Sweet Tomorrows (16 page)

“Men aren't worth the hassle,” she said.

“Amen,” I agreed and then grew concerned. “You okay?” I asked.

“Yeah, I'm fine. I…I don't think it's going to work out for me and Nick, but I'm fine with that.”

From the disappointed look he had when I'd told him Emily was unavailable, I wasn't convinced he felt the same way. It seemed to me that he would like to settle whatever it was that had come between them. When it came to romantic advice, I was no expert and so I said nothing.

I laid an old sheet out on the floor to protect the tile and noticed Emily was lost in her thoughts, staring off into space.

“He stopped by, you know.”

Her head swiveled toward me. “Again? More than that one time?”

“No, just that once.”

“Oh.”

I was unsure how to interpret that and decided to drop the subject.

While Emily might have had a fatalistic attitude, I wasn't convinced this was what she wanted. For the last four days she'd moped around the inn and hadn't once eaten a decent meal. She wanted me to believe her mood and lack of appetite were due to her injury, but I'd suspected otherwise. She was strongly attracted to Nick and evidence told me he felt the same. I couldn't imagine what had gone wrong.

We worked together all afternoon, and by dinnertime we'd basically finished the job. The kitchen looked great, the soft yellow was warm and inviting, just the way I wanted my home to be for my guests.

When we'd finished cleaning up and washed our supplies, I heated up the homemade tomato soup and grilled us toasted cheese sandwiches. We each made a show of eating.

Pretending I was tired, I went to my room and Emily bid me good night and left for her own room. It seemed we both had things we needed to mull over.

I didn't hear from Greg again on Sunday or Monday. Actually, after some soul searching I was fine with his decision. It was better to snip whatever was growing between us early in the relationship. I was disappointed, but it would hurt far less now than it would at some point in the future, especially if we continued the way we had been.

Wednesday evening Greg phoned. I saw his number on caller ID and closed my eyes before answering.

“Hi,” I said.

“Hi.”

He hesitated and I figured that wasn't a good sign.

“I've done a lot of thinking in the last few days.”

I bit into my lower lip. “I figured as much.”

“It's been over three years since Julie died and, Jo Marie, I haven't felt anything for another woman the way I feel about you. I'm sorry if I overreacted on Sunday and I'm hoping you'll give me another chance.”

I exhaled a lengthy sigh. “I'd like that, Greg.”

“So would I,” he said.

Two weeks had passed since I'd twisted my ankle and I was able to walk just fine. Other than the one visit when I'd made an excuse not to talk to Nick, I hadn't heard from him again. It was for the best, especially since he now knew the truth about me. Logically, I knew that, but it still hurt. As best I could, I put him out of my mind, not that I had much success.

I hadn't gone back to running, telling myself I needed to give the ankle a rest for fear of straining it again. The truth was I wanted to avoid any chance encounter with Nick.

As summer was winding down and I still hadn't found a house to purchase, I figured in the interim my best bet was to look for an apartment or a rental house. I enjoyed living with Jo Marie, but she'd agreed to let me stay only for the summer.

Rather than feeling rushed into making a regrettable decision, I located an apartment complex close to Cedar Ridge Elementary and signed a six-month lease starting September first. That way the pressure was off. I could take my time looking for property and refused to settle for less than what I wanted.

Dana, the real estate agent I'd been working with, had exhausted all the available homes for sale in my price range in the Cedar Cove area, and we'd decided to extend our search south to Gig Harbor and north to Silverdale. If I found what I wanted there, then eventually I'd need to transfer to another school in one of those districts rather than commute. There was nothing tying me to Cedar Cove. Sure, I enjoyed the town and the few friends I'd made, but I'd do just as well in either of the other communities Dana had mentioned.

I was getting ready to meet her when Jo Marie announced I had company. She wore a big smile, and I should have guessed who it was from that alone.

When I came into the foyer, I found Nick, holding a bag of cookies. I blinked and my heart took off for another time zone at a speed that made me breathless.

“Hey,” he said in the typical way he greeted me.

I shouldn't have been this happy, but holding back a smile would have been impossible. My heart slammed repeatedly against my ribs to the point I was sure he would notice. “You brought me cookies,” I said once I found my voice.

“They're store-bought.”

My smile grew even bigger.

His smile faded and his eyes grew serious. “I figured it was time you and I talked.”

I glanced at my watch and sighed with disappointment. “I'd like that, Nick, I really would. Unfortunately, I've got an appointment.”

“You can't make it for another time?”

“Sorry, no. I canceled the last appointment with Dana when I twisted my ankle.”

“And Dana is?” He raised his brow with the question.

“My real estate agent.”

“That's right, you mentioned you're buying property; I'd forgotten.”

“I haven't had much success.”

“Where are you looking?”

“We're going to Silverdale this afternoon.”

He frowned. “I thought you said you have a job here in Cedar Cove.”

“I do, but if I find a house I like in Silverdale I'll find a position in the Central Kitsap School District next year.”

“Why would you do that?”

“Well, because I wouldn't need to make the commute.” Certainly he could appreciate that.

His forehead creased with a frown. “I thought you liked Cedar Cove. I don't want you to move.”

I didn't want to move, either, but it was what it was.

“I'm serious, Emily. Please, don't move.”

The doorbell rang then, and before I could answer, Nick took it upon himself to open the door. Dana stood on the other side and blinked back her surprise when she saw Nick.

His eyes widened. “I know you,” he announced. “You're that agent who kept coming to the house.”

Dana's gaze shot to me and then back to Nick. “You have a wonderful piece of property. If you ever decide to put it on the market, I hope you'll consider letting me list it for you.”

Nick glared back at her. “The house isn't for sale, and furthermore, Emily apologizes but she needs to cancel her appointment with you this afternoon.”

