Take It (11 page)

"That's fine," Kayla said. "Has your dad been by?"

"Yeah, he was here yesterday," Brandi said softly. She had been in the hospital for over a week and her dad had come to visit her a few times. "I'm glad that he cares enough to come to see me. But I feel like we have nothing to talk about. Our conversation is so strained. I know he thinks I'm stupid for getting involved with Zack."

Kayla shook her head. "He doesn't think you're stupid, Brandi. No one thinks you're stupid."

"I do," Brandi said quietly. "Looking back it's like…I knew he was awful to me. But he would twist it around and blame it on me and make me feel like it was my fault. And I believed him. I lost everybody because of him. I'm so sorry, Kayla. I didn't mean to choose him over you."

Kayla hugged her tightly. "You don't have to apologize, Brandi. I get it. That's what guys like him do. He's a manipulator. And if I ever see him again, I'll kick his ass."

Brandi smiled. "Thanks, Kayla. Love you."

"Love you too," Kayla said, standing up. "I'm gonna head home. I'll tell Fiona you ate. I'll stop by tomorrow."

Kayla left and Brandi was left feeling incredibly alone.

"I'm ready to talk about Zack," Brandi announced to Dr. Lavery the next day. Dr. Lavery raised her eyebrows. "Already? What brought this on?"

Brandi hesitated, then decided to tell the truth. "You're not gonna let me out of here until I do. And I want to get out of here. So what do you want to know?"

Dr. Lavery studied her for a minute. "Why don't you start from the beginning? When did you meet Zack?"

"At a party. I don't really like parties but Kayla dragged me with her."

"Oh? Why don't you like parties?"

Brandi shrugged. "It's just...I'm not really comfortable being in a room with eighty people smashing into each other drunkenly. That's more of Kayla's thing. I guess I'm more of an introvert."

"Interesting. So you met Zack at the party. Then what?"

"I don't know. He seemed nice. And he was really, really hot. Like, way too hot for me. So I couldn't really figure out why he liked me. Even when I kept messing up, he still stuck with me. His family situation is a lot like mine. So he understood me, you know?"

Dr. Lavery nodded. "Tell me what you mean when you said you kept messing up?"

"I just made him mad. I always said stupid things and overreacted."

Dr. Lavery looked at her thoughtfully. "Tell me about one time you made him mad."

Brandi thought. "When we were living at the motel. He wanted to have sex and I didn't. I started crying. So he called me a baby and said he didn't know why put up with me. I told him I was leaving him and he laughed at me because I had nowhere to go. Nobody wanted me. I started screaming at him to get out."

"And did he?"

"No. He said that he wasn't going anywhere because his name was on the motel, even though I was paying for it."

"So why do you think that fight was your fault?"

Brandi was silent for a minute. "I guess I don’t. At the time, he made it seem like I was being unreasonable and selfish. Like I was starting a fight for no reason. But looking back, I can see that it wasn’t my fault. I feel so stupid though. How could I let him control me and treat me like that?"

"And did you end up having sex?"

"Well yeah, but I told him I would."

"Did you enjoy the sex?"

Brandi’s eyes filled with tears. "The sex was horrible. It was always horrible. He was rough with me and called me names. When we had sex it was like…he didn’t care who I was. He just wanted to use my body to get off. I felt worthless and used every time he finished."

"Why don't you tell me what happened to put you in the hospital?"

Brandi shut her eyes and told Dr. Lavery about her and Eric's history project. She told her about how Zack had forbade her from going to Eric's, but then had gone out with his friends.

"It's not even like me and Eric were hanging out as friends. We were working on a stupid project. One that's worth 25% of our grade. I couldn't just not do it. My grades were suffering already. So I waited until he went to work and I went to Eric's. I didn't think he'd find out cause he was supposed to be working until six. But he texted me around two and knew where I was. So I went back to the motel and tried to talk to him but..."

"But what?"

"You know what," Brandi said, shifting uncomfortably. "You've read my chart."

"Did you expect him to be violent with you?"

"I don't know what I was thinking. I guess I just wanted to smooth things over as soon as I could. I mean, he had never hit me before then. Not really. He just squeezed and grabbed me too tightly sometimes. But I thought he would realize that he had nothing to be jealous of."

"Did you explain that to him?"

"I didn't have a chance. As soon as I opened the door, he started yelling."

"Do you remember the attack?"

