Sweet Little Lies (18 page)

I
hadn’t said a word on the short ride from the hospital back to my place.Truthfully, I was more than a little angry to find myself back here. And by here, I meant feeling like that twenty-six-year-old at the airport in New York, asking for something I wasn’t sure I was going to get.This was not what Grown Man Steven was all about.

What a day. I contemplated just letting this go until morning because if Christina did not say some of what I wanted to hear, my entire mood was going to be shot. Then again, let’s just get into it already. I set down the gym bag and turned around to look at her. She looked terrified—like a tiny, frightened bird hovering near the exit and dying to fly away.
Toughen up, Steven.
I steeled myself against sympathizing.

I clapped my hands together. “Okay, let’s peel this back a little bit.What’s up, Christina? What’s the master plan?”

“Is this the ‘let’s define what we are to each other’ conversation?”

I tightened my jaw.“No, this is one where we decide if it’s
even worth moving forward. Maybe we’ve gone as far as we can go at this level.”

“Well, what do you think?” she asked quietly.

“Oh no, ma’am. It’s not that type of party. That is classic Christina avoidance, and I’m not taking the bait. This is on you. The floor is literally and figuratively yours. Ball’s in your court.”

“All righty then, Grown Man Steven on deck, I see. Fine. You heard what I told Jackie. I don’t trust myself to believe what I feel. To believe what I see. I just am terrified that you’re going to rip my heart into a million pieces and I’ll never get them back together. I won’t recover. Not from this. Not from you.”

“Why is that?” I pressed.“What makes me different?”

She took a deep breath and then let out a long sigh. “You’re important to me. I care a lot for you. You make me feel things. Not just sexual things. You stimulate my brain. You make me happy. Does that make you happy to hear that you do all that to me? Does it make you happy to know that I think about you when I shouldn’t? That I want to be around you all the time? Does it make you happy to make me admit that?”

I allowed a small smile to cross my face.“You know what? It does. It really does. I’m sorry you’re so scared, but why don’t you be honest with yourself for a minute.”

“What do you mean?”

I explained. “Your problem, at least with Perry and Jay / David, is that you only saw what you wanted to see. I don’t let you do that with me. I make you see all of me. This is who I am, this is what you get.”

“They fooled me, Steven—maybe you are, too!” Her tone was accusing.

Okay, if she really believed that, she was fooling herself.
Apparently it was time to take the gloves off. “That is one of the sweet little lies you tell yourself to make it all their fault. So you’re always the victim.”

“I beg your pardon?” She was clearly insulted, but I was speaking the truth and damning the consequences.

“I beg yours back. You can’t stand there and tell me you had
no
signs that Perry might be batting for the other team? None? His sexual technique or sex drive or mannerisms or expressions? No clues, not one?”

She opened her mouth and closed it again.

“You background-checked Jay/David, but did you use your common sense? All those times he was ‘traveling’?”Yes, I broke off the air quotes on her.“All those times you couldn’t get him on the phone or didn’t know where he was. Every time he couldn’t spend a holiday with you and had last-minute excuses for not being where he was supposed to be, and you had not a twinge?”

Tears started slowly trickling down her face, but I had to make this point.

“Christina, you’re too smart. I’m sorry. I’ve watched you work and interact with your coworkers and families and the people you interview, and no one can hold a candle to your intellect. Your brain is always working.There’s no way you will ever convince me that you didn’t suspect something.”

“What is your point?!” she snapped.

So my voice got softer.“My point is that you can’t hide behind the failed engagements anymore without acknowledging your own role in that crap. You really can’t.And if you can’t use that as an excuse for never trusting yourself or anybody else again, then you’re fresh out of excuses, aren’t you?”

“Steven. Stop it.”

“No. I won’t.You have nothing else to hide behind.There’s just you and me. Now, I’m willing to put Grown Man Steven away tonight. I don’t need to hang on to what happened in an
airport lounge five years ago to protect myself from caring too much about you. I want you to do the same. I want you to put all the bad stuff that happened to you before in the back of the closet and board it up. Can you do it?”

She shook her head back and forth.“I don’t know. I don’t know. I have to think about it.”

I nodded slowly. “Well, baby, you’re out of time.You are thirty-seven years old. I’m thirty-two. This is it. You and me. Right here, right now. I’m willing to stand here with nothing but this moment and say I want this. I want you. I want us to take it as far as it can go. And if you don’t, if you can’t do the same—just walk away now. Just turn around and walk out the door. I’ll bear no grudges. I’ll accept that you gave all you have in you to give, and we’ll call it a day.”

She frowned.“You’re giving me no shades of gray.”

“None at all, sweetheart.”

