Authors: Wendy Higgins
“You have only one safe option,”
he says.
“Get married.”
Wait . . . what . . . ? There's no fucking way he just said that. Everyone is staring back and forth between me and Anna, and
Anna is looking at her father as if he's spoken an alien language. She's shaking her head in disbelief.
“We can't,” she says. “I have to stay a virgin. The swordâ”
“No.”
Belial lowers himself so he's eye to eye with his daughter but projects his thoughts on me, as well.
“You have to stay pure of heart, Anna. What's more pure than committing yourselves in love?”
“But . . .” Anna's head slowly swivels to mine. His words replay in my ears and the only ones I hear are
purity
and
marriage
.
“No.” I stumble back. Those words are Anna, not me. They can never be me. “It won't work.”
Belial is wrong. He's desperate and he hasn't thought this through. If I join myself with Anna, I will be one degree of separation from the Sword of Righteousness. It will sense me through her. It's smart.
“I'm sorry, Duke Belial. I can't marry.”
I cannot even believe he'd think this was viable. Does he not remember how he'd wanted to keep me away from her? His reasons, the acts of my past, still live inside me. I can't let this mistake happen.
“Don't be stupid, Kai,” Ginger says. “There's no time for this. If it can save you both, you need to do it.”
No. They're all watching me like I'm being unreasonable, but they don't get it. I'm too ashamed to even look at Anna, but surely she'll understand. The stakes are too high to take this sort of chance.
“Duke Astaroth will be able to see the bond of marriage,” I remind them.
“Well, he'll see the bond of love between you, which is just as bad,” Gin says.
Has the entire world gone mad? A million pounds of pressure are suddenly stacked on my shoulders and I turn, shoving my hands into my hair, struggling to breathe.
Marrying Anna . . . being with her in all the ways we so desperately want . . .
Blake steps closer. “Dude, come onâ”
“Don't pressure him,” Anna says, hurt in her voice. “If he doesn't want to do it, he shouldn't have to.”
What? She's got it all wrong.
“Anna . . .”
“It's okay,” she says. “It was a bad idea.”
Does she understand, then? Or is she being passive-aggressive? Am I the only one who sees the danger here?
“It's not a bad idea,” Marna pipes in. “Really, Kai. Why the hell not?”
I don't want to argue with her. “Marnaâ”
“That's pants!” she shouts. “What's the problem?”
I turn to face her. “She can't tie herself to a bloke like me and expect to come out of it white as snow. It won't work!”
Marna's eyes soften as if she's finally getting it. But then she says, “She loves you. And you love her. You're not going to soil her soul, babe.”
What if I do? “My past has to be taken into account.”
“Your past is in the past,” Anna says. “And it's not going to . . . rub off on me or something. You know it doesn't work like that.”
Do I? Because I've always had the Midas touch, only the
things I touch don't turn to gold. They turn to ruin and brokenness and depression. It's one thing to dream of being with Anna, but to actually take that chance is too much. I feel the eyes of the room on me and realize I'm alone in my way of thinking.
In the next moment, Belial is in my face, his horned head large and fierce.
“Don't play games with me, boy. Do you love her or not?”
he hisses.
One glance at the others in the room and their wonder makes it clear I'm the only one hearing this conversation.
“Yes, I love her.”
I press this thought at him silently.
“Then what is your fear?”
I swallow.
“That once she's been with me, she'll not be able to use the sword. Because of who I am, because of what I've done.”
“You have to let go of that fear. Let go of your past, and focus on your love. You are changed, and it's time to embrace your future. You're not that same self-serving boy I drove away from my daughter. Marry her and buy yourselves time to fulfill this prophecy. Otherwise Pharzuph will find her and learn the truth. This is what will keep her safe. Do you understand?”
He sounds so certain, but it feels impossible. A wedding? Anna deserves the whole nine yards, but that can't happen.
“With all respect, Duke Belial, we don't have time for a wedding.”
“Leave the details to me.”
“Butâ”
“If you love her,”
his voice rumbles in my ear, “
you will marry her. End of discussion.”
Everyone's eyes are still on me, suffocating me. “I need some time to myself,” I mutter. I need air.
I turn and make a beeline for the back door, flinging it open and letting the sea breeze blast me with its warmth. I stand on the edge of Blake's deck, staring out at the magnitude of the Pacific Ocean, and allow myself to feel small.
Marry Anna.
Perhaps that is what Belial had in mind all along. For someone, hopefully Kope, to secretly marry Anna and keep her safe from my father. But Anna and Kope didn't fall in love, did they? No, it was me.
All my life I've been selfish. I don't trust the instinct inside me, shouting,
Yes, make her yours and finally be with her!
