Switch Hitter (13 page)

“Bentley.” Her voice had hardened, and he realized he’d fucked up royally. “Tell me. What’s going on? What do you mean, you’re sorry?”

She wiggled out from under him, reaching for any scrap of clothing she could reach from the pile on the floor. She found his suit coat, pulling it over her like a shield. My God, she looked so vulnerable it broke his heart to look at her. He scooted away, grabbed his pants. Not trusting his legs to hold him, he pulled his pants on without trying to stand.

“Bentley. Tell me what’s going on in your head. Is it what we just did? You didn’t hurt me. I swear.”

God, how could she still be thinking of ways to excuse his behavior?
Because she doesn’t know the half of it, that’s how.

“I fucked up, Ashley.” He sucked in a deep breath, held it then used it to push the next words out. “I cheated on you.”

She sat like a statue, curled up under his coat, staring at him as if he’d grown two heads. Her post-coital glow faded to a deathly pallor. Her mouth opened and closed then she uttered the one word he dreaded most.

“Who. Who, Bentley? Who is she?”

“Not she. He. Sean Flannery.”

“Sean Flannery,” she repeated without emotion. “You slept with Sean Flannery?”

Nodding he looked away, unable to watch as she processed the information. “I’m sorry. It…it just happened.”

Silence rang in his ears. He barely dared breathe, waiting for the inevitable.

“Are you telling me you’re gay? Don’t bother trying to convince me, because I’ll never believe it.”

“I’m not gay.” He jerked his gaze to her. “Not gay. I swear it.”

“Then why, Bent? Why did you do it?”

“I don’t know.” He shrugged. “I had to. I don’t understand it any more than you do. All I know is, I had to. And God help me, I liked it.”

He hated the confused look on Ashley’s face, but it felt good to tell her, even if doing so meant he would lose her. Keeping it from her was killing him.

“Make me understand. Tell me everything, Bentley.”

He nodded. “Let’s get cleaned up, put some clothes on then I’ll tell you.” Her pink-tipped toes peeked out from the hem of his coat. Reaching out, he touched her big toe, marveling at how feminine it was with the daisy/star thing painted on it. “I’m so sorry. I never wanted to hurt you.”

Famous last words.

“Wait here.” She stood, slipped her arms through the sleeves of his coat. Her arms crossed tight over her middle, acting as a belt. “I’ll be right back.”

When she was out of sight, he pulled on his shirt. Gathering the rest of their scattered clothes, he took them to the laundry room. He paused, listening to the hum of the shower running in the bathroom above him.

Fuck.

He scrubbed his face with his hands, freezing when he caught the scent of her on his fingers. Her sweet surrender a few minutes ago washed over him in a hot wave, followed by a red tide of shame and humiliation for the way he’d repaid her trust. He’d taken her with the same physical abandon he would have taken Sean, and then she’d crushed him by saying he hadn’t hurt her.

Like hell
.

On his way back to the den, he started to grab another beer but opted for a soda instead. Selecting a bottled water for Ashley, he went back to wait for her.

A few minutes later, she returned, wearing a pair of cut-offs, and a T-shirt. Over the last few months, more and more of her clothes had ended up at his house, something he once thought intrusive now added a level of security to their relationship he had played false. She took the cold bottle he offered her. After settling in the far corner of the sofa, she screwed the top off and took a long drink.

“I don’t know what to think, Bentley. Explain it to me.”

Unable to look at her, he sat on the edge of the sofa, his elbows braced on his knees, staring at the soda can clutched in his hands. “I don’t think I can explain because I don’t understand how it happened myself. It goes back over five years, but nothing happened between us until a couple of months ago.”

“Before or after you asked me to marry you?”

“After.”

She tensed as if he’d struck her.

Yeah, I waited until we were engaged to fuck someone else.

You deserve to lose her, asshole.

“How many times?”

Does it matter? Once was too many.

“I don’t know. More than once. Less than a dozen. Once I started, I couldn’t stop. I tried to stay away from him, Ashley. I honestly did. I hate myself for wanting him, but it’s like….”

“Like what?”

Like he’s part of me.

“I feel the same things for him I feel for you.” He sat up, placed the soda can on the coffee table then faced her. “I love you. I know you probably don’t believe me right now, but it’s true. I love you more than I love my own life. I can’t imagine living my life without you.”

“But,” she prompted.

“But I love Sean, too. I can’t imagine living my life without him, either, though I know I’m going to have to.”

“He doesn’t feel the same way?”

“We agreed to break it off.”

An awkward silence filled the room. Ashley’s gaze bored a hole straight through him. He refused to look away, letting her see what she would on his face, in his posture.

“God damn you, Bentley.” Her quiet curse sounded as if he’d reached in and yanked her guts out with his bare hand. The hell of it was, he knew he had.

