Taking Chances (27 page)

“I didn't think
about it like that, but you have to figure out something.”

I sighed and
fell onto the bed, “I know Bree. Trust me there's nothing you can say that I
haven't already thought of. After that ultrasound, all I can think about is
telling Chase. It's like my whole perspective changed and I'm finally ready to
take that chance with him. But I know I have to wait a little bit longer. I owe
it to Brandon to give him some time to get over his hurt, and I owe it to Chase
to be able to fully be in a relationship with him once he knows.”

She laid down
next to me and grabbed my hand, “But when will it be enough time for that? When
you have a beach ball under your shirt?”

“No. I couldn't
let Chase find out that way, that wouldn't be fair to him either. And I know
what you're about to say, I'm starting to show a little, so it has to be soon.”
I wasn't showing much yet, it just looked like I ate a massive meal, but it was
looking more like an awkward bump with each passing day, and soon people would
start talking.

“It hurts me to
see you guys apart, but I understand what you're saying sweetie.”

We both sat up
to see Mom standing in the doorway, I guess she'd heard most, if not all of the
conversation.

“Since he's my
son, I obviously think about his happiness before Brandon's, so naturally I
only think about how this is hurting him. And while what you're saying is
extremely mature for your age, I'll be happy when all this is behind you two
and you can live your lives together.”

I hated that I
was still hurting so many people. It was apparent Claire was hurting for Chase,
he still wasn't coming around much, I'd messed up more than I thought. “I'm
sorry Mom. I promise I'm not trying to hurt him or any of you. I'm just trying
to figure out the best way to fix all of this, so when we do start a
relationship, it's perfect.”

Bree squeezed
my hand and Mom came to lay down on my other side. “I don't think you're trying
to hurt people sweetie, we just only see one side of this.” Mom said with a
sigh.

“I'm sorry for
getting on you Harper, I just see how miserable you are without him, and I
didn't understand why you were putting both of you through this when it's clear
you guys want each other so badly. That wasn't fair of me.”

“It's fine
Bree, you guys are still right, I need to tell him soon. This is just a lot
harder than I thought it would be.”

We sat there in
silence for a while until Mom glanced at her watch and stood up, “So I guess
it's safe to assume he won't be at the appointment today!” She laughed and the
tension slowly left the room. “Well that's fine with me, I'm selfish and want
to be there to see it.”

I sat up, “You
aren't going to come to the appointments when Chase does? I need you two
there.” I looked between her and Bree.

“No sweetie,
you may not understand it yet, but the first time he's there, trust me when I
say you'll want it to just be the two of you.”

“Okay? Well I'm
ready whenever you guys are.”

Bree jumped up
and pulled me with her, “I'm ready! Let's go see my niece or nephew!”

I laughed and
looked at my stomach, “You hear that? We're coming to see you Gummy Bear!”

Claire and Bree
both laughed as we walked to the car. I was thrilled to see my baby again, but
my heart hurt knowing Chase wouldn't be there, that he didn't even know about
it. Next time, I promised myself, he'll for sure be there next time.

We were silent
throughout the appointment as we watched my gummy bear, who now actually looked
like a baby, sleep in my stomach. The heartbeat was strong and once again I
closed my eyes so the only thing I was aware of was that beautiful sound.

“Well, let's
make another appointment for four more weeks, you'll be sixteen weeks then and
if baby is cooperative we might be able to find out the sex of the baby.” Dr.
Lowdry said as we walked out of the room.

“Really? I'm
sorry I just didn't realize we could find out that soon!” I definitely needed
to tell Chase. If there was one appointment in particular I wanted him there
for, it was to find out if we were having a boy or girl. I told Claire and Bree
as much when we got in the car and they both sighed happily knowing within a
month Chase and I would be together. I wanted to bring up the fact that we
still didn't know if he would want the baby or me after he found out, but they
were so dang happy I couldn't bring myself to sour the mood again. “I'd like to
give him some time before the appointment, just in case he needs to think about
things, but I never see him anymore unless we're at school and I don't want to
do it there either. Do you think if he hasn't come around on his own by my birthday,
we could invite him to whatever we're doing? I'll tell him then.”

