Switched: Brides of the Kindred 17 (17 page)

Frankie bit her lip. Apparently calling in sick wasn’t an
option here on Kerov’s home world. Not that she’d thought it would
be but she’d had
to
try
. It
wasn’t just that she was afraid to go do Kervo’s duties—she was
afraid she was going to do irreparable harm to the big Kindred’s
career. She’d already trashed his reputation by letting him down
with Xirnah—she didn’t want to do any more damage.

Still, it looked
like she had no choice but to go and do the best she could.

“
Just give me a chance to get ready,” she said. “I’m sure I’ll
feel better after I take a shower.”

“
Whatever.” The man yawned. “I’m going back to sleep for at
least half an arhn. Between the review in the morning and the
banquet tonight, it’s going to be a long day. I need a little more
rest before I face it.”

“
Uh, right—of course.” Frankie nodded as he left, presumably
to go back to bed. Then she shook her head. Had she really just had
an entire conversation with a strange man while she was completely
naked? That felt really weird—almost as weird as the pee-tube thing
connected to Kerov’s cock.

She looked down at
the tube in question and sure enough, the suction cup was still
firmly attached to the end of his shaft. Would it really let go if
she went ahead and relieved herself?

Only one way to find
out.

Taking a deep
breath, Frankie tried to relax and let go. Peeing as a man was
strange. Even discounting the alien tube attached to the equipment
between her legs, it felt wrong to go standing up. Still, somehow
she managed it. To her relief, Kerov’s friend seemed to be right
because the minute she finished, the suction cup finally released
its hold and she was free.

Frankie took a quick
step back, examining Kerov’s equipment carefully to be certain it
was unharmed. She breathed another sigh of relief when she saw it
looked perfectly normal—well, if being hung like a Clydesdale was
normal, that was.

She might have ruined his relationship with his girlfriend and
gotten him branded as impotent, not to mention what inadvertent
harm she might do pretending to be him at the parade and the
banquet but somehow she thought the only thing the big
Kindred
couldn’t
forgive was her getting his shaft mangled. She knew how proud
men were of their equipment—permanent damage there would be an
unforgivable offense—one she didn’t want to have to explain when
Kerov finally popped back into his body.

If
he popped
back in. Oh dear—what if he didn’t? What if—?

Don’t start that again,
Frankie told herself sternly.
He’ll come back eventually. For right
now I just have to do the best I can and be sure nobody knows Kerov
and I switched places.

She decided to take
the shower she’d been wanting but there was no shower stall in the
weird looking bathroom. There was, however, a silver nozzle
directly above the rocking chair toilet. Frankie looked up at
it—was that how you showered here? But if so, how did you make the
water hotter or colder—or keep it from getting all over the place
for that matter?

Remembering how the
idea to use the waste disposal pee-tube had risen to her mind, she
closed her eyes and tried to search for information on showers. To
her delight, she found she was able to access some of Kerov’s
memories. His mind was like an orderly warehouse filled with rows
and rows of filing cabinets. Some of them were easy to open—some,
however, were locked tight. Frankie frowned—what was Kerov hiding
in those? And was he hiding whatever it was even from himself? Why
else would the drawers be locked?

It didn’t seem to
make sense but Frankie was just glad to get any help at all. She
found a filing cabinet for personal hygiene—it was already
partially cracked open, no doubt this was the one where the
information about the waste disposal unit had come from.

She reached in and
pulled out an idea about the shower—it did indeed come from the
nozzle over the toilet. And the water was preset to Kerov’s
preferences. So she didn’t have to worry about that. All she had to
do was sit on the rocking chair toilet and give the command.

Frankie sat
gingerly, feeling strange as the white chair swayed gently beneath
her. What a bizarre place to have a shower—why couldn’t they
separate it from the toilet? Well, whatever—she knew that other
cultures had different ways of doing things.

“
Clean all,” she said loudly, as the memory had informed her
she should.

At once, a thin film
of transparent material that looked like plastic wrap you might put
over a sandwich descended from the ceiling and surrounded her. It
was still attached to the nozzle but it covered her from head to
toe, somehow sliding around every inch of Kerov’s big, male body.
The only opening was under her bottom leading straight into the
blue water in the bowl of the rocking chair toilet.

“
Hey!” Frankie exclaimed, feeling panicked again. The
information she’d found hadn’t warned her about this—it had only
told her what to do in order to take Kerov’s version of a shower.
She felt like she was being zipped into a body bag—how could she
breath like this?

As if to answer her
question, two holes suddenly formed just at her nostrils and
another slit appeared at her mouth. It was a good thing they did
because the next moment, a deluge of warm, soapy water began
pouring down from the nozzle overhead, completely drenching
her.

“
Hey!” Frankie gasped again as soap got in her eyes. The water
was much too hot and the soap really stung! She blinked, wishing
she could rub her eyes but it was impossible, encased as she
was—the plastic shower bag was too tight and confining and she
couldn’t get her arms up past her waist. The steaming, soapy water
kept pouring over her, sluicing over her bare skin and draining
into the blue water of the toilet beneath her.

Frankie tried to
stay calm. Well, at least now she knew why the shower nozzle was
located right over the restroom facilities. The plastic barrier
kept the water completely contained and the excess was literally
flushed away. It made sense but it still wasn’t pleasant.

Suddenly she felt
something besides the water touching her. Looking down, she saw
long, thin, purple tentacles writhing over her skin like snakes or
worms.

Frankie’s heart began to pound triple time and bile rose in
her throat. Okay, screw staying calm—what the hell
were
these things? They seemed to be
scrubbing or scraping her somehow but even if they had a legitimate
function, Frankie didn’t like them. She had never been a big fan of
anything creepy-crawly and the purple scrubby tentacles definitely
qualified.

