Swell (22 page)

Mrs. Rusch leaned toward me. “How are you feeling, Rebecca?”

“A lot better. There’s been a lot of ups and downs.”

“Don’t worry, dear. He’ll pay for what he did.” She patted my hand and went back to eating. The gesture seemed impersonal and token. Hillman had surely eaten at this table many times. She knew him quite well. I didn’t feel like asking whether she was still playing ball with his mother. The fact that her son had smashed Hillman’s face in probably smashed their friendship as well.

Christian came around the corner with the wine and poured a glass for his dad, and then his mom. I wanted to lift my glass too, but let it sit on the table, the 7-Up bubbles fizzing away.

“Excuse me,” I said, pushing away from the table and heading toward the bathroom. I bypassed the toilet, went to the garage, and through a side door into the yard. The bottle of vodka would still be there, right? I walked through a spider web and freaked out in silence. It was worth the fear, and soon enough, I had more vodka in me.

Back at the table, Mrs. Rusch had almost finished another glass of wine. I could relate to the woman.

“When’s the next court date
again?” asked Dr. Rusch.

Christian put his head down as if to indicate that it wasn’t a good idea to talk about that in front of me.

“Dad!”

“What’s wrong with asking that?”

Mrs. Rusch joined in the fun. “I have it on the calendar.”

Christian stood
up,
nostrils flaring. He threw his napkin down.

“Not right now, okay!?”

Mrs. Rusch patted my hand again. “We’re not trying to offend you, Rebecca. I hope you know that.” Her words slurred together.

I withdrew my hand into my lap.
“I do.”

“Great, mom! Get enough wine in you and
you can’t stop talking about it!
” Christian stomped away from the table, and I was once again alone with his parents.

“Dear, I hope we haven’t offended you,” said Mrs. Rusch, reaching out for my hand yet again. She didn’t notice that she was patting the table… or repeating her words.

“That’s right, Rebecca. We were just talking about dates, that’s all.”
Dr. Rusch gave me a hopeful glance, as if I’d buy it. All I wanted was to go find the vodka bottle.

“It’s fine.” I stood up and waved my hand in the air, as if none of this mattered. “I’m gonna go find Christian.”

They smiled and took sips off their glasses before resuming dinner.

Christian had
already beaten me to the bottle, and was sitting against the house, downing its contents.

“Save some for me.”

“I’m sorry.” He handed me the last slug. After I drank it, he
hurled
the bottle
into the canyon behind the house
.

“They drink a lot, and sometimes forget who’s sitting with them,” he said.

I lowered myself to the grass and wrapped my arms around his shoulders.

“It happens. You and I both know that.”

“Oh, I do. I grew up with it,” he muttered.

“It bothers you?
” I could feel the dampness in the grass soaking through my pants.

Christian intertwined his arms with mine and brought me closer. “Nothing bothers me when I have you… and enough to drink.”

Chapter 24

We used to have three bookstores in town. Two were mom and pop types. The third was a chain store with more square footage and books than the other two put together. Like a big fish, the chain store ate the others and now we had just one.

I swore up and down that it wasn’t a date. We were just going to hang out, drink coffee, look at books, and listen to the café band. Even though this was a casual evening, I wore my nicest lavender blouse, newer jeans, and favorite perfume.  For the first time in almost a year, I didn’t wear luggage under my eyes.

I used homework as an alibi to get out of being with Christian that night. With all the times he used running and studying excuses, I felt the time had come to use one of my own. He wasn’t used to being told
no
, and made me promise we’d go out on Wednesday.

While waiting for Jesse, I downed a nip of vodka and brushed my teeth. My tolerance for alcohol was high, and I wasn’t worried that the vodka would affect anything except my nerves. Just in case, I threw another nip into my purse.

I opened the door to see a tall, striking young man standing on the steps. His hair was spiked up, and a black turtleneck covered his neck and torso before disappearing into a leather jacket.

“Jesse?” I had to keep my jaw from dropping, the transformation was unbelievable. Apparently he felt the same.

“Rebecca? Where’s Rebecca?” He craned his neck to look behind me.

“Hellooo!” I waved in his face, prompting that sweet grin I was growing so fond of.

“I guess you’ll do, whoever you are.”

He laughed. “Can I come in now?” He walked into the foyer and made a beeline for my mom.

“Mrs. Ionesco, how are you this evening?” I could tell she really enjoyed the hug.

“You look... so much… older,” she said, standing back to take it in. He twirled around and struck a pose before sticking out his tongue.

“Old enough to not get carded?”

My mom froze and gave him a “that’s not funny” look.

“Just kidding. I didn’t mean anything by it.”

She shot a laser beam out of her eye that went straight for my forehead before bouncing off Jesse’s. “It’s nothing to joke about, especially with the way things have been.” Suddenly I was concerned she’d search my purse and find the nip.

“You’re absolutely right,” he said, giving me a wink. There were so many signals flying around the room it made me confused as to who was joking and who meant business.

“It’s a school night, so be back by 10.” My mom hugged me and touched my purse, which I flung around my back before heading toward the door.

“Ten in the morning. Right. Got you.” Jesse stopped at the door and gave my mom a grin. “Kidding again.”

“You’ve got a pretty interesting sense of humor, Jesse,” she said, throwing her hands in the air. I knew she liked him.

