Sweet Deal (20 page)

“Thank you for coming,” Kiara whispered. “Come with me.” She dragged Shelby down the hall to her bedroom, motioning to Riley and Myra to come too. Once inside, she closed the door then sat on the bed, her hands going to her rounded tummy. “They’re driving me crazy,” she said.

“Who is?”

“Adam’s parents. They knew this was coming. Why are they acting like they’re all in shock about it?”

Shelby met Riley’s worried eyes. “Maybe they were in denial,” she suggested. “Maybe they still thought he would get better.”

“Maybe.” Kiara shook her head, took a deep breath. “I know you guys understand me. They think I’m all cold and unfeeling. They think I should be a puddle of grief on the floor.”

“I know you’re grieving,” Riley said. “We all know it. Of course you are.”

Kiara bowed her head. “I have to hold it together. I’m afraid…” She looked up with shiny eyes. “I’m afraid if I let go, I’ll fall to pieces and never get back together.”

Shelby’s heart contracted and she squeezed Kiara’s hand.

“I have a baby to think of,” Kiara continued, patting her belly. “I have to look after the baby.”

“Yes, you do,” Myra murmured. “But it’s okay to give in to it, Kiara.”

“I will. Some time. Just not now.”

“Do you want to talk about it?”

“I…I guess.”

“Were you with him?”

“Yes.” She told them about Adam’s last hours, the things they’d talked about, bringing another painful lump to Shelby’s throat, but she let her friend talk. And she listened. Because that was really all she could do.

“Last night…” Kiara stopped, suddenly choked up. Her lips pressed together and she blinked. “Last night he said…”

“What, honey?” Riley probed gently, her arm around Kiara’s shoulders.

“He said…he was afraid.” Her voice fractured on a sob.

Shelby met Riley’s eyes, a fist squeezing her throat.

“He said he was afraid to go without me,” Kiara said, and then a harsh sob tore from her throat and tears poured down her face. “He’s been so brave about this, all along, through everything.
I didn’t know he was afraid.
” And she cried in heart-wrenching gusts of tears. All three of them converged around her, Shelby taking one hand, Myra the other, Riley still hugging her, trying to offer comfort though Shelby felt helpless and inadequate, her heart squeezing painfully.

“And I didn’t tell him…” Kiara looked up at them with drenched eyes and tear-streaked cheeks. “I didn’t tell him—I’m afraid too!” She sniffled and swiped hands over her cheeks. “And…and I’m mad at him! He left me. He really left me.” She gave another small sob. “How stupid is that?”

They looked at each other helplessly.

“What am I going to do without him?”

There was no answer to that question.

“We’re here for you, hon,” Shelby choked out, a sick churning feeling in her stomach, her throat hurting so bad, and then tears started pouring out of her eyes too. “Whatever you need. I know nothing we can do can really help, but we’re here.”

“Just you being here helps.” They sat in sniffling silence for a few moments, then Kiara wiped her face with tissues Myra plucked from a box on the dresser and straightened her shoulders. “Oh god. I was so mad at them for not holding it together and then I lose it. I’m sorry.”

“Jesus,” Myra croaked. “You don’t have to apologize, hon.”

“I guess I’d better go back out there.”

The other three mopped themselves up too, all of them having succumbed to their powerful emotions, then followed Kiara back to the living room where Adam’s mother sobbed on the couch. Shelby wasn’t sure if she could do this, but clearly she needed to step up and help her friend, so she went over to Adam’s mother and father. Myra took care of the brothers and Riley went into the kitchen, emerging a while later with platters of sandwiches, which nobody really wanted, but it gave her something to do to make them, and it gave them something to do to eat them.

“The funeral is planned,” Shelby heard Kiara telling her own parents. “Adam helped me do that. I have to contact the funeral home, but there won’t be much to do.”

“When will you have it?” Kiara’s mom asked.

Kiara bit her lip. “I think Monday.”

“That sounds fine.”

The afternoon passed in a blur. Adam’s family left and Kiara’s mother said, “Kiara, come home with us tonight.”