Brandi wiped away her tears. "Parts of it. I remember him saying "get your fat ass over here." I remember that every time I try to eat. I remember him telling me that I belonged to him. And him hitting me. And him pulling down my pants..." she put her head in her hands and stared sobbing. Dr. Lavery gave her a minute to collect herself. "Sorry," Brandi said, wiping tears from her eyes.

"Don't be sorry," Dr. Lavery said softly. "Crying is ok. Don't ever be sorry for crying."

Brandi nodded. "I just feel so weak. Weak and stupid. I think about the good times we had and I wanted so badly to get back to that. I thought if I was just a little smarter or thinner or less whiny or if I liked sex he wouldn't be so angry all the time. But that's kind of shitty, huh? I mean I shouldn't have to work that hard to change myself just so he's not mad all the time. I know that. But I still...I still feel like it's my fault. It doesn't matter how much everyone tells me it's not. Why do I still feel like that?"

"That's normal, Brandi. Your feelings won't change overnight. That's why you need your friends. Think about it this way. If you got into an argument with Eric and he punched you in the face, would it be ok?"

Brandi gasped. "No!"

"There you go," Dr. Lavery said. "I think you're making good progress, Brandi."

"Can I go home?" Brandi asked hopefully.

"Not quite yet. Hopefully by the end of the week. We still have a lot to work on."

Brandi sighed in defeat. She wanted to go home and get on with her life. She just wanted to get through the rest of her senior year with some sense of normalcy.

Brandi stood up and stretched. "See you tomorrow then."

She opened the door and froze, hearing a laugh. She peeked out and saw her mom talking to Officer Hartt. She hadn't heard her mom laugh in months. She pushed the door all the way open, stepping out. "Hi, mom. What's up?"

"Just stopping by before my shift," she said. "How are you feeling?"

"Fine," Brandi said softly. "I want to go home, but it looks like I'll be here for at least a few more days." She looked at officer Hartt. "What's gonna happen when I go home? What if he comes back?"

"You'll have an officer with you," he answered. "At least until he's caught."

"Oh," Brandi said. "Can it be you?"

He smiled fondly at her. "I'll see what I can do. Lynn, it was good seeing you."

"You too," Lynn said, smiling. "Brandi, I'll stop by on my break. Love you."

"Love you too, mom," Brandi said as she left with officer Hartt.

"So what were you and my mom talking about?" Brandi asked, grinning at him. He shrugged. "Oh, this and that."

She smirked at him, not responding. If he made her mom laugh, she liked him even more. She stopped short when they robbed the corner. "Holy..."

Eric was waiting outside her room. He was wearing his contacts and a muscle shirt. He looked like a different person. He looked...hot.

He broke into a smile when he saw her. "Hey! I brought our history project!"

Brandi chuckled. He may have looked different, but he was still a nerd.

"Thanks," she said, sitting down with him on her bed. "I miss doing homework. I can't wait to go back to school. Why aren't you wearing your glasses?"

"It's Tuesday," he said. "I'm teaching my self defense class tonight."

"Oh, yeah," she said. "What exactly do you teach?"

"Basically I just teach basic moves to defend yourself against an attacker. The class is mostly women, but there are a few men."

"Oh," Brandi said quietly. "If the offer still stands, I'd love to take a class when I get out of here."

"Really?" Eric asked, his eyes lighting up. "That'd be awesome."

Eric and Brandi worked on their project for an hour until Eric had to leave. "I'll stop by at some point tomorrow, ok?"

Brandi smiled sadly. "I wish you didn't have to go."

Eric turned bright pink. "Me neither," he mumbled. "But I'll be back tomorrow. And you'll be out of here soon. My mom keeps asking about you."

Brandi smiled happily. "I like your mom. Tell her I said hi."

"I will," Eric said, giving her a soft smile. "Bye, Brandi."

"Bye, Eric," she said, laying down and closing her eyes. For the first time in over a week, she didn't have any nightmares about Zack.

Eric drove home from his self defense class feeling great. He loved the feeling he got after a breakthrough. Kelly Donovan had finally figured out how to get out of his grip. If he could help one person fight off an attacker, that was good enough for him. He couldn't wait for Brandi to take his class. Just in case that breathing piece of shit Zack ever came back. He tightened his grip on the steering wheel. He would love to see Zack again. Beating and raping a girl half your size was the most despicable thing you could do. Especially someone as pretty and smart as Brandi. Every time he looked at her face he had to control his rage. Especially knowing that the worst of her bruises weren't even visible. He pulled into his driveway and went inside. "Hi, hon," his mom said, smiling at him. "How was class?"

