Take me if you dare: Alpha Billionaire Romance (The Secret Matchmaker Book 4) (3 page)

"Fine. Fuck. I don't need anyone anyway."

Two Weeks Later

"Two weeks. Two damn weeks and not a word?" I stormed around my office, slapping at a large file of client pictures that lay on the small table beside my desk.

The file flew off the table and pictures of different men scattered all over the floor. I pressed my heel into one of them and shook my foot.

"I’m so tired of this." I crossed my arms over my chest and paced around my office for a few more minutes.

Asher hadn't called, texted, e-mailed or anything. I was so hurt, but I couldn’t really blame him; my job was done and he’d probably forgotten about me already.

A knock at my door had me spinning around. "Yes?"

Jessie poked her head in and glanced at the pictures on the floor. "Hey, what happened in here? You okay?"

"Hell no. I'm pissed." I flopped down in my chair and motioned her to come in. "Why hasn't he called, Jess? He couldn't even check on me or thank me for my sacrifice in the whole thing? Doesn’t he have manners? Or a heart?"

She closed the door behind her and came to sit on my desk. "Calm down, Lila. Take a deep breath. Maybe
you
should call
him
. Check in with him like you would any other client. It's just part of the routine, and maybe a follow up call would make you feel better. Get on the phone and make it all about the job."

"Yeah, maybe you're right." I reached up and wiped away my tears as they began to fall. Crying in my office was becoming a regular occurrence, but without an end in sight, life felt dark and agonizing.

Asher wasn’t really supposed to call me and I knew it. He didn’t owe me anything. We had been fuck buddies and nothing else.

Now, Sofia would wear his ring and have his last name. I’d been contracted to help find him a wife and keep him sexually satisfied while we looked. I should have felt proud since I'd been spectacular on both fronts, yet I'd never been more disgusted with myself.

"Well, just call him and check in, and then let's go down the hall and introduce ourselves to the new company that opened. It's a real estate agency. I'm thinking that we can make friends with the right agent and be on our way to finding the space you need to start a new chapter in your life."

"Okay. I don’t think Asher is even looking anymore. He must be too busy, which I get. He got what he wanted and there's nothing holding him to the deal." I shrugged and wrapped my arms around Jessie as she offered me a hug.

"The right man is going to come along, Lila. He's going to be good and right for you. No contracts or silly arrangements. Just a date, then another, then another, and eventually marriage. Life isn't the dump you've been making it out to be lately. Let's get you over him and when you're ready, the right guy will sweep you off your feet when you least expect it."

I nodded, not wanting to tell her what I really thought about the right guy or being swept off my feet. Both sounded very unlikely and unrealistic at the moment. And honestly, in my current state of mind, any man would be an idiot to come near me.

I knelt down to pick the files and photos up off the floor. "I told Gisele to only give me the old and ugly guys from now on."

Jessie chuckled and stood, organizing the files before putting them back on my table. "You’re a great girl. You don’t need to be matched with anyone like that."

"That’s easy for you to say because you’re with someone, Jess. You and Carlos are a perfect couple. You don’t know how it feels to wonder whether you’ll end up completely alone or worse yet, with a dozen cats to keep you company."

She chuckled and shook her head. "Come on, don’t be silly."

"You never know." I stood and dropped the rest of the files on my table, not caring about the disarrayed mess I'd made.

I would sort it out later when I was forced to sit down and review the files to make my top three picks for my next client. Gisele was usually good like that. We usually got to have some input into the clients we were assigned, namely because we worked so closely with them.

"You need to have some fun. Let's go out."

I suppressed a smile and looked at her. Jessie was a homebody who loved a good book with a hot cup of coffee more than anything else. She hated the bar scene and it was really sweet that she was offering to go, just to try to cheer me up.

"What about Carlos?"

"He’s out of town with his parents. And I need to take care of you."

I paused to see if she was serious; she was. "Okay. When?"

"Tonight. Let’s go wherever you like to hang out. Show me what it’s like to be you."

She winked and we both laughed, but the joy of the moment quickly faded away. I couldn’t help but think about Asher.

Going out and knowing I’d probably never find someone like him again didn’t sound all that fun, but it was time to get over it, to get over him. He wasn't interested in me and he had Sofia.

His life was moving on from the minuscule divot I’d made in it. Mine was stuck in neutral.

"Trust me, Jess, it’s not that great to be me."

"No more self-pity, hon."

"You’re right."

She walked to the door and I forced a smile. "So? You free to take me tonight?"

The last thing I wanted to do was to get dressed and go anywhere, but staying home feeling sorry for myself didn’t seem like a much better choice. "Sure. I'll pick you up at nine and we'll go dancing."

She walked out and I picked up my phone, shuffling through the few texts I had between Asher and I from several weeks earlier. The need to talk to him almost outweighed my pride, forcing me to call on the pretense of a follow-up to make myself feel better.

But it won't make you feel better. It will make you feel worse and you know it.

I closed the phone and put it back in my purse. It was time to move on. Clearly, he had.

***

I picked Jessie up a few minutes before nine, and was wishing to hell I’d come up with a great reason for us
not
to go dancing. I wasn't in the mood to shake my ass to anything, or in front of anyone.

She had her hair down and wore a pretty blue dress that brought out some of her best features. Her smile was radiant and as soon as she got in the car, I felt better. She knew I needed this and a night out couldn’t hurt anyway.

"You look hot." I reached over and tugged at the bottom of her skirt as it rode up her thighs.

She laughed and buckled up. "I feel a bit weird to be honest. It’s been forever since I dressed up like this. But you, come on. You look incredible, but what else is new?"

