’re doing. You’re acting like love’s a sin, when it’s right there in front of you for the taking. You want it as badly as I do, but you won’t break some vow that Elaine never asked you to make.” She saw rage in his features, but she went on, anyway. “The circumstances just before she died were terrible and tragic, but the woman you described to me would consider it a far greater sin to cast away love when it’s offered to you. That woman would never have intended you to spend the rest of your life with your heart locked away in mourning. She would have told you to live and honor what she taught you, to honor her love by giving it to others.”

His voice was a low growl. “You don’t know what she was like, how she could light up a room, how she lived in that rat-trap for my sake, how she stayed at that nothing job for me.” He jabbed a thumb into his own chest. “For me, for love of me, she lived with even less than she’d had before me so that I could go on with my dreams while hers were put on hold. It’s pretty damn poor repayment that my stubborn pride cost her life, wouldn’t you say?” The anguish in his face hurt Suzanne so badly that she wanted to stop this now, but she knew she was hearing things he’d never told anyone else.

“It was all I had to give her,” he whispered. “My heart. My damn worthless heart that demanded too much of her. That dazzled her with dreams she’d never get to share.” His voice broke. “She wanted a
big old two-story house like this, you know that? She wanted to fill it with children. Our children. Simple dreams she should have been able to have. Instead she had nothing.”

“She had a dream I’d sell my soul to have, Michael,” Suzanne whispered. “She had you. All of you.” Blinded by tears, by the agony of knowing that she would never have his love, all Suzanne wanted was to get away, to lick her wounds in private. She turned to go.

He caught her arm. “Suzanne, I—”

She couldn’t look back. She pulled away, but at that moment she heard Bobby scream in fear and pain.

Whatever Michael meant to say would have to wait as they raced up the stairs.

When they burst into his room, Bobby was writhing in pain and he’d vomited all over the bed.

“Oh, God,” Suzanne moaned. “That’s what happened with the kids at the ranch.”

“What did he drink? Where did you go today?” Michael asked, but he was already scooping Bobby up into his arms.

“I don’t know. We went to the Coltons’ ranch, and we stopped in town, but I never saw him drink anything, and he knew better than to—”

“Come on. It would take too long to get an ambulance up here. We’ll drive him into town. You ride in the back with him.”

Swiftly they made their way out to the car, Bobby holding his stomach and crying out in agony. Suzanne’s heart beat a tattoo as she tried to think what could have happened.

Michael drove swiftly but surely and soon, they were racing into the emergency room, Michael’s long strides covering ground with Bobby in his arms while she answered rapid-fire questions from the staff.

“M
ichael.” The door to the examining room opened, and Blake Fallon walked in with a man Michael didn’t know. Michael stopped pacing, but all he could think about was his fear for Bobby and his concern for Suzanne, who stood beside the bed stroking Bobby’s head as he slept uneasily while they waited for the results of all the tests.

Blake crossed the room and spoke to Suzanne briefly, hugging her as Michael would like to do. But his ears still rang with their bitter words in the kitchen, and he knew he was probably the last person Suzanne wanted nearby.

Then Blake stood in front of him. “Can we talk outside?”

Michael frowned and glanced at Suzanne, but she’d already turned back to her child. “Sure. But I don’t want to go far.”

“I understand,” Blake said.

Once they were outside, he introduced the other man. “Mayor Michael Longstreet, this is a friend of mine, Rafe James. He’s a private investigator.”

Michael studied the other man as they shook hands. Then he turned to Blake. “So what are you doing here?”

Blake smiled faintly. “Rafe was in my office visiting me when I got word that one of the Hopechest kids had gotten hurt out at the Coltons’ and needed stitches, so I told them I’d meet them here.” He shook his head ruefully. “Kids.” Then he seemed to remember why Michael was here. “I’m sorry. You must be worried sick.”

He shouldn’t be, but he was. His careful distance from Bobby had never materialized. “Suzanne’s the one who’s having the worst of it.” He couldn’t tell Blake that Bobby was her natural child, but he could see the questions in Blake’s eyes. “My well tested fine. I don’t know where he could have gotten the water, but—” He broke off, furious at his inability to get this damn water situation resolved. “Any more word on Corbett? Is he still claiming ignorance?”

Rafe James spoke up. “Something’s not right here. I know David Corbett. He isn’t capable of something like this. He’s a good man.”

Michael nodded. “That was always my read on him, too. But the FBI seems to think differently.”

James nodded. “Corbett’s daughter Libby is an attorney in San Francisco. She’s flying in to take over his case, but I told Blake I’m going to hang around, do my own investigation. Something just doesn’t smell right.”

“Nothing’s been right around this town for weeks.” Michael felt the weight of all the days and weeks of tension. Suddenly he was as tired as he’d ever been in his life.

“It’s been a long haul, buddy.” Blake clapped him on the shoulder. “You want us to wait here with you?”

Michael shook his head. “No. We’ll be fine.” How he hoped that was true. If anything happened to that boy—

But he couldn’t think that way. Even if she didn’t want him near, Suzanne needed him to stay strong to help her fight her own fears.

