Sweet Renegade (18 page)

“Yes, it does,” she whispers and glances back at me, tears rolling down her beautiful face.

My hands fall from her shoulders as I take a step back, shaking my head in denial. No, she can’t do this to me, not after all that we’ve been through. I feel as if someone is literally shoving their hand into my chest and tearing my heart out.

“Lizzie, please…please don’t do this to me…to us,” I plead.
Jesus, was that my voice?
It sounds as if I chewed on some gravel.

“I’m sorry, Beau. I never wanted to hurt you, but this just can’t go on between us, you need someone who deserves you. You’re too good for me,” she says sadly.

“I don’t want anyone else, dammit! I
want
you! I
love
you!” I shout at her, my hands balling up into fists.
Fuck, I want to hit something!

Lizette shakes her head, tears still flowing. “Well, you shouldn’t love me, Beau. I’m nothing but a bitch with fucked up parents and an even more fucked up brother. We don’t belong together; you’ll see that eventually and will thank me for ending things now.”

My breathing picks up and I feel my life spiraling out of control. I’m losing her. The only woman that I’m ever going to want. I blink, feeling my own tears slip from my eyes. I shove my hands into my hair and grip it tight enough to hurt. Holy shit, I’m not dreaming. Why can’t I be dreaming? I pace away before whirling around to peg her with an angry glare.

“How can you do this to me? You love me! You said that you love me! You can’t leave me!” I cry wildly, my heart crumbling at my feet.

I’ll never recover from this. If she leaves me, I will never make it.

“I’m sorry,” she chokes. “You need to go. Have Rob stop by later to get your stuff.”

I stare at her in utter shock, my eyes wide and mouth parted. I don’t even know what to do with myself right now. I’m lost, so completely lost. I can’t feel anything other than my heart thundering in my chest. My body is utterly numb.

“I hope you know what you’re doing to me right now, Lizette,” I whisper harshly. “You are ruining me, do you hear me? I’ve never felt a hurt like this and it’s all your fault. You are killing everything inside of me and I will never forgive you for this.”

I turn and without looking back, grab my keys and walk out of her door for the final time. I will never be returning, my heart can’t take it. Devastation doesn’t even come close to what I am feeling right now. Words can’t describe the pain, the disappointment, and the betrayal she is causing me. I trust her with my heart and soul, and she just tears them out and stomps all over them like they mean absolutely nothing to her.

I get into my car and slam the door shut, jabbing the key into the ignition and starting it up. I angrily swipe away the tears on my face. I will not cry over her. She’s right about one thing, she doesn’t deserve me, I would never do something like this to her. I would never hurt her like this.

“FUUUUCCCKKK!!!” I scream, slamming my hands on the steering wheel a few times.

Panting, I slam the car into reverse and peel out of my parking spot before shoving it into drive and taking off out of the garage. There is only one place that I need to be right now - at home with my family. I make my way to the highway and head south. Fuck everything else right now. Nothing else matters. I need to get as far away from Lizette as possible, and taking a nice long drive might be good for me.

*Lizette*

I watch Beau’s back as he leaves. He slams the door shut so hard that a picture on the wall next to the door falls off, the glass spider webbing in the frame. A sob escapes me as I crumple to the floor. I sit under the window in the living room, knees pulled up to my chest, hugging myself as I bawl my eyes out. The pain in my heart is almost unbearable. What did I just do?

I’m not sure how long I’m there for but eventually the apartment door opens and I lift my head from my knees to see Dennis walk in. I forgot that he is supposed to be released from the VA hospital today. He glances down at the picture frame on the floor next to the door before lifting his eyes to meet mine. He stares at me in disbelief, shaking his head slowly. He walks into the living room and lets his bag slip from his shoulder.

He closes his eyes. With one hand on his hip, he presses his other fist to his mouth. He takes a couple of deep breaths and I can tell that he’s trying to control his anger. When he finally opens his eyes, I flinch at the fury in them.

“Please…please fucking tell me that you did not break up with Beau,” he says, his voice shaking from his barely controlled rage.

“I did,” I whisper before sobbing all over again.

“Goddammit, Lizette! What the fuck is wrong with you?” Dennis yells at me. “Why the hell would you do that?”

I shake my head. “I don’t know!” I cry, dropping my face into my hands.

“Un-fucking-believable!” He scoffs. I can hear him pacing around but I just don’t have the balls to look at him again. He is so mad at me right now.

“I don’t…fuck…I can’t even look at you right now,” he mutters.

His footsteps retreat to the door. I jump when it slams shut. Great, not only have I lost Beau, but also my own brother hates me now. I’m pretty sure that I just ruined my life by letting my pride make my decisions.

*Beau*

I just make it into Delaware when my phone rings. I look at the screen to see Dennis’ cell number. I swipe my thumb across the screen and put it to my ear.

“Hello?” I answer, shocking myself with the deadness of my tone.

“Shit, man, I am so sorry. I can’t believe she fucking did that to you,” Dennis says, sincerely upset.

“I…I’ve got nothing left, Dennis, I feel nothing,” I whisper.

“I’m so sorry, Beau. I know the hurt you’re feeling right now, believe me I do.”

“I know you do,” I croak. He’s probably felt worse.

“Where are you? Let me come get you, we’ll hang out,” Dennis offers.

“I’m on my way to West Virginia, I couldn’t stay in New York where she is.”

“Alright, alright, you take as long as you need, my man. Don’t let anyone push you into coming back before you’re ready. Call me if you need to talk. Dammit, I could kill her for this…fuck!” Dennis says, biting out the last word viciously.

“I’ll check in with you in a few days, okay?” I say.

