Sweet Montana Christmas (19 page)

“Sure.” Nerves fluttered deep in her chest.

“Communication is the heart blood of a relationship. Even though your dad and I were far apart, we made sure we were in touch in some way every day. Of course, it wasn't as easy as it is for you kids now. We made it work. Remember when he came home, and you had to go stay with your Grandma?”

“Yeah. I was so mad at you for taking him away from me.”

Her mother laughed. “We did it to keep our marriage together. That's when we had our in-depth talks. And our fights. We never wanted you to be exposed to our difficulties. That time made us stronger as a couple.”

What did this have to do with Zach?

“I miss him every day.” Her mother's voice was a whisper.

“Me, too.”

They were quiet for a few moments.

“Anyway,” her mother said. “The point is, you need to make sure you are clear with this guy—”

“Zach.”

“—with Zach what your feelings are.” She looked pointedly at Sue Anne. “And to do that, you need to be honest with yourself.”

Was she being honest with herself? When they'd hiked together, Zach shared the magic of nature. He was willing to explore new things with her. And truthfully, her hormones went into overdrive whenever he was near. Life seemed duller when he was away.

Not exactly the feelings of someone in “like.”

“I thought so,” her mother said. “You're going to have to tell him how you feel, and if he's determined to move out of Missoula, and you're determined to stay, well...” Her mother patted her hand. “You need to decide how hurt you want to be when he leaves.”

Sue Anne looked up from her QuickBooks file as Julie stepped into the tiny closet she had converted into her office.

“Zach's out front. Again.” Julie said.

“So? Handle him.” When she'd returned from Chicago, she'd texted Zach that the store had become extremely busy and she didn't have time to see him. A cowardly way to deal with her own conflicting emotions, but she wasn't sure she had the strength to break up with him if she was face to face with the man.

“He wants you.”

“Tell him I'm busy.”

“When are you going to give the guy a break?” Julie put her fists on her hips. “It's been a month since you got back from Chicago. Don't you think you've ignored him enough?”

“It's the new me. I'm done putting up with men who have their own agenda for my life.”

“Honey, everyone's got an agenda. Even you.”

“Yep. And my agenda right now is to get chocolates in every city in this state.”

Julie sighed and walked out of the office.

Sue Anne ignored the ache in her chest. Her mother had urged her to face the truth. Well, she had. She wanted more than Zach was offering. She wanted a chance at a relationship that could grow into something permanent.

Why couldn't it have been Zach?

So like her. She always wanted something she couldn't have.

Like all the items on her Christmas list.

She stared at the report in front of her. There was enough to cover Julie's salary and a small amount for her, but it was going to be tough if she couldn't land more outside sales. The little shop was an important anchor, but it wouldn't be able to carry the whole freight of what she had in mind: stores in cities in Montana, product for sale in the major grocery stores in the Northwest, and a thriving online business. She'd had the basic structure in mind from the beginning, but the convention, and ironically, talks with her mother, had solidified her ideas.

Someone cleared his throat outside her door.

She spun around and leapt from the chair, sending it backward with a thunk into the desk.

“Sorry, didn't mean to startle you.” Zach leaned against the door, his broad shoulders and trim waist immediately awakening the desire she'd been trying to suppress.

“Didn't Julie have what you wanted?” She stiffened her shoulders as she said it, trying to maintain the illusion he was simply another customer.

“Oh, no. Julie doesn't have what I want. Not in a heartbeat.”

The flirty tone in his voice aroused her even more. The office was too small a space. There wasn't enough air to breathe.

“Then I guess we can't help you.”

He took a step into the room—the tiny room that was getting more cramped by the minute.

“Oh, I think you can,” he said.

Only a hand's width lay between them.

“I want to kiss you,” he said. “Any objection?”

“Yes.”

He nodded slowly. “I thought there might be.” He gave her a little more space. “Look, I know I've behaved badly. Twice. But I want a chance to try to make it up to you.”

“No.”