It was calm and peaceful in his car. Beautiful music played through the ratty stereo speakers, making my body melt into the seat.

“Who’s this? I love it.”

“VAST.”

“Who?”

“Here.” He reach into the door pocket and produced a CD cover. I fingered the sleeve and found the song.

“Flames… this is really pretty.”

“I pick my music wisely.” He smirked, knowing that his playlist was working on me. I felt entranced not only by the song, but that he’d thought enough to play it at this particular moment.

I looked at Jesse and couldn’t believe it was him. He cleaned-up well, and I wondered why he was such a schlep at school. He looked at me, too, and I wondered if I held the same kind of fascination for him as he did for me.

/////

The bookstore was hopping with people. The band was assembling in the café, and the checkers huddled behind their registers for a last-minute meeting before it got loud.

“What time does the band start?”
I wanted to check on an art book I’d heard about.

Jesse looked at his watch and then at the drummer, who took his time setting-up his gear. “Should be pretty soon. It’s almost eight.”

“Wanna come check on a book with me?” I motioned for him to follow. We winded through the books, my head cocked to the side so I could read the titles.

“You look like you have a problem.”

“It’s the only way I can read the spines.”

He reached over and took my hair, which had fallen to one side, and combed it through his fingers. I brought my head up, but he didn’t stop.

“You have perfect hair. Very shiny and straight.” He released the strands and brought his hand through his own.

“I have to fight this every day. I usually lose.”

“It looks great right now.”

“Thanks to my mom’s flat iron and some hairspray!”

I couldn’t locate the book, so we wandered to the self-help section at the back of the store. The lighting wasn’t as bright, and the aisle deeper than the others. We hid at the end of a kiosk covered with Dr. Laura books.

It seemed like a good time to break out the nip. I waved the clear little bottle around and smiled.

He squinted. “What’s that?”

“Something good.” I unscrewed the cap and took a big sip, and then held it out for Jesse. “Want some?”

He backed away like he was a vampire and I was garlic. I put the cap back on and slipped the nip into my purse.

“I don’t drink.”

“Sorry. I didn’t know.”

“I haven’t seen one of those in a long time… one of those mini bottles.”

“I thought it would be fun to feel a little warm before the band plays,” I said with a smile. He grimaced and looked away.

“There’s other ways than drinking, Rebecca.”

“I said I’m sorry.”

He came back over and put his arm around my shoulders.

“Hey, it’s okay. I want to show you something.” It was his turn to guide me around the store. He stopped and cocked his head to the side like I had, and pulled a brown book off the shelf.

“
The Big Book – Unplugged
? What’s this?”

“It’s a book about drinking, for teens.” The hair went up on my neck, and I wanted to take the nip back out and down it right there.

“And why are you showing me this?”

“Just thought you’d find it interesting. If you ever read it. Maybe someday.”

“Are you some kind of counselor?” I put my hand in my purse and fished around for the bottle. It would be great if I could drink it with the
Big Book
in my other hand.

“No. I… I’ve known a lot of people who drank and saw what it did to them. People I cared about.”

I withdrew my jittering, empty hand from my purse.

“Oh. You would know, then.” I shoved the book back between the others on drinking. There were tons of them.

“Let’s get coffee and a good seat.” He patted me on the back. I wanted to like him very much, but the moment we had in the aisle put a magnetically opposite pull between us.

Jesse bought our drinks while I found a seat near the band. They played softer versions of songs from the radio, some I knew and some I didn’t.

I wanted to know why he’d handed me the drinking book and had such an aversion to my little bottle. Most kids wouldn’t bat an eye. In fact, they’d want to share. Jesse acted like it was poison, and reminded me of David.

Perhaps one of his parents was an alcoholic. I thought that would be the reason for his behavior and how he talked about drinking. I had always thought that the Big Book was what people called the Bible. I guess I was wrong.

The band took a break and Jesse turned to me, throwing one of those melt-me-now smiles.

“This is cool, ya think?”

“I love it.” I didn’t mean the band, but just being out with Jesse in an open setting on a school night. This meant there were probably several kids from our school in the store, but I wasn’t concerned that I knew any of them.

“Beck?” I whipped my head around. Audrey stood on the other side of the café railing, a stack of books in her hands. I was amazed that she had that many, let alone that she liked to read.

“Oh, Audrey! What’re you doing here?” She looked over at Jesse, who gave her a long, cool glance.

“I’m picking up some books for my mom. Never really been in here.”

I was right. She didn’t like to read.

“Wow, that’s a lot of books.” We both went quiet, until Jesse stood up and put his hand out.

“I’m Jesse.” Audrey took his hand and shook it with a limp wrist.

“Audrey.” She turned back to me, her eyes popping out of their sockets.

“Does Christian know you’re here?”

I wanted to ask if she was my mother.

“Yes.” He sort of knew I was studying. So I needed to go to the bookstore and get a book to study and, lo and behold, Jesse my art buddy happened to be here and…

“I haven’t seen him in a long time. Tell him hello for me.” She forced a grin through her pink lips and shifted her books to the other arm.

“I will. See you later.” She sauntered to the register and out the door, but not before casting one more questioning look my way.

“She
thinks
she’s something special,” said Jesse, stirring his coffee with the straw.

“All those girls do. I’m getting sick of it, actually.”

He smirked and looked up at me with those warm eyes.

“I don’t think they’re up to your level, anyway.”