Tainted (8 page)

I needed to remedy the vulnerable part of him.  I knew enough now that, as a man, it hurt his ego.  He was stronger when he isn’t worrying about me doubting his abilities.  I resolved right then to not make him worry about me so much by my impulse actions.  Not wanting to give myself time to chicken out, I put my arms around his middle.

“Well, I think that I need more training on the range.  I will try also to make sure I don’t go anywhere without Caymin and Rion.  And you will spend more time doing the opposite of ignoring me with your hands and lips tied to me.  Deal?”  I smiled the best melt him like butter smile I could give him and reached out to take his hands that were still fisted.  I uncurled his fingers one by one and wrapped them around mine.

And just like that the old Ian was back.  It was all based on touch.  If I was touching him, he was happy. 

“Well my lady, in that case I’m your butter, melt me down.” I loved this Ian.  Moody!  Cocky!  Grinning like a smooth talking Greek god bad boy Ian that I love.  I finalized my thinking on making sure I can better defend myself as well as make sure I stand taller not looking like a mouse hiding from danger.  I could be this queen.  I will watch his lead as I’ve been doing. And I will not hide behind my man.  But I will not whine.  Instead, touch.  Smile. Touch. It seems to work better.

I smiled and asked, “Are you going back to your meeting?”  I really wanted to be alone and head straight to the range.  I was pumped with the idea of better defending myself.  And I should do it by myself for now so as to not hold back in front of an audience.  Oh, that is why the guards didn’t want me watching, I hold them back.  Lesson learned.  But I’m still watching my man.  And maybe, just maybe I’ll take someone with me next time.  That will be a show.  Forget the no female rule. 

“Is that what you want me to do?” he asked. 

What had I asked?  My puzzled face caused my head to tilt.  The meeting room!  “Yes, I want you to finish the business that needs to get done and then come find me so I can have my way with you.”  He smiled lovingly at my big, bold bossiness.  That was exactly what he wanted.  Score!  He kissed me quickly and went back in.  I headed off with a pep in my step.

The range was empty except for my two guards and little ole me on the bow rail.  Thankful for the absence of rain that had taken over the almost summer air, I gathered the arrows fast and felt very elated when I hit the target dead on every eight out of ten.  I canvassed the area feeling confident and thinking about what I could practice next when I heard footsteps behind me.  I stepped back into him knowing he’d wrap his arms around me instantly.  I felt him stiffen and reached my hands up high so he could put his arms just so far around my waist like he does.  He didn’t.  I whipped around to solve this mystery and found Pike standing less than an inch from my face.  I jumped back two feet shocked at the idea that the smells were all intermingled and hindering my senses.  “What are you doing?”  And how the double parc did I not catch his scent!

“Um, checking on you,” his face was unreadable.  Usually this kind of moment warrants a Pike kind of smirk. 
Nada!

“Well, checked and double checked.  You are excused.”    Where was my scent-o-meter?  I sniffed the air.  Nothing.  It frightened me.

“Park?”

“Um...Grace lingo.  I am trying to clean up my thinking so the court doesn’t think me rude and inappropriate.”

His sardonic laugh surfaced, “Crap backwards is still crap, Grace.”

I shrugged.  I didn’t care about his thoughts on this.  I’d heard his colorful language before.  “Since the Fey people feel like it’s a right of passage to have an invasion of thoughts I figured I better change my slang to something more coded and less offensive.”

He didn’t move.  The smirk arose in his mouth. I don’t know why, but he wasn't leaving.

“And you want me to leave?”

I do have something to ask Mr. Duty.  “You can go where you like.” I was trying to not be obvious, but I searched for a reason why I didn’t sense him.  In fact, I hadn’t sensed Ian either. 
Are you here to “keep an eye on me” since it’s your duty?

“Fine.  I’ll stay.”  He wasn’t faltered in the least. 
You look amazing today.

I turned quickly forcing my feet to retreat to the daggers target practice opposite his direction.  I quite enjoyed them last time.  I picked up one to start.  Missed. 
Why can’t I block you Pike as much as the rest?

The target bounced.  And then another and another one did the same. 

I stepped back to throw another not knowing if Pike had stayed or not. 
Stayed!

A hand folded against my arm.  I felt him step close to me with only the touch of his hand.   I didn’t make a sound.  Or move.  I felt him breathe me in.  The extra dash of lavender wasn’t meant for him.

“Why did you save me that day at the picnic tables? With Kin?”

“Grace, you know the answer to that question.” 

