Sweetest Taboo (17 page)

The truth was, though, that I still ached to run to Tom and hide in his arms, to bury my face in his chest, and to inhale his familiar clean-laundry scent. There were so many things wrong about our former relationship, but I felt that if we were together, we would make it right. At least he would make me feel safe. After all the time that had gone by, I was still completely enamored with him, and missed him a great deal. Because of our situation, though, all I could do was enjoy the sights I caught of him walking to and from his classroom. I tried not to look at him too often on campus, but I found a way to do so from the safety and privacy of my car.

Every morning, I picked Liz up from her house and gave her a ride to school. I had been late in my enrollment, and was stuck with a retail sales class for first and second period, which meant that I didn’t actually have to be on campus until third period, since my retail sales class and practicum was in a department store at the local shopping mall. Regardless, I picked Liz up from home in the morning, dropped her off on campus, lingered about in the parking lot and then drove myself to the shopping mall for my practicum.

“You’re really nice drive me to school, you know,” Liz muttered the first day. “Though I think it’s just an excuse for you to drive your new car.”

I laughed along with her, but grew serious as I drove slowly onto the school parking lot. Liz knew as well as I did that I had ulterior motives for driving her; her house was out of the way, and going to school before first period added a full twenty minutes to my morning commute. It was worth it, though; I pulled up to the curb in the parking lot to drop her off, and glanced quickly around the lot.

“Looking for anyone in particular?” she teased quietly, leaning down to go through her bag.

“You know I am,” I smiled back. “He’s not here yet, though.”

Liz laughed, shaking her head. Two times out of three, we got there just in time to catch Tom driving up, parking, and walking from his truck to his classroom. I was more comfortable watching him from my car, since I had tinted windows and left school quickly after he left the parking lot. When I was parked waiting for Liz to gather her things and get to class, I could watch him from a safe distance, observe what he was wearing, how he’d cut his hair, and try to decipher his mood. I didn’t have to worry about who was around me or whether other people were watching me watching him, because it was unlikely.

“You know it’s a bad idea,” Liz said, growing serious. “Of course I want you to be happy, but you guys have already been in trouble. If I can identify you from outside your car, then everyone else can as well. And that includes Mr. Stevens. Are you
trying
to get caught again?”

“Shush,” I answered, though I knew that she was right. I was playing with fire, and the last thing I actually wanted to do was get caught. I couldn’t help myself, though; this was the only opportunity I had to interact with him, even if nothing actually happened between us. “Maybe I
want
him to know that I’m watching.”

I still had no idea how Tom felt about me after all that had transpired. Did he think I knew about the letter that Sarah had written to Mrs. Drake? Did he think that I’d had something to do with that? I hoped not; I hoped that he had more faith in me than that, and that he would believe, truly believe, that the whole incident was just something that got out of hand. I felt awful for my role in it – my carelessness and the blind faith I’d had in my friend. I wanted and needed Tom to understand that I didn’t mean any harm, that no matter what happened, I had never wanted to hurt him, and especially not in this way. I was hoping that I’d run into him and that the run-in would give us a chance to talk, at some point, and clear things up.

If I was being honest, though, I was also hoping that it would give us a chance to talk about whether we still had feelings for each other.

“Well, I can’t stay much longer,” Liz said, breaking into my thoughts. “I have to be in class early this morning, to get ready for an exam.” She turned in the seat, craning her neck to look at the parking lot behind us. “Ah,” she muttered, “he’s here. That’s my cue.” She turned to me with a serious face, and frowned a bit. “Please try to be careful, Izzy. Don’t talk to him, and at least try to hide a bit. There are other teachers around, and they’re all on the lookout for anything suspicious.”

“I know, Liz, I know,” I answered quickly. “I just want to see if he looks at me. I want to know if he’s pissed off at me.”

