TAKE A CHANCE (Chance Colorado Series) (21 page)

“If what you say is true, if we’re going to have any chance of building a halfway-decent relationship together, I’m going to need to come clean with that man.”

Just saying the words out loud made her want to throw up.

“What the heck are you talking about?”

Dulcie’s puzzled expression appeared genuine, though she, of all people, should understand. The twins had been Allie’s confidantes from the time they were little girls walking to grade school together. They knew all her deepest-held secrets.

“You know what happened between me and Ryan. I’m sure Logan does, too. I have to deal with that. I have to get it out in the open and explain my side.”

If she didn’t, it would always be there, festering, like a splinter under her skin.

“I can
not
believe you just said that!” Dulcie shook her head, her eyes narrowing before she continued. “You’re talking about your big prom night breakup after Lacey Jenkins ratted you out, aren’t you? Are you a complete crazy woman? That was in freakin’ high school, Allie. I can’t believe you’d still be carrying that kind of useless baggage around with you after all this time. Don’t you understand that not one other soul on the entire planet cares about what happened eight years ago? Literally, not one. Let it go and move on with your life. The only thing standing between you and happiness is having the courage to forgive yourself. If you don’t love you, how can you expect anyone else to?”

If Dulcie didn’t understand the impact that incident had had on Allie, the bits and pieces of angst she’d carried around with her for eight years as a result of it, there was no point in arguing with her about it. Logically, she might even be right, but it didn’t matter. Allie would always feel the weight of that uncomfortable little piece of her past if she didn’t at least address it with Logan.

Tonight they’d be together, relaxed and alone. Tonight she’d be able to find the perfect moment to bring it up and have done with it, once and for all. Either Logan would laugh it off and tell her how unimportant it was what she’d done all those years ago, or their relationship would be all over before it really even began.

Either way, tonight was the night.

* * *

A thrill of forbidden excitement rippled through Logan’s chest as he picked up speed after passing by the wide spot in the road known as the Vaca Vista Inn.

He could have stopped there and found exactly what he wanted because it was the kind of place where people didn’t check in for more than a few hours at time. But everyone in three counties knew what went on at the inn, so having his truck spotted there didn’t sit well at all with him. Gossip moved more quickly through the valley than wildfire.

Feeling like he was sixteen again, he pressed down on the accelerator and let the miles fly beneath his wheels. An hour’s drive to Grand Junction was the last thing he had planned for today. This trip was carving two hours out of his already tightly planned schedule.

But it was two absolutely necessary hours. Driving to Grand Junction was the only way he could guarantee himself the anonymity he wanted.

It was surreal to feel this excited about a shopping excursion. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d been this excited about a trip into town.

Or this nervous.

It fit, though. He also couldn’t remember the last time he’d felt this excited about a date.

He looked in his rear-view mirror and caught a glimpse of himself, grinning like some puberty-plagued adolescent.

No matter. The sensory part of his brain could battle all it wanted. He’d already made up his mind that he wasn’t going to allow either his common sense or his overdeveloped sense of guilt to drive away this joyous awareness of anticipation.

It felt too good. Anticipation had been missing from his life for far too long. Now that it was back, he intended to grab it with both hands and hold on for the ride.

As he approached the outskirts of town, he quickly decided to bypass any of the stores where he regularly shopped. He also passed up at least two chain drugstores before settling on a superstore he’d never frequented.

Pushing a large cart around the enormous store was overkill, but no way was he going to hit the checkout stand with only one item. Besides, there were a couple of things he still needed for tonight’s dinner.

He hurried through the grocery area, picking up what he could use. Bittersweet chocolate. Butter. Fresh strawberries. Some greens for a salad. A quick detour to choose a couple of tall tapered candles and that should do it. He’d stalled as long as he could.

Nerves stretching tight, he crossed to the other side of the store and entered the pharmacy area.

Two women chatted in the middle of the aisle, carrying on for a ridiculously long time about some swimming instructor who couldn’t recognize how much raw ability their toddlers displayed.

Logan impatiently passed up the aisle, turning down the next one to stare sightlessly at six feet of shelf space devoted to tooth care.

This was a ridiculous waste of time. It wasn’t like he didn’t have as much right as those women to be in that particular aisle, shopping for any damn thing he pleased. It was none of their business.

In spite of his logic, he couldn’t quite force himself to enter that space while they were there. Couldn’t manage to walk past those women to stop and study the contents of the shelf next to where they stood. And even if he could make his legs carry him to their location, he knew he wouldn’t be able to make a selection from the variety of boxes and put one into his cart. Not with the two of them watching him.

So he circled past the toothpaste, the painkillers, and hair products, back to the end of the aisle he wanted to go down. And then he circled one more time, trying to build his courage for the task.

How foolish was it that he could face down a burning house or a wind-whipped forest fire, but the idea of two gossiping housewives passing judgment on his behavior intimidated him, making him feel like a badly behaved adolescent. His mother should be proud. She’d instilled a sense of guilt in him to always be a
good boy
that he’d likely never overcome.

Finally, on his third pass, one of the talented toddlers threw himself against his mommy’s leg in a fit of impatient rage.

Logan didn’t blame the kid one little bit, sending up his thanks as, at last, the women parted ways and he was left to make his choice in privacy.

Selection made, he tossed the nondescript box into his cart. He almost whooped in joy when he discovered the self-checkout lanes, and within minutes he was loading his purchases into the truck and getting back on the road toward home.

