Take Me There (29 page)

I need some serious recovery time from math even though it was two periods ago. It’s like every time I’m even in the same room with him, every part of my body is wired. Plus I heard about what happened with Ree at lunch. And how Gloria was such a mega bitch, all shouting her out like that. I tried to call Ree’s cell, but she had it turned off. I don’t even know where she went for the rest of lunch. And now she’s in English, so I can’t exactly barge in there and demand to talk to her.

When I push open the bathroom door, there’s Gloria. She’s at the mirror doing her makeup. Apparently, no one has ever told her that matching your eye shadow to your outfit every day is just plain wrong.

So I’m standing there staring at her like,
Who the fuck does this skank think she is?
And her eyes meet mine in the mirror and she’s like, “You got a problem?”

And all I want to say is you’re my problem and everyone else’s problem and how can you just steal someone’s boyfriend like it’s nothing? And humiliate me in front of everyone? In
math
?

But I don’t want to get into it with her like this, so what I actually say is, “Not really.”

And she’s like, “Then why you all up in my grill?”

It’s obvious she’s trying to provoke a fight and I’m not having that. So I just wash my hands and she’s all, “That’s what I thought.”

The thing about Gloria? Is that she comes off all polished and smooth on the outside, but she’s got this badass gangsta attitude like you can’t believe. I mean, we all know it’s there because we have the pleasure of experiencing her evil ways, but sometimes it still surprises you how intense she is. Like the time she got in a fight during the racial-tolerance assembly last year. Scary, yo.

She’s doing eyeliner and not even looking at me and she goes, “Loser.”

Gloria is so wrong I just can’t with her. There has to be a way where she can finally get how nasty she’s being to everyone. But it has to be something intense or else she won’t care. Gloria only cares about Gloria. So it has to be something that involves her in some way for her to even pay attention. I just wish I knew what that something was.

And I don’t want to just walk out of here without doing anything. I want to tell her to stop it with Steve. But it’s not like she’s forcing him or anything, so what can I really do about it? I can’t make Gloria transform herself into a person with an understanding of ethics just like I can’t force Steve to feel something he doesn’t feel anymore.

So I pull open the door and walk away. The same way I wish I could walk away from all my other problems.

It’s raining so bad outside that it looks like we’re on a movie set and the prop guys are OD’ing with the rain machine. So they better reshoot this scene or else no audience will ever take it seriously.

I rummage in my bag for my umbrella and I actually find it. But it’s one of those mini collapsible ones and this is basically a monsoon-type situation. So when I get the umbrella open and step outside, the wind immediately whips the umbrella around and the underside flips up and I try to grab the edge and pull it back down but it’s not working. And then Danny comes up next to me with his huge umbrella that could fit like five people under it that’s hardly even flapping in the wind and goes, “Nice umbrella.”

So I’m like, “Thanks.”

And he’s all, “Can I walk you to the subway?” And I’m not exactly interested in having my clothes totally soaked, so I say okay.

At first we’re walking with space between us, but my bag is getting wet and Danny sees. So he puts his arm around my waist and it feels really nice, all pressed up against him. And I ask if he’s seen Rhiannon and he says no, but he heard that she left early. And I’m like, “Are you sure?” Because Rhiannon would never do that. And he’s like, “No, but that’s what I heard.” And my sneakers are totally soaked and the puddles on the sidewalk are unreal and if Danny hadn’t shown up when he did, I just don’t even know.

But then I start to feel weird, like this is how we used to be when we were going out and now we’re just friends so what does it mean? I’m like super aware of our hips touching and everything. And I guess Danny is noticing that my vibe has changed or something because he’s like, “What’s up?”

So I tell him about what Gloria said in the bathroom and what she did to me in math and how she can’t keep treating people like this. He’s all, “I wish I’d been there.”

I’m like, “What would you have done?”

He goes, “I would have defended you. It makes me so freaking pissed that she said that stuff to you.”

And I can tell he really means it. Danny would have definitely protected me from her evil ways.

He’s like, “And Gloria’s so fake. That whole Jackson thing? How’s she gonna front like she’s above it?”

I’m all, “Huh?”

He’s all, “You know. How she liked Jackson.”

And then I step right in this huge puddle. I’m like, “Jackson
Smith
?” Because there’s no way an image-obsessed prom queen like Gloria would ever be into anyone even remotely geeky. And especially not Jackson, mega-geek extraordinaire.

It’s really raining hard and plus it’s windy, so even with Danny’s huge umbrella we’re still getting wet.

He goes, “Do you want to get a coffee?”

We’re passing Joe, which usually has zero free tables. But since it’s a weekday afternoon and most people are at work, there’s an empty one. And my whole sneaker is soaked and the subway is half a block from here and I want to hear about Jackson. So I say, “Sure.”

After we get set up, Danny tells me this whole thing about how when he used to hang with Jackson freshman year, Jackson and Gloria went out. On the DDL, of course. So Danny’s in Jackson’s room one day while this is going on, and Jackson’s sworn to secrecy by Gloria not to tell anyone. But naturally Jackson’s giving Danny the play-by-play because, hello, if you were Jackson and Gloria liked you, wouldn’t you be renting a billboard about it?

