Tackled by Love (23 page)

I’ve been pretty miserable since Landon and I parted ways. It’s been a week since Thanksgiving and the only bright spots in my day are the morning texts I get from him. I really should put on my big girl pants and be honest with him about my fears, but I’m not sure what’s holding me back from doing so. He’d be understanding, I’m sure, but that doesn’t make it any easier.

It’s mid-afternoon and I’m almost done working for the day. Deciding to put fear to the side for a minute, I pull out my phone and text Landon. He always initiates this, so maybe he’ll see it as a sign that I’m slowly coming around and trying to conquer my issues about our relationship—well, the relationship we used to have anyway.

Me: Hey. How are you?

After I hit send, I want to smack myself in the forehead.
How are you?
God, I’m so awkward. I get a response almost immediately.

Landon: I’m okay how r u?

Me: I’m good, just wrapping up at the bakery soon then going to the gym. Do you want to get together after or something? Maybe talk a little?

Wait, what am I doing? Am I ready to see him? I don’t get much time to question it because his response comes through lightning quick.

Landon: Absolutely I can pick u up from the gym and bring u back 2 ur car when we’re done.

Me: Eww, I’ll be all sweaty.

Landon: Trust me it doesn’t bother me a bit what time do u think u will be done?

Me: I should be finished around 4.

Landon: See u there gorgeous I can’t wait ;-)

Even though I’m nervous as hell about seeing him after the way we left things last, I have to admit my stomach is full of butterflies knowing I’m going to see him in a couple hours. I’d be lying if I said I haven’t missed him.

***

I finished up my workout a little early so I’d have time to shower before I see Landon. After I’m dried off, I grab my clothes and go into a bathroom stall to change. I’ve never quite gotten to the point where I can change in front of people comfortably. The terrible experiences I had in gym class are hard to shake, no matter how much weight I’ve lost.

The girls would whisper and laugh at me in class, that was nothing new, but one day really sticks out in my mind. I always went to the very last row of lockers to change. Usually, I was by myself since I didn’t have any friends. I had just taken off my gym shirt and was trying to get into my regular clothes as quickly as possible so that no one would see me. Valerie and her friends walked to my end of the lockers and she said, “Sorry, I didn’t realize there was livestock in here. Can we take a picture of you in your habitat? We’ve never been this close to a cow before.” She pulled a camera out from behind her back and snapped a picture before I got a chance to cover myself completely. The girls walked away laughing while I threw on my clothes and ran out of there. Once I got outside, I ran to the bushes and expelled all the contents of my stomach. I was so upset, it was making me physically sick. Still, I refused to cry and give those bitches more ammunition against me. I heard they were showing the picture to the girls in the locker room, but the gym teacher saw it and took her camera. She had to have her mom come get it or something, but she was never punished.

I’m so lost in thought that I didn’t hear anyone come in, so when I walk out of the stall the person I see startles me, and that nauseous feeling comes back.

“This is the last place I’d expect to see you,” Valerie says, her arms crossed over her chest.

We’re not in high school anymore and I’ll be damned if I let her intimidate me like she did before. “Can I help you with something?” I lean my side against the frame of the stall, trying to appear bored and nonchalant by her presence, but really, my skin is crawling having to look at the person who caused me so much sorrow in the past.

“Actually you can. You can stay away from my husband. He doesn’t want you and is just using you to get back at me for dating someone else. Although,” she pauses and looks me up and down, “if he was trying to make me jealous, he could’ve at least picked someone attractive.” She snarls at me to emphasize her point.

I stand up straight, towering over her petite frame. “If that’s the case, then he can tell me that himself. But the way I see it, you’re just a gold-digging whore looking for a meal ticket. So if you’ll move, I really need to be on my way now.” I inch past her, brushing her shoulder in the process.

She lets out a wicked laugh, but it’s her words that make me stop. “He really does have you fooled. You think Landon is this good guy who sees you for the new and improved Autumn? You are so naive. Who do you think helped plan all those pranks? And that video that was passed around? Who do you think recorded it? You may have lost all that weight, but he’ll always see you as Porky, just like the rest of this town. So let me give you some advice,” the sound of her heels against the tile tells me she’s moving closer. “Walk away and leave with what little dignity you have left.” I never turn to face her as she says this. With tears brimming my eyes, I keep going and walk out the door.

Rushing through the gym, my eyes are downcast to keep people from seeing that I’m on the verge of crying. No, Landon couldn’t have done those things, right? Am I falling for the same shit because an attractive guy is showing me attention? Oh God, it’s like the whole Chad stunt all over again.

My eyes are still trained on the ground when I push through the doors. Suddenly, I plow into a hard surface and almost fall on my ass from the unexpected collision. A firm grip lands on my arm, keeping me upright. Looking up, I’m met with worried eyes.

“You okay? What’s wrong?” Landon asks. His eyes start to scan the area, probably looking for the person that upset me. Too bad that person is him.

I yank my arm free from his grasp. “Don’t touch me!”

He holds his hands up in surrender. “Whoa, what happened?” His eyebrows are drawn down in confusion.

“You’re what happened.” I push his chest, putting more distance between us. “Did you think it was funny to take the former fat girl out on a date? Is this some kind of good deed, or another sick fucking joke? How could you do that to me!? Do you even care how much I suffered in high school because of the shit you were a part of? What did I ever do to you to deserve being treated like I was a piece of fucking trash? Huh?!” All the blood rushes to my head in my fit of rage. I’m screaming and everyone is staring, but I don’t care. This is the lowest level of deceit and he’s lucky I don’t kick him in the fucking balls.

“I have no idea what you’re talking about, Autumn. Why don’t you calm down and we can talk about what’s upsetting you.” His words are soft and slow, like I’m a small child he’s trying not to frighten.