Liz shrugged, then opened the door and climbed out. She shut the door without a word, and I turned to my mirror to watch Tom walk by. Today, he was dressed in a sharp pair of dress pants and a dark button up shirt, and he looked terrific. He was also walking closer to my car than he had in the past. I frowned. He lengthened his stride, as though he was trying to catch up to Liz, but then turned toward my car instead. I never expected him to get so close, and I didn’t know what to do. I could duck further into my seat, he was standing right next to my car and there was nowhere to hide.

He was suddenly at my window, his face level with mine. His hazel eyes looked softer than ever, framed by what seemed to be years of worry and stress. A huge lump formed in my throat and my heart raced in panic. What was he thinking? Was he completely insane? He couldn’t just come up to me like this. What would people say? Did he want to go to prison?

He reached out and tapped on my window, his mouth turning up in a shy smile. I fumbled for the button and rolled my window down, looking at him in question. He leaned on my doorframe and looked into my eyes.

“What is it, Isabel?” he asked casually. “I’ve seen you parked here every morning. Do you need something?”

“Are you mad?” I hissed. “You shouldn’t be coming up to me like this. What if someone sees us?”

Surprisingly, Tom smiled, exposing his perfectly straight set of teeth. The goatee he wore on his face was still well groomed, but his dirty blonde hair had grown out a bit and his temples sported more silver than I remembered, giving him a more rugged, distinguished look.
He’s never looked better
, I thought.

“Isabel, I wasn’t charged with anything,” he replied, as if the whole case were merely a trifle, like a speeding ticket or a parking fine. “Besides, I don’t think talking to you is a crime. They can hardly prosecute me for trying to help a student with something.”

“I don’t want to sound insulting,” I whispered nervously. “But I don’t think this is very smart of you. Maybe you weren’t charged with anything, but I think the police can still draw conclusions. Especially if they see us talking.”

Tom chuckled.

“Isabel, no one can do anything to me unless
you
turn me in,” he replied. “It’s as simple as that. And since we’re on the subject – and finally talking – I wanted to thank you for protecting me. Your testimony was the only thing that kept me here at school … and out of court. Thank you for staying quiet. You have no idea what that meant to me.” He was nervous as he spoke, although he tried to make light of the situation.

I felt a familiar rush of blood to the face, and looked down, confused and embarrassed. “You’re welcome,” I replied quietly, my cheeks burning. “I hope you know that I’d never do anything to hurt you. I hoped that you knew it wasn’t me, who turned you in.” Just then, I saw another teacher arriving at the far end of the parking lot, and panicked. “Look, I should go. This might look suspicious and I don’t want to get you into any more trouble.”

Tom stepped back.

“All right, you don’t want to be late for your next class,” he said, straightening. I fumbled for the button to roll up the window, but stopped when he added, “Isabel?”

I looked up, locking eyes with him. He held my gaze

“I’m glad you’re back,” he said, and gave me one of his genuine, broad smiles. It was so infectious and irresistible that I couldn’t help grinning back.

“Yeah, me too,” I said. I grew serious, then rolled up my window and sped away.

Chapter Fifteen

Losing My Religion

I
spent the rest of the morning in a daze. James, the main shift supervisor for my retail training class, stopped me while I was removing the protective film from the new inventory in the basement.

“Isabel?” he asked quietly, “Are you with me this morning?”

I blinked, looking up at him. “What is it, James? Am I doing something wrong?”

He shook his head, frowning. “No, you’re not doing anything wrong, but I can see you’re having a bad day. What’s up? Are you okay? You seem like you’re on auto-pilot or something.”

I forced a smile and looked down at the clothes on the table in front of me. At twenty-two, James was the youngest supervisor we had. Most of the girls in my course had a crush on him, with his dimples and brawny physique. He stood 6 feet tall, and had the body of a football player, with soft brown eyes framed by thick black, curly lashes. The other girls in the class would be terribly jealous of the personal attention he was giving me.

“Thanks, James, I’m fine. Just thinking about some stuff, that’s all. You’re sweet to ask, though.”

“That’s what I like about you.” James shifted slightly to help me with the heavier clothes on the rack. His movement put him closer to me and I was happy for the help. “You’re young but you’re down to earth. You don’t behave like girls your age at all. I’m sure I’m not the first one who’s noticed that you’ve got both brains and beauty.”

