Sweetest Salvation (6 page)

“Fuck off, Hunter. Don’t give
me that.” Her hands fisted at her sides. “Look, please just go. I don’t need
you here. I have things to do.”

He wouldn’t be so easily
dismissed.

“Things to
do?
Like what, plan your next adventure at the club? I don’t think
so. Why? Explain to me why you felt the need to go there?”

Arms wide, she yelled, “I
wanted to fuck somebody. Is that what you want to hear? That I wanted to have a
cock inside me for the first time in almost two years? I wanted to have a man
inside, pounding me—brutal and painful. What better place to do that than at
the club where I know I’m safe?”

Hunter’s heartbeat
accelerated. To know she needed someone that close to her was agonizing. It was
a barren and desperate act of someone who had nothing to live for. Or didn’t
think she was worth much.

“Why pain? You couldn’t have
found satisfaction in that. No pleasure, Andy? You, of all people, found
pleasure in that kind of sex? I don’t believe for a moment that you’re now into
rough sex,” Hunter said, gruff. His mouth was dry, and confusion made his head
hurt. Would he never understand this woman?

Andy crossed her arms over
her chest. She looked out the window behind him. Her gaze was unfocused, filled
with pain.

“Yes, pain. It’s what I
deserve, isn’t it?” Her gaze captured his. Hunter felt his heart crack at her
desolate look.
 
“I killed the two most
important people in my life.
In your life.
I just want
the pain to make me forget for a little while.
To put the
guilt and loneliness aside for a few moments at least.”

Hunter’s legs shook as he
stared at the woman he loved. He reached out a hand, found the arm of the sofa
and stumbled to sit down. “Andy,” he breathed. He shut his eyes. He couldn’t
take the pain in hers and needed to close himself off from it for a moment.

He’d had no idea just how
bleak and lonely she’d become. He’d believed her grief alone had kept her from
truly living.

He opened his eyes and watched
her wipe the tears from her cheeks. “Andy, sit down, please,” he requested
softly.

She moved around the loveseat
and took a seat, curling her knees up to her chin, arms clenched tight around them.
He’d never seen her look more fragile.

He took a deep breath and
tried to figure out how to get through to her.

“There is no reason for you
to go to such lengths because of any guilt you feel. Neither Peter nor
Patrick’s deaths were your fault. You have to know that.”

Andy looked at him, shocked.
“Not my fault! Of course they were my fault. I drove the car that killed my
son! My husband died of a broken heart because of it. The full blame lies at my
feet.”

Hunter couldn’t stand it: he
had to get closer to her. He lowered himself off the sofa and practically leapt
on his knees toward the loveseat. He grabbed her ankles and squeezed. “Andy, a
drunk driver hit your car. There was nothing you could have done to stop it.
You nearly died yourself. ”

“I wish I had died instead of
my darling little boy.
My sweet angel.”
Andy dropped
her forehead onto her knees. Sobs racked her body.

Hunter’s eyes filled with
tears.
Memories of Peter toddling toward him, calling him “
Unc
Ter
”.
His heart ached
missing him.

“Andy, look at me.” He waited
until she lifted her head. Eyes and nose red, she was still the most beautiful
woman in the world to him. “I understand how you’re feeling.” He raised a hand
when she opened her mouth to object. “I do. I wish I could go back in time and
change everything. To bring them both back. But I can’t, and neither can you.”

He cupped her calves and
rubbed softly. “You need to find a way out of your despair and move on. It’s
what Patrick would want.”

She shook her head. “Patrick
hated me before he died. His grief and hatred for me is what killed him.”

“No, sweetheart, listen.” He
clasped her hands when she shook her head. “
Dammit
,
hear me. You know about the heart disease that ran in the
Sheaver
family. Patrick’s grandfather and a couple other grandparents before him all
died from it. I know the doctors explained it to you. Patrick’s heart just
stopped beating while he slept. It’s not your fault.”

“But losing Peter put more
stress on his heart. If I hadn’t lost our baby, Patrick might still be here. I
don’t care what the doctors say about some hereditary disease.” Andy’s hands
tightened around his. “He died from a broken heart because I killed our little
boy.”

Hunter could almost feel the
pain shooting from her fingertips.

“I want them back, Hunter,”
she whispered.

“So do I, sweetheart, so do
I.” He rubbed her fingers gently with his own, their gazes locked.

He could drown in her eyes.
Though he’d kept his feelings buried deep so they never showed when he was
around her, there were times when he’d let his guard down a little bit.
Sometimes he wished she’d look at him as she once looked at Patrick.

He’d watch the two of them
together, kissing, touching and sharing looks across the room. At the club,
he’d seen them pet one another, raising their arousal and desire before they’d
head home and take care of those needs.

But Hunter had never felt
jealous of Patrick. He’d been like a brother to him, and he would never harbor
any grudges against him for finding happiness. He’d only wished that he could
find someone to love besides the lady in front of him and grow old with her. To
see the
Sheavers
, as well as Andy and Patrick love
one another allowed Hunter to believe in it.

“The pain and guilt will one
day fade. Until then, you have to continue to live your life and push it away.”

“I don’t deserve not to
suffer. After everything—”

“No,
dammit
,”
Hunter cut her off, anger surging within him. “You do deserve happiness again.
What you do
not
deserve is to let
strangers use you in whatever twisted ways you’ve thought up in your mind. It’s
inconceivable to think you’d allow yourself to be treated like that.”

Andy pulled her hands from
his grasp and huffed out a deep breath. “You don’t know anything about it. I’ll
go back to the club whenever I damn well please.”

“No, you won’t,” Hunter said,
smug. “All members of the staff have been given explicit instructions. They
will be fired if they grant you access of any kind.”