“So, is this an ultimatum?”

“It is.”

“Seriously? Either I agree to be all in now, or I have to walk.”

“I’ll call you a cab.”

My gut was churning. This was the poker equivalent of bluffing with nothing but a pair of deuces in your hand. But outwardly, I looked calm. Resigned. Resolute.

So quietly I could barely hear her, she answered, “I guess that’s that, then.” She turned and walked out the door.

I stood for a second in complete shock. Christina Brinsley walked away from me without a backward glance. Again. I gambled and lost. Something inside me felt like it was tearing, and my knees gave out. I sank to the floor, staring at the door, willing it to open. “Open, open, open, open,” I chanted and prayed.“Dear God, let that door open. Open, dammit!”

It opened. She stepped inside, shut it, and locked it behind her. She leaned back against it and looked at me on my knees on the floor. With a running start she flung herself at me. I
caught her as she started talking and crying at the same time. “I’m so sorry. I’m so stupid, I almost completely jacked this up. Why did you let me walk out? I was walking down the hallway asking myself
Christina, what are you doing, what are you doing?
” She pressed kisses over my face. “How could you let me walk out?”

I swallowed and sent up a prayer of thanks. I wrapped her up in my arms and held on tight.“You had to decide on your own. You had to come back on your own. I can’t believe you walked out. What were you thinking? Don’t you know I’m the best damn thing to ever happen to your bougie ass? What were you thinking?”

She threw back her head and laughed. “I wanted to have the last word, I wanted to be right.”

“So why did you come back?”

“I wanted you more. I want you more. More than anything. I’m in. I’m all in.” She rolled so I was on top of her. With both hands, she pulled down my sweatpants. Because we rushed to the hospital straight from the gym, I was naked underneath. She pulled her own sweats down.“Now I want you all in me. Now.”

“Here?” There was only an area rug on top of the hardwoods.

“Here, now. Steven, please. I need you.”

“Okay, baby.” I made to move away.“Let me just get…”

“No. Nothing between us. All in. I’m safe.”

“I’m safe.”

“I know. I trust you.”

I stroked my hand along the side of her body and she grabbed my hand.“No, nothing fancy. Just you and me. Come inside.”

It was by far the sexiest invitation I had ever received. I slammed inside and gasped. I had never been unsheathed inside a woman before. It was indescribable ecstasy and snug warmth.

“Yes.” Christina dug her nails into my arms and arched. “Mine. More.”

“This is gonna be hard and fast,” I warned as I surged forward again.

“I’m so far ahead of you, it’s not even funny.” She started shivering under me.“You just worry about keeping up.”

True to her word, she met my first flurry of thrusts and then let out a high-pitched wail I had never heard from her before. I yanked her hips upward with each of my downward strokes to make sure I was hitting exactly the spots she loved. Her entire body stiffened and her internal muscles milked me in rippling waves that went on and on. I was toast—I grit my teeth and let go, shooting deep inside of her.

After a few minutes trying to catch my breath, I rolled off her and lay next to her, staring up at the ceiling. “Was that what you had in mind?”

A smile spread across her face.“That was perfection.”

“When you go all in, you mean it.”

Her face turned serious. “I’ve never done it like that be-fore.With no protection, no pill, no nothing.”

“Me either. Wait—did you say no pill, no nothing?”

She raised a brow. “Mr. I-Want-One-of-These-and-I’m-All-In is nervous now?”

“Not necessarily. I just thought you were on the pill.”

“I am. I just haven’t taken it since yesterday morning.” She looked at my face and laughed. “Don’t worry about it. The chances are
very
slim that this one time will result in anything.”

The more I thought about it, the more okay I was with it. “If it does, I’m good. Are you good?”

“If you’re with me, I’m good.”

“Then we’re good. Anything you want to talk about before we get off this hard floor?”

“Just one thing,” she said in a small voice.

“What’s up?”

“Are you at all concerned that we’re deliberately avoiding usage of the L-word?”

I wondered if she’d noticed that. “No, I think it’s a great sign. I think it means we’re saving it. Giving the word the respect it’s due.”

She sighed.“You’re so smart, Dr.V. Dub.”

“Smart enough to get to that leftover Chinese food before you do.”

She snorted.“I was smart enough to order some more and have it delivered earlier.”

“A smart woman is a good one to have.”

“You’re a lucky man, then.”

“Don’t I know it.”

“I
’m happy for you, Lynne. I really am.” I hugged Lynne and Eric and kissed both their cheeks while holding a bottle of champagne in one hand. Somehow, according to them, they had worked out their differences. They were together and happy. I was willing to let bygones be bygones. Though you could bet the very next time she and Eric had a falling out, I’d be eyeing her like an eagle. Lesson learned.