And then Jackson told his parents about Gloria after she was over one time. They just assumed he was helping her with homework, and even after he told them they didn’t really believe him. Supposedly, Jackson’s parents don’t care about anything if it doesn’t have to do with school. And there’s all this pressure for him to get into Harvard like his dad, and he never wanted to be such a nerd. He wants to be badass and edgy, because that’s how he really feels inside and that’s the part of him he wants everyone to see. Plus, it’s like the only way his parents would pay attention to him as a real person is if he acted like a real kid.

Danny’s like, “Maybe if he got in trouble like normal kids, then his parents would wake up. Realize how miserable he is, just studying all the time.”

I’m all, “That’s heavy.”

“Yeah. Um. So how did I get on this again?”

“You were talking about how his parents didn’t believe it about Gloria—”

“Exactly! So a few weeks ago, we were sitting next to each other in the computer lab.” And then he says how this note falls out of Jackson’s binder but he doesn’t even notice. So after Jackson leaves, Danny picks the note up off the floor, and it’s this total love letter from Gloria! It’s from back when everything was going down between them. And it’s all mushy and like how Jackson is so special and she loves him so much and what they have is too personal to share with the world and yadda yadda hoo-ha.

I’m like, “Whoa.”

And Danny’s like, “Seriously.”

“Do you still have it?”

“I’m not sure. Maybe.” He thinks about it, and then he goes, “Wait. Yeah, maybe I do. Because I remember using the back of it to take notes on this stuff about Easter eggs.”

“Um . . .”

“No, DVD Easter eggs. They’re like these hidden clues where you can click on different things when a DVD is playing to get special features.”

“Really? Like what?”

“You can get
Memento
to play backward.”

“Word?”

“No lie.”

“Wow, so . . . you might still have it?”

“I have to check.”

“Can you bring it in tomorrow if you find it?”

“Yeah. Why?”

“I think we could use it.”

“Oh!”
Danny grabs his head like his brain’s about to explode. “Oh, that is
so
righteous! You’re on fire!”

And then there’s this kind of awkward silence, because did he mean I’m on fire like I’m just having really good ideas? Or I’m on fire like I’m hot?

But I guess it’s the idea one because then he’s like, “You know what? I think I still have it! Because I think I found it the other day when I was going through this pile of papers.”

So I go, “Yeah. I can definitely relate about piles.”

And he’s like, “I know.”

And then there’s another awkward silence while we just sit there, looking at each other for a while. Trying to figure out what the other person is thinking.

Then we finish our coffees and the rain is a little better, so Danny walks me the rest of the way to my subway stop. And I just feel like I miss him. I miss him not being a bigger part of my life, the way he used to be, when I could never imagine my life without him.

The first thing I do when I get home is flip open my laptop and look up his address. And of course he lives like seven blocks from me. And of course I have to go see his building and figure out what window apartment 1B is and hope it’s facing the street.

So I put on my black hoodie and escape without Mom trapping me for a round of Twenty Questions I Really Don’t Feel Like Answering Now But Thanks Anyway. And on the walk over my heart is pounding really hard and my hands are getting sweaty and I’m so nervous that he’ll see me and I’m so nervous that he won’t and if he sees me I will die of embarrassment because when am I ever on his block?

When I find his building, it has two apartments facing the street on the first floor. The window on the left side of the front door is lit, but the window on the right is dark. Which obviously means that the dark window is his, and he’s not home because he’s out with his girlfriend at some upscale bar, and later they’ll come back to his place and do it all night. And then tomorrow I’ll have to look at him knowing that he was up all night having sex with some lingerie model or one of those gorgeous businesswomen I see walking down the street around five thirty in their expensive suits and shiny hair and four-inch heels because they’re all 5’4” and 100 pounds. And I’ll have to look at him all inferior and lacking and knowing I’m 5’7” and probably 1,000 pounds, considering all the crap I was eating until recently.

Okay, but like maybe? That’s not his window. Or it is, but he’s just not home for some other reason. Like maybe he’s out with a friend or at a coffeehouse somewhere grading papers. And I’m trying to remember where there’s a coffeehouse around here, so maybe I can walk by the window really fast and check if he’s in there.

But maybe that’s not even his window. What if it’s the other one and he’s home and he’s been peeking at me in between the blind slats this whole time? How long have I been standing here? He probably thinks I’m a freak!

I go up the stairs and look at the names on the doorbell list. And there it is. My heart thumps fast.
Farrell 1B.
In the middle of this city, in the serious moonlight, right down the street from where I’ve lived all this time, he’s here. He walks down this street and he climbs up these stairs every day and he lives right here.

So I’m trying to figure out what to do (like obviously, I’m not about to ring his bell or hang out across the street and see if he leaves or comes home) and then suddenly someone is climbing the stairs and I have to make an executive decision. Do I follow her in as if I live here and I’m looking for my key? I start moving things around in my bag in case I decide on that option. Or do I leave and hope she doesn’t see me, so if she sees me again she won’t think I’m stalking? But she just says excuse me and I say sorry and step to the side and I have to make a decision.