Sweet Sins (5 page)

             
“Love on the Riverbank”, sounds like a story I could write one day, the one about us.”

             
Later that week, she landed her first voice on camera part. She thought if there were no tomorrow, she would have felt that she had lived. Her childhood desire to be on stage, or any part of the glorious limelight haunted her. She was at home when she was doing anything at all in the entertainment field. She felt lucky to be picked. It was just a 30 second local bank commercial but she was delighted. Adam, the boys and now this, she felt she could not ask for more. It was the ride of her life and she wanted to hang on tight. Obstacles lay everywhere in their path before they could truly be together but she had to have hope.

             
She let herself into his condo with the key that was always hidden outside. Although she felt slightly uncomfortable about her unannounced intrusion, she was so thrilled about being picked for the commercial; she had to share it with him. She poured herself a Rum and Coke and waited. It was 4:00PM; he should arrive from work soon.

             
She had bought him black satin sheets for his kind size bed and now lay across them dreaming of him. Adam liked dark colors because he said they reflected his moods. The one dark spot in their relationship was his intermittent radical moodiness. During those brief times, she remained silent and just waited it out. They didn’t happen often and she hoped today he was in a great mood and that her presence would be welcome. He was not expecting her and she knew he had other plans but she would stay just long enough to tell him the news.

        
              She poured herself another drink and looked at the clock. She had expected him anytime now. She had never been in his condo alone before. Flicking on some music, she sat on the couch sipping her drink. She was tempted to look at some of his things. Conflicted about this, she decided against it until she had finished her second drink. It would be all right if she just peeked a bit.

             
Entering the bedroom, she gingerly opened the top drawer. She wasn’t sure what she expected to see but it wasn’t Patty Jo’s intimate apparel. She had assumed that if Patty was living elsewhere that she would have her belongings with her and that they now wouldn’t be there for her sad eyes to see.  She was slightly shaken. The drawer overflowed with erotic undergarments, the type she didn’t have. She was a little too timed for that. Reality was slapping her in the face now and she began to sweat. She constantly blocked their marital status and somehow because they seemed so in love, the presence of two legally bound partners didn’t matter. But, of course, it did matter and it was dynamite waiting to be lit.

             
She had seen the evidence of photos in the corner and dared not look. She knew if she did, she would probably see them in her dreams. But after still another drink, she went back. Picking up the photos, she saw how provocative and beautiful Patty Jo was. She knew he wouldn’t be married to an unattractive woman but she regretted seeing how stunning she was. Pictures of them together, barley clad, were scattered on the bottom of the drawer. She felt guilty now for this was private and worse, it made her almost physically ill to see her love in the arms of someone else. She had no right to feel that way, she was his wife and Arianna, she was…well, what actually was she.

             
She wondered now why he was here with her. What had gone wrong in their marriage? They had never spoken of either of their problems, as if it were some forbidden territory they were afraid to enter. For her, it was tragically simple, married too young, a teenager and to someone she thought of more as a friend than a lover. Escape, at any cost out of the conditions of her home, was always on her mind from a small child.

             
After seeing Adam and his wife’s pictures, her enthusiasm about her news had waned and all she felt like doing was leaving. Something inside of her, though, refused to accept this harsh reality and she began thinking again of her true love and the love they made together. Her passions bubbling like volcanic lava within her. When her mental state was blissful, she lived in Oz. When she was intensely hurt, her bleakness was a spiraling abyss in the darkness of space. She believed one day she would just explode like a dwarf star from the push and pull within her.

             
She curled up against the familiar sheets, his scent lingering there and waited.

             
“Arianna, what the…what are you doing here? What’s going on? It must be something or you wouldn’t just show up here. Is it serious?”

             
“I know I shouldn’t have intruded without letting you know first but I had a fantastic day. Something awesome happened and I just had to tell you. I made a TV commercial today. I was the only one in the spot and I was paid $500 for just about an hour’s worth of work. Imagine that. It’s just thrilling. I don’t make that kind of money in two weeks working for Jackie at her agency.”

             
“Damn, girl, that’s great! You’re a regular artist. I know you always talk about your modeling but I thought it was like a hobby. You are a little short to be a model, aren’t you? I’m happy as hell for you. You know, someday I’m gonna’ do something great and you’ll be with me when I do.”

             
“You are right about that, where else would I be but with you. My height, yeah, and I’m kind of small breasted too but there are other things I can do that the height doesn’t matter and so far I have been lucky enough to do a few brochures and some print ads. I’ve been complimented on my voice and have done voice overs for cash flow and I love doing the radio spots.”

             
“You have a voice like Bacardi and Coke, smooth as silk and a little lusty, just like an engine kicking in at the start of a race.”

             
“That’s an interesting thing to say, thanks. That’s one of the things I love about you, you don’t think like anyone else.  A couple of unorthodox souls we are, united by our mutual allures.”

             
“I’ll cancel dinner with my Mum and we’ll go to Armand’s or wherever you like. Let’s go celebrate.”

             
“No, don’t do that. Your Mom probably has everything ready for you, but I’d like to wait here for you to come home, if that’s OK?”

             
Adam called his Mom while she lay against him, happy.