It was like Steven had told me: I couldn’t keep turning a blind eye to people’s faults and flaws. I had to own them and get ahead of them before they bit me in the ass. But there was time to worry about that on another day. We had almost finished filming all of our segments for the final installment on the foundation story. And today was Steven’s birthday.We were throwing a party at his loft and it was a night for celebration.

Lynne hugged me back. “You’re happy for everybody tonight, girlie. What time did you start on the champagne?”

“I’m high on life, sweetie. Haven’t had a sip all day.” I laughed.

“How was Christmas?”

“Brilliant. His parents loved me and I loved them right back. We’re going to go back in the spring when the cold doesn’t freeze all coherent thought out of your head.”

“Well, we’re heading over to Jackie’s.”

“Send her my love and tell her I’ll be by next week.” I waved and I moved on to the next cluster of people.

Jimmy was in deep conversation with my CEO, Jennifer. That was an interesting pairing. The laid-back comedian with the type A executive. I floated past to a group of Steven’s students, including Jeffrey and Susan, whom I’d seen the first day outside of his office. A couple of the kids looked pretty young. “Do I need to card any of you?” I asked, only half joking.

“Dr.Williams already did,” one of the kids said.

“Of course he did.Who wants a refill?” I topped off their glasses, exchanged some chitchat, and moved on.

A cluster of VNN employees including Vic, Tracey, Diane, and Brandon were huddled near the television.“Guys, are you seriously watching the station on your night off?” I emptied the bottle into their glasses and set it down.

Tracey laughed.“I like to see if the New York crew is better than us.”

“They aren’t,” I stated. “And if they are, we’ll just recruit them to come out West.”

“That’s the same speech she used to sucker me into it.” Carey’s voice drifted closer as she joined the group.

“Hey!” I gave her a hug.“Where have you been?” I looked over her shoulder to where Clarke was high-fiving Steven like he had just won the lottery.“Or do I not want to know?”

“I don’t know,” she said, waving her left hand around dra-matically.“How do you feel about gaining another sister?”

“Woo!” I grabbed her and we bounced around in a circle. I ran across the room and launched myself at Clarke. He caught me in a bear hug and swung me around, laughing.“You finally did something brilliant. Took you long enough.” I kissed his cheek and ran back across the room.“Let me see the rock,
let me see.” That solitaire had to be at least four carats, set in platinum. “Good Lord, you’ve spent the entire Brinsley fortune!” I teased.

“I didn’t know there was a Brinsley fortune,” Steven called out from across the room.

“Exactly my point.” I laughed as Celia and Collin came over to take a look.

Collin took his glasses out of his pocket and put them on. “Christ Almighty, I’m going to have to upgrade Celia’s ring. We cannot be outdone.”

Celia and Carey exchanged a high five. “Score!” Celia shouted, and my mouth fell open. That was the hippest thing to fall out of Celia’s mouth in …well, ever. I don’t know what happened with the whole Dax thing, but he and Celia appeared to have gone their separate ways. Whatever the thing had been seemed to be a thing of the past.

“Well, let me come see this rock,” Steven said as he sidled up. He lifted Carey’s hand and whistled. “Damn, son, why don’t you just strap an anchor around her hand and be done with it?” He turned to me. “Don’t get any ideas—I’m not putting the Hope Diamond on your finger. You’ll have to make do with dignified.”

My mouth fell open.

“Twin, was that a proposal?” Stefani called out.

I shook my head back and forth violently. No more engagements, no thank you. Lesson learned…three times over.

Steven laughed. “Eventually, all in good time. There’s no rushing Ms. Scared Straight over here. My baby takes her time.”

“Speaking of babies…” Collin announced dramatically.

“What?!” I shrieked and turned to Celia. She was holding a large glass of wine. My eyes narrowed.

“We have a surrogate—the baby will be here in eight months,” she explained.

“Wow! So much to celebrate,” I murmured amidst another round of hugs and high fives. It was all a little overwhelming.
Everything was changing so fast. It made me a little nervous. But now wasn’t the time. I looked at my watch. Steven’s present was due to arrive any second. Right on cue the doorbell rang.

“Steven, can you get that?” I said as I moved to the kitchen to start clearing off space on the countertops.

He sent me a “what is this?” look and I shrugged and smiled. He opened the door and a line of wait staff walked in carrying covered trays. Delicious fragrances wafted in the air. After the tenth waiter filed in, Chef David walked in with a birthday hat tilted jauntily to the side.“Happy birthday, bro.”