She shook he head. “No, that’s okay, Mom.”

“You shouldn’t be alone tonight.”

Kiara smiled. “I’ve been alone before, Mom.”

Her mother gnawed on her bottom lip.

“I’ll stay with her,” Shelby spoke up.

Kiara shot her a grateful look. “Thanks, Shelby.”

“We’ll all stay,” Myra said. “We’ll look after her, don’t you worry, Nadine.”

So the four of them sat and drank wine, except for Kiara, talked and laughed, remembering things about Adam. At about nine o’clock, Kiara yawned.

“I’m tired,” she said. “So, so tired.”

Shelby felt exhausted, so she couldn’t imagine how Kiara must feel. “Go to bed, then,” she said. “We’ll clean up.”

Kiara hugged her and disappeared. Shelby looked at Riley and Myra. “Thanks, guys, for staying too.”

“Of course.” Riley picked up empty glasses and headed to the kitchen.

Shelby glanced at her watch. She wanted to talk to Jake so badly. She needed to let him know what had happened. So she pulled her cell phone out of her purse and called him.

“Hey,” he said. “How’s it going, little girl?”

“Not so good.” She told him about Adam’s passing.

“I’ll be right over,” he said immediately.

“No, I’m not at home. I’m at Kiara’s. I’m going to stay here tonight.”

“Oh. You okay, Shelby Rose?” His voice went deep and gentle.

“I’m okay. I just wanted to…to talk to you.”

“Ah. Yeah. Listen, tell me what I can do to help. D’you need anything? Food? Family picked up at the airport? What?”

That was so sweet, so very sweet, and she leaned back into the soft couch and closed her eyes. “Thank you. I don’t know. I just feel so sad.” Her voice broke on the last word.

“Ah, baby. It’s okay.”

She nodded, her throat closed up, and she waited for it to relax so she could speak.

“Sure you don’t want me to come over?”

She did. She so much wanted to see him, so much needed a hug. She glanced at her friends, busy in the kitchen. “Okay,” she whispered. She gave him the address and snapped her phone shut.

She rose and walked to the big island that divided the kitchen from living room. “Jake’s coming over,” she said.

Riley turned from the dishwasher where she loaded glasses. “Aw, that’s nice.”

Myra studied Shelby. “You’re getting in pretty deep with him, aren’t you?”

Shelby frowned. “No. Of course not.”

“You’re also deep in denial,” Myra retorted.

“I’m not. We’re just…you know what it is. I guess we’ve gotten to be friends over the last couple of weeks.”

“Friends. Uh-huh.” Riley nodded and closed the dishwasher. “Sure.”

“It’s not like that.” But Shelby knew her words were hollow. She could deny it out loud all she wanted, but deep inside she knew feelings were developing for Jake that shouldn’t be there. Feelings that had no place in this little deal they had. Feelings that scared the crap out of her.

“Obviously he likes you too,” Myra pointed out, “or he wouldn’t be coming over.”

“I suppose. He feels sorry, I think. After all this.” She waved a hand, knowing they would understand what she meant. “Loving someone and then losing him—it’s scary.”

“We’re all scared, honey,” Myra said in another moment of vulnerability.

“I know. Here, let me help with those dishes.”

The three of them busied themselves in Kiara’s kitchen. Cleaning and tidying, putting order to things always soothed Shelby, so she put away food, wiped counters and did dishes until the doorbell rang. She took the dish towel with her to the door, drying her hands.

She opened it to see Jake standing there, looking so damn good, his dark brown hair a little ruffled, his shoulders wide enough to lean on. He gave her a small smile as he stepped inside. She closed the door and then she was in his arms, right where she wanted to be.

Chapter Sixteen

Jake just wanted to make things better for Shelby. He hated feeling helpless, knowing there was no way to take this pain away from her. He wanted to punch something, especially seeing her face all pink and puffy from crying, still beautiful but so mournful. So he just wrapped his arms around her and tried to absorb the hurt.