He shook Rafe James’s hand. “Good luck. Let me know if I can help with anything.”

The other man nodded. “I will.”

Michael turned to Blake. “And you, my friend, don’t look a lot better than I feel. Go hit the sack.”

“I think I will. But you call if you two need anything, all right?”

“Will do.” Michael waved them off and went back into the room.

Suzanne stood watching her son sleep, arms wrapped around her slender waist, her body bowed inward beneath the weight of her fear. He wanted to go to her, wanted to hold her—but after the angry words they’d exchanged, he had no right.

He rubbed his eyes. God, he was tired. So tired he was making mistakes, losing his judgment. He didn’t know how Bobby had gotten hold of contaminated water, but he should never have let Suzanne bring the boy back here in the first place. It didn’t matter that the house had been so empty without her that he’d jumped at the chance to bring them home after the funeral. He should have sent them away somewhere, anywhere they’d be safe. If anything happened to Bobby or to Suzanne…

Something deep inside him shuddered. He couldn’t lose them. He couldn’t go through that again. But when Suzanne had said they were leaving, all he could think was that he had to make her stay, had to find a way to keep her near.

And suddenly he knew. Suzanne had it right, but only part of it. When she’d said Elaine would be ashamed of him, that he did Elaine’s love no honor, he’d lashed out with words because she’d struck at the heart of something he’d buried beneath the weight of his vow never to replace them.

But he knew now that it was fear that kept him frozen in grief—fear of ever knowing that pain again, ever putting his heart in harm’s way by loving anyone
as much as he’d loved Elaine. As much as he’d wanted their child.

And when he’d realized that what he felt for Suzanne was many times stronger than anything he’d shared even with Elaine, it struck right at the core of him, dead center of his guilt. He’d known in that moment of ecstasy that what he and Suzanne could have would be more powerful than anything he’d ever dreamed.

And it scared him to death. Because he didn’t know if he could survive it if anything happened to Suzanne. He knew only too well how puny man’s powers were against the hand of fate.

But now he looked across the stark, sterile room at a boy he loved against reason, at a small woman with the heart of a lion, a woman who fought with everything in her for those who needed her.

Could he do less? How long would he let the pain win? When everything he wanted was right here within his grasp, what was he waiting for?

So he crossed the floor to offer himself to a woman who might no longer want him. But he had to try.

“Suzanne,” he said softly, one hand hovering over her delicate shoulder.

She turned toward him, her eyes huge with her terror, but she didn’t speak.

He didn’t know where to start. “I told the staff to spare no expense. I’ve asked them to bring in specialists or we’ll fly Bobby to San Francisco if needed.
Anything, Suzanne. Anything I have is yours. I—” He took a deep breath. “I care about that boy. I want him well and safe.”

If anything, her eyes darkened with pain. For a moment she closed her eyes as though unable to look at him.

He wanted to touch her so badly he ached, but he’d hurt her too much already. She had to be the one to let him in.

With effort, she straightened and looked right at him. “Thank you, Michael. I don’t know how I’ll repay you, but somehow I will.”

“Suzanne, don’t—” His own pain bled through in his voice. “It’s not about money. I love Bobby.”

Her head jerked up and for a moment, he expected sparks. Instead, he saw defeat. “That will only make it harder when we leave,” she whispered.

He knew in that second that he would never let her leave of his own volition. But he had work to do to convince her, and he wasn’t sure how she felt about him now. There was nothing of the fiery angel in the woman before him, nothing of the woman who led with her heart. She was still, too still.

He couldn’t find the right starting place, so he just took a deep breath and leapt in. “Don’t leave, Suzanne. Please. You were right. I do no honor to Elaine’s memory by burying myself with her. She would hate that. I just…I felt so helpless. I felt so responsible, and I didn’t know how to make it right.”

“Michael.” She touched his arm with her hand, and he wanted to shout out his hope. Her violet eyes were soft now, but he had to be sure it wasn’t pity.

“Don’t feel sorry for me. Look what I’ve done to you and to Bobby. I don’t—” He looked away, desperate to find the words. Then he snapped his gaze back to hers. “You make me feel too much, Suzanne. You make me want you so much. I don’t know how to handle it. I couldn’t—” He swallowed hard. “I couldn’t stand it if something happened to you, too. And now there’s Bobby, and I love that boy like my own, and you want to leave and—”

Her hand rose and touched his cheek, her eyes shimmering with tears. “You mean—” The tears spilled over. “What are you saying, Michael?”

He grasped her hand in his and tangled their fingers together, never wanting to let her go. “I’m saying that I love you, that I’ve never loved anyone the way I love you. That I want you and I want Bobby, that I want us to build a life together. But I’m so damned afraid of losing you.” He brought her fingers to his lips. “God, I don’t want to be this vulnerable again, Suzanne. I fought it and threw my vow to Elaine up between us, trying so damn hard not to love you.”

Suzanne smiled through the tears rolling down her cheeks. “But you do, anyway?” All the hope and love in the world lay shimmering in a violet mist.

He smiled back and stroked his thumb across her cheek, catching her tears. “Heaven help me, I do.”
He leaned closer. “More than I’ve ever loved anyone, Suzanne. So much I don’t know what to do with all of it.”