The tentacles went
everywhere
—twisting in Kerov’s short, no-nonsense hair, sliding
up and down his long arms and legs—even twining around his shaft
which made Frankie even more freaked out. What the hell was
with
this planet and its weird things that
grabbed and touched your private areas? Were the Tarsians some kind
of perverts or what?

Okay, that was enough—she wanted out of this weird Saran Wrap
shower
now.

She tried to get up
but the rocking mechanism beneath her swayed alarmingly and she
nearly fell. Well fine—she was in a big, strong, male body, she
would just tear her way out. It would cause a hell of a mess when
soapy water sprayed all over the floor, but at this point she
didn’t care.

But her attempts to
rip her way out failed too. The plastic wrap stuff was way stronger
than it looked and she couldn’t get any purchase on its slick,
soapy surface.

Dios…Dios…Dios…
Frankie’s breath began to come in shorter and shorter gasps
until she felt lightheaded and saw black specs floating before her
eyes. She was trapped in here with no hope of escape, being crawled
over by a lot of slimy purple tentacles. She was stuck—she would
never get out!

Just as her panic
was rising to a crescendo and she thought she was going to either
scream or black out, the purple tentacles withdrew—sucked back up
into the shower nozzle in the wink of an eye.

Frankie looked up
hopefully, trying to still her ragged breathing. Did that mean the
shower was almost over?

A huge splash of
freezing cold water raining down over her face was her answer.

“
Ahh!” Frankie gasped and jerked, coughing to try and clear
her lungs. Why the hell had the water turned cold all of a sudden?
She wanted desperately to get away but of course she couldn’t. All
she could do was sit there and endure the icy deluge, praying it
would stop before she developed hypothermia.

Her teeth were chattering and she was sure her skin was
turning blue when the cold water finally stopped. In fact,
all
the water stopped, giving her hope
that the shower was
finally
over.

It wasn’t quite done
yet, however. As Frankie looked up again, a blast of hot air hit
her in the face and filled the plastic body bag that had encased
her. Soon the whole thing ballooned out, no doubt looking extremely
bizarre as every inch of Kerov’s big body was air dried. Only when
every last drop of water was evaporated did the plastic shower bag
withdraw and retract back up into the nozzle in the ceiling.

As soon as she
could, Frankie jumped away from the toilet and ran out of the
bathroom. She sank down onto the short, tough, fibrous carpet that
covered Kerov’s bedroom floor and wrapped her arms around herself,
shaking and taking deep, gasping breaths.

“
Dios,”
she
whispered raggedly.
“Madre de Dios,
that was
awful.”

Her heart was
pounding like a jackhammer and she felt like she’d just been
assaulted. Kerov’s version of a shower was like a combination of
being water-boarded, buried alive, and groped by an octopus. It was
without a doubt one of the worst things she’d ever been
through.

“
Never again,” she swore to herself in a low voice. “I’m
never,
ever
doing that again.” Even
if she and Kerov never switched back and she was stuck here
forever, she would never voluntarily go through that experience a
second time. She’d take sponge baths in the kitchen sink—if there
was a kitchen sink—or find some other way to bathe. But she was
never, ever—

“
What are you doing all curled up on your sleeping chamber
floor?” demanded a familiar male voice.

Frankie looked up to
see Kerov’s friend frowning down at her from the doorway.

“
Uh…” She tried to pull herself together. “I was just…I
dropped something. I was looking for it.”

“
Well, whatever you’re doing, it’s time to get dressed,” he
snapped. “We can’t be late for the review.”

“
I
thought you were trying to get some more sleep.” Frankie
straightened up, fighting the urge to cover her nakedness. Clearly
the Tarsians didn’t consider nudity to be a big deal so it would
look stranger for her to try and hide her body than it would to
just stand there, pretending not to care.

“
I
was
but you were making so
much noise in the fresher I couldn’t get a wink,” Kerov’s friend
grumbled. His eyes ran over her naked body, lingering in a way that
made Frankie feel distinctly nervous. “Honestly, Kerov, you weren’t
so loud back when we were bunkmates in the enlisted males’
barracks. Having your own quarters has changed you.”

“
No it hasn’t,” Frankie said quickly, afraid he was catching
on to the Switch. “No, I’m exactly the same, really. I just had…a
bad night last night. That’s all.”

“
Mandatory Sexual Encounter didn’t go well, huh?” The blond
man gave her a sympathetic look.

“
You could say that.” Frankie sighed. “I don’t think Xirnah
and I are, uh, going to be seeing each other anymore.”

Kerov’s friend gave
a low whistle of disbelief.

“
As bad as that, is it? That’s a shame! If you’re getting a
reassignment I doubt you’ll get a female as hot as Xirnah again.
She really was
perfection.”

“
I
thought she was kind of boney and skinny myself,” Frankie remarked,
stung into making a personal remark about Kerov’s ex.

“
Really?” Kerov’s friend frowned. “I’ve never heard you say so
before. I know she could be a little difficult, Xirnah was
amazing—the Tarsian physical ideal.”

“
Yeah, well…” Frankie muttered, shrugging. She really didn’t
know how to counter that, especially since it was almost certainly
true. Kerov plainly liked the skinny, blonde,
straight-hips-and-tiny-ass type of girl. If he
had
landed in her body he was probably freaking out
about her childbearing hips and what a big butt she had.

“
Well, you’ll get someone
almost
as hot, I’m sure. Anyway, about today,” Kerov’s friend said,
breaking into her morose thoughts. “I thought we should ride
together since we have to do the review this morning and the
banquet tonight. There’s no point in leaving for a few hours in the
middle of the day—we might as well just stay on the base. We can
have midmeal and shower there after the review—catch some rest in
the barracks before the banquet. What do you say?”