Take What You Want (9 page)

“
The
other half of yourself,” Alex said. “You're only
allowing half of yourself to live and the other half – the half
you think you need to hide, is clawing at your insides to get out.”

“
It's
not as easy as you make it sound.”

“
I
never said it was easy, Chase. Life isn't meant to be easy, but you
should live it honestly – at least be honest with yourself and
Danni.” Alex stood up and started collecting their empty
plates from the table. Chase stood up with him to help and Alex
pressed his shoulder to the firm muscle of Chase's arm. He waited
until Chase met his gaze before he spoke. “This isn't a life
choice, like suddenly waking up one day and deciding you want to be a
vegetarian. This is part of who you are; who you were born to be.
It's only a negative if you allow it to be one.”

Chase carried an armload of
the dishes inside with Alex and set them on the granite counter top
beside the sink “Want me to rinse them before they go into the
dishwasher?”

“
No,
I want you to leave them where they are and do a shot with me,”
Alex said. He removed a bottle of Petron from a cabinet and two shot
glasses and started walking back out by the pool. Chase followed
Alex and stood beside him at the table where they'd eaten their
dinner.

“
You
drank the margaritas, so I guess it's safe to say you like tequila,”
Alex said.

Chase's
head was already fuzzy from what he'd consumed before and during
dinner; couldn't even remember the exact number of times he'd
refilled his glass. The idea of doing shots with Alex on top of
everything else made him nervous.

“
I'm
getting pretty drunk,” Chase said. “I should probably
head home before I get stupid.”

“
Stupid
how?” Alex asked, arching one eyebrow. He filled both shot
glasses and lifted one to his mouth, tossed the liquid into the back
of his throat, and set the empty glass onto the table.

Chase didn't say anything.
He stood there mindlessly staring at Alex with glassy-eyed wonder.
He watched Alex throw his head back and do the shot, wipe his lips
off with the back of his hand, then Alex met his gaze and stepped
closer. They were almost the same height, putting them eye to eye;
Alex's chest a few sparse inches from pressing into Chase's. Chase
had never let a man stand this close to him, so why was he allowing
Alex into his personal space like this?

Chase felt the warmth of
Alex's fingers fan over the soft hairs of his forearm, then slide up
to curl around the tight muscle of his bicep. A burst of heat shot
through him, like a blast of adrenaline that went straight to his
cock. He tried to get his feet to move backward and they wouldn't.
He needed space between them. His lungs ached from the breath he
just now realized he was holding.

“
I
think it's obvious I want you, Chase,” Alex said, his voice was
a whisper that fluttered over Chase's face like a soft caress. “And,
I'm pretty sure you want me, too, but I won't cross that line with
you until I know Danni is cool with it.”

Alex stepped away and Chase
staggered from the sudden loss of him. His hands went to his head,
as if preventing it from falling off his neck and shoulders.

“
Fuucck,”
Chase said in a breathy sigh, his gaze dropped to the patio stones
beneath his feet.

“
I
know, right?” Alex tossed the shot meant for Chase into his
throat and shook his head. “The chemistry between us is
intense, bordering on combustible. I felt it the first time you
looked at me.”

“
I
gotta go,” Chase said.

“
Do
us
both
a favor and talk to Danni,” Alex said.

“
Thanks
for dinner,” Chase said.

“
Let's
do it again – soon,” Alex said.

Chase
heard his cell phone vibrating on the bedside table. It rattled
across the wood; sounding like a woodpecker bouncing its beak against
a hollow steel pole. He cracked open one eyelid and tried to focus
on the time displayed on his alarm clock and couldn't. Merely to
keep the phone from vibrating again, he grabbed for it and answered
the call with a groggy hello.

“
Chase?
Did I wake you?” Danni asked.

He felt himself slump
against the bed pillows. “What time is it?” he asked,
trying to push the fog from his brain.

“
Your
time, it'd be about ten,” she said.

“
I
guess I was more tired than I thought,” Chase said.

“
How
was dinner with Zander?”

Chase rubbed at his face,
trying to sort through the details of the previous night. There were
parts of the evening that were blurry. Other parts were …
arousing and enlightening. He closed his eyes, feeling his cock
responding to the memory of Alex touching his arm. That simple
gesture had him hard as stone. It made him wonder what he'd have
done if Alex had touched something other than his arm.

“
Chase?
Did you fall back asleep?” Danni asked.

“
No,
babe. I'm here,” he said. “I had too much to drink last
night, so I'm feeling a bit sluggish this morning.”

“
That
must mean dinner went well?”

“
Yeah,
it was fine,” Chase said. “Alex grilled steaks out by
the pool.”

“
What's
it like to hang out with a famous rock star like Zander?” Danni
asked.

