Sweetness (7 page)

“You’re going to cum, Princess. I can feel it.”
Cum? Is that what this is? An orgasm? It can’t be. I
am not enjoying this. I wriggle to get away and he grasps my
hips.
“No, no. You ARE going to cum for me. I can do this
all night if you want.”
No. God make him stop. Ok relax, Emma. Calm down.
Don’t let him get in your head. Just rellllaaaxxx.
“There ya’ go, Emma.” Glen quickens his thrust and
continues to rub me. I am still not saying a word but I can’t
help it, my body is deceiving my brain. I’m cuming, I think? I
don’t know how to stop it. I can’t tell my body to stop. Glen
climaxes also as he digs his fingers into my hips. A second later
he shudders the last of his release into the barrier between us.
“I told you, you’d like it. Now that you know what it
feels like to be my whore, you will be begging me for more. I
know you liked it, Emma. Your body told me so. If you didn’t
like it you wouldn’t have reacted to me.”
I am still. Not yet have I said a word. He can’t be right.
The sight of him is enough to make me want to throw up. I
don’t like this, I don’t. I hate him touching me. I want to die.

I come back to the here
and now. I don’t think I have
blinked the entire time I told Max my story. After
blinking back the tears that threaten to escape my eyes, I
stare at the top of Max’s head, while he looks at the floor.

“Max, say something.” He looks up at me with
fury in his eyes. I keep trying to hold back the tears but it
is no good. The warm, salty liquid streams down my
face. Max pulls me closer to him, comforting me out of
my posttraumatic funk.

“Emm, don’t cry.” He holds my head in his chest,
rubbing his hand up and down my back. “Shhh. Don’t
cry.”

I look up at him and wipe the tears away. “He told
me I liked it Max. I didn’t like it. I told him I didn’t like it,
I swear. Every time he raped me after that he made me
say I liked it, or he wouldn’t stop. I hated it Max. I swear
to you, I did.”

“Emma, stop. I know you didn’t like it. He is an
asshole to do that to you. I believe you Emma. I do. I am
sorry I ever made you feel otherwise.”

Relief washed over me as I my body slumps into
his. “It’s not so bad anymore. The memories I mean. It
doesn’t bother me like it used to. The nightmares ended a
while ago and I just…moved on. I didn’t want him to be
able to control my future, so I put it all in my past.”

“Did you ever see Dominic again?”
“No. That night Glen told me if he ever caught me
with him again things would get ugly for me. For both of
us. I didn’t want to find out what the meant. A few
weeks later I started my senior year of high school and
just focused on getting out. Things got worse before they
got better but by that spring he left me alone.”
I don’t know why it is so important to me that
Max knows the truth. I guess talking about it helps.
Carrying the burden of this secret for so many years has
affected me in ways I didn’t realize. Affected the
relationships I’ve had with men. I have thought about
Dominic over the years. I never saw him without Mary
and I didn’t want to risk Glen hurting her for helping me,
so I never even tried to find him.
“You never told anyone? You shouldn’t have done
this alone, Emma.” I pull away from Max and look at him
as I try to explain the best way I can.
“I saw a rape counselor for about 8 months during
my freshman year. She said that I handled it the best way
I knew how. She also said that girls who are repeatedly
raped often act the same as I did, and go into protective
mode. She said that when you are repeatedly raped you
check out of your own body sometimes and detach
emotionally during the attack. In hindsight that is what I
was doing. She also told me that a rapist justifies what
they are doing by making you feel like you want it, and
no one would believe you if you said otherwise.
“They have to keep you scared so you won’t tell
anyone. That is the way they keep the control. Once they
feel they have all the control, they will make you feel like
this is your doing and you are somehow making them do
this. Once Glen told himself that I enjoyed it, he probably
believed he was doing nothing wrong. What he told you,
Max, was probably true in his mind. It was probably
what he told himself to be able to look at himself in the
mirror every day.”
Max nods and lowers his head.
“As for putting myself in harms way, for him to
save me…also not true. I was a wild kid, from the first
attack to the day I moved out. I would drink; I did drugs,
and I was reckless because nothing I did was worse then
what had already been done to me. I had trust and
promiscuity issues. I am aware of that. Sex is something
that I do without feeling because that is what it is to me. I
never wanted Glen to save me from myself; I just wanted
him to leave me alone. The counselor said that for a girl
who never told anyone I was handling myself very well
but I should eventually tell someone. So once I was
ready, I told you and Wanda. After that I didn’t feel so
cooped up in my own head, ya’ know. I trust you and
Wanda. Me telling you was a big step for me. It helped
me liberate myself. From that point on I felt I was able to
finally be normal. I didn’t feel like a freak and an outcast.
You both were so understanding and never judged me.
That’s why I got so upset when I thought you didn’t
believe me.”
“I am truly, truly sor-,” an ‘AH HA’ look appears
on Max’s face, “hold on a second.” As he walked into my
bathroom he pulled out his cell. He looked like
something just dawned on him.
Who could he be possibly calling in the middle of
our conversation?
A few minutes later he came out with his eyes
gleaming with determination. “Lets go. I have a surprise
for you.”
“What is it?”
“I can’t tell you. We have to stop by Wanda’s job
on the way home. I want you to come with me. I have
something to show you.”
“Ok, lets get Mark and Wanda.” When we enter
the living room Max pulls Wanda off to the side for a few
minutes. I talk to Mark and poke around the cabinets
while he finishes his sandwich.