What if I only want this for selfish reasons? I press my thumbs into my eyes and think of Anna up there on the stage at the summit in New York so long ago. I remember the fear when I was so certain Duke Rahab would kill her. My only thought was that my knife would be through his head before his finger could reach the trigger.
I am capable of selflessness.
I close my eyes. Time to sort out the facts.
I'm the only man who Anna loves. And I'm the only man who loves her. Therefore, only
I
can do this for her. The fact that it will fill me with immeasurable joy does not make me selfish. It makes me a living, breathing man with something worth living for.
I'm tired of being ruled by fear.
I fill my chest with fresh air and turn to go back inside and face my future. Anna meets me at the door, and the sight of
her is exhilarating. I take her hand and she twines her fingers between mine. I lead her down to Blake's theater room, my favorite place in this mansion.
We sit in the red velvet chairs and I turn to face her, still holding her hand. I'm nearly bursting with all I want to say. But Anna opens her mouth first.
“Look, I don't know what my dad said to you, but don't let him pressure you. You don't have to do this. I'll find a way to hide from Pharzuph.”
Before I address what her father said to me, I need to make something clear. “You can't hide from him forever, Anna.”
“Yes, but I don't want that to be our sole reason for getting married.”
I look down at our joined hands. Fear may have prompted this decision, but is it the driving factor behind it? Would Belial give his blessing if we weren't in peril? Would I care?
“I'm telling him no,” she says.
My eyes snap to her. I'm doused with loss. She tries to stand, but I grip her hands. “You don't want to get married?” Is she having doubts?
“Of course I want to, but you have to want it, too. And it has to be for the right reasons.”
“I'd do anything for youâto keep you safe,” I try to explain. “When I think of what those sons of Thamuz could've doneâ”
“Wrong reason,” Anna whispers. “We can't do this.”
She tries again to pull away, and I want to curse myself. I'm not explaining myself well. I'm better at talking in facts than feelings.
“Annaâ”
“Let me go, Kai.” Shite, now she's upset. I'm mucking it up.
“No, please,” I beg. “God, I'm just not good at this, luv. Any of it. I know this is something you've always wanted.”
She closes her eyes. “That was a long time ago. When I thought I was normal. I never wanted it to be like this.”
I don't want it like this for her either, rushed and secretive. I want her dreams to all come true.
“That's what I tried to tell your father. We've no time to plan a fancy ceremony or to have a gown tailoredâ”
“Whoa, stop.” She holds up a hand and gives me a strange look. “I don't need any of that fairy-tale stuff. It's the marriage that matters to me, not the wedding. As long as our hearts are in the right place, we could be in pajamas for all I care.”
“But . . . I wanted to give you all that.” I watch her pretty face, trying to figure out what can make this right. What does she want?
“Kai, please, tell me what you're thinking. We don't have much time, and we have to make a decision.”
A decision? Does she think I haven't decided?
“I . . .”
She's watching me, searching my face for something. The only thing I can think to give her is so simple. So traditional. So
not me
. I slide down to one knee, still holding her hand, and look up at her. “My sweet, lovely Anna. I love you . . . and I want to marry you.” Wait, I don't think I said that bit right. Shite, I was supposed to
ask
her, not
tell
her, as if it's all about me. “But only if you want to. Do you? I mean, will you?”
Spit it out!
“Marry me?”
She breaks into exultant laughter and falls to her knees
with me, grabbing my face and pressing her soft lips to mine. We kiss over and over, but still she hasn't responded.
“Does it always take this long for someone to answer? It's making me bloody nervous.”
She pulls back and meets my eyes, filled with mirth. “Yes, Kai. I'll marry you.”
Sweeter words have never been uttered. This time I kiss her, and I wrap my arms around her to keep from trembling. I've never felt happiness like this. When our mates burst through the door, cheering, all I can do is grin like an idiot and say, “So much for privacy.”
Nothing,
nothing
can bother me at this moment, because I'm going to marry Anna Whitt. I'm going to love her and protect her and keep her safe any way that I can.
And it just so happens that the key to keeping her safe from my father is to shag her senseless.
I think I can handle that.
“My walls are falling and my white flag is high,
I've surrendered to the feeling inside.”
â“The Only One” by Hot Chelle Rae
E
veryone takes off and I'm left standing at Blake's, a bit shell-shocked, blinking into the bright sun. What do blokes do to prepare for weddings? I rack my brain, thinking about grooms in commercials. Tuxedos are out. I could get her a garter. . . .
Wait. Rings! Brilliant. And, where will we go afterward? We'll need a honeymoon suite somewhere. Look at me, already a pro at this husband business.
The first place that comes to mind is the one place Anna wanted to see that I didn't get to take her toâthe place I've only seen alone when I was at the lowest point in my life. Seeing it with Anna at my side will, no doubt, be a different experience. It's time to set things right.
