Sydney Harbour Hospital: Lexi's Secret (3 page)

And her older sister Bella was one of those patients.

Lexi pushed open the door of Bella’s room, a bright smile already fixed in place. ‘Hi, Bells.’

‘Oh, hi, Lexi …’ Bella said, her voice sagging over the weight of the words.

Lexi could always tell when Bella had just finished a session with the hospital physiotherapist. She looked even more gaunt and pale than usual. Her sister’s thin, frail body lying so listlessly on the bed reminded her of a skeleton shrink-wrapped in skin. She had always found it hard to look at her older sister without feeling horribly guilty. Guilty that she was so robustly healthy, so outgoing and confident … well, on the surface anyway.

She knew it was hard for Bella to relate to her. It put a strain on their relationship that Lexi dearly wished wasn’t there but she didn’t know how to fix it. Everything Bella did was a struggle, but for Lexi no matter what activity she tried she seemed to have a natural flair for it. She had spent much of her childhood downplaying her talents in case Bella had felt left out. She’d ended the ballet lessons she’d adored because she’d sensed Bella’s frustration that she could barely
walk, let alone dance. Her piano lessons had gone the same way. As soon as it had become obvious Bella hadn’t been able to keep up, Lexi had ended them. It had been easier to quit and pretend disinterest than to keep going and feel guilty all the time.

But it wasn’t just guilt Lexi felt when she was around Bella. It was dread. Gut-wrenching, sickening dread that one day Bella was not going to be around any more.

The Lockheart family had lived with that fear for twenty-six years. It was as if the looming shadow of the Grim Reaper had stepped uninvited into their family, and for years had been waiting on the fringes, popping his head in now and again when Bella had a bad attack to remind them all not to take too much for granted, patiently waiting for his chance to step up to centre stage for the final act.

Everyone knew Bella would not reach thirty without a lung transplant. The trouble was getting her healthy and stable enough to be ready for one if a donor became available.

And then there was the waiting list with all those desperately sick people hoping for the same thing: a suitable donor. It was like a weird sort of live-or-die lottery. Even being a recipient of a healthy lung meant that some poor family somewhere else would be mourning the loss of the person they loved.

Life was incredibly cruel, Lexi thought as she put on her happy face for Bella. ‘I’ve brought you a surprise.’

Bella’s sad grey eyes brightened momentarily. ‘Is it that new romantic comedy everyone is talking about?’ she asked.

Lexi glanced at the portable DVD player her sister had on her tray table. Bella was addicted to movies, soppy ones mostly. The shelves the other side of the resuscitation
gear held dozens of DVDs she had watched numerous times. ‘No, it’s not out until next month,’ Lexi said. She put the designer shopping bag she’d brought on the bed beside her sister’s frail form. ‘Go on,’ she urged. ‘Open it.’

Bella opened the bag and carefully took out the tissue-wrapped package inside. Her thin fingers meticulously peeled back the designer-shop logo sticker keeping the edges together. Lexi was almost jumping up and down with impatience. If it had been her receiving a package the tissue paper would have been on the floor by now in her haste to see what was inside. But Bella took her time, which was sadly ironic really, Lexi thought, when time was one thing she had so little of.

‘What do you think?’ she asked as Bella had finally unwrapped the sexy red lacy negligee and wrap set.

Bella’s cheeks were about as red as the lacy garments. ‘Thanks, Lexi, it was very kind of you but …’

‘You need to break out a little, Bells,’ Lexi said. ‘You’re always wearing those granny flannel pyjamas. Passion-killers, that’s what they’re called. Why not live a little? Who’s going to notice in here if you wear something a little more feminine?’

Bella’s cheeks were still furnace hot. ‘I’m not comfortable in your type of clothes, Lexi. You look stunning in them. You look stunning in anything. You’d turn heads wearing a garbage bag. I’ll just look stupid.’

‘You don’t give yourself a chance to look stunning,’ Lexi said. ‘You hide behind layers of old-fashioned drab clothing like you don’t want to be noticed.’

‘Don’t you think I get enough attention as it is?’ Bella asked with a flash of her grey eyes. ‘I have people poking and prodding me all the time. It’s all right for you. You don’t have to lie in here and watch the clock
go round while another day of your life passes you by. You’re out having a life.’