“Yeah, sounds good. Be careful driving,” Dennis replies softly.

“I will.”

“Hey, we’re still okay, right? I mean, I don’t want to lose you as a friend because of her,” Dennis says, suddenly sounding vulnerable.

“You will never lose me as a friend Dennis, I promise,” I assure him. It’s not his fault his sister dumped me.

“Okay, good.”

“I’ll talk to you in a few days.”

“Alright, see you,” Dennis says.

“Bye,” I reply before hanging up.

I take a deep breath. I wasn’t lying to Dennis, we will forever be friends, and I will not let what Lizette did to me dictate whom I remain friends with. Dennis and I have something special and solid; no woman will ever come between us. I should probably call the guys and let them know what’s going on, but I’m just not ready to hear what they have to say, or for them to try to talk me into coming back to New York.

Chapter Twelve

*Beau*

I feel no better now than I did two weeks ago when my life crumbled down around me. I’m just going through the motions, not really feeling anything other than pain. I’m not angry anymore. I just hurt. All over. It’s a physical pain that I can’t get rid of. My whole body aches and no amount of aspirin will make it go away. Alcohol helps, so I’ve been getting drunk almost every night so that I can at least get some sleep. Otherwise, I would be up all night with my mind racing and thinking about things that I don’t want to think about.

“Hey, Beau, ma said to finish up then come get washed up before dinner,” Leila’s voice says, cutting through my thoughts.

I glance up to see her watching me, sadness in her bright blue eyes. She’s been looking at me like that since I got here. I really hate that she has to see her big brother this way, but I can’t help it. I give her a nod, letting her know that I heard her. She gives me a gentle smile before leaving me alone in the stable once again.

I step into Willow’s pen to clean it; hers is the last one that I have to do. She whinnies at me when I come in. I give her a pat on the nose before I go about shoveling the shit out of her pen. My mind wanders off - wondering what Lizette is doing, wondering if she’s moved on with her life already. Maybe she’s hurting as badly as I am? Who am I kidding, she’s the one who broke up with me. She doesn’t give a shit about me.

I bend over to shovel up a pile of poo and I realize too late the mistake that I made. Willow bucks, kicking her back legs out. I have absolutely no time to get out of the way. A hoof catches me in the face and my head explodes in pain. I have no idea what happens next because blackness takes over.

*Lizette*

My life has officially turned to shit - Dennis refuses to talk to me, the guys are all pissed off at me, and Beau is down in West Virginia for god knows how long. He is refusing to come back even though their tour is starting in a week. He’s already been down there for two weeks. My boss is up my ass wanting to know what the hell is going on with Beau and why he’s not returning to NY. I keep telling him that he’s having personal issues, but the excuse isn’t going to hold out much longer. On top of everything, my heart is completely broken. I not only broke Beau’s heart, but I broke my own. What the hell was I thinking breaking up with him? That’s just it, I wasn’t thinking. I was just acting on a promise that I made to myself. A selfish, ridiculous promise that should never have been made.

I didn’t realize until he was gone how much better Beau makes my life. I miss him so badly that I can barely think about anything else. I’ve thought about calling him, but I just don’t know what to say; “I’m sorry” just doesn’t seem like it’s enough. I am such an idiot. How stupid and bullheaded I was to think that I was doing the right thing by letting him go. The raw agony in his eyes the day he left still haunts me in my dreams. I love him so much. I will never forgive myself for what I did to him.

“Lizette, you have a call on line one,” Danielle’s voice says through the speaker on my phone.

“Can you take a message? I’m kind of busy,” I reply, really not in the mood to talk to anyone.

“It’s urgent. Regina Kennedy is on the line regarding Beau,” Danielle says insistently.

Dread pools in my stomach as I fumble with the phone, hastily picking up the call. I press the button for line one.

“Regina?” I ask in concern.

“Oh, Lizette! Thank god!” She sobs into the phone.

My heart starts racing and a cold sweat beads on my skin. “What’s wrong, Regina?”

“It’s Beau, there’s been a terrible accident,” she sniffs.

“What kind of accident?” I croak, pressing a shaking hand to my chest. I swear my heart is about to pound its way out.

“He was cleaning out the stables, walked up behind Willow and must have frightened her somehow; she kicked out, catching Beau in the face. He’s in bad shape, Lizette,” Regina cries softly. “He has a broken eye socket and nose, his lip was cut open and needed stitches, and he has a serious concussion.”

I close my burning eyes and press a fist to my mouth. I have a feeling that I know what happened. I bet he wasn’t paying attention to what he was doing and spooked the horse. Jesus Christ, I have to go to him; not only because I’m his manager but also because I love him.

“Lizette, are you still there?” Regina asks.

“Yes, I’m here,” I respond softly.

“I know what happened between you and Beau, but I think you should be here anyway for him, that’s why I called you.”

I choke back a sob. “Thank you, Regina. I’ll be on the first flight that I can get.”

“Okay, sweetie, see you soon.”

After I hang up, I have Danielle get me on the first flight to West Virginia. It’s in two hours, so I have plenty of time to go home, pack some stuff, and get to the airport. I call up Roland before I leave the office and tell him what happened. He agrees to call the rest of the guys and make arrangements for them to get there as soon as they can. More than likely, they will take a private jet to get there to avoid run ins with any fans.

When I get to my condo, I quickly tell Dennis what happened and he insists on coming with me, so I call Danielle and have her reserve another ticket. Over the month that Beau and I were together, and even after, Dennis and Beau formed a tight bond and a great friendship. I can never thank Beau enough for the way he’s helped Dennis get his life back together. As soon as we are packed, we race out the door and head for the airport.