Sweet Downfall (34 page)

Rad and Ram avoided her eyes and remained in grim silence.

She faced their father again. “I know, what I did last night caused irreparable damage to the family name. I’m so sorry, Dad. I don’t know if you can ever forgive me. But I’m so tired. So tired of asking for forgiveness. So tired of walking on eggshells, afraid to commit mistakes, terrified of disappointing you all over again. I’m so tired of having no voice, of having no life of my own.”

She inhaled deeply. “And if after what I did last night you can no longer accept me as your daughter, as a member of this family...”

She broke down then, her sobs wracking her body.

“Angie…” she heard her father’s soft voice.

She smiled through her tears. “It’s okay, Dad. It’s okay. I don’t think I will ever be the daughter that you’ve always wanted. For the last time, I will ask your forgiveness. I’m sorry for being such a disappointment to you and our family. I’m really, really sorry. I will leave and you won’t have to see me again. I will go far, far away from here, so you won’t be constantly reminded of the shame and disappointments I have brought to this family. I will bother you no more. I promise.”

Her father and brothers stood there, still and quiet as statues. She had nothing more to say. She’d said it all.

Angie slowly turned around.

“Dad?”

The voice was like a crack of thunder in the stillness of the room.

Sherry was standing at the door, her eyes awash with tears.

“Dad, I have something very important to confess.”

Nobody said a word. They all waited.

Sherry slowly walked into the room .

Angie saw torment in her sister’s eyes.

“Ange, I love you. I hope you can forgive me.”

Forgive her? Why was Sherry asking for her forgiveness? For what?

“I was the one who leaked the video.”

The words hung in the air like the jarring bang of a gong, echoing, then fading. But the impact remained.

The drop of a pin could be heard from the deafening silence that followed.

Angie didn’t think she could take this kind of betrayal. From her own sister?!

“Why...?” she managed to croak.

Sherry broke into sobs. “I’m so sorry…I’m so sorry, Ange. I was desperate…I was…I didn’t know what to do! I love Jordan! I did it to break you up. I can’t bear it if she married you. I’m sorry!”

The things that were happening in their lives were just plain crazy!

“How could you?!” she raged, her entire body shaking.

“Please, Angie, I know you don’t love Jordan. You love Jaq! I know that in my heart. I wouldn’t have done it if I knew you were in love with Jordan. But it’s Jaq you’ve loved all these years. I did the right thing! I know I did!”

Angie slapped her sister hard across the face.

God, she couldn’t take this!

She ran from the room.

“I like Habitat For Humanity. You see immediate results,”
Alexis commented.

After dropping Joey off at the hotel where Lulu was staying, Jaq decided to sleep at Lothario. He didn’t want to be alone. He whiled away the night with Alexis over a bottle of Chivas.

“Yeah, that’s the reason it’s my favorite charity. It’s very interactive and you’d feel more productive and fulfilled after you see what you’ve built.”

“I will start supporting that foundation financially.”

He smiled, although he suspected Alexis’ sudden interest in HFH had something more to do with Alyandra. “Thanks, man. You’d be helping a lot of families have their own decent homes.”

“I will donate a portion of Benedicto land for the next project site.”

Wow. Talk about a gold mine for HFH. “If all the rich, landed folks think like you do, there will be no poor citizens in this country.”

Alexis laughed. “No big loss. They’re ill-gotten anyway, courtesy of my father. He gave me vast tracts of land in the north but they are mostly under dummy names. I might as well give them back to the people.”

His respect for his buddy grew tenfold. Despite his notorious reputation, Alexis was generous to a fault. He was one of the major philanthropists in the country. “Your old man might get pissed off at you, you know, giving away your inheritance like that?”

“I don’t care. He already gave it to me. If he takes it back, it’s okay. I’ll donate a portion of Hacienda Ellinor.”

“Bro, can I ask you something?”

“Sure.”

“Why don’t you get along with your old man?”

Alexis took his time to answer.

“Sorry, sore topic?”

“Nah. Let’s just say we’re not cut out from the same cloth. But he is my father. We cannot choose our parents, can we? I have to live with what I’ve got, whether I like him or not.”

He nodded in understanding. “At least you’re not a by-blow like me.” Maybe he was already drunk. He was never the type who would verbally lament about his illegitimacy of birth.

Alexis looked curious now. “Do you know your real father?”

“Sure,” He filled his glass with whiskey. “I’ve known about him for seven years now.”

“Really? Have you met him?”

“Yeah.”

“You’re not gonna tell me who he is, are you?”

He smiled in irony. “You might not believe me if I told you anyway. Besides, what’s the fucking point? He will never recognize me as his son.”

“Try me, bro.”

“I’ll give you a hint. Your father is close to him.”

“Aw, come on, my father has many friends. But I reckon your old man is loaded. Marcus does not fraternize with the poor and powerless.”

“Right. Another clue. You won’t believe this. He used to sit in the palace.”

Alexis’ brows rose. “Sit? The Palace? Are we talking about THE Palace?”

“Uh-huh.”

Alexis straightened in his seat. “Whoaa! A fucking president?! Come on!”

He shrugged. “Told ya, you won’t believe it.”

Alexis reclined back again and rubbed his chin thoughtfully. “There are only three ex-presidents who could have fathered you based on your age and their ages.”

“Uh-huh,” he mumbled, neither denying nor agreeing

The subject of his real father had been mysterious to him since birth and he was not comfortable discussing it with anybody. Even when Debra already disclosed to him his father’s identity, it didn’t have a huge impact on him. Sonny Montero was the only father he’d ever known. It was Sonny who treated him like his very own son, who taught him good values in life. Well, his relationship with his biological father was still developing. He didn’t know where it would lead. He was taking it one day at a time.

Alexis studied his face. “You don’t look like any of them.”