There was a little tense silence, all except for the squeak of a nurse’s rubber-soled shoes in the corridor outside as she walked briskly past.

Lexi felt her shoulders drop. ‘I’m sorry,’ she said. ‘I just thought something bright would cheer you up.’ She began to collect the lacy items from Bella’s lap.

Bella put her hand out to stop her taking away the negligee set. ‘No, leave it,’ she said on a heavy sigh. ‘It was sweet of you. I’ll keep it for when I’m better.’

The unspoken words
if I get better
hung in the air for a moment.

Lexi summoned up a smile. ‘Actually, I only bought it because there was a two-for-one sale. You should see the little number I bought myself.’

‘What colour is it?’

‘Black with hot pink ribbons.’

‘Are you saving it for your wedding night?’ Bella asked.

Lexi averted her gaze. ‘I’m not sure … maybe …’

‘Have you heard from Matthew?’

‘I got an email a couple of days ago,’ Lexi said. ‘It’s hard for messages to get through. His team are building a school in a remote village in Nigeria.’

‘I think he’s amazing to be volunteering over there,’ Bella said. ‘He could have just as easily stayed at home in the family business.’

‘He’ll come back to the Brentwood business once he’s done his bit for humanity,’ Lexi said.

‘It’s nice that you’re both are so passionate about helping others,’ Bella said.

‘Yes …’ Lexi dropped her gaze again. ‘Oh, and before I forget …’ She rummaged in another bag and took
out the latest editions of the fashion magazines Bella loved and spread them like a fan on the tray table. ‘You should check out page sixty-three in that one. There’s a dress design just like the one you drew last week, only yours is better, in my opinion.’

‘Thanks, Lexi,’ Bella said with a shy smile.

There was the sound of a firm authoritative tread coming down the corridor.

‘I bet that’s your doctor,’ Lexi said, rising from the end of the bed where she had perched. ‘I’d better vamoose.’

‘No, don’t go,’ Bella said, grabbing at Lexi’s hand. ‘That will be the transplant surgeon. You know how much I hate meeting people for the first time. Stay with me? Please?’

There was a cursory knock at the door and then a nurse came in, followed by a tall figure with shoulders so broad they almost filled the doorway.

Lexi felt her stomach hollow out and her heart did that hit-and-miss thing all over again. Could this really be happening to her? What twist of fate had led Sam to be her sister’s surgeon? She’d thought he’d planned to be a renal transplant surgeon. She hadn’t for a moment suspected he would be Bella’s doctor. It would be even harder to avoid him now. There would be ward rounds and consultations in his rooms, follow-ups if the surgery went ahead. Lexi was the one who mostly ferried Bella around. How was she going to deal with being confronted with the pain of her past on such a regular basis?

‘Bella,’ the nurse said cheerily. ‘This is Mr Sam Bailey, the heart-lung transplant surgeon newly arrived from the US. We’re very lucky to have someone of his calibre working for us. And lucky you, for you
are his very first patient at SHH. Mr Bailey, this is Bella Lockheart.’

Sam held out his hand to Bella. ‘Hello, Bella,’ he said. ‘How are you feeling?’

Bella blushed like a schoolgirl and her voice was nothing more than a soft mumble. ‘I’m fine, thank you.’

‘And this is Lexi Lockheart,’ the nurse continued with a beaming smile as she turned to where Lexi was standing. ‘You’ll see a lot of her around the place. She’s a tireless fundraiser for SHH. If you have spare cash lying around, watch out. She’ll be on to you in a flash.’

Lexi cautiously met Sam’s gaze. How was he going to play this? As strangers meeting for the first time? Surely he wouldn’t acknowledge their previous relationship, not in a place like SHH where gossip ran as fast as the wireless broadband network, sometimes faster. His professional reputation could be compromised if people started to speculate about what had happened between them in the past.

He put out his large, capable hand, the same hand that had once cupped her cheek as he’d leant in to kiss her for the first time, the same hand that had skimmed over and held each of her breasts, the same hand that had stroked down to that secret place between her thighs and coaxed her into her first earth-shattering orgasm. Lexi slowly brought her hand to his, trying to ignore the way his warm palm sent electric zaps all the way to her armpit and back.

‘How do you do?’ he said in his deep baritone voice.

So
it was strangers, then
. ‘Pleased to meet you, Mr Bailey,’ she said, keeping her expression coolly polite. ‘I hope you settle in well at SHH.’