“I wasn't fair to you. If my mother ever knew how I'd treated you—”

“—she'd have to kill you.”

“Or at least give me a really good lecture. I'd have to clean out cat litter for a month.”

Her lips twitched a little. It was difficult to stay mad at the man.

“I wanted to let you know the door isn't shut quite as tightly on Missoula as it once was.”

“But you're still considering leaving.”

“Honestly? Yes.” He leaned in again. “Some of it depends on us. Do we have anything here? I'd like the chance to find out.”

Her breath squeezed in her chest. What if they went out and then he disappeared again, like he had before? What if he made her fall in love with him and then decided Montana wasn't for him after all?

“What makes you think we have anything worth exploring?”

“This.” He leaned in once again, hesitating a second as if asking permission.

She shouldn't give in. She opened her mouth, but nothing came out, so she shut it and waited.

The pressure of his lips was gentle but compelling. He knew how to finesse a kiss, taking, waiting for her to yield, then asking for a little more. Kissing him was like savoring a VSOP cognac infused cream wrapped in 80 percent dark Belgian chocolate.

His aftershave tickled her nose with its outdoor scent, coalescing the man who was her friend with someone who could be her lover.

She wanted him, but a thousand questions hammered at her brain, demanding answers. Was the possibility of his stay in Missoula real? Or was he leading her on to get what he wanted?

She knew the answer to that one. Zach had always been honest. To a fault.

Her heart wanted to burst with its frenzied beating.

She parted her lips and prayed she wasn't making a huge mistake.

He deepened the kiss, exploring her mouth, showing more passion than he had before, as if he'd let go of any reservations he had.

In kind, she slipped her tongue in his mouth to taste him, let him know he wasn't alone. His afternoon beard stubble scratched against her cheek, but it didn't matter. She heated up, juices rushed to the juncture between her legs, and her nipples hardened. Some part of her tried to remind her where they were, but her desire silenced that voice, too.

She wanted to pull him back to her apartment. They were so close.

He was hard against her.

Crap.
She needed him. All her resolutions left, like the last of the snow on Lolo Peak melting away.

He released her mouth, and she moaned.

“God, I've missed you,” he said, his breath hitching his words. “I'm sorry I was so stupid.” He stepped back and held her shoulders, his arms straight. “I'd like to take you out. None of this ‘friends' nonsense. Are you free Saturday night?”

“Yes.” Her pulse quickened.

“Good. I'm thinking dinner at the Red Bird and a walk along the river. It's summer solstice.”

“Sounds good.”

“I'll pick you up at six-thirty.”

She nodded, afraid her voice would squeak if she said anything; her heart was racing so quickly.

He left her standing there after one more quick kiss.

Vaguely, she heard the front doorbell ring, but she hadn't moved by the time Julie came into the room.

“So what did our man in uniform want?” Julie asked.

“Me,” Sue Anne replied. “I think he wanted me.”

• • •

The Saturday morning sun warmed her arms as Sue Anne sat on the back porch, drinking her coffee at seven. She felt lazy. The bright yellow orb had already been doing its job for several hours before she'd risen. Sugar was sniffing through the yard, as if she'd never been there before.

What would tonight's date be like now that they'd put aside the “friends” pretense? Would they lose some of the ease they'd enjoyed up until now because there was a possibility of something more? Or would it become easier still?

All this thinking was making her head hurt.

“C'mon, Sugar. Time to get ready for work. It's just me today.”

As the day wore on, Sue Anne's anticipation for the evening rose. What should she wear? A lot of walking meant low heels or flats. Something cute and summery would work with those. Her red sleeveless dress with the flared skirt and the bolero-style white jacket? Classy without being overdressed and not too sexy.

But it wasn't like she never wanted to have sex again either. Going to bed with Zach Crippin was definitely on her maybe list. Her mother would be pleased. Not about the sex. Her mother avoided any discussion of the birds and the bees like the plague. But she'd be pleased Sue Anne was going out on a date.

