Taking Charge (24 page)

“There’s something I need to tell you,” he began.

“You want to call off the wedding,” Robyn stated.

“No, nothing like that,” he said, holding her hands
in his.

“Then tell me, whatever it is, just tell me,” she
begged.

He took a long breath and then let it drift out
slowly as if he was composing himself for an important speech.

“When my dad died, I didn’t decide to choose medicine
and try to make a difference, not right away. I lost it, Robyn, I
lost it big time. My dad was my rock and we were close, I mean,
real close. We did everything together. Bryn, he was older, he
spent more time with his friends. But me, I liked spending time
with Dad. We went to hockey together, we went to football together,
we fished, we played golf. We did everything together, and when I
lost him, I didn’t know what to do. My whole world had been taken
away and I couldn’t focus. My center had gone, my familiarity, my
balance…nothing was there any more,” Cole began.

She could see the pain of losing his father etched on
his face and those dark eyes were moist with tears.

“Robyn, I was stupid, so freaking stupid. I didn’t
know what I was doing and I didn’t care about anything,” he said,
looking up at her.

“What is it? You can tell me.”

“I was in a bad, dark place and I just wanted him
back,” he said, the tears finally escaping.

“What did you do?”

“I completely lost my mind. From the moment he passed
away, I went on some grief-fuelled rollercoaster ride,” Cole
admitted.

“You got in trouble?” Robyn guessed.

“I drank myself into a stupor every single day. I
beat up my best friend, I dropped out of school, I told my mom I
hated her, and I almost killed somebody when I drove through a stop
sign. I spent thirty days in jail.”

He looked over to Robyn, waiting for her reaction,
wondering what the admission was going to do to her. It had to do
something. She thought he was strong, she thought he was this
ambitious, dedicated person who was going to cure the world of its
ills, but the truth was, he was as weak as the next person. Weaker
probably. She looked like she was thinking so hard, he could almost
see the wheels in motion. He needed to be honest with her and he
needed to be honest with himself. She had to know who he really was
and who he was wasn’t all good.

“I once took a monkey wrench to a customer when he
pinched my ass,” Robyn stated, her voice wobbling slightly.

“Robyn, I was a mess! I was this disgusting
individual who didn’t care about anybody or anything. I was filled
up with rage against the whole damn world as if it was everyone
else’s fault that my dad had died. I hated everyone and I hated
myself. I was on some road to self-destruction and that’s what
happened next,” Cole carried on.

“What?” Robyn asked, squeezing his hands.

“Bryn found me unconscious. I’d taken God knows how
many pills and drank three bottles of vodka. He got me to the
emergency room. If he hadn’t found me…”

“What happened then?” Robyn asked with a swallow.

“I came to in hospital, feeling rougher than you can
imagine. By the side of my bed was my dad’s ice hockey shirt. Mom
had brought it in and she’d put it by my pillow. It still smelt of
him, you know, and that smell, it just filled me up. I didn’t want
to die. Dad had given me all these fantastic times, and I realized
those memories should have been shaping my future. I wanted to make
him proud and I needed to be a better person,” Cole explained.

Robyn threw her arms around him and held him close,
pulling him tight to her.

“I left Chicago because I could feel those
destructive feelings coming back after what Bryn and Veronica did.
It didn’t have anything to do with Dad, it had to do with me. I’m
not good enough, Robyn, but I really want to be,” Cole told her
fiercely.

“What d’you mean, you’re not good enough?” she
asked.

“People leave me because I’m nothing. I thought the
work I do would make a difference, but I can’t find the answers.
What if I never find them? What then? Who am I without that?
Where’s my focus?”

“Now you listen to me. I don’t know anything about
your work but I know about you. You, Cole Ryan, are far from
nothing. For a start, you’re my fiancé! And that makes you pretty
damn special in my world.”

“I don’t want to let you down.”

“The only way you’re going to let me down is if you
don’t kiss me right now,” Robyn ordered him.

Cole looked at her, his big eyes full of tears and
regret.

“Why aren’t you doing it?” Robyn asked him.

Cole tenderly took her face in his hands and brought
her lips to his, parting them slowly and delivering a warm, soft
touch to her mouth.