“I can call and
tell him he has to come to family day this Sunday sweetie.”

“No Mom, I
don't want him to be forced to come over. I would prefer if he comes to see me
on his own, but if he hasn't by then, then we can invite him to dinner on something.
I doubt he'd miss my birthday.”

“April
fifth...two weeks? These are going to be the longest two weeks of our lives.”
Bree groaned.

“Hey I just set
a deadline for myself, I thought you would be a little happier than this.” I
joked with her.

“I am, but
whenever I see him now I'm going to be freaking out, knowing that he's finding
out soon.”

“Well we don't
see him much, so hopefully you won't have many freak-outs.”

Okay so there
weren't
many
freak-outs, but there were three more than I was expecting
there to be. Which meant there were a total of three. All at school. The first
wasn't a big deal, Bree and I were running to a class and we saw him walk out
of the building. He reached out to brush my hand as we ran past, his face lit
up with a gorgeous smile as Bree and I barely managed
hellos
before
pushing open the door to the lecture we were late to. The next two were borderline
dangerous, considering my current state.

“Damn
Princess,” Drew laughed, “You trying to pack on a few pounds there?”

I froze when
Chase smacked him across the back of the head on the way to his seat. I hadn't
been
trying
to eat for two, since I knew there really wasn't a reason to
yet, but I was so hungry all the freaking time. This was just the first time
Chase had been around, and the first time anyone had said something besides
Bree and her parents. My hand immediately went down to my stomach, thinking
he'd somehow see the bump even though I was hidden behind the table, thankfully
Bree snatched my hand and put it to my side before I could look awkward
covering myself. Which, by the way, I was definitely doing more of, all my
tight shirts were starting to show my now obvious bump, so everything I wore
was loose or flowy around my hips. I wasn't in maternity clothes yet, by any
means, I was just being careful until Chase knew. Brandon's eyes darted quickly
to mine and with a hard sigh he got up from the table and left. I wanted to die.

That had been
the first time I'd seen Brandon since we’d broken up, and it had been emotional
to say the least. I'd stopped dead in my tracks when I saw him sitting at the
table, but Bree had told me I needed to do this at some point. I knew she was
right, but seeing him again made me want to take him away somewhere and beg him
to take me back, even though I'd just told Bree I could never do that to him. I
did love Chase, and I knew that if I were to be with anyone, it needed to be
him. But I was still completely in love with Brandon. I wouldn’t tell Bree
this, but I still thought of him when I thought of my future, if he were to ask
me today, I would marry him. But obviously that day would never come now. That
thought ripped my heart to a million pieces, even though I’d done this to
myself. Throughout the tense five minutes we'd been at the table, I'd watched
him for four and a half and I continued to watch him until he was out of the
café.

“Bree,” I
whispered leaning into her side, “we might need to leave soon before
I
freak out instead of you.”

As if on cue,
Derek's girlfriend, Maci, and one of her other friends sat down at the table.
“Wow Harper, you look amazing today.” Maci said with wide eyes, “I mean, not
that you aren't pretty all the time, but I swear you're glowing.”

Bree's intake
of breath was audible. Crap. I couldn't stop myself, I glanced over at Chase
and breathed a sigh of relief when I saw he was simply smiling at me. I smiled
nervously, but Bree shot out of her chair, causing it to fall backwards.

“We have to
go!” She explained while everyone looked at her like she was crazy.

I walked away
with her, and once out of earshot finally spoke, “Subtle Breanna. Very subtle.”

“I'm sorry, but
I swear I thought someone was going to say something! Can you even believe that
just happened?”

“No,” I
breathed, “you're right, it was weird to have them bring up those things within
a few minutes of each other. I got nervous for a second there too. Did you
notice anyone else at the table? I only looked at Chase. He definitely didn't
get it, but that doesn't mean no one else did.”

“Just Maci. I'm
glad no one brought up the fact that you're always wearing loose shirts.”