Thanks to Allie’s offer to drive herself out to his place tonight, he still had plenty of time to bake the dark chocolate chess pie he was sure would wind its way straight into her heart.

The night would be perfect. Good food, a bottle of excellent wine, and a beautiful woman to share them both. And, if events should follow the natural path they always seemed to wander down when he and Allie were alone together, thanks to the contents of the little box he’d gone to so much trouble to procure, he’d have the protection he needed to follow through.

Tonight was the night.

CHAPTER EIGHTEEN

“More wine?” Logan lifted the bottle from its ice bucket home as Allie began to shake her head.

“Nope, no more for me. Your dessert put my taste buds in heaven and I don’t want to drag them back down to earth with that wine.” Her eyes rounded as she heard her own words, and she hurried to add, “Not that the wine is bad or anything. Don’t think I’m saying that. It’s just that nothing tastes better than chocolate. Not in my book, anyway.”

He might argue with that, especially since he was looking forward to sampling her lips soon. He intended to test for himself her theory of whether the chocolate taste lingered.

After settling the bottle back in its bucket, he edged closer to her on the blanket where they lay, ostensibly gazing up at the stars.

“See that one over there?” He pointed up at the sparkling night sky. “That’s Venus. And that one, that’s Mercury.”

“Really? Mercury? But it’s so tiny. I’d expect one of the bigger planets to be easier to see than that little thing.”

If she wanted a bigger planet, he could accommodate. Astronomy had been one of his favorite hobbies as a kid.

“Bigger. Okay then, let’s see…” He scanned the sky to get his bearing, leaning a fraction closer to her as he looked. “It should be… yeah. Look over there, to the south. You see that bright one over there? That’s Saturn.”

She shifted her weight to her right elbow as she looked in the direction he pointed, bringing her cheek close to his lips. He resisted the temptation to touch, breathing her in instead. Her hair, so soft against his chin, smelled of fresh, green, growing things.

“It’s so amazingly beautiful out here,” she said quietly. “I’d forgotten how brilliant the sky is at night this far from the city lights.”

“Beautiful beyond words,” he murmured in response, noting her shiver as his breath ruffled her curls. “Just one more reason to avoid the city.”

“Oh, I don’t know about…” Her words trailed off as she turned, as if ready to debate the issue until her lips brushed against his.

He hadn’t the strength to resist the temptation of her lips a second time. Seeking to satisfy the desire curling low in his stomach, he indulged himself in a kiss she willingly returned. Though it was as wonderful as he remembered, there was no satisfaction of the need he felt. If anything, her kiss, her touch, only strengthened his desire for her.

Planets forgotten, his tongue explored the contours of her lips until they parted, inviting him inside to deepen the kiss. It was as if nothing in the world could satisfy the fire stoked deep inside him, except more of Allie. Nothing less than all of her.

After blocking all his feelings for so long, it was as if the dam had broken and he was being flooded by them all at once.

“I can’t believe this is happening.”

“What?” she murmured, her eyes opening slowly, blinking, like a woman waking from some erotic dream.

He’d done that. He was responsible for that look on her face. Him. His kiss. He suddenly understood why the peacock strutted. He felt a little like strutting himself.

If a kiss could make him feel like this, what would he want after they’d done what he expected was getting ready to happen between them? It felt as if the relationship he’d been running from all these years had finally caught up with him.

And, considering the way he felt, holding this woman in his arms, he was finding it difficult to remember exactly why he’d avoided a relationship for so long.

Maybe it was because he’d been waiting for Allie to come along.

A breeze wafted past, blowing a golden strand of hair across her face, catching on her eyelash. He drew his finger across her forehead, brushing away the unruly curl to tuck it behind her ear.

“How is it possible for me to have known you my whole life and yet never have known you at all?”

Allie’s teeth scraped over her bottom lip and her eyes darted away from his for an instant. “You know me. I’m the same person I’ve always been.”

“No,” he said, tracing that same kiss-swollen lip with the pad of his thumb. “I feel like an explorer, venturing into undiscovered territory for the first time. I want to know all of you. Everything about you. I don’t want any secrets between us, Allie.”

She covered his hand with hers, stopping his caress. “Is it really so important to you, what’s happened in the past?”

It could be. For him, at least. He needed to banish his demons if he was going to have any chance at happiness with Allie.

“The things we’ve done, the choices we’ve made—they’re what’s made us who we are.”

“I don’t know if I totally accept—” she began, but he brushed his thumb over her lips to stop her mid-sentence.

“You asked me once what had happened to end my relationship with Shayla. I didn’t answer you then.”

He had, in fact, gotten up from his chair and disappeared to put out a fire, deserting her. Maybe not the best moment to remind her of that.

“You don’t have to tell me about it. It doesn’t matter to me.”

But it did matter. It mattered to him. In spite of everyone who’d told him over the past five years to let it go and move on, what had happened between him and Shayla had wound itself around the core of his psyche, carving an open, cancerous sore. Until he bared that malignant growth, until he ripped it out by its roots, he wouldn’t be able to move on. And right now, holding Allie, he wanted to move on more than he could ever have imagined.

“Shayla and I never stood a chance. Our whole relationship was built on dishonesty. We weren’t even looking to travel the same road in life. She never loved me, she simply wanted a ring on her finger. Her goal was money and somebody to take care of her.”

“I’m sorry she was dishonest with you.”

How easy it would be on his ego to leave it there. But leaving Allie with that impression wouldn’t cure what ailed him.