Yeah, but he won’t say it out loud. “Why were you rude and mean and spitting everywhere when I found out the boy I knew as Christian was you.”

“You need to flip only your wrist.  Nothing more.”  He flipped my hand up and down to demonstrate then released it.  I followed through and made the dagger hit almost near the center of the target. 
You are…

“Very good.”

I was so excited to finally hit the target I jumped mercilessly in the air and landed a step closer to him than I gauged.  He caught me falling backwards.  Ever the protector and the smooth talker and the Casanova.  He was so cruel in the past.

“My lady,” he whispered close to my ear.  His hand reached around and pulled the pendant free of my gown that I had secretly tucked back just before I threw the last dagger.  It now hung swaying back and forth in front of me.  I gasped looking up at him.  Bad, bad mistake.

Because I didn’t think I had a chance.  You cannot deny how you feel. 

I can!  And I will!
I don’t think this is the kind of feelings you think I have.  Mostly, you make me nervous and that’s it.  Quit reading it like it’s something else.
I couldn’t look away.  My heart was fluttering wildly.

Yes, you can.  You choose what you want, no one else.

I CAN’T!
I screamed inside.  I saw a sprig of something tucked into Pike’s pockets.  Why does he have plants in his—

He pushed his lips against mine.  I responded.   At least two quick seconds went by.  I backed up from him pushing against the rail, my hands grabbing hold.  “Don’t Pike.  Just don’t do this.”

“Tell me why not?”

“No!”  I left running straight to my room.  
Why?  Why?  Why?

I cried for an hour at least.  No one came to check on me.  No one came at all.  No one.  Not even Danella. I didn’t ask for it.  He didn't make sense.  I don't have any feelings for him.

I surfaced, cleaned my face, and headed to dinner.  I was starving but my head was pounding larger than the pangs of my stomach.  I found Ian at the table.  It was a small comfort but only just.  He never came and found me earlier.  Is it because he knew?

I sat down waiting for him to rise as he always did when I entered.  The room rose and once again sat, but this time it seemed as though the whole room was holding their breath.    One girl adjacent to me kept making eye contact and not the friendly kind.  I smiled hoping that whatever ill will she had might dissipate before she lashed out her anger at me.  I couldn’t be the source since I didn’t have the faintest idea who she was.  As I glanced around the table hoping for a smile in other directions and found myself eye level with yet another female attitude problem glaring only at me.  What did I do?

I waited patiently for the food to come and didn’t wait to start eating.  My stomach greeted the grapes and bananas graciously.  I kept my mouth steadily full to avoid any conversation, not that he was making any.  One of the Fey girls, who looked like Caylie in many ways, sat to my left today.  I’d not seen her before.  She called my name and I obliged a head turn with a smile once again hoping this was intended to be a cordial conversation and not the evil eye like the two girls before.

“Ma’am, do you mind if I join you at the range?  I’ve heard from Mr. Pike that you have superior aim at the arrow targets.”

Ian’s fork dropped with a loud clatter and all I saw was his back walking away when I turned.  I just watched him go. And we had just had a recent
TALK
!  What in the world could I possibly say to the great shock wave of truth that just moved my earth? 

Wrong thing to say in front of my man girl, but she couldn’t have known what she was doing.  Add this to my five-alarm fire list of the ten worst days of my life.  This being somewhere around number three, I think.

I turned back to the girl.  “I would love for you to join me.  What about tomorrow at dusk?”

“Excellent my lady.  I would be most appreciative.  My name is Cyly.”

“Grace.  It’s nice to meet you.”  I stuck my hand out.  She watched it curiously before I grabbed her hand and showed her how to shake mine. 
Honestly!
  The younger girl giggled.  I was starting a human custom in the court.  Before too long, the Fey and humans will all be besties!  I laughed out loud at myself and she stared wildly.  “What?”   I couldn’t figure her.

“It’s just, I know who you are ma’am.  I’ve known you for eighteen years.”

“Oh, I keep forgetting I’m really not the new kid on the block completely.   Only in my mind.”  The girl looked so young for remembering my birth.

“Tomorrow then.”  Cyly said eagerly.

“Tomorrow.” 

I set out to find Ian knowing I had to face this eventually.  If Pike would just disappear, it would be way too wonderful.  But somehow, the order of things would be off kilter and I recognize this as well as Ian.  He just didn’t enjoy it.

Ian wasn’t anywhere.  I asked Caymin and Rion where he went and they refused to answer me. 
Harrumph!