“My boy!” Steven’s face lit up as he embraced Dave. Ste-fani flew across the room to get a hug in as well. As the three of them embraced, Steven looked at me and pointed.“Did you do this?”

I shrugged again with a big smile on my face. The waiters were lining up some of Dave’s best dishes. People were already circling.

Dave shook his head.“Did she
do
this? Man, she harassed, begged, pleaded, and bribed to get me out here during a busy season. Promised me all sorts of sexual favors.”

Heads swiveled in my direction.“Not from me! Diane, introduce yourself to Chef David.” Everyone laughed.

“I don’t think that’s part of my job description, boss!” She laughed, but there was a gleam in her eye as she went over to shake his hand.

Dave gave me a thumbs-up. “You ready for the other thing?”

“Yep. Stefani first.”

Over the past months I had discovered that Stefani had a weakness for sweets, particularly cannoli and truffles. Chef Dave had a cart wheeled in. On it was a three-tiered cake with pink and green flowers, Stefani’s sorority colors. HAPPY BIRTHDAY, STEFANI was written down the three tiers. Stefani clapped. “It’s too pretty to cut!”

Dave handed her a knife. “Girl, you better cut that creation.”

She sliced into it.“Oh my God, it’s cheesecake with truffles and cannoli.That’s just evil.” She pointed the knife at me.“Did you do this?”

“I had a little help from Marcus.”

“We’ll be needing to keep you two separated,” she teased. “I’m going to wait to taste it until Steven gets his.”

Another cart was rolled in. I stepped out of the kitchen; I wanted to see if Dave had pulled off my idea. He lifted a huge box and flipped a switch. On the table was a replica of a highspeed train on tracks. The train started moving.

“Wait, did you make me an actual train of cake?” Steven said.

“Yes, I did,” Dave answered. “But wait until it comes around the track.”

Everyone watched as the train came around the circle slowly. On the side of each car a word was written in frosting. Everyone read aloud as each car passed.“Steven. Happy. Birthday. I. Love. You. Christina.”

A group “Awwww!” swelled up.

I looked over at Steven. His eyes looked a little glassy. He put his hand out; I stepped forward into his embrace. He wrapped me up, closed his eyes, and whispered in my ear, “I love you, too. So much.”

“I swear before God, I will pull your player card right here if you cry over this cake!” Dave announced, and everybody laughed.

I pressed my lips against his once, and then again, and one more time because I loved his lips, too.

“Hose ’em down!” Carey called out.

I stepped back and wiped a little moisture out of the side of his eye. He did the same for me. I noticed a few others dabbing with napkins. “Okay, sorry y’all had to witness the sap.
Dave, that is officially the coolest damn cake ever. Let’s top off the glasses. Steven, Stefani—you want happy birthday or something else?”

“Just a plain old happy birthday will do.”

I lifted my glass and started singing “Happy birthday” to Stefani and Steven. As others started gravitating toward the food and cakes, Steven wrapped his arm around my waist.

“Best birthday ever, baby.”

“You like the cake?”

“The cake is cool, but I like what it says more than anything.”

I turned in his arms and tilted my head up. “I meant it. I mean it. I love you, Steven.”

“Well, you can’t take it back now; it’s on the cake and everything.”

“I’ll never take it back.”

“You promise?”

“I promise.”

“I’m going to hold you to that.”

“As long as you hold me.”

We were in our own little world. I wanted to take that moment and bottle it. Everything was absolutely perfect. So of course I started wondering and worrying about what would go wrong… because something always, always did. There was that little part of me that was constantly waiting for the other shoe to drop.

“Whatever it is, think about it tomorrow,” Steven said.

I kissed him again.“You know me so well.”

“Believe dat. Kiss me like it’s my birthday, girl.” He twirled me into a dip and laid those lips on me. By the time I caught my breath, I was back upright.

“Clarke, hit the birthday mix!”

Clarke pressed some buttons and the room filled with the booming bass of 50 Cent’s “In Da Club.”

I took my first drink of champagne for the night, raised my glass, and started shaking my hips from side to side.“Go shorty, it’s your birthday.”

Steven threw back his champagne and stepped behind me. “You don’t want none of this, you don’t want it. You know I will dance you out of those sexy-ass shoes.”

“Bring it on, birthday boy.” I dropped down to the ground and came back up.

“Aw shit,” Carey said as she and Clarke starting dancing. “It’s about to be on. Brinsley dance-off. If somebody scared, they should go home right now.”

I saw one of the students reaching for his cell phone and I pointed at him and started chanting, “No YouTube! No YouTube!” Everybody joined in.

When out of the corner of my eye I caught sight of my very proper CEO, Jennifer, chanting and grinding on Rob, I knew we were in for an epic evening.