Authors: Melissa Toppen
Tags: #Fiction, #Romance, #General, #Contemporary, #Erotica, #Sagas
Chapter Twenty-Seven
It's been three days since I have heard from Liam. Three days and an array of different emotions. At first I felt sadness. Soul tearing, world crashing sadness. I had no idea what had happened or why things had changed so quickly and for two days it took all I had to get out of bed.
I had considered calling him but my pride took hold and then the anger set in. Why I should I be the one to reach out to him when he's the one that is doing this to us? No, if he wants to fix this then he needs to be the one to make the first move.
Or at least that's what I told myself all night last night. But now, as I hold my cell phone in my hand, Liam's number displayed across the screen, it takes everything I have not to push the call button. The not knowing is what is killing me and if I have to be the one to reach out to get answers then maybe that's just what I will have to do.
My thumb hovers over the screen. Just as my mind is made up and I move to press call, my phone buzzes in my hand. My heart leaps into my throat but then quickly turns to disappointment as my mom's number pops across the screen.
I click my screen and do my best to answer in a way that doesn't imply that I am one hundred percent miserable. “Hey mom.” I say, as I put the phone to my ear.
“You okay honey? You sound off.” Leave it to my mom, she can always see through my facade no matter what I do.
“I'm okay. Okay no, that's a lie. Mom, I need your advice.” I decide lying to her will get me no where and based on the information she told me while I was in Vermont, maybe she can help me.
I continue on, not waiting for her to reply. I tell her how wonderfully everything had been going with Liam and about our trip to Florida. As I'm saying it, I realize just how long it's been since I've called and a ping of guilt twists my insides but I push forward, not stopping until I have explained everything up to present day.
My mom sighs into the phone. “Addison, men like that, like Liam, they take what they want and then when they have no use for you, they push you away. I've seen it happen, firsthand. But let's say for arguments sake that this is not the case. What do you want honey?”
“I want him mom. There's no doubt in my mind where I belong. I just don't know what to do. What if he doesn't want me anymore? What if it is exactly as you say and he's grown tired of me? God mom, I don't think that's an option I can stomach.” I fight back the tears that are building behind my eyes.
“There's only one way to find out honey. You need to go to him. Demand answers. If you love him as much as you say, then you need to fight. Fight with everything you have. At least that way if it doesn't work out, you know that you did everything that you could. You don't want to just let this slip away and then a year from now, two years from now, be left with the lingering what if and what could have been.” As she speaks the words, I have already made up my mind what I need to do. I need to see him, I need to at least try.
I talk to my mom for a few more minutes and I promise to let her know when and if things get resolved. I can tell she's worried about me, that she wants me to come home. But she doesn't voice it. Somehow she knows that right now what I need more than anything is her support.
By the time we get off the phone it's after nine and while everything in me is screaming to go to him now, I know that I need to wait. I will go see him tomorrow after work. Until then, I wait. In complete and totally agony, I wait. Hoping and praying, that somehow this all just got blown out of proportion and we will go right back to the way things were. But the reality is, that things are not always that easy. It's time to face facts. There is a very real possibility that come tomorrow my entire world will crash around my feet. I just need to figure out how I'm going to handle that or if I even can.
****
The work day drags on and on with my nerves eating me from the inside out, as the anticipation of seeing Liam tonight grows. Michelle doesn't make my day any easier, throwing me wicked smiles every time she passes by my desk. It takes everything in me not to stand up and punch her square in the face but I refrain and I keep my mouth shut.
By six, I am in my car and headed to
Bella Vita
. I called ahead to confirm Liam was there and was informed that he was in his office. I was hoping he would be home but have decided this can't wait. If this has to happen there, then that's where it has to happen. I can't wait a moment longer. My nerves are fried. I haven't been able to eat. My work suffered severely today and the nights are the worst. That's when I lay in bed tossing and turning and eventually end up staring at the ceiling for hours on end praying for sleep to come.
I pull up to the valet in front of the hotel and hop out, tossing my keys to the young man working the station before heading inside. I don't stop to speak to anyone and I keep my head down as I make my way to the elevators, eventually ending up in the executive offices.
No one is at the main desk so I push my way through the doors, intending on just walking right into his office and demanding answers. But Maggie throws a wrench in my plans. The moment her eyes spot me, she hurries out from behind her desk and steps in between me and Liam's door.
I stop just a few feet shy of her, confusion written all over my face. “Maggie?” I question, my voice coming out hoarse and dry.
“I'm sorry Addison, I can't let you go in there.” She says. Her words are soft and I can tell that she does not like being put in this position.
“What?” The words snaps from my throat and my heart rate kicks into overdrive. At this rate, I'm gonna die of a heart attack before I reach the age of twenty-four. I don't know how much more my poor heart can take.
“He gave me specific instructions. No one gets in, including you.” She says the last part avoiding my gaze.
“You can't be serious, Maggie. I have to see him.” I fight the quiver in my voice but it does me no good. She can see the pain etched across my face, hear it taking me under. I can see the pity in her eyes but it only makes me angrier.