I do an internet search for Grand Canyon honeymoon destinations. Of course the best places have no vacancies tonight. I get on the phone with the owner of a set of luxury cabins.
“I'm so sorry, but we're all booked.”
I put on my most polite English voice. “Yes, but I'm wondering if you can point me in the direction of anyone who might have a place. I know it's late notice. I'll literally pay
any
price they ask for one night. It's my wedding night, you see. Sort of an impromptu wedding because we're facing some rather worrisome issues.” I clear my throat and shut my eyes.
“Oh, dear.” The woman is quiet. “Well . . . there's our personal vacation cabin. . . .”
My eyes snap open. “I'd hate to put you out, miss.”
“We don't usually rent it out, but you sound like a nice young man. I suppose one night would be okay.”
I exhale a giant sigh and grin. “You are an angel. Thank you. I mean it. We'll take good care of it.”
She sounds happy. “Let me make some calls and I'll give you the lock code.”
I finish talking to the Grand Canyon angel, hoping her cabin is as beautiful as the ones posted online.
Next I scan through local jewelers on my mobile and head to the closest shop. As I browse at the counter, looking around for whisperers all the while, one thing becomes quickly apparent: I cannot buy Anna a diamond. They scream of matrimony. Every one of these sparklies would attract attention, even if she wore it on a different finger or hand. And the men's bands are quite obvious as well.
This could take a while. I call Marna to help with some other things I won't have time for.
“What can I do for you, darling?” she asks.
“I need clothes for tomorrow. I didn't pack enough and I'm running low on time. Can you manage?”
“Absolutely. Anything else?”
“Food, perhaps.” I give her my sizes and get back to ring shopping.
In my search I happen upon a funky shop with artistic, handmade pieces. The prices are astronomical, but I don't care. In fact, I'm glad to spend a lot on something to commemorate this day.
I consult the almighty Google to learn of Anna's May birthstone, the emerald. Almost immediately my eye is drawn to a small ring with Celtic vines knotted around a circular emerald. The shop woman takes it out for me.
“What size do you need?” she asks.
Size? I haven't the slightest clue.
“Er, small?”
“This one is five and a quarter,” she says. “It's a rather small size. It won't fit on my hand.” She holds her hand out for me to see, and it's definitely larger than Anna's. I don't want to mess this up, but I haven't much choice. The look of it is perfect.
She shows me the men's rings next and I gravitate to the thick black tribal designs. I point to the most wicked-looking one, the design etched into silver just like Anna's.
“I'll take them both.”
I scan the clear skies as I leave the shop with our rings. Our
wedding
rings
.
I shake my head and drive for the airport.
Blake's plane is killer, roomier than Father's jet, with that new leather smell.
He welcomes me aboard with a grin and a salute.
“This is brilliant, mate.”
He crosses his arms, peering around. “Yeah, being the son of Envy has its advantages.”
“Bloody right,” I say, setting down my bag.
“Well, we're all fueled up and ready to go when everyone gets here.”
My insides dip with a fluttery, falling sensation and I grip the top of the seat I'm standing near. Blake laughs.
“You nervous, man? Don't puke on the upholstery.”
“I won't,” I mutter, forcing myself to straighten. I've no reason to be feeling strange.
Except perhaps for the fact that I'm going to be a
husband
. This wasn't exactly something I envisioned for myself. It was never in my nature to commit. Anna's shown me it's okay to hope for something more, to want something better. The things I was taught to think of as weaknesses I now recognize as strengths. I can't explain why I'm so jittery when everything feels so
right
. I just don't want to bung it up.
“So, what's the plan?” Blake asks. “You thought about where I should take you guys afterward?”
“Yeah.” I tell him about the Grand Canyon. He fist-bumps me again before returning to the cockpit to ready the plane.
I sit at the open space in the back where I can rest my head in my hands and think for a minute. I want this to be perfect for Anna.
I've sat like that a long while, trying to get rid of these ridiculous nerves, when I hear feminine giggles coming up the jet steps. The twins burst through the doors, Marna chipper and Ginger looking exhausted. Behind them is Anna, and
when I see her staring around the cabin in awe, I remember who I'm dealing with here. Anna is not your picky perfectionist. My girl finds beauty in the small things. Seeing her puts me at ease. I lean back and watch her, one hand behind my head.
She's changed into a white, summery halter dress that makes me want to drool. It also makes me wish I'd at least changed my clothes. Blond layers lay across her shoulders. Her dress is open at the back, revealing tanned, smooth skin in stark contrast against the white. The silky material hugs her, flowing down to her ankles. She is a sight.
I'm going to strip that dress from her body tonight. Along with everything underneath it.
Behind Anna, Marna holds up a bag, pointing to it.
I downloaded mood music!
she signs.
I raise my eyebrows and give her an unenthusiastic thumbs-up. I hope she's grown out of her love of boy bands.