I rolled my eyes and we both laughed. My ego needed a boost of confidence and I wasn’t going to argue with her about my appearance. I pulled the car out onto the street, honestly hoping that I looked as uninterested as possible.

My tight black skirt and layered tank tops were a bit much, but men were easily intimidated. With the right outfit combined with the right attitude, I could go all night with everyone looking, but no one growing the balls to try for more, which was just fine with me, and exactly what I was going for.

"I'm nervous." Jess giggled in the seat next to me.

"Why?"

"Because I’ve been in a relationship for so long. I don’t even remember what it’s like to go out and flirt."

I quickly frowned at her, trying to keep an eye on the road. "You're not looking for love. You have it already. Just a few free drinks and a dance partner, right?"

She shrugged nonchalantly. "I know. I just wonder if I’m still… attractive, you know? Carlos and I, well… it’s not the same anymore in the bedroom, if you know what I mean."

"What are you trying to say? That it’s better to be single? Believe me, it’s not."

"Well, at least you have fun."

"You have stability. And things aren’t always that fun. I mean, just look at me and what happened."

I wanted to insist on the importance of being with someone she loved, but I just couldn't force it out of my mouth. Who was I to give her relationship advice?

Jessie shrugged and sighed heavily. Maybe things weren’t that perfect in her world after all. "I guess we always want what we can’t have."

I nodded and took her hand in mine without a word. My thoughts roamed around my head as I drove us to the club in a comfortable silence.

As always, my mind returned to Asher. I wondered and hoped that he would be there tonight. Though the chances were slim, virtually non-existent, really, but I couldn't stop myself from imagining myself seeing him near the bar and slinking up next to him on the dance floor. Just like the first time.

I bit my lip and a pang of regret hit me. I was dying to feel his hands on me one more time, his mouth on my neck, his voice in my ear... I stifled a groan as my body flooded with the memory.

We might not ever have a real relationship, but the sex between us had been incredible, and I wanted more. I didn't even care if it made me look needy or desperate... it was the truth.

Maybe things hadn't worked out with him and Sofia. Maybe there was a chance to meet up with him and pick up where we left off on the lust we shared for each other. The heat between us had been undeniable. But it wasn’t just physical.

Unfortunately, I was becoming more and more aware that the physical attraction had led to something more. Something I had been trying to avoid for months.

In vain.

"We're here, hot stuff." I pulled up and glanced over at Jessie as her hands shook slightly. "Hey... you okay?"

She paused and looked at me. "What if I meet someone like Asher and… you know?"

"Why are you even thinking like that?"

"I miss the fun, the adventure, the excitement. What if I’m really attracted to someone?"

I frowned at her. "No. Don’t go there. You don’t know how much I’d love to be in a serious relationship like you. A real one. You don’t know what you have, Jess. Don’t ruin it."

"I won’t. I just want to feel alive again. If that makes sense?"

I took her hand and squeezed it. "We’re going to have fun tonight, okay? It doesn’t have to be about men. Let’s just have fun, you and me. We don’t need guys to be happy, right?"

She smiled and squeezed my hand as well, before nodding toward the club. "You’re probably right. Let's go. That line is really long."

"Ain't nobody standing in that line, girl." I laughed and got out, moving to her side of the car and offering my arm. She slid hers into mine and we walked toward the front door, moving past the waiting hordes.

"Hey beautiful. You brought a friend with ya, huh?"

I nodded and smiled at the bouncer as he opened the red velvet rope and let us in, while everyone in line was complaining.

We walked straight to the bar, the music blasting loudly around us. Jess looked uncomfortable or maybe just intimidated, and I ordered her a beer to help her relax. I ordered my usual drink and leaned against the bar with my jack and coke in hand.

My eyes scanned the crowd, but Asher was nowhere to be found. Of course, I don’t know why I’d think things would go my way just once.

I wasn't surprised, there was no reason he should be there, but the night was young, and I could still hope. It was all I had left.

***

I stayed in my favorite spot for a few hours, relaxing and talking to the various employees that I knew. It actually felt good, to be in the middle of the action, yet standing completely still.

              Something was different about me. I had definitely changed. Since Asher, I didn’t feel the need to chase men anymore, and have a one night stand only rule. It suddenly became clear that I had just been running away from something.

Maybe the fear of being alone.

It made sense when I thought about it, after the way things ended with James. But Asher had changed everything. I wasn’t afraid to be alone anymore; now I feared something else. Now, I was afraid to live without love.

Jessie stopped by and hugged my neck a few minutes before midnight. She had finally relaxed and been dancing for hours. Judging by the attention she’d received by the men on the dance floor, her concerns about her attractiveness were unfounded.

"I told you that you’re still hot."

She pulled my hand. "Come with me. Let’s dance."

I wasn’t in the mood, and just shook my head with a smile. Several men had approached me during the evening, most of them handsome enough to catch my eye, and respectful enough to keep it, but I couldn't muster more than a casual conversation.

I wasn't going anywhere with any of them. All I could think about was Asher. After another hour of standing there lost to my thoughts, I walked out of the club into the light rain that had begun sometime during the night.

It was dark and cold, but I couldn't be swayed. Jessie was having fun and I’d had too much alcohol to drive us back home right now, so a walk seemed like a nice idea.

I pulled off my heels and hung them over my fingers, letting them dangle beside me as I walked down the brightly lit streets of L.A. The night life swirled all around me, but none of it truly registered. My thoughts were monopolized by a single topic and I needed to find some closure.