“Dana,” I said from behind him, waving my arm above my head. “I'll be right out.” Then, turning to Nick, I glared at him and simply shook my head. “I'm not canceling this appointment.”

He wasn't happy, but he had no choice but to accept my decision. “If you're doing this to avoid me, it isn't going to work. We're talking and the sooner the better.”

“I agree we need to talk,” I said as evenly as my pounding heart would allow. “I'll stop by your place once I'm back.” I checked my watch. “Give me two hours.”

He reluctantly nodded. “All right, you've got two hours.”

I rolled my eyes at how dictatorial he was being, and when he saw me he grinned; I hated to admit how strongly attracted I was to his smile. To him. I didn't like that I was, but there was no going back now.

“I'll be waiting, but Dana should know looking at houses in Silverdale is a waste of time.”

“Whatever.” I tossed the word over my shoulder as I walked out the door with Dana.

Two and a half hours later I showed up at the house on Bethel. Nick met me at the door. “You find a house you want to buy?”

“No.” Dana was getting more discouraged with me, and frankly, I was irritated with myself. Every house I'd seen I'd found lacking in some way. Nothing I saw suited me for a variety of reasons. I was beginning to lose hope.

“You need to stay in Cedar Cove.”

So he kept insisting. I wasn't here to argue, so I let him have the last word.

Although he seemed to feel us clearing the air was a high priority, he led me into the house. “You want to see what I've done in the kitchen since you were last here?” he asked.

“Sure.” I did my best to hide how nervous I was. I held on to my purse strap, which was tossed over my shoulder. My fingers curled around it like it was a lifeline.

As soon as I set foot across the threshold, Nick turned me around and hugged me close. He rubbed his chin over the top of my head in a gentle way that reminded me of how my mother petted her cat, in a loving, caring manner. And just like her cat, I resisted the urge to purr. After a moment, Nick buried his face in my neck and seemed to inhale the scent of me. After a few moments, he raised his head.

Speechless, I stared up at him.

He blinked and looked apologetic. “You really are beautiful.”

I lowered my gaze and pressed my hands against his shoulders, levering myself away from him. “Nick,” I said, shocked at how weak my voice was, “have you given any thought to what I told you?”

“I've thought of little else but you, Em. Why did you refuse to see me? We could have settled this days ago.”

I brushed my hand over his shoulder as if it was necessary to straighten his shirt. “I…I wasn't ready. I needed time to sort through my own feelings, to think about my future. You needed more time, too. If we move forward, then I wanted you to be sure.”

“You're right.”

At least we were in agreement with that.

“I've thought about little else in the time since we talked.” His eyes bored into mine, his face open, honest, and sincere. “I can appreciate what it cost you to tell me. I don't know what happened in the past, but from the way you spoke I know you were badly hurt.”

Holding my breath tightened my chest as I waited.

He dragged in a deep breath and seemed to hold it. “One day I will want children, Em.” I saw the regret in his eyes, the pang of conscience knowing what he said would hurt me. His arms tightened around my back as if to hold back the floodgates of emotion.

Shockingly, for the first few seconds I felt nothing. Then in quick succession it seemed as if the entire world came to a skidding halt. It almost felt like an out-of-body experience that I was watching from a viewpoint on the ceiling or someplace else other than where I stood.

Pride refused to let me show him how devastated his decision made me, and at the same time I experienced a surge of gratitude for his honesty.

One would think I should have been better prepared, seeing what had happened with Jayson. Even now I felt a tinge of pain when he came to mind. Jayson had taught me everything I'd ever wanted to know about love and about a broken heart.

“Thank you for being honest,” I whispered. Almost against my will, I raised my hand to his face and cupped his jaw. I started to turn away and then stopped, frowning, confused by our earlier meeting. “Why is it so important that I live in Cedar Cove?” He'd made a big point of that earlier.

He took a step back and glanced down at the floor. “You were honest with me and I owe you the same. There's something you should know about me. I'm basically a selfish bastard.”

I continued to stare at him, not sure how best to respond or if I even should.

“For whatever reason, I need you,” he continued.

“I beg your pardon?”

“I like being around you. Since the accident”—he paused and chanced a look at me—“I've become something of a recluse. I haven't spoken to my parents in months. There's been zero communication with my family or friends. Other than the one time I went to that bar or shopping for supplies for the renovation, I haven't left the house, well, besides my nighttime strolls.”

“You came to see me,” I reminded him.

“You are the exception. Being around you…I feel better; I feel hope. I suffer panic attacks and they've paralyzed me. My biggest fear in leaving the house is that I'll have another attack.”

Telling me this couldn't be easy.

“I have no right to ask anything of you, no right whatsoever, but I don't know what will become of me if you leave. Please don't move away, Em.”

I felt at a complete loss on what to do. He didn't know what he was asking of me. “We can't have a relationship, Nick. Surely you understand that.”

His nod revealed his reluctance. “Can we be friends?”

This was an even harder question to answer. I didn't know if it was possible, seeing how attracted I was to him.

“Just friends. Nothing more.” I didn't know if it was possible for me not to involve my heart.

“I won't hurt you,” he whispered.

Another promise that would be impossible to keep. Jayson never meant to hurt me, either, or James, for that matter. Still, I felt like one of the walking wounded, bruised and battered, forever scarred.

“Let me think on it, okay?”

He nodded. “I know how unfair I'm being to you. You were honest with me and that cost you. I'm being honest back and I have to tell you it isn't easy. I'm a bastard for asking this of you. If our roles were reversed I'm not sure what I'd do. I don't like being this weak. I'm a man who doesn't need others, but I need you, Em. God help me, I need you.”