“I’m sorry. That’s all I know to say. Now you see why I can’t ask him to come over for lunch. He’d never come anyway.”

Another heated silence hung between them, only this time he prayed for her to do something—yell at him or throw something. Anything but look at him with pain in her eyes.

“Were you ever going to tell me?”

He nodded. “I wanted to from the beginning, but I never found the balls to do it. I was going to, the day we set the wedding date. Then…I couldn’t. I know it was cowardly. I broke it off with Sean a few days later—on the road trip.”

Closing her eyes, she let her head fall back. “I don’t want to imagine you…with him, but it’s all I can see.” She looked at him again. “I don’t know what to think, what to do. Part of me wants to hate you, but another part of me says I never can.”

“Sean said the same thing. Don’t worry. I hate myself enough for both of you.”

“Why do you hate yourself?”

“Because I’ve hurt the two people I love most in the world, and there’s nothing I can do to change it. I can’t change the way I feel. Believe me—I’ve tried. I’ve put you both in the middle of something neither of you deserve. I’m fucked up, Ashley. No one knows that better than I do.”

“What do you want to happen? If you had exactly what you wanted, what would it be?”

“Does it matter? We live in the real world. What I
want
doesn’t matter as much as what I
can have
does.”

“Did you tell
him
what you want?”

He nodded. “Yeah.”

“You told
him
, but you can’t tell me.”

Her words sliced him to the core. “I told him I wanted it all. Both of you.”

“What did he say?”

“Goodbye.”

“He let you go? Just like that?”

“It wasn’t easy for him, but he knows how much you mean to me.”

“He wants you to be happy.”

“So he says.”

“But you aren’t happy.”

“No. Half my heart died when…when we said goodbye. The other half will die when you leave me.”

“Who said I was going to leave you?”

“Do you have a choice? I’m in love with two people, and one of them is a man. What kind of woman wants to stick around for that?”

“The kind who loves you and wants you to be happy.”

Hope surged through him like lightening. He lifted his gaze to hers, searching for anything to indicate he hadn’t imagined her intent.

She shook her head, a wry smile lifting one side of her mouth. “I must be insane, but I think I want to meet Sean Flannery. Convince him to come to the lunch we discussed. You can tell him I’m thinking about offering him a broadcasting job. Tell him anything, except don’t tell him I know about the two of you. I want to see what you’re talking about with my own eyes. Maybe then I’ll know what to do.”

* * *

Oh, Bentley.
Her heart ached for him, but a little part of her couldn’t help wondering why she wasn’t enough for him. But then again, she’d always felt as if he was holding back some portion of himself. It hadn’t been enough to keep her from falling hopelessly in love with him, but it had always been there, a small invisible gulf between them.

Now you know. He loves someone else—not in place of you, but beside you.
She didn’t know where her need to meet the man who held part of her fiancé’s heart had come from, but everything in her told her it was imperative—for Bentley’s sake and her own. If they were ever going to have any kind of real marriage, she had to know who stood between them.

He tore himself in half for you.

All the more reason you have to meet Sean, see for yourself if what Bentley says is true.

And if it is?

You have to find a way to fix the problem.

One thing was for certain. She wasn’t going to give up her half without a fight.

Chapter Twelve

Sean sat in the shade of the cabana, watching Bent at the grill. The day was hot, and his former lover wore nothing but loose swim trunks hanging low on his trim hips along with a pair of flip-flop sandals to protect his feet from the stone patio.

They hadn’t touched in months, and they never would again. Seeing the play of sunlight on his lover’s broad shoulders made him ache with need. Every movement reminded him of the man’s strength, the way it felt to give himself to him, and the heady sense of power that coursed through him when Bent submitted to him.

His teammate reached for his beer on the granite counter next to the built-in grill and lifted it to his lips. It was all Sean could do to remain in his seat when what he wanted to do was press himself against that wall of heated male flesh. He’d kiss those shoulders, wrap his arms around his slim waist then trace every line of his six-pack abs before slipping his fingers past the elastic waistband on his trunks. But he couldn’t do any of the things he wanted to do with the man’s fiancée sitting across the table from him. Not to mention, he still didn’t have a clue why he was here.

All he knew was Randolph had mumbled something about a possible job offer. What the fuck? He didn’t need a job. He had one. But after days of asking, he outright begged, and Sean had acquiesced. Though God only knew why. Playing nice with the affianced couple was pure torture for him. The groom-to-be looked like he had a live wire stuck up his ass—a prospect Sean was beginning to think held merit. The man deserved to be put through an equal amount of anguish.

“Thanks for coming today.”

The soft, feminine voice startled him back to reality. Tearing his gaze away from the man at the grill, he prayed Ashley hadn’t noticed the way he’d been ogling her fiancé.