“You must never do anything like that ever again. If
you’ve got a problem, you tell me about it. Do you hear me?” she
asked.

“Loud and clear.”

“I’m hiding all the Advil and the alcohol unless you
promise me,” she said, pulling back so she could look into his
eyes.

“I promise you.”

“Swear it. Swear it on your Chicago Wolves limited
edition hooded sweater,” Robyn said, squeezing his hands.

“I swear it on my limited edition Chicago Wolves
hooded sweater and the matching track pants,” Cole answered, his
tone serious.

Robyn gazed at him, studying his expression, before
finally nodding. She laid a kiss on his injured knuckles and let go
of his hand.

“I want you to meet my mom,” he stated.

“Oh.”

“I want you to. It’s important to me.”

“Yeah, but she might test me on vacuuming techniques
and I don’t even know where it’s kept,” Robyn replied, wiping at
her eyes.

“Knowing that I’m moving on—even though I’m not ready
to bury the hatchet with Bryn and Veronica—it might make her worry
less about things. She worries a lot about things since Dad died,”
Cole said.

“Will I have to wear a dress and fancy shoes and bake
brownies?” Robyn asked him.

“Of course.”

“Are we going to tell her we’re getting married?”

“Are you okay with that?”

“I’m not sure. I mean, it isn’t like we’ve set a date
or anything.”

“Do you want to set a date?”

“Do you?”

“I asked first.”

“October twenty-second, I’ve always liked the number
twenty-two,” Robyn replied.

“That’s in two weeks.”

“Then you have a lot of planning to do. I want a
cake, three tiers, all chocolate. And I want to get married here,
by the lake, on the sand, and I want to arrive in Bob’s boat. I
want Special Guest to perform at the reception and I want that slow
Eric Clapton song playing in the background when we sign the
license. And I want everyone barefoot. And we don’t tell anyone
until the day before,” Robyn reeled out.

“I’m happy with all that,” Cole told her.

“Well, obviously you need to think about what you
want too. I mean, Special Guest are quite versatile; we don’t have
to have Eric Clapton. Just as long as you don’t get them playing
Bruce Springsteen, never been a fan,” Robyn said.

“How about REO Speedwagon?”

“Are you serious?”

“Nancy! What are these?” Robyn asked, holding up a
very ancient looking plastic packet that had started to turn brown.
It was Monday.

“Dunno, honey, rubbers?” Nancy responded with a
hearty cackle, nudging Milo and getting him to look.

“Should have known I wouldn’t get a proper answer.
They resemble balloons, but they look about twenty years old,”
Robyn remarked, stretching one out and trying to blow into it with
little success.

“I found them out back, thought we could use them to
decorate for opening night,” Nancy said.

“You are kidding me. They’re going to go down in five
seconds flat. I’ve ordered helium ones, two hundred of them, with
the roadhouse motif on them. We can decorate the restaurant and
give some away to the kids,” Robyn told her.

“Waste of money if you ask me,” Nancy muttered.

“Now you’re even sounding like my dad. Milo, has Chef
tracked down that cheese yet?” Robyn asked, looking at her
checklist.

“He was on the internet earlier looking at delivery
prices to have it shipped from France,” Milo informed her.

“Right, let me put a stop to that. He’ll have to make
do with Portage’s finest. I’m not having my budget blown on
imported cheese,” Robyn told them.

“Just balloons,” Nancy remarked to Milo.

“I heard that,” Robyn called back.

“Morning,” Brad greeted as he entered the roadhouse
dressed in full police uniform.

“Hey, mister, where did you get to yesterday? You
totally missed Cole’s ex turning up and Henrik almost drowning in
the lake,” Robyn said, smiling at him.

“Er, well, Sarah was a little upset. I walked her
home,” Brad responded.

Robyn scrutinized him. His cheek was twitching and he
was shuffling awkwardly from one foot to the other.

“I stayed with her, you know, for a bit, and then I
headed home,” he continued stiffly.

Robyn carried on looking at him, her hands on her
hips, unconvinced by what he was saying.

“Her and Mickey aren’t too good at the moment,” Brad
stated.