“Honestly Bree,
I think we're the only ones that know that, and it's because we both decided it
was for the best. I think we're just freaking out because we know
I'm...well...you know.”

“Probably. Ugh,
only three more days, and then he'll know.”

I almost
started hyperventilating.

“Chill Harper!
Breathe.”

“Oh God, I haven't
even thought of how to tell him!” I looked around quickly to make sure no one
was staring after my outburst.

“Calm down
friend,” Bree stepped closer, “it will be easy, you told everyone else with no
problems.”

“That was
different, they were easier because I was already upset with myself. But he's
the dad, and though I'm still upset with myself, I'm happy about the baby.
Different. So different.”

“What's
different?” Konrad pulled a squealing Bree in for a big kiss.

“God babe! You
scared the crap out of me.” She slapped his chest but brought him in for
another kiss.

He smiled and
looked at me again, “Sup Kid, what's different?”

“Uh, I just. I
just saw Brandon, it was weird.”

He nodded and
wrapped his arms around Bree's waist. “Ready gorgeous?”

Bree looked at
me, eyebrow raised, “You good?”

“Yeah! Yeah,
I'm fine. See you guys after class.” I flicked my eyes to Konrad who,
thankfully, didn't think anything was wrong. Jeez I needed these three days to
fly by, not telling Chase was becoming ridiculously hard, especially with
thinking everyone was going to somehow find out.

I saw Chase for
the third time the day before my Birthday, and it was when I'd been rushing out
of a class to hurl in the next available bathroom. Of course I hadn't been sick
for three days, and then it decides to reappear and he's right there. I was
throwing up violently into the toilet when his hand started making large
circles on my back. When the morning sickness had taken full effect and turned
into the every-few-hours-sickness, I'd worn my hair in a messy bun every day so
I wouldn't have to worry about it. Though it had definitely tapered off, I was
grateful I'd been running late so I hadn't had time to do anything else with my
hair. I was already humiliated that he'd just watched that, but having to clean
vomit out of my hair in front of him would have made it ten times worse.

“Go away.” I
groaned and spit into the toilet.

He walked away
but came right back with a cold wet paper towel. “Here you go Princess.” He
said softly.

I took it and
wiped my face before wiping my mouth and stood up to face him. “Thanks.”

“Are you okay?
Do you want me to take you somewhere?”

“No, I'm
great.” Weird, I know. But every time I finished throwing up, I felt like
nothing had ever happened. Actually I was kind of hungry again.

“Great? You
just threw up Harper.”

I looked into
his blue eyes and immediately regretted it. Tearing my eyes away I walked to
the sink to rinse my mouth out, “I know, and now I feel fine.”

“If you don't
want me to take you, at least let me call Bree so she can take you home.
Speaking of, when were you going to tell me you moved into my parent's house?”

I spit out the
water, turned the faucet off and popped a piece of gum in my mouth. I was now
always prepared with at least two packs of gum. “Does that bother you?”

“Not at all,
but I just found out this morning that you've been living there over a month. I
would have come around more if I knew you were there and not hiding from me in
your dorm.”

“I haven't been
hiding from you Chase.”

He hung his
head, “You sure about that?”

Looking at
Chase with his head down, I fought the urge to tell him everything. But now
wasn't the time for all of it, I couldn't tell him in a dirty bathroom that we
were having a baby. “I've just been busy, and you haven't been around much
either. You haven't come to a family day in months.”

He laughed
humorlessly, “As before Harper, I'm giving you the time you asked for.”

God I had to
stop asking him to give me time, he flat out disappears when I do. Guys need to
understand that sometimes, we mean exactly the opposite of what we say. I may
need time, but I damn sure want you to show me that you want me. “Oh.”

I grabbed my
backpack and waited for him to follow me out of the bathroom. Thankfully no one
was around, I'm sure it would look awkward for us both to come out of the
girl's room. We walked out of the building and spotted Bree waiting with Konrad
not far away. Her eyes grew wide and she turned to talk to Konrad. I'm sure to
prevent another freak out.