“I got most of my features from my Mom. She’s a product of a white guy and a woman of mixed race, too. I forgot what racial combo my grandma was but she looked white. So, my Mom really looks white, right? My grandfather had some Puerto Rican blood. Mom says I really look like my grandpa. The only thing I got from my biological father is my darker skin-tone and dark hair.”

“Come on, tell me, man!”

“Nah, keep guessing.”

“I’ll just have you DNA-tested. Or I can ask the two living ole dudes who had an affair with your Mom. If nobody admits, there’s a good chance your father’s the dead bloke.”

He chuckled. “Don’t. It’s top secret. Let’s not add more scandal to my already fucked up life.”

“Shit, this will keep me awake all night.”

“Good, because I’m not sleepy yet.”

Alexis’ eyes gleamed speculatively. “When Manolo finds out your real old man was an ex-president, he might want to be related to you.”

He grimaced. “Sorry, not interested.”

“Really?”

“Maybe you’re right, bro. Old clothes are better left in the closet.”

Alexis became serious. “When I told you that, I wasn’t really sure if you still love Angie. I was being my usual pragmatic self. You know me.”

“No, you were right. It’s not really worth reliving the past anymore. It has run its course. It’s dead. You can’t bring back what’s gone.”

“But you still feel something for her.”

He laughed hoarsely. “You know, X, for a man who casually screws someone’s wife without remorse, you’re strangely meddlesome with your friend’s love lives.”

Alexis flushed. “Just concerned, is all.”

“Ah, you want them to be happy.”

Alexis snorted derisively. “Happiness is such an abused word.”

“Yeah? What would you call such a state?”

“A state of temporary insanity. They’re all in that phase. DL and Lucky are so happy. Blue, Dylan, Marc and Russel are so freakin’ happy they make me sick sometimes. Not that I want them to lose whatever they have right now. It’s clearly working for them. But I don’t need to join them in that gooey pool of mushy happiness. No, thanks.”

“So, you don’t believe in happiness?”

Alexis pondered on it for a bit and then latched on the subject in only the X way. “Okay, supposing I believe in that crap, happiness-loneliness whatever, I don’t think happiness can be experienced as a whole. We can only feel fractions of it at one time, so learn not to be greedy. Don’t expect to have it all at the same time. It will be gone without warning and you’ll never know when it’s coming back. If it comes, fuck it ‘til you drop. If it leaves, as it never lasts, fuck your hand. Either way, you still get off.”

“Thus the maxim, enjoy it while it lasts. I know, you live by that credo, brother.”

“Personally, I’m a gambler. I deal with my cards when I get them. But professionally, I’m a financier, thus I speculate the future. But I only prepare for the probable damages, not the gains. Gains can’t change or affect you that much. It’s a situation you can control. It’s the loss that you should pay attention to. Most men don’t know how to use the power of loss. They only see it as a black hole of failures, bad decisions and a dead end.”

“Are we now talking about money? I’m kinda lost.”

“You know I’m always talking about money.”

“Go on.”

“But loss motivates a person far greater than anything. When you have nothing but a hard wall on your back, you have two choices. Die like a loser or die fighting. And you can do anything, have anything when you have nothing more to lose but your last worthless breath. In contrast, gain is actually a weakness. It makes you afraid to lose.”

“Are you saying that happiness is a weakness?”

“Now you’re getting my drift. Absofuckinglutely. It’s a prettily wrapped bomb waiting to detonate any moment. And you’ll wait every single day for that to happen, dreading that day. I don’t need that kind of shit in my life.”

“So you’d rather be lonely?”

“Loneliness and happiness are concepts created and being capitalized on hugely by card factories. You know that. Hollywood is full of such crap. They’re two sides of the same coin and a billion-dollar enterprise. Me, I see life for what it really is. It’s just a card game. I play it minus the drama.”

Jaq shook his head. “Sometimes I don’t know if you’re really jaded to the bone or an idealist using the words of a cynic, bro.”

Alexis shrugged. “That’s just me, bro. Don’t let me influence you if you like waxing Shakespeare. By all means, believe in this happiness-loneliness blah.”

He thought about that. Happiness was the last word that would describe the state he was in right now. Truth be told, he had forgotten how it felt. Was he lonely? That simple a word could not describe his present disposition either. He was definitely not happy and definitely not lonely. He was…what did he feel? He had no fuckin’ idea. “Man, we are so serious! I feel like a wussy. Change topic.”

Alexis refilled their glasses again. “Bottoms up.”

They downed their glasses straight.

“Wanna be with Isis, tonight?” X offered. “She’s the best. A dynamo in the sack. You’ll be singin’ a different tune when she finishes with you, I guarantee that.”

Isis was a new geisha being trained by Alexis himself for the hottest skin action at Lothario. Right now, she was exclusive to X. “Do I look so pathetic that you’re giving away your current favorite geisha to cheer me up?”

“The only cure for heartbreak, not that I’ve ever entertained such lame feelings, is a fuck fest. Isis is yours for as long as you want.”

“Rad will kill me. He’s hoping he’d get Isis first.”

“Too bad for him, I like you more.”

Now that made him feel better. “Okay. Send her to me later. I’ve got nothing better to do wide awake at zero dark thirty.”

Girl, you should eat.
You look like you’re gonna drop any moment. You should get some sleep, too.”

“Darry, I need to see, Jaq! I need to talk to him!”

“Yes, you will see him soon but you gotta pull yourself together first, Ange.”

Angie could feel hysteria rising inside her. She went to Darry’s place when it was already near midnight. She took a taxi earlier today and went to Jaq’s house. But he was not home. She could have called him but she wasn’t sure how he would respond. Why must he even speak to her after everything? What she wanted to say to him must be said in person, not over the phone.