I gave up and made my way to the trampoline.  I laid there crying silently to not attract attention.  Sure enough, I mentally walked right into a full blown second encounter with Pike.  Will this ever end?

No, Grace.  I will not give up.  You feel it too, you just won’t admit it.

And I won’t.  Pike, please.  I don’t know what this is, but it’s not what I want or what you think.  Just please stop.  You’re making me an emotional mess at a time I need to focus on Kin. You’re making Ian a pill to be around. Just please stop.

He stepped a miniscule step closer so I could see him in the shadows of the tree. 
I will for now because of the situation.  I never meant to cause you anguish.  I’m sorry.  I just want a chance.

I sighed so loudly I made myself cough.  When I regained my composure, he was gone.  I rolled onto my stomach and dry heaved into the net.  I gagged a couple more times and couldn’t seem to keep back the sobs.  The shock wave of emotion flooded in.

I didn’t hear him approach but his feet stood at the edge of the trampoline as I guessed just watching. I stopped myself by holding my breath. He smelled wonderful.  If he ignored me again by just walking away, I decided I deserved the punishment.  I was a lousy person anf deserved every ounce of his wrath.

“Grace, are you okay?”  His voice was just loud enough for me to hear.

Did I have to answer?  “No!”

“What would you have me do?”

Him do? 
“I’m the problem.  So I don’t see how you could help.  I’m tired of the stinking talking heads.  I just want to make it through one measly day without something screwing it up.”

“I wish that for you too.”

What does that mean?  I looked at him showing my ridiculous non-waterproof mascara raccoon face and crossed my hands in front of them because not only was I hideous, he was
shirtless
.

When my face returned to the net I blinked my eyes downward looking at a frightened, shaking Ian lying beneath me on the green grass looking up.  I was so surprised that I just kept blinking.

“I wish that too, Grace.  I wish this was all easier for you.  I don’t know that I can tell you what to do.  You seem to be such an independent thinker.  Just when I think I might,
can
predict what your next move is, you shock the hell out of me.  What am I to do with that but go with it?  Always have.  It’s just now, you know how I feel.”

“Well, I’m tired of just going with it.  I want some kind of normal.”

“Some kind of normal is not what you’ll find here.”  His voice was calm.

“Ian, I’m not normal.  I went my whole life with boys scared of me. 
Too witchy
. 
Too freaky.
  Now, I have them all around me.  I can’t take Pike.”  Ian’s eyes grew wide beneath the netting.  “Yes, I’m telling you out loud.  I can’t take his advances on me.  He has some kind of hold on me.  It consumes me.  And I don’t know why.”

He was quiet, pursing his lips just so.  “Maybe you need to find out.”

I sat up fast and jumped off.  “NO!  I don’t.  And you’re not going to sit here and tell me I should.”  I crawled under the trampoline and sat beside where he lay pulling my knees up to my chest.  “You don’t want that.  I don’t want that.  End of story.  He needs to sort himself out all by his lonely self.  Not with me.”

“You sound confused with what you want.”  Ian was being truly honest with me, but frankly, he was lying.  It hurt so deep down inside that this felt like the first time since finding out his true identity that he was truly honest about his heart. 

“I’m not confused about you.  I know what I want.  And he can jump off a cliff for all I care.  It’s not the kind of pull you think it is.  He doesn’t kindle anything inside me like you do.  It only looks like that because I’m forced to be nervous all the time that he will come too close to me.  He can be nice and give me advice sometimes like an advisor then other times he throws himself at me.  I don’t like it.   I don’t know what he does to make me that way when he is near me, but I don’t want to be anywhere near him anymore!  Ever!  Just keep him at a distance so I can’t see him.”

He watched my eyes blinking rapidly now.  “Okay, if that’s what you want.”             

“It is.  And what about you?”

“I want you safe.  Happy.  Smiling again.”

My Ian.  He was truly devoted.  That is why I love him.  He really wants to protect me from all heartache and badness in all the worlds we live in.  “I will, if you are.  And Pike can watch from a distance.  He needs to stay away from me.”

“He is the best tracker I know.  The best hunter.  The best surveyor—“

“Sure.  Sure.  I know.  And Grace babysitter.  But I think he can do all that from behind the trees.” 

“Very well.”  He looked up and sighed.  “Can I hold you now?”

“I thought you’d never ask.”  I moved a little feeling relieved that this conversation was over.

“Do you want on top?”  He smiled devilishly with a note of something else.