"It was good," he said. "Really good."

"That's great, honey. How's Brandi?"

"She's ok," he replied. "I think she's going to come home soon."

"Did you tell her I said hi?"

"I did," he said, grinning at her. "She was happy you were thinking of her. She said she likes you."

"She's such a nice girl. You know I don't condone violence, but if you ever see the boy who did that to her, you have my permission to kick his ass."

Eric burst out laughing. "Thanks, mom. I'm already on it."

He sat down at the table, fantasizing about beating the shit out of Zack Masterson.

Brandi packed her suitcase with the few outfits that she had with her. She had sent her father to pick up her clothes and belongings from the motel, knowing that her mother wouldn't have been able to handle it.

"Ready to go?" Officer Hartt asked her. "Just about," she said, looking around. Officer Hartt had pulled some strings and now he was assigned to watch Brandi at her house. There were a few extra bedrooms so he was going to stay in the room down the hall from her. Him being around made her feel safe, and the fact that he brought out the best in her mom made her feel even better. "I want to say goodbye to Dr. Lavery," Brandi said. They walked down the hall and Brandi knocked on her door. Dr. Lavery opened the door with a smile. "Brandi! I'm glad to see you. How are you feeling?"

"I'm good," Brandi said. "I just wanted to say bye. And thank you."

Dr. Lavery hugged her. "You're welcome, Brandi. You can still call me if you need anything, ok? And try to go to Dr. Claridge. You may not think so now, but talking about it really does help. Don't keep it inside."

"I won't," Brandi said. "Thanks for everything."

Brandi left the hospital, reveling in the fresh air that hit her face. "I'll drive," Officer Hartt said. "Your father brought your car home."

"Thanks, Officer Hartt."

"Call me Ben. Are you hungry? Do you need to go anywhere before we go home?"

"Nah, I'm ok," Brandi said, getting into his car. "I just want to go home."

Brandi felt surreal as Ben pulled into her driveway. She felt like she hadn't been here in months, even though it had only been a few weeks. Although her face was still bruised, she was looking forward to going back to school on Monday. It didn't matter what people thought. Everyone knew what happened anyway.

Brandi went up to her bedroom and opened the suitcase her dad had packed for her from the motel. Her face fell when she pulled out a shirt of Zack's that had gotten mixed up with her things. Without thinking, she brought the shirt to her face and inhaled. The smell she used to love so much made her nauseous. "Fuck you," she muttered, slamming the shirt in the garbage. She laid on her bed, happy to be back in her own room. She couldn't help but wonder where Zack had gone. How far could he have gotten? He had no money and the police had an APB on his car. She wished the police would just find him already. Although she seriously doubted he would come back. The risk of getting caught was too big and Brandi didn't really think Zack either loved her or hated her enough to come back for her. Still though, there was that lingering doubt. Brandi pushed Zack out of her mind and texted Kayla.

Just got home. What r u doing?

Kayla texted back.
Want me to come over? There's a Bridezillas marathon.

Brandi giggled. Kayla and her loved to spend all day watching Bridezillas.

Yes! Come over!

Brandi grabbed the clothes from her suitcase and took them downstairs to wash them. She wanted all traces of Zack gone from her life.

She started the wash then went back upstairs to find Ben. "Kayla's coming over. We'll be downstairs."

"Sure. Oh hey, your mom wanted me to tell you that she's coming home early tonight. She wants to know what you want for dinner."

Brandi's eyebrows shot up. "Uhh...whatever she wants is fine." She smiled as she left, wondering if the handsome man in her house had anything to do with her mother wanting to be around more.

Kayla came over and the girls spent the afternoon watching tv. Brandi's mom came home with two large pizzas around five and Kayla, Ben, Brandi and Lynn sat at the dinner table, eating. Brandi was able to eat one piece before she felt full. Her stomach had shrunk from not eating, and her clothes were baggy. She almost felt like they were a real family. It was nice to have some life in the house. The only good thing that came out of Zack was that Brandi's mom seemed to snap out of her self absorbed funk. And her dad seemed to realize that she needed him, too. And Eric...well, she was happy that Eric had been such a good friend to her. Brandi watched Lynn's face light up as she laughed at something that Ben said, and she felt a glimmer of hope that everything would be alright.