Andy gasped and clenched her
fists. Hunter had the feeling she wanted to slug him.

“You didn’t! It’s not Bridget
or
Zander’s
fault,” she scowled. “Do you hate me so
much that you’d take away the only thing that gives me any kind of way to live
with everything?”

“Hate you.” Hunter frowned.
“Whoever said I hated you? God, Andy, I…”

He caught himself before he
said too much. Confessions of his love were the last thing she needed. She’d
never believe him, anyway.

“Look, maybe we can spend
more time together. Talk, do things that will get you out of this house and
help you to move on. I can clear my schedules at work for however long I need
to. Everything can be handled over the phone.”

Andy shook her head. “No. I
don’t want pity and do not need your constant nagging. If I can’t go to your
club, I’ll find another one that caters to the same things.”

Hunter drew back, stood, and
glared down at her. “You’d seriously go to another club that
doesn`t
have the same safeguards I employ, and let
strangers use you? Fuck you senseless? I won’t stand for it.”

Andy shot to her feet, eyes
narrowing on him. If he wasn’t shaking with rage, he’d find it funny that with
her five-foot-three frame, she tried to look mean and commanding against his
six-foot-one.

“You have no say in the
matter. I make my own decisions.”

“You don’t need men sweating
all over you! Putting you in positions you aren’t used to and dominating you.
Some places don’t have the same guidelines and rules mine does. You could
seriously find yourself in a lot of pain at the hands of people who don’t care
for anything other than their own needs.”

“That’s just fine by me. I
want to feel the pain along with the pleasure. The more pain, the better I can
stand someone else touching me. If I can’t have the family I love back, then I
don’t need to feel any kind of pleasure beyond getting fucked. And I don’t
need, nor do I want, the singles scene. There will never be another man in my
life like that. Without Patrick, there is no soul mate for me.”

Hunter’s fists clenched. He
couldn’t allow another man to touch her. There was no way he could live with
it.

“Stay away from any of those
clubs, Andy. I mean it.”

Her eyes shot fire at him.
She shook her head and gave his shoulder a shove. “Knock it off. If you won’t
let me into your club, it’s your problem. Yes, there I feel safe, I know most
of the staff and that you’d never allow anyone to get out of hand. But if you
stand in my way, then I’ll go elsewhere.
Simple as that.”
She sounded smug, certain she had the upper hand.

His body shook with rage. And
fear. To think of her at another club with sleazy men who would tie her up or
sweat all over her… It made him ill just thinking about it. She could be
seriously hurt.
Or worse.

An idea formed in his mind. “So
all you want is access to my club and anyone who is willing to join you for sex
and a bit of pain? Is that all?” Hunter demanded.

He was crazy to even consider
such a plan, but he couldn’t allow her out there on her own. Christ, she’d end
up even more broken than she was now.

“I want a lot of pain and a
lot of fucking, yes.” She smiled at him, unaware she prodded the beast within
him. Damn her for handling her sorrow like this.

“All right.
You can have access to the club. I’ll inform the staff of the change,” Hunter
stated, grinning. “No problem, sweetheart.”

Andy’s eyes widened. “I’m
surprised you’re agreeing with this. What changed your mind?”

“You did, actually. If this
is the only way you’ll try to move forward, then I’ll help anyway I can.”
Hunter stepped closer until mere inches separated them.

Andy tried to take a step
back, but she was too close to the loveseat and could go no farther.

“Wait a minute, Hunter,” she
ordered, her gaze narrowed on him, obviously suspicious.
 
“What’s the catch?”

“Catch? There’s really no
catch. It’s my club, I say who comes and goes.”

“I know you do, but…” Andy
shifted her feet. He could see her mind working and felt the tension radiate
off her body. She looked like a caged animal standing before him desperate to
escape.

“You were pretty determined
to keep me out of the club. I find it odd that you agree with my fucking other
men so fast.”

Hunter wasn’t used to Andy
speaking in such a manner. Even at the club, she’d always held herself regal
and showed her desires when she found something she liked. But he’d never heard
her talk so crude and dirty. He had to admit, he quite liked it.

“Oh, I never agreed to you fucking
other men, Andy.
Not at all.”

She frowned. “But I can
frequent the club, right?”

“Of course you can.” He
clasped her hands in his. “But you can’t have sex with anyone else.”

“You’re forbidding me to
interact with people?” she demanded, shocked.

“Not at all.
I merely said you couldn’t fuck other people. You’ll just only do so with
whomever I choose.”

“You’re going to choose whom
I have sex with! I don’t think so, buster.” Andy tried to shift away, but he
held fast.

“Yes, sweetheart,
I
will choose. But it’s an easy decision
for me, so don’t worry.”

She stopped struggling. Her
gaze roamed his face, looking for what he wasn’t sure. “I still don’t
understand.”

“It’s simple really,” he
replied, satisfied with his plan. “You can use the club. You’re welcome to sit
and watch whatever people you wish, but you cannot fuck anyone.”

She gasped and her cheeks
flushed.
“No one?
Look, Hunt—”

“No one,” He lifted his left
hand and tapped the edge of her nose with his index finger.
“But
me.”

Andy fell back against the
back of the loveseat, shock written all over her face.

Satisfaction filled Hunter
that he’d left her speechless.

He’d meant what he’d said.
There would be no other man but him that she’d have sex with at the club. He’d
fuck her any way she wanted, anytime she wanted. Hell, he’d even go as far as
giving her some of the pain she so desperately claimed to need.

And in doing so, he’d bide
his time. Wait as long as it took for her to realize that the sex and pain she was
looking for was the opposite of who she was. With all that pleasure and pain,
he’d show her that life was worth living and they could be good together.