“Go to hell, Landon, and stay the fuck away from me. I never want to see you again.” I storm past him intent on getting to my car before I break down in front of everyone, but Landon snags me by the elbow.

“Just wait. I don’t—“

“I swear to God if you don’t get your hands off of me I will castrate you.” The look I give him must be lethal because he quickly lets go as if my skin is on fire. Once I get to my car, I slide in and start the ignition. I pull out onto the road and let the dam break free. All those years of holding it in has finally taken its toll with this last blow to my heart. I’m forced to pull over into a parking lot since I can’t see through the blurry vision my tears have created. Leaning my head on the steering wheel, I let it all out. I cry for what feels like hours, letting the pieces of my heart fall out slowly, tear by tear.

What the fuck just happened? Standing in the middle of the parking lot, I watch her car speed off as my mouth gapes open. I’m so confused by everything, my mind is having a hard time processing it and I have no idea where to go.

“Wow, she’s really upset. I wonder what that was all about,” I hear an all too familiar voice say from behind me. The sound of it grates on my nerves, and I know without a doubt she’s responsible for this somehow.

Spinning around quickly, I yell, “What the fuck did you say to her, Val?”

Her eyes go wide and her mouth hangs open a little as she tries to look innocent. I know better, though. “I’m afraid I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

I stalk up to her until I’m invading her personal space, my body vibrating with anger. “Don’t play fucking games with me right now. I warned you to stay away from her, didn’t I? Now tell me, what the hell did you say to her? I will
not
ask you again.”

Staring at me with unblinking eyes, she waits a few moments before she answers. “Relax, I only told her the truth.”

At any moment I’m about to lose it. My eyes close and I breathe deeply in through my nose. “What truth would that be?” I question through my teeth. Opening my eyes, I take another calming breath in an attempt to not flip my shit on her.

“That you helped pull all those pranks on her in high school.” She shrugs like what she said is no big deal, but I know it’s the fucking end for me. There’s no way in hell Autumn is going to get over this.

“You did what?!” I shout. “I had nothing to do with any of that shit!”

“Well, she doesn’t know that, now does she?” I’m seeing red. No, I’m on the verge of blacking out from all the fury that’s rolling through my veins right now. Never in my life have I wanted to hit a woman, but this is definitely the exception.

My feet carry me backwards, putting distance between us for fear of snapping on her. “You’re going to pay for this, Valerie. I swear if it’s the last thing I do, if it takes every goddamn dime I have, you will be so fucking sorry you did this.” Jogging back to my car, I don’t spare Valerie another glance as I get in my car and race toward Autumn’s house.

Picking up the phone, I dial my lawyer’s number. It goes to voicemail after a few rings, so I leave a message. “Don’t give that bitch a fucking thing. The house, nothing,” then I hang up.

***

Pulling up to Autumn’s house, I don’t see her car in the driveway but I get out and knock on her front door anyway. Rocking back and forth on my heels, I listen for any kind of noise but hear nothing. After a few more attempts, I jump down the porch steps and run a few doors down to Layla’s house. I pound on her door and wait for her to answer.

“Hey, Landon. What’s up?”

“Have you seen Autumn?”

“Nooo,” she drawls out. “Why? Is she in trouble?” Her tone quickly changes to one of worry, instantly becoming alarmed.

“No, she was told a bunch of lies and I need to find her and tell her the truth.” The thought of her thinking I’m capable of doing that to anyone has my stomach in knots. Does she really think so little of me?

“Well I haven’t seen or heard from her.” At that moment, I hear a car coming down the street. I look over in time to see Autumn pulling into her driveway. Sprinting back to her house, I catch her before she can make it up the porch steps. Grabbing her shoulders, I turn her so she’s facing me. When I get a good look at her, I can tell she’s been crying. Her tear stained face is splotchy and red, her eyes are swollen, and she’s still sniffling. The sight of her this way breaks my heart into two, especially knowing that I’m indirectly responsible for making her feel that way.

She tries to pull away, but I tighten my grip on her. “Wait, please, I know what Valerie said to you and you need to hear me out. I just need five minutes of your time.” When she doesn’t say anything, I repeat, “Please.”

“There’s nothing…for you…to explain.” Her words come out choppy as she hiccups her way through them. Another indication that she had been crying a lot.

Lowering myself to her eye level, I say, “Yes, there is. Everything Valerie told you is a lie. I never did any of those things to you.”

She rolls her eyes at me and sniffles some more. “Okay, Landon. Sure…you didn’t. I told you…that I didn’t…want to see you…anymore.”

“I know, but I had to tell you the truth. Valerie’s making all that shit up to tear us apart.”

Wiggling herself free from my grasp, she locks eyes with me, “I don’t want to…hear it. Leave me…alone.” She walks into the house and slams the door behind her, shutting me out.

Right when I think things are finally looking up for me, I get dick punched and knocked back down. I run my hands in my hair and grab the ends, pulling them in frustration. Turning away from the house, I stare out into the street in a state of bewilderment.

“What did you do to her?” I’m pulled from my state of shock by Layla, who has now walked down the street and is standing next to me.

Releasing my hair, I drop my hands to my side. “I didn’t do anything. Valerie got to her and put it in her head that I was part of the group that made fun of her in school.”

“Shit,” she utters under her breath.

“Yeah, shit. I don’t know what to do. She won’t hear me out. How could she think I’d do something like that?”

“We’re not all the same as we were as kids, Landon. There are a lot of people in this town that participated in the bullying and talk to her now like none of it happened. They might have forgotten, but she,” she pauses to point at Autumn’s house, “definitely hasn’t.”