“Ah, baby,” he said, stroking her hair, all soft and silky. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”

She nodded, face buried against his chest. “I know. I’m sorry too.”

Jake looked up and saw Riley and Myra standing across the large great room in the kitchen, watching them. He smiled briefly and they smiled back, and he could clearly see the affection in their eyes for Shelby, but it was mixed with something that looked like concern. Yeah, there it was—the concerned girlfriends. He wanted to assure them he’d look after her, but kept the words inside him. Because who was he kidding? Much as he wanted to make things all better for her, he wasn’t exactly good at looking after other people.

“Where’s Kiara?” he murmured, bending his head.

“She went to bed. She was exhausted.”

“No doubt. When did it happen?”

“About nine o’clock this morning. Come on in.”

“We’re gonna call it a night,” Riley said. “Come on, Myra.”

“But…”

With a wry grin, Riley pushed Myra out of the kitchen and down the hall.

“Let’s sit down,” Shelby said, leading him over to the couch where she curled into his arms. For long moments they were silent and he rubbed his hand up and down her back. He didn’t know what to say, so he just stayed quiet, figuring she’d talk if she wanted to.

“Thank you for coming,” she mumbled. And the next thing he knew, her breathing had deepened and she had dozed off against his chest.

Huh. He smiled as he moved a strand of blonde hair off her cheek, smoothed it back, let the silky strands slide through his fingers. She must be exhausted too. He shifted into a more comfortable position so he could just hold her and let her sleep.

He’d been avoiding seeing her and talking to her all week, but when she’d called tonight, there was no way he could deny the immediate need to be with her. Nothing else mattered, not his confusion and dilemma about Gianna or his confusion about what he was doing with Shelby. She was hurting and he wanted to help.

He let his gaze wander around the spacious living room, over modern leather furniture and sleek tables, expensive electronics and funky art. So different from Shelby’s cozy, eclectic apartment, not to mention his pigsty condo.

Shelby made a soft breathy sound, not a snore exactly, just a gentle intake of breath that made him smile again and stroke her hair. He leaned his head back onto the couch. This wasn’t the comfiest sofa he’d ever sat on, but oh well. He stared up at the white ceiling, one hand resting on Shelby’s head, the other on her back.

Life was short, and what there was of it was confusing as hell. Choices and decisions. Plans that got messed up. Plans that
were
messed up. What was he doing with Shelby? She’d wanted this deal too, but he felt like things were growing and building between them that shouldn’t be, and it scared the shit out of him. Panic surged inside him, almost choking him. He closed his eyes.

He should have told Gianna to forget it. Instead he’d led her on too, telling her he’d think about seeing her again. What a jerk he was. He needed to get his shit together, get his life together, make some good choices and decisions and get on with it.

When Shelby stirred in his arms a while later, lifted her head with hair hanging in her face, blinked at him with drowsy eyes and said, “Will you stay with me tonight?” he couldn’t say no.

Over the next few days, Jake helped Shelby deal with her friends and her friends’ families. He ran errands, picked up flowers and dropped them off, picked up food, booze and more booze. He accompanied her to the funeral. He held her at night when she cried, laughed with her and her friends when they shared memories of Adam.

When Kiara started having what she thought were contractions, and everyone started freaking out thinking she was going into labor, Shelby called the doctor who said they were likely Braxton Hicks contractions. Then she went on-line for more information, reassured her friend, got her calmed down, got
everyone
calmed down including him, even though he’d tried to hide the panic rising inside him at the thought of a woman in labor.
Jesus.

Shelby went to work in the mornings, took afternoons off to help her friends, stressed about her work on this damn project and some problems that had come up with it, torn between that and her friends, killing herself trying to be there for both. At least her work was something he could actually help her with, since business process reengineering was his vocation. His area of expertise. They spent a couple of hours one evening going over her work, although she didn’t seem too happy about some of the stuff he told her about inputs and outputs and the technology they were using at Gold Shield. He knew enough about the business from the many conversations he’d had with Andrew that it was easy for him to apply his knowledge to the processes she was looking at.