Not long after,
we head back down the elevator and into
the parking garage. I wonder what Max is up to. I know
he told Wanda because her excitement apparent by that
goofy grin on her face. They both keep looking at their
watches and I see from the time on my dash that it is
about 11pm. What is going on? Where the hell could he
be taking me this late on a weeknight?

When we arrive at the bar it is pretty deserted. I
see there is a white van in the parking lot and a few guys
are unloading equipment. The bar that Wanda works at
is hip and trendy New York venue that still plays live
music called Club Epic. Epic showcases all types of
musical artists from hip hop to hard core metal.
Musicians often play here, in this smaller setting, for VIP
fan engagements or promotional tour pre shows. Wanda
likes to work them and meet all the up and comers. Max
and I are usually allowed to pop by to see the action if we
want. The owners are really cool like that.

The bar owners are great people and family
friends of Wanda’s parents, so we we’re always
welcome. Wanda leads the way through the back
entrance where the bands’ roadies are unpacking the
equipment. I still can’t understand why we are here.
From the Marquee on the front entrance, that I saw when
we pulled up, there is a band called ‘Lost’ playing here
Friday night, but I don’t know who they are. I’m not
interested in seeing the show if that’s what Max was
getting at. Perhaps he thinks I have a thing for rock stars
after I told him my tale of woe. Who knows?

Wanda and Max tell Mark and I to stay put near
the side of the stage while they sidled up at the bar to
talk to Donnie the bartender. I sit on the steps leading up
to the stage. They both glance toward the stage when
Donnie points in that direction. I can’t see the stage from
where I am sitting, because the curtains are mostly
closed, but I can see the bar area. I take out my phone to
check my Facebook as I wait for Wanda and Max to
finish what they are doing. Wanda calls out to Mark and
sends him off on an errand or something. I am not
paying attention.

“Check 1,2…Check.” I shiver at the sound of that
voice. “Mike can you hear me from over there.” The
voice shouts across the room that is empty except for a
few regulars and crew. I know that voice.

HOLY SHIT!
I know that voice.
“Good to go, Dom,” the man who I am assuming

I get up and slowly walk further into the room as
the stage becomes more visible and reveals the sexy
rocker I once knew. He is still gorgeous, dressed in black
jeans, studded black belt, white shirt and boots. His once
purple tipped blond hair is now blond with platinum
highlights. He looks every bit as good as I remember.

Turned on I am! His voice alone can still make me
swoon. I am drooling over him at the foot of the stage
like some crazed fan.