I looked at him, surprised. It was odd to hear James talk so personally like this; he was engaged to one of the women in the department store, and he usually carried himself very professionally. The personal attention he was showing me was flattering and I felt as though I was the object of James’ desires.

“I don’t know, not really,” I laughed, trying to shrug it off. “I mean, people don’t really come up to me and tell me they think I’m smart and attractive. It’s just not that common, you know?”

James gave me a wry smile. “I thought you’d have noticed that I always come into your Monday morning classes, on the days you don’t work on the main floor.” His shoulder nudged up against mine as he reached over for the rest of the inventory, the soft hair on his skin brushing up against my exposed arm. James whispered, “And here I thought I was being too obvious.”

I stared at him, caught off guard by what he was sharing. I felt the heat rise through my cheeks as I smiled, revealing my newly straightened and brace-less teeth. “I don’t know what to say, James. I’m kind of surprised. I never noticed you were paying extra attention to me,” I said shyly, still putting clothes on the display racks.

The situation was completely inappropriate, not merely because he was my supervisor, but also because he was engaged to a woman who was working in the same building and was, in fact, on the premises at this very moment. “James, we should stop talking here,” I said quickly, stepping away from him and the display racks. “There are a whole lot of students over there, and they’re probably wondering why we’re whispering like this.”

James’ eyes flickered down to my light green button-up blouse that was practically painted on my torso before he met my gaze. I brought my hand to my chest, feeling exposed, and suddenly wondered what I’d been thinking, wearing this type of blouse. It was obviously too tight.

“Yeah, let’s talk outside of the store, after your shift,” he said quietly, leaning toward me. “You have about another month here and you’re finished with this retail training course, right? Maybe we could get together after that?”

I stared into his dark eyes, surprised. He glanced down my body at my legs, and then back up, and I suppressed a smile. I couldn’t help but stare at his warm brown eyes, perfectly lined by thick, dark lashes. “Yep, that’s about right, one more month to go,” I answered confidently. I took another step back, to put some distance between us. “Maybe we can catch up after school is out,” I said nonchalantly, still in awe by the words spilling from my mouth. What was I thinking? James was handsome and sweet, but how could I have just placed myself in yet another compromising situation? My cheeks still burned from my nervous blush.

James’ fleshy pink lips parted into a smile exposing two perfect dimples on his cheeks. “Sounds good, Isabel. I’ll get your number when we finish up here and we can make some plans,” he said as he began to way away in a confident stride. “Keep up the good work,” James quipped from afar, sending one of his radiant smiles my way before turning the corner and disappearing.

***

Vicky began bullying me into joining the swim team again, and by the time sign-ups rolled around in early January; I was ready to join the team just to shut her up. The first couple of practices were uneventful and boring; my real joy on the team had been my interactions with Tom, but he was no longer allowed to coach the swim team. We had a new female coach instead.

“Why can’t Mr. Stevens coach anymore?” I asked Vicky one afternoon as we dried off in the locker room after practice.

She looked at me, aghast. “Are you kidding? You don’t know why he can’t coach?”

“I’ve heard some things, Vicky, but I was out of the country for the beginning of the school year, remember? I don’t know all the gossip.”

She looked at me, and then shrugged nonchalantly. “Well, Mr. Stevens can’t coach because he was suspected of having inappropriate relationships with students, some of which were his swimmers from last season,” she replied, looking straight at me. “I’m sure you know
that
, since you were one of the students named.”

I shrugged back, wearing an unconcerned look on my face. “Yeah, but nothing ever came of it. I talked to the police and told them that nothing happened. And he was never charged with anything, so if he’s still teaching here, why can’t he coach? It doesn’t make any sense to me.”

Vicky waved her hand dismissively. “No, they didn’t charge him, but a lot of people still think he’s guilty. Principal Warren still has his eye on him, so he’s restricted his ability to coach swimming.”

“Interesting,” I said through gritted teeth. “So much for innocent until proven guilty, huh?”