‘I’m settling in very well, thank you,’ he said, his
eyes communicating with hers in a private lock that made her flesh tingle from head to foot.

She slipped her hand out of his and stepped back so he could speak to Bella. Her hand fizzed and tingled and she shoved it behind her back as she watched as he interacted with her sister with a reassuring mix of compassion and professionalism.

‘I’ve been going over your history in a lot of detail, Bella,’ he said, ‘especially your lung function over the last couple of years. I guess I don’t have to tell you that there’s been significant deterioration.’

Bella’s grey gaze looked shadowed with worry. ‘Yes, I’ve been admitted to hospital more often with chest infections and it takes longer and longer to clear things up. I’ve only just started to improve and I’ve been in here almost three weeks.’

Sam gave an understanding nod. ‘I’ve looked at your latest CT scans and lung function studies. The lungs are very scarred. That’s making them stiff, so it’s no wonder you’re struggling to breathe when you exert yourself or when you get even a minor infection.’

Bella bit her lip and dropped her gaze to the magazines on her tray table. It was a moment before she looked up at Sam. ‘Am I getting to … to the end? How much time do I have left?’

Sam gave her thin shoulder a gentle squeeze. ‘We’re getting to the stage of needing to do a lung transplant within the next couple of months. I’ve started the active search for a matching transplant donor. If we find one we need to move straight away before you get another bout of pneumonia. We could find a donor in a day, a week or a couple of months. I’m afraid that longer than that and the chances get worse of keeping you well enough to survive the surgery.’

Lexi listened with dread, feeling like a ship’s anchor had landed on the floor of her stomach. It was such a massive operation. What if it didn’t work? What if poor Bella died on the operating table or soon after? So much of it seemed up to chance: the right donor; whether Bella was well enough at the time to be the recipient; whether she would survive the long operation. So many factors were at play and no one, it seemed, had any control over any of it, least of all Bella.

Bella must have been thinking the very same thing as she said, ‘What are my chances of coming through the operation?’

Sam was nothing if not professional and knowledgeable and encouraging in his manner. ‘With modern anti-rejection therapy there’s better than an eighty-five per cent chance that you’ll survive the surgery and live a good-quality life for the next ten years. After that there’s not much data, but expectations are that anti-rejection management will continue to improve and that you could end up living a fairly normal life.’

‘You’re in good hands, Bella,’ the nurse said. ‘Mr Bailey is considered one of the world’s leading heart-lung transplant surgeons.’

Sam acknowledged the nurse’s comment with a quick on-off smile as if he was uncomfortable with praise. Perhaps he was worried about operating on someone to whom he had a connection, Lexi thought. Not that he had ever met Bella before, but he had been intimately involved with Lexi. Clinical distance was paramount in life-and-death surgery. A surgeon could not afford to let the pressure of a relationship, no matter how distant or close, interfere with his clinical judgement. She hoped her involvement with him in the past wasn’t going to complicate things for Bella.

‘I’ll keep you informed on things as we go along, Bella,’ Sam said. ‘You’ll stay in the medical ward until your health improves. If a donor becomes available and you’re healthy enough, we’ll move you across to the transplant unit. Otherwise we’ll send you home until something comes up.’

‘Thanks for everything, Mr Bailey,’ Bella said blushing again. ‘I really appreciate you taking me on.’

Sam smiled and gave Bella’s shoulder another gentle touch. ‘Hang in there, Bella. We’ll do all we can to get you through this. Just try and keep positive.’

He gave Lexi a brief impersonal nod as he left with the nurse to continue his rounds.

Lexi didn’t even realise she was holding her breath until Bella looked at her quizzically. ‘It’s not like you to be so quiet when there’s a handsome man in the room,’ she said.

Lexi felt her face heating and tried to counter it with an uppity toss of her head. ‘He’s not that handsome.’

Bella raised her brows. ‘You don’t think? I thought you had a thing for tall muscular men with dark brown eyes.’

Lexi gave a dismissive shrug. ‘His hair is too short.’

‘Maybe he keeps it short for convenience,’ Bella said. ‘He’s in Theatre a lot. Any longer and it would get sweaty under the scrub hat during long transplant operations.’

Lexi made a business of folding each sheet of the tissue paper into a neat square, lining them up side by side on the bed.