             
“Mum, I’m gonna’ be a little late and I’m bringing someone with me.”

             
Her eyes popped as she motioned to him, no, no.

             
“Yes, Mum, I know Patty Jo might show up. Yeah, I know I’m still married but I want you to meet her. You know how I feel about her.”

             
“Adam, honestly, no…I don’t know how to act, what to do around your Mom. I understand that she won’t feel comfortable knowing that we are both married and not to each other. That would freak me out too if it were my kids.”

             
“Girl, girl, settle donn, settle donn.”

             
Adam’s Pennsylvania accent was charming to her and she would love to meet his Mom but she was so uncomfortable.

             
“Look, don’t worry. She’s one of a kind. She loves everybody and she will love you. I know her. She’s an awesome Mum. You’ll have a good time, I promise.”

             
About ten minutes later they had already arrived at his mother’s home. Reluctantly, she tip toed across the threshold.

             
A rotund figure in a flowery dress beckoned her in.

             
“Come on in, come on, don’t just stand there kids, the dinner’s getting cold. I’m not going to bite you,” said Mrs. Ryder jovially.

             
She had smiling eyes, was well tanned and had a gleaming white smile. Her endearing welcome made Arianna feel a little better. She would learn to love her for there were so many reasons to.  Her belly laugh could shake the house, it was so contagious and her graciousness was unlike any other she had known. She found herself laughing along without even knowing why but she made all around her feel special. She piled high on her plate the dinner she had made of roast beef and potatoes and mounds of grave. Even though she was only expecting Adam, she had cooked enough for ten people (that was her way).

             
“Eat, eat, you are too thin and you too Adam. Please, please, kids, eat a lot, I have plenty and I’ll get the dessert next. I made those pastries you like.”

             
“Mum, can you get us both a Bacardi and Coke?”

             
“Adam, why don’t you do it? Your Mom’s been doing everything else.”

             
“No, no, she likes to do it. Don’t you Mum?”

             
“I’ll get you the drinks, don’t worry about it. Adam, I found a fruit rat in the bathroom. Jesus Maria, I almost died, I tell you. Imagine that, Jesus Maria a rat in the house. And then all this rain, I’m afraid it will flood again. You remember the floor we had. I tell you, Adam; I can’t go through another flood. This stress is killing me,” she said as she wiped the sweat from her forehead.

             
“Mum, not the flood again, not on Arianna’s first night here.”

             
She started laughing as she sauntered back to the table and sat sipping her drink. She liked a good strong drink so hers looked more like spritzer and rum.

             
With her Pennsylvania accent, she said, “OK, OK. You two go on and get out of here. I’ll whoorsh the supper dishes and clean up. Take some food with you. I hope you kids know what you’re doing—Jesus Maria, God Bless us all.”

             
“Your Mom is such a sweetheart. She’s just like you, one of a kind.”

             
“Come here, girl,” he said as he pulled her as close as they could get in the Mustang’s bucket seats.

             
“I guess you could say she’s my best friend besides my Mum. She’s spoiled me ever since I was a kid. After my Dad died, she started drinking. I had never seen her take a drink before that, she just had her cup of Joe. Since that tragic day, she went sailing over the edge. I would stay with her at night and she would cry and cry. It would flip me out because I didn’t know how to help her. Sometimes she would just drink until she fell asleep and then I would go out. She never even knew it but I would stay out sometimes most of the night partying and trying to forget. I wonder how I made it through school with the way I burned myself out.”

             
“You know my Dad worked sweaty, long hard hours all his life. He and Mum owned a restaurant in Pennsylvania. They just passed in the night sometime. My Mum would take one shift and he another. Florida was always their retirement destination. My siblings were already grown and married when they moved here. I was the youngest and still at home. I was just 15 when we arrived here and one week later, my Dad was dead. I was with him; he died in my arms calling my name. We were at the motocross races when he had a heart attack. I was just a kid and I didn’t know what to do. By the time the ambulance came, he was gone.”             

             
Arianna watched him intently as his face twisted with pain. He looked old right now, old and weary. This was the first time he had confided anything to her about that day.
              “It must have been overwhelming to watch your father die. I couldn’t even begin to imagine how painful that must have been. Do you still think about it a lot?”

             
“Sure, especially sometimes when I’m at the track. I push so hard I feel like I’m in a demolition race instead of motocross. I have a lot of anger about it. I was only 15; most kids have their fathers much longer than that. I sometimes wonder if I had known CPR back then if I could have saved him. There’s a lot of guilt in me about that.  It still rips me up to think about it. That didn’t talk about or teach stuff like that back then. It’s just a painful memory, it probably always will be.”

Chapter VII

Betrayal

              Arianna was alone when she returned. The children would not be back till the morning. She put on Dylan, not because she liked him that much, but because it reminded her of him. She always felt the need to be as close to him as she could even if he wasn’t there. Lying in bed, the soft hue of the moonlight peering through the drapes, she could not stop thinking about the way he looked today. He had finally invited her to watch him race. How rugged and fine he looked, grappling with the bike, bouncing over rough terrain. His muscles were bulging beneath his hard tan body that had been splashed with mud. He had such a power over her that if he whispered her name from a mile away, she felt she could hear it and would come running to him.