Within a half hour of closing the store, she was ready to go and pacing the floor, Sugar right at her heels.

Zach knocked promptly at six-thirty. Dressed in a pale green shirt that accented his eyes, he wore khaki slacks and comfortable looking shoes. He looked her up and down and whistled. “You look hot.”

“Too much?”

“Oh, no. Perfect.” He grinned. “You up for walking to the restaurant? The weather is incredible, and every beautiful day in Missoula should be enjoyed outdoors.”

“Yes.”

They strolled down Third Street, basking in the warmth of a sun still high in the sky. The maple trees held the bright green leaves of spring. In another month, the sheen would dull. Summer was short. Zach was right. Every beautiful day should be treasured.

She felt a touch on her hand and looked over at him.

He held out his hand.

She took it.

“It's a beautiful evening,” she said, a sense of contentment relaxing her shoulders. “Looks like they have something doing at Caras Park.” She gestured at the tented space on the north bank of the river.

“Solstice,” Zach said. “With a college, I bet there are enough people around here that practice some form of Wicca. It's a big time of celebration for them.”

“This looks like it's going to be a little more formal than that.” She pointed at the amp set up and vendor trucks. “Band, maybe.”

“By the time we're done with dinner, they should be ready to roll,” he said and gave her hand a squeeze. “Perfect timing.”

“I love Missoula,” she said. “It's so many places wrapped into one. Nature, the university, and enough diversity to keep it all interesting.”

He laughed. “I like your thinking.”

“More reason for you to stay,” she said, and immediately regretted it. He'd have to make up his mind on his own. Pressuring him might change his mind but for all the wrong reasons.

“Um ... let's talk about that some other time. Tonight, let's enjoy our meal and each other. It's our first official date, after all.” He lightly kissed her lips. “I could get used to that.”

She stayed in step with him to the restaurant, but reminded herself to guard her heart until he made his decision.

• • •

Zach held the door open for Sue Anne, and they entered the art deco world of the Red Bird. He only knew it was art deco because one of the girls who worked at the airport coffee shop had mentioned it one day. Otherwise, he was as clueless about architecture as he was about fine art.

“Ever been here before?” Even as he asked it, he knew it was a dumb question. Sue Anne had gone to the university. She'd probably been everywhere in town.

“Julie and I come here a few times a month for a glass of wine. And I had dinner here a few times while I was in college. The food is good.”

“This is my first time.” God, what a lame conversationalist he was turning out to be. When they were just friends, topics came easily. But now, everything had shifted. She was no longer a friend. She was a girl.

A woman.

“Got any plans for the summer?”

It wasn't getting any easier.

“I'm starting a business.” She smiled at him, warmth filling her eyes, as if she recognized his struggle. “New business owners don't get summer vacations. In fact, I'll be lucky to get a few days off around Christmas.”

“Right. Your favorite holiday.”

“Yes!” Her smile broadened even more. “It's really wonderful to be here where there are real seasons. Every year, my dad and I would watch
White Christmas
. A Christmas without snow is so-o-o depressing. Red and green don't look right.”

“Not a big fan of lights on palm trees?” he asked.

“They're fine for some people, but it doesn't work for me.” She cocked her head. “It probably doesn't work well for you, either, since you're from Iowa. But if you got a job in one of those big California airports, you'd be stuck with it.”

“Maybe it'll be Orlando. Mickey and I could become best buds.” Was she angling for a discussion about his future again? Maybe a conversation about Disney would divert her.

“Orlando is fun for a visit, but permanently?” She wrinkled her nose. “Not for me. Nope. Ever since I came to Montana to look at colleges, I've felt like I've come home. I don't know what it is, but it feels like my roots were established here before I was born. It's weird.”

“I can't say I know what you mean.” A place had never grabbed hold of him, not in the way she was describing. He'd thought Denver would grow on him over time; he preferred the stark Rockies to the rolling hills of his home state. How would he feel about someplace like LA?