“Thanks for having me. Bent’s the only person I know in Dallas.” He could afford a little bit of kindness until he knew why he was here. Besides, there was no indication she knew anything about his relationship with her fiancé. She was more of a pawn than he was. At least he knew his lover was fucking her.

“You’re welcome anytime. With his schedule, he doesn’t have much time to make friends outside of his teammates, so we don’t socialize much.” Her gaze wandered to their grill master. “He’s happier than I’ve seen him in a long time. It can’t be because of the way he’s been playing the last few weeks, so it must be because you’re here.”

“He looks a little tense to me, but as you say, he hasn’t been playing well. He needs to relax.” He lifted his own beer, pointing the neck toward the man at the grill. “I know he’s glad to be home for a few days. He misses you when he’s on the road.”

“That’s good to hear, I guess. I mean, I don’t want him to be miserable, but it’s nice to know he thinks about me. I miss him, too, but my job keeps me busy. It helps.”

“He said you’re some kind of hot-shot media executive.”

Ashley laughed, her smile lighting up her face. It was easy to see what he saw in her. She was beautiful, even he could see that, and intelligent.

“He exaggerates, but I won’t hold it against him. I’m the News Director in charge of programming for one of the major sports networks. We met when I called to ask if he would be on one of our shows—a casual interview kind of thing. He asked me out over the phone. We’ve been together ever since.”

“The man has good taste.” A wave of uncertainty washed over him. When it was just Bent and him alone in a hotel room, it was easy to forget about Ashley. Hell, he’d even fantasized about his lover leaving her to be with him, but since he’d met her…he half wanted her himself.

“Steaks are done.” Bentley approached the table, a platter heaped with grilled meat and veggies in his hand. He placed the feast in the center of the table then leaned down to place a lingering kiss on Ashley’s lips. She seemed to stiffen at first, but maybe he was seeing what he wanted to see. There was something going on here. He just wished to hell they would clue him in, sooner rather than later.

He watched the display of affection for a split second then turned his gaze to the pool sparkling in the sunlight a few feet away. He was drowning in a chaotic mix of jealousy, desire, guilt, and dread. It wouldn’t do to let it show on his face, so he did his best to put on a mask of polite friendship. Anything else would be hurtful to Bentley, and he loved him too much to cause him any discord.

When he turned back, the couple had broken apart, but an unmistakable air of intimacy tinged with what?…secret knowledge, surrounded them. He’d known the man was in love with Ashley, but seeing the physical manifestation of their love made it real in a way his lover’s declarations never could.

This is what he was trying to tell you. You can’t compete with what they have.

She passed him a filled plate while their host placed fresh beer bottles on the table for the men along with a cold water bottle for his fiancée. They worked together like an old married couple, easy with each other, anticipating each other’s moves.

They’re a team.

There’s no room for you on their team, so get used to it, buddy.

Conversation flowed throughout the meal, primarily because Ashley asked lots of questions.
Probably why she holds such a prestigious job at her age
. She knew how to draw people out, as a result, he told her more about himself than he wanted to.

“Have you found a place to live?” She passed the bowl of fresh fruit to him.

“Thanks.” He spooned out a good-sized serving. “No. Haven’t even looked. The Mustangs relocation service called. They have a few places they want me to see, but I don’t know when I’m going to find time.”

“I have a crazy idea.” She glanced at her fiancé as if apologizing in advance then turned back to Sean. “I think Bentley would be okay with it. I’m surprised he hasn’t thought of it himself.”

She hesitated, played with the cubes of melon on her plate. She glanced at the man seated next to her.

“What? Did I miss something?” he asked.

“The pool house,” she said. “Sean could move into the pool house. It’s more than big enough for a single person, and no one ever uses it.” Throughout her little speech, her eyes shifted between the two men. There was a hint of nervousness in her voice as if she wasn’t sure if she was overstepping. From the stricken look on the man’s face, she was. Big time. Sean schooled his own features. Lord, she couldn’t know what she was doing. Could she?

“What do you think, honey? Ya’ll have the same schedule, and he can’t live in a hotel until the season is over when he’ll have time to look for the right place.”

He leaned back in his chair, a beer in his hand. Tension radiated off him like heat waves off blacktop in the middle of a Texas summer. His gaze traveled over the landscaped backyard to the pool house at the back—a mini-McMansion to go with the full-sized one facing the street. Sean didn’t dare breathe. Did Bent want him so close? If he said yes, should he accept the offer? Could he live there knowing the two of them shared a bed in the main house? Hell no. He’d have to be insane to accept.

The insane bastard smiled, wrapped one hand around Ashley’s nape, and pulled her in for a kiss. “Brilliant idea, babe.” He turned a smiling face to Sean. “What do you say?”