“Hey”, he says smiling as he looks down at me
and gives me a small nod.
“How’d it sound from down there,” he asks with a
killer smile plastered on his face.
“Dominic? Um…good. It’s fine.” I manage to
speak. He looks at me quizzically. Perhaps he is trying to
place my face. He couldn’t possibly remember me.
He moves closer to the front of the stage and hops
down. Never taking his eyes off me. He casually strolls
over to where I am, a confused look marring his face. I
can’t stop watching him. I feel like I am slowly melting
into the floor with every step he takes. My girlie parts are
tingling with excitement.
Speak Hill. Blink. Do something.
“I know you.” He says as he shakes his finger at
me with narrowed eyes still trying to place me. He then
starts rubbing his chin, trying to recall where and when
he knows me from. “Jailbait, right?”
What? Jailbait?
“Huh.”
“Emma. That’s your name. I have called you
jailbait for so long I forgot what your actual name was for
a minute.” He closes in and hugs me. Stunned at his
familiarity my hands lift slightly but don’t touch him. His
recognizable scent is laced with…oh hell, who cares. He
smells like what I would imagine heaven smells like. My
girlie parts are not only tingling, they’re screaming.
“How are you? I haven’t seen you since you ran
out on me a few years back.” He laughs.
I still can’t speak. I just stare at his gorgeous face;
afraid if I look away he will vanish into thin air. He looks
at me curiously. I hear giggling on the other end of the
bar. Wanda, Max, and Mark are looking at me, enjoying
my inability to manifest words.
“Dominic? Seriously? What are you doing here?” I
say with a bit too much delight in my voice. As I slowly
turn my head back in his direction.
“My band is playing here on Friday night. What
are you doing here?”
“My friend Wanda works here, and I…wait…did
you call me jailbait?”
“Yea I did. And by the way, messing around with
underage girls is illegal, just so you know. You should
have told me your real age.” He crosses his arms over his
chest in a protective stance. “Your friend said your
brother saw you there and dragged you out that night.
When I asked why he would do that she fessed up to
Rocco and told us how old you were. Not that he cared,
but I did. I would have never touched you if I had
known.”
“Well, that’s why I didn’t tell you. Besides I was
17. I was almost legal.”
“Not the point. You should have been honest with
me. To think of what I was going to do to you after the
show. I could have gone to jail, ya’ know that?
Phew…dodged that bullet.”
“Thanks!” I look down at the floor kicking a stray
peanut with the tip of my sneaker.
“Not what I meant,” He said, putting his finger
under my chin, forcing me to look at him. “I just mean
that if your brother found out and was totally pissed,
imagine what he would have done if we did sleep
together. Tell your parents or something probably.”
“He was just trying to scare me into leaving with
him. He would have never told.” I yank my chin out of
his grip, immediately missing his fingers on my face.
“Either way, you should have told me.” A small
smile creeps up on his face. He looks at me with lustful
eyes as the green irises disappear into his pupils.
“Although images of you in that black dress have come
in handy on some lonely nights.”
My face flushes with embarrassment, a nervous
smile plays on my face. “Seriously? Did you just say that
to me?”
He scans the room looking for someone, or
something. As our eyes meet again my blue to his
emerald green; lets just say the girlie parts are officially
on fire. I catch a glimpse of something out of the bottom
of my eye. My eyes work there way downward to the
bulge in his pants that seems to be inching outward. I can
see I am having the same effect on Dominic that he has
on me. He appreciates me noticing and gives me a small
shrug.
“Boyfriend?”
“Nope. Girlfriend?”
“Nope.” He takes a step closer to me, still looking
deep into my eyes, and puts one hand on the nape of my
neck and his other hand on the side of my waist. My
chest is heaving in soft, shallow pants against his.
“Do you remember the last thing you said to me?”
I shake my head, not knowing.
“The last thing you said to me was something
about touching you like I do my mic stand. Well, this is
how I grab her,” his lips speaking less then an inch from
mine, “right before I put my mouth on her.” As my lips