“Give it to me,” she whispered, rising to her toes and pressing a soft kiss on his lips. “Give it to me and to Bobby. We can build a life on that love, Michael.”

He wanted to draw her against him, but first he had to know. “What about you? Can you love me?”

“Oh, Michael. I think I lost my heart with that first kiss in Ruby’s, and I’ve been trying ever since to get it back.”

“Finders keepers,” he whispered. “I’ll give you anything you want, if you’ll just let me keep your heart. If you’ll trust me with it.” He swallowed hard. “I don’t know if it’s smart, though, Suzanne. Maybe you want to be careful, see how things go.”

She smiled and for a moment, it was like sunshine in this dark night. “But you said it yourself, Mr. Mayor. I’m never careful and I always lead with my heart.” She slid her free hand around his neck and drew him close.

Michael abandoned all caution and pulled her tightly into his arms, lowering his mouth to hers. “Don’t ever change, Suzanne. Teach me your way.” And then they were there, right back in the magic again, only this time it was deeper and richer for the knowledge that love lived inside them, that love would light their way.

Michael was so deep into the spell Suzanne cast, so grateful to find a home in her love, that he didn’t hear the sound behind them at first. It registered on both of them at the same moment, the clearing of a throat behind them.

When Suzanne leapt away from him, he saw guilt ride her hard and knew it himself, that even for a second they could let go of the fear for the boy they both loved.

But the nurse and Dr. Jason Colton were smiling, and Michael’s guilt eased. He wrapped an arm around Suzanne and followed Jason’s gesture, joining him in the hallway while the nurse kept watch inside. “What’s wrong with Bobby?”

“It’s not the water,” Jason said.

Michael felt Suzanne’s slight frame relax and drew her closer. “What is it?”

“His appendix, but you got him here in time. We’ll need to take him up to surgery in a few minutes. Come with me while I explain to him what’s going to happen.”

Suzanne was off like a shot, and Michael was close behind her. Jason leaned over the bed where Bobby lay, looking very small and sleepy, groggy from having been awakened. He explained to the boy carefully what would happen, while Michael and Suzanne each held one of Bobby’s hands.

Then it was time for Bobby to go. Suzanne leaned over and hugged and kissed him, her tears flowing
once again. But she straightened immediately, and Michael could see her arming herself not to frighten him. “I love you, Bobby. Dr. Colton says you’re going to be just fine.”

Michael looked at the face of the child who’d burrowed deep in his heart, and he smiled. “You scared us, son, but everything’s going to be just fine now.” He grasped one small hand in his and squeezed. “I love you, Bobby.”

Bobby’s grin widened. “You called me son.”

He nodded. “When you come back, we’re going to talk to you about becoming a family, the three of us. Suzanne and I want to adopt you. It was your dad’s wish, and I’d be proud to have you as my son. Would you be willing to have Suzanne as your mom and me as your new father? You and Maverick and us, we’d make a new family, if you’d like.”

Bobby’s eyes darkened a bit as memory flitted past.

Michael was quick to reassure him. “Not to replace your dad, though. No one could do that. But we’d like to be there for you, since Jim can’t.”

Bobby studied him solemnly. “What would I call you?”

“Whatever you’d like, son.”

“I called my father Dad, so maybe I could call you Daddy. Would that be all right?” He glanced at Suzanne. “Think that would be okay…Mom?”

Michael felt a surge run through Suzanne’s body like a lightning bolt and knew that was the first time
her son had ever called her mom. Suzanne’s tears trickled down her face, but Michael saw a huge smile on her face. “I think it would be just wonderful, sweetheart.”

Bobby looked at Michael.

Michael nodded, surprised at a thickness in his own throat. “I’d like that, son. Now you go with these good folks and when you wake up again, we’ll be right there to take you home.” He smiled. “Maverick needs his playmate back. And we need our boy.” He squeezed Suzanne against him, then leaned down to kiss Bobby’s forehead. “Sleep now, and don’t worry about your mom. I’ll take care of her.”

He watched while Suzanne kissed Bobby again and knew that one day soon, when Bobby’s heart had had time to heal from the loss of Jim Roper, they would tell the boy together that he was not only the child of their heart but the child of Suzanne’s body.

“’Night, Mom. ’Night, Daddy,” Bobby murmured as they wheeled him away.

“Sleep well, sweet child of mine,” Suzanne whispered. Then she looked up at Michael, violet eyes soft and filled with wonder. “Oh, Michael…”

Michael took her into his arms and held her close. “Want another wedding, Suzanne? A real one with a white dress and blossoms, like every girl’s dream?”

She lifted her face to his, her breath soft against his throat. She held her hand to the light and studied the sparkle of amethysts and diamonds. “I had my violets,” she murmured. “But I wouldn’t mind hav
ing a honeymoon, once Bobby’s had time to settle in.”

“Anywhere you want to go, just name it. Paris, the Taj Mahal, Tahiti?”

Suzanne shook her head and smiled. “I know a place a lot closer. It has this big heart-shaped whirlpool and this thirty-channel remote control sound sys—”