Are you out of your fucking mind?
It was all he could do not to yank the man out of his chair and drag him off somewhere for what Texans called a Come to Jesus talk. Plastering what he hoped was a smile on his face, he held his hand up in protest. “Really, guys, thanks, but…I shouldn’t.”

He couldn’t be that close to the man he loved…every fucking night. Keeping his hands off him would be impossible.
Not happening.

“I don’t see why not,” Ashley said.

Let me tell you, honey.

“I think it’s perfect. I know Bentley will love having you around. Honestly, Sean, if it was anyone else, I wouldn’t offer, but ya’ll seem to get along so well. It won’t be forever, just a few months. When the season is over, you’ll have plenty of time to find the right place.”

“She’s right, Sean. You know she is.” His smile wasn’t quite genuine, but his eyes blazed with banked desire and something else it took him a second to decipher.

He wants me to say yes. Mother fuckin’ son of a bitch! You are out of your fuckin’ mind, asshole, if you think you can keep our relationship from her with me living here. But, have it your way. Was this why he’d been summoned today? Just what the fuck is going on here?

“Bent, why don’t you show Sean the pool house while I clean up out here? Maybe seeing it will convince him.”

Sean looked at the home’s owner, dared him to end the insanity swirling around them. A small aircraft droned overhead.
Probably writing DISASTER in puffs of white smoke
.

“Sure, babe.” His chair scraped across the paving stones as he stood. “You don’t get to play domestic goddess often, so who am I to cheat you out of the opportunity.” He smiled at his fiancée, flicked her ponytail before placing his hand on her shoulder bared by her strapless sundress.

Are you trying to piss me off?
Fucking bastard, flaunting his relationship in front of him
. ‘Cause if you are, you’re doing a damned fine job.

“Come on, Sean. Let me show you your new digs.”

“I haven’t said yes, yet,” he said, standing. He thanked Ashley for lunch then followed Bentley’s perfect, soon to be kicked to Kingdom Come, ass around the pool.

* * *

Well, that was that.

Ashley watched the two men walk away. It had taken all of five seconds to see everything her fiancé had told her was true. Hell, a blind man could see the sparks flying between those two. She could see how they’d turned to public animosity to throw people off—but anyone with half a brain could tell there were deep feelings between them. Whether the person saw love or hate depended on their perspective.

Love it was. The physical attraction between them did things to her she never expected. Once she’d seen them together, the vague images she’d conjured when he’d first told her came back, magnified and enhanced by real knowledge of the man her fiancé desired.

She cleared the table, grateful for the activity to direct her thoughts in a less disturbing and inappropriate direction. Though, as time passed and the men hadn’t returned, she couldn’t help but wonder what was going on between them, and how, exactly it would affect her. She began to regret offering Sean the pool house, but what else could she have done? Keeping Sean Flannery close was the only way she would figure out what to about their situation.

* * *

As soon as the door to the pool house closed behind him, Sean railed on his host. “Are you fucking insane? You want to keep your gay lover on the same property with your straight fiancée? Do you have any idea how crazy that is?”

“Hold on.” Bent’s hand was a stop sign between them. “Number one, Ashley doesn’t live here, though she’s here more than she’s not. And, two…she knows.”

She knows? She knows.
“She fuckin’ knows?”

He found the closest chair. Dropping into it, he scrubbed his hands over his face. “You told her?”

Bentley sat on the sofa facing him. “Last week. I know I said I wasn’t going to, but I…well, I snapped. She said she wanted to meet you, size you up for a broadcasting job opening up soon. She wasn’t going to take no for answer, so I told her why I couldn’t ask you to lunch.”

“The job thing. That was real?”

“Yeah. I wasn’t lying to you about the job. I don’t know much about it, but I told her you wouldn’t be interested. After I told her about us, she came up with the idea of using the job as an excuse to get to know you. What could I say, Sean? All I could think was she wasn’t leaving me, at least not right away. I had to take a chance.”

Sean held his face in his hands, his elbows braced on his knees. He peered up at his lunatic lover. He still wanted to beat the shit out of him—for general purposes. But the pain etched on his face reminded him how much the man had to lose.

“Why didn’t you tell me before I came over here?”

“I didn’t think you’d come. But honest to God, I never expected her to ask you to move in. Her offer was as much a surprise to me as it was to you.”

“
Surprise
doesn’t begin to cover it.” He sat back, determined to hear it all. “What did she do when you told her?” He held up a staying hand. “Wait. Wait. What, exactly did you tell her?”

“I told her I’d been unfaithful to her. She was pissed, wanted to know who the woman was. She was hurt. I won’t lie to you, I considered making up some random woman then swearing I wouldn’t ever do it again, but then I thought about you.” He shook his head. “I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t lie to her again. I told her the truth.”

“What is the truth?”

“I’ve been half in love with you for years.” Their gazes met. “I finally got up the courage to do something about it.”