part to exhale I lean in and kiss him. Memories of our
time together flood my brain, making me more needy
than ever.
Our lips move slowly at first, searching for
permission from the other. I part my lips slightly and his
tongue slides past my teeth and massages the wet flesh in
my mouth. Our kiss deepens when I hold him to me by
the back of his neck. It is like we haven’t been apart for
one second. His touch and taste is familiar. Like mint and
something else, sweet. My mouth is filled with his
tongue and my reciprocation is making him moan deep
in his throat. Oh my, it is just as good as I remember.
Am I breathing? I don’t’ know how long this can
go on but I never want it to end. I don’t think I am
breathing. I pull away breathless and panting and place
my palms on his chest.
“You still got it,” he says to me as I try to catch my
breath.
“You’re playing Friday?” I ask.
“Yeah.”
“’K. I’ll be here.” I say walking off toward my
friends, carefully trying not to fall because my knees are
still weak. I need a minute to collect myself before I ruin
this moment by saying something stupid. My brain is so
foggy, I can’t think straight. Besides, if he wants me now,
he will want me even more on Friday.
“Na, No. Where are you going? You can’t just
leave,” he says stepping in front of me while pulling my
waist into his hard body.
“I am not leaving, I am going…for now. I will see
you on Friday. Besides my friends are waiting. If you are
a good boy I may be able to manage to resurrect the black
dress. Or at least something like it,” I giggle and tap him
on his nose with my index finger.
“Emma, I am only here until Saturday afternoon. I
am leaving to go on tour. Can I at least see you
tomorrow? Dinner maybe.” Leaving? Of course. Just as
something good happens to me, fate steps in and rips it
away. Story of my life.
Well let’s at least get you laid Hill, I think to
myself. If nothing at all I can at least get a good time out
of the deal. It’s been so long I hope I can remember how.
“Dinner is good. Give me your phone.”
He unlocks it and hands it to me. I add my phone
number then send a text message to my phone so I will
have his number as well. When I hand it back he smiles
at the word on the screen.
“Sweetness…that’s what I used to call you. If I
recall correctly it was because you were sweet…like
sugar on my tongue.” He winks.
I am blushing a deep crimson. He remembers? Or
maybe he calls all groupies, Sweetness. If he is trying to
seduce me, mission accomplished.
“Text me when and where. How’s about 7? I’m
moving tomorrow but I should be done by then.”
“You got it,” he kisses me softly on my lips,
“Sweetness.” Dominic steps around me and hoists
himself back onto the stage. Before he disappears into the
darkness he looks at me over his shoulder and flashes me
a wink.
On shaky legs I walk back to the bar to talk to
Wanda and Max. I can see Mark talking up some blond
in the corner. He gives me a small nod as I walk past
him.
“Max, how did you do this,” I say as I hug him
briefly in gratitude. His eyes are desolate and he looks at
the floor for a moment too long.
“I remember talking to Donnie last week about the
show. I liked Hell Razors in high school and I remember
that they just got signed a record deal. Changed their
name to ‘Lost’. I also remember the lead singer being
named Dominic. I put two and two together and took a
shot. I wasn’t positive it was the same guy but I think we
can say it was a good guess by your reaction.”
“Amazeballz! I can’t believe after all this time I am
going to get together with Dominic. Thank you, Max.
You are redeemed.” I don’t know why Max looks forlorn.
This is a good thing. For the first time in a while I am
actually excited over a guy. I giggle and Wanda and I go
on to talk how dreamy he is while we watch him finish
up doing something on the stage.
“Emma he’s hot. I will be here on Friday working
so I will be able to hear him in action. Now it is damn
near midnight and we have to move in the morning. Lets
get out of here.” We grab Mark and all head back to my
Brooklyn apartment.
That night, a mixture of sweet dreams and
nightmares pull at me in my sleep as visions of Dominic
and Glen fill my head. I hate that one is tied to the other
but after I convince myself that Glen can’t hurt me
anymore, I lull back to peaceful sleep with a certain
rocker taking center stage.