“You know what, I'm done.” My words come out loud and honestly, I hope Liam can hear me. “Tell him I don't ever want to see him again.” My voice goes up an octave and I can tell that Maggie is at a loss for words. I don't wait to hear if she has anything to say. I spin on my heel and head straight for the door, punching the elevator button so hard, it's a wonder I didn't break it.
I fight back the tears. I will not cry, I will not cry, I repeat in my head. My hands are shaking by the time I reach the main floor but for whatever reason, I can't leave. I can't go home and wallow in my own self pity. I make a last minute decision as I reach the lobby and veer left, following the signs that lead me to the casino.
It takes me about ten minutes before I am standing at the entrance of
Serendipity
. There is no line and no bouncer working the door. I guess they don't get much of a crowd on a Monday evening. I push my way inside and walk straight to the bar.
“I need a shot. The strongest you've got.” I say to the man standing behind the bar. His dark eyes scan my face for a fraction of a second before he nods and turns his back to me. When he turns back around, he sits a shot in front of me.
“You're going to need this.” He says, sitting a glass of water next to the shot. I try to thank him but I can't get the words out. He gives me a knowing look and only then does it dawn on me that he probably knows exactly who I am.
I grab the shot and pour the contents down my throat. My body tries to reject it almost immediately but I force it down. Water instantly fills my eyes and I feel like I just drank liquid fire. I grab the water and chug it but I get no relief, it only dulls the burn. “Another.” I say, sliding the empty glass on the bar towards him. His eyes light up in surprise but he doesn't question it and has another shot in front of me in the matter of seconds.
I grab the glass and once again empty the contents. The burn is almost as bad the second time around but I like it. I like the physical pain. It somehow dulls the emotional pain threatening to rip me apart at the seams. I scoot the glass towards him again. This time he doesn't wait for me to ask, he simply takes my glass and refills it.
I can already feel the effects of the alcohol. A warm, buzzing feeling working its way through my veins, heating my entire body. I hold the third shot for a couple of minutes just staring at the golden liquid. The color reminds me of Liam's eyes. The amber ring the surrounds his irises and makes his eyes impossibly beautiful. The thought sends a chill to my core and I drown it out by pouring the third shot down my throat.
The burn is getting more tolerable and by the fourth I barely even notice it. I can feel myself becoming woozy, my body swaying on the stool in rhythm with the music playing lightly through the speaker system. I take another shot and then another.
The phone behind the bar rings and the bartender answers it quickly, saying something quietly into the phone so that he isn't overheard. I watch as his expression become hard and he nods as he's speaking. I trail my eyes up and down his body, just registering for the first time that he's a pretty good looking guy. He's built, not like Liam but he has a nice lean frame. He has a solitary tattoo on his forearm. Some kind of tribal that wraps around and ends just shy of his elbow. His dirty blonde hair is a little too long and I have to admit the way his bangs fall into his eyes is rather sexy.
For a moment, I imagine him sneaking me off to a hidden room somewhere and fucking all memories of Liam from my mind. But the thought slips away quickly when I realize that random sex with someone or anything actually, would not have the power to make me forget or to make this better.
I sag forward in my chair. My head is buzzing and the liquor feels like it's burning a hole in my stomach and threatening to come back up. I take deep breathes and eventually the moment passes. I push my glass towards the bartender and indicate I want another but this time he doesn't make any move to take my glass. He just looks at me.
“Sorry hon. That's it for you tonight.” He says, sitting another water in front of me.
“Excuse me. I get out on a slur.” I can feel my nostrils flare in anger and for a moment I think about letting this dude have it.
“You've been here less than an hour and you have managed to kill a quarter of a bottle of 151. I've seen two hundred pound men have trouble walking after consuming that much.” He says, smiling as if that will somehow make it better.
“I've got it from here Jack.” I hear someone bellow from behind me. I don't have to turn around to know it's Dave. His deep husky voice is unmistakable. I hear the stool next to me skid across the floor as he pulls it out and takes a seat.
I don't look at him, keeping my eyes forward. He doesn't say anything but I can feel his eyes on me. I'm so pathetic. Of course Liam knows I'm here. The phone call Jack got right before he cut me off all makes perfect sense now. Suddenly, I feel sick. I don't know if it's from the alcohol or the mess that I have found myself in but I can't push it down. I can't hold it back.
“Fuck!” I cry, pushing away from the bar and sprinting towards the bathroom. I almost fall several times in the short distance to the ladies room but manage to get into a stall before the entire contents of my stomach comes spewing out.
I sink to my knees on the floor and once I am positive there is nothing left to come up, I push back onto my butt and lean against the stall wall. The tears that I fought so hard to contain burst free and I pull my knees to my chest and rock lightly back and forth.
I don't know how long I lay there. I'm pretty sure I lost consciousness at some point but I have no grasp on time. It could have been hours or mere minutes but eventually I hear someone enter the room. I don't know how they got into my stall but the next thing I know, I am being hoisted up and carried from the bathroom.
My nostrils fill with the scent of Liam and for a moment I forget. I nuzzle my head into his chest and inhale deeply just as everything fades to darkness.