Anna finally finds me, and her smile disappears as our eyes meet. My confidence returns, obliterating all traces of nerves. I'm going to take care of this girl in every possible way. Judging by how she nibbles her lip, she knows it.
I lift a hand to call her over. Moments later she's standing before me, the dress accentuating her waist.
“Hey,” she says, a bit bashful.
“Hey, yourself. You're stunning. I feel like a slob.”
She looks me over, taking me in. “You always look good.” Her shy smile melts me.
I ignore Gin's gagging noises from where she's sitting nearby, and I wrap my hands around Anna's hips, leading her
toward me. She sits beside me, lifting her hair, fanning herself with a shaking hand.
I take that hand and place a soft kiss in her palm.
Don't be nervous
, I sign to her with my other hand.
Her face still looks pinched with tension, so I pull her onto my lap and she lays her head on my shoulder.
“Are you sure about this?” Her whisper is warm against my neck.
“I am,” I assure her. “Are you?”
“Yes.”
Well, there you have it.
Blake ambles out of the cockpit and I circle a finger in the air as if to say,
Let's go.
He nods his agreement. The sooner we're in the air where the whisperers don't venture, the better.
We all take our seats, and fifteen minutes later we're lifting off smoothly. I'm rather impressed with Blake's flying skills. Once we've reached our altitude, Blake puts the plane on autopilot and joins us, as the girls freak out about it. It's quite humorous, and I can't help chuckling, relieved to have all my closest mates by my side.
When we stand, I'm racked with nerves again, and I hope it doesn't show.
“I didn't prepare vows or anything,” Anna says. “I guess we're just winging it?”
Vows? Was I supposed to do that?
Blake shakes out a piece of paper and my worry subsides. He's printed out traditional vows, and he even got an official license to marry us, per Belial's suggestion. But leave it to Blake not to be serious.
He puffs out his chest and declares, “Dearly beloved!” like an old, Southern minister.
We all lose it. And shite, I don't realize how blazin' tense I am until we're all falling over with laughter.
“All right,” Blake says when we finally calm down. He looks at me. “For real this time. Keep your eyes on Anna and repeat after me. You ready?”
I run my hands through my hair, frustrated by this persistent nervousness. Nothing has ever been this important to me. I've been thinking of this as Anna's special day, but as I exhale sharply and take her hands again, I realize I want this as much as she does. I lock eyes with Anna and prepare to vow my love and loyalty to her alone. My voice drops an octave as I fight back emotion.
“I, Kaidan, take you, Anna, to be my wedded wife. To have and to hold from this day forward, for better or worse, for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health.” I struggle to get the next words out. “. . . till death do us part.”
Anna's eyes drift closed, forcing tears to roll out. I quickly wipe them and whisper, “No tears, luv.”
Her chin quavers but she nods. We grip hands tighter. Her voice is pure and angelic when she says her vows, and I let each word soak into my skin, through muscle and bone, into my very soul where I'll cherish them for eternity.
She beams up at me when she finishes, and my broad smile matches hers.
“Time for the rings,” Blake says.
Anna's face falls. “Oh, I didn'tâ”
“Don't worry,” I say, reaching into my pocket. I know she
is a reasonable girl, I hope too reasonable to expect diamonds, but I'm still anxious about her reaction. I open my palm to show her.
“I figured we'd have to wear these on our opposite hands after today,” I explain when she says nothing. “And since it's our secret, I decided on your birthstone instead of a diamond. I had to guess your size.”
She stares a moment longer before grinning up at me. “I love it.” The awe in her voice makes me stand taller.
I hand her the men's band and we exchange rings, sliding them on to each other's fingers as a symbol of our love and commitment.
Blake claps a hand onto my shoulder. “Now for the good part. You may kiss your bride.”
“'Bout time,” I say, leaning forward to seal the most important moment of my life.
“No tongue!” Gin shouts.
“Yes tongue!” Marna counters.
Oh, for the love ofâ
Anna flings her arms about my neck and snogs me good to shut them up. Marna and Blake cheer and Ginger snorts. I drown them out and focus on Anna's lips.
We press our foreheads together, and her eyes sparkle with glee.
“Did we really just do that?” I ask.
She smiles and nods and bursts into excited giggles. I grab her around the waist and lift her up, kissing her again, fighting the instinct to take her straight into the loo for a bit of privacy.
“Should I be this turned on by a wedding?” I ask.
“You get turned on when the wind blows!” Ginger says with a laugh.
Right enough. Anna laughs and I grin at her.
We're all a bit mad at that moment, as if we've had loads to drink, though in fact we're sober as nuns. I suppose that's how rebellion feelsâliving with purposeâlike each second is monumental and full. I soak it in, because I'm not fool enough to think it will last forever. But it's ours now, all ours.