“
He
doesn't act like that,” Chase said. “There's no ego, no
sense of entitlement, he's just … Alex when we're talking. If
it weren't for the guitar music I hear at random times, I'd never
know he was a musician. And, he says Zander is his stage name. Off
stage he likes to be called Alex.”

There it was again, Danni
thought. That weird inflection she heard in Chase's voice when he
talked about Zander.

“
Is
everything all right, Chase?” Danni asked.

“
Besides
the hang-over, I'm fine. Why?”

Danni sighed loudly. “I
didn't want to have this conversation over the phone, Chase, but I
think we need to talk.”

“
About
what?”

“
Before
I left, we opened up a … subject, that made you
uncomfortable.”

Chase
sat up in bed. “Danni, it's too early in the day for this.”

“
I
have to ask you something and you need to be honest with me,”
she said. “Think you can handle that?”

“
I
don't want to do this now,” he said. “Danni, please.
We'll talk when you get home.”

“
That's
two months from now!” she said. “This can't wait that
long.”

Chase swung his legs over
the side of the bed and looked out the window. Hazy sun was already
heating the Summer air. A warm gust of it filtered into the room
through the window screen.

“
Chase,
I need to know. Are you attracted to Zander?”

“
He's
fun to hang with, Danni, but that's it.”

“
So,
you're not
sexually
attracted to him? Be honest, Chase.”

“
I
am being honest!”

“
I
don't believe you, Chase, and that's a problem,” Danni said.
“If this is going to work for us, then I need to know what's
going on inside your head. You can't hide from this anymore, so
answer my question and this time be completely honest. Are you
sexually attracted to him?”

Chase
stood up and walked across the room to the window. His eyes caught
movement at the table beside the pool where he'd sat last night
eating dinner. Alex was sitting there alone with an acoustic guitar
resting on his lap. Long hair pushed behind his ears. Bare chest.
Bare legs. It wasn't much of a stretch of his imagination to know
Alex was probably completely bare – everywhere, with nothing
but the guitar to conceal it. And it was the concealed 'it' that had
him hardening, even knowing his fiancée was on the other end
of the phone.

“
Danni,
I don't want to hurt you,” he said softly.

“
Keeping
this from me hurts, Chase. Be honest and we'll deal with it
together,” Danni said. “Tell me. Just say it.”

“
Okay,
then, yeah. The answer to your question is: yes. I am.”

Chase heard Danni's voice
catch, suspected his admission felt like a slap to her face. He
wished he could take it back; wished he could change the way he felt,
too, but he couldn't.

“
Have
you acted on it?” she asked.

“
Fuck,
no! Why would I do that?” he asked. “I'm in love with
you.”

“
And,
I love you, Chase, but something tells me you've come close to acting
on this attraction with him. I can hear it in your voice. Do you
think he feels something, too?”

Chase squeezed his eyes
shut. He did not want to have this conversation – especially
with a hang-over, but he also knew Danni wouldn't let it go until she
was satisfied she knew exactly what was going on. Chase stepped back
to the bed and sat down on the edge of the mattress. Alex's parting
words popped into his head, asking him to talk to Danni and get this
out in the open once and for all.

“
He's
interested, Danni. We talked about it last night, but he knows I'm
with you, so it won't go any further. You have my word.” He
could hear her muffled sobs and knew she was crying. It killed him
knowing he had hurt her like this, when she had done nothing to
deserve it. “Maybe I should fly out and spend some time with
you. Would you like that?”

“
Running
away doesn't fix it, Chase. He'll still be there when you fly back
home. Then what? Do you think you'll be able to ignore him?”

“
I
don't know what you want me to do, Danni. Tell me what you want and
I'll do it.”

“
What
have you done about this in the past?” she asked.

“
It's
never gotten to this point.”

“
What
do you mean?”

“
The
interest has always been … one-sided,” Chase said.
“This isn't something I ever imagined would become a problem.”

“
Is
Zander gay?”

“
He's
bisexual,” Chase said. “He likes men and women …
equally.”

“
Like
you,” Danni said.

Chase drew in a deep breath
and slowly released it. “I love women.”

“
But,
you're also attracted to men.”

“
Yes,
Danni, I am, but I'm not going to act on it.”

“
Maybe
you should,” she said.

“
What?
No! I couldn't do that.”

“
Why
not? I'm out here for two months, Chase. It's not like I'll be
there to stop you. Maybe you
should
act on it and get it out of your system.”

“
I
don't think it works like that, Danni.”

“
I
suppose not,” she said with resignation. “I guess this
is something that is going to follow us around for the rest of our
lives, isn't it: with you always wanting a man – in addition to
me?”

“
You're
more than enough for me,” he said.

“
Obviously
not, since you're hot for our neighbor.”

“
Danni,
it's not like that.”

Silence fell between them,
until Danni finally spoke again. “I need to think about this,
Chase. Can I call you later or do you already have plans?”