“I gathered. So…” Robyn started.

The door of the roadhouse swung open and Sarah
entered. As soon as she saw Brad, she became completely flustered
and tried to hide her face behind her hair.

“I’d better be going,” Brad said, nervously
straightening his hat.

“Well, hang on, what did you want? You must have come
here for a reason,” Robyn said, following him as he rushed out the
door.

“I was just…going to ask…if you were free for dinner
tonight,” Brad said, avoiding Sarah’s gaze as she raised her head
out of her hair.

“Tonight? Er, no, not tonight. I’m doing something
tonight. How about tomorrow night?” Robyn suggested hurriedly.

“We’ve got training,” Brad reminded her.

“Oh, yeah, of course we have. Well, how about after?
We could get Chinese or something.”

“That sounds good,” Brad agreed with a smile.

“Great, well, I’ll see you tomorrow,” Robyn told
him.

“See you,” Brad said, waving his hand and heading to
his squad car.

Robyn turned back to Sarah and grabbed her by the
arm. She led her back into the roadhouse and pushed her down into
one of the booths.

“Ow! You’re hurting me! What are you doing?” Sarah
exclaimed, bumping down onto the seat.

“What’s going on with you and Brad? What happened
last night?” Robyn demanded to know as Nancy and Milo looked on
intrigued.

“Nothing happened last night. Nothing’s going on,”
Sarah said, playing with a tendril of her hair.

“Don’t lie to me! It’s written all over your face and
it’s written all over Brad’s face. Tell me!” Robyn ordered.

“We kissed. Kind of,” Sarah blurted out.

“Nancy! I need a Jack and Coke!” Robyn bellowed,
putting her hand to her chest.

“You want ice?” Nancy called back.

“Just bring it!”

“Look, it was something of nothing. He walked me
home, I made him coffee. I bawled my eyes out and he was nice to
me. He listened to me, he said he understood, and then we kind of
looked at each other and the next thing…” Sarah attempted to
explain.

“Jack and Coke. You want one, too, sugar? Something
for the guilt?” Nancy offered, handing Robyn her glass.

“Listen, what goes on in Eddie’s Roadhouse, stays in
Eddie’s Roadhouse. That was always Dad’s rule and I’m not changing
it now. You keep it zipped,” Robyn told Nancy seriously.

“If you want my opinion, I wouldn’t let the grass
grow where the officer’s concerned. Nice guy and biceps like
grapefruits,” Nancy spoke, chewing gum loudly.

“Thank you, Nancy, that will be all,” Robyn said,
dismissing her.

“I don’t know what to do,” Sarah admitted, her eyes
filling with tears.

“What d’you mean? What happened after you kissed? I
mean, who pulled away first? Did you? Did he? What did he say? What
did you say? Did he go? Did you make a joke of it and share another
coffee?” Robyn questioned frantically.

“He pulled away first.”

“No! Sarah! What would you have done if he hadn’t
pulled away? Would you have gone further? Grappled with the biceps
like grapefruits? Grappled with something else?” Robyn wanted to
know, looking at her friend like she was insane.

“I don’t know. He stood up and said he was sorry. He
said he was taking advantage of the situation and it was a mistake.
In fact, he apologized over and over until we got to the door.”

“What happened at the door? Do I want to know?”

“He told me he’s in love with you. Always has been,
always will be,” Sarah informed her.

Robyn gripped her glass harder.

“You knew that, though, didn’t you? I mean, he lights
up when you’re around, becomes the Brad he used to be before
Michelle left him for Randy. I knew that too, really, but I guess I
was hoping…” Sarah began, still toying with her hair.

“Hoping? You were hoping something would happen with
Brad? What about Mickey! You’ve devoted your life to Mickey,” Robyn
reminded her.

“I don’t know what I was hoping for, really, just for
a bit of attention, I guess. The knowledge that someone still finds
me attractive. Even if it’s a second best to you attractive. It’s
better than a not even on the same scale as a Dodge
attractive.”

“I wish you’d told me this before I accepted dinner
with him tomorrow night. I thought we could be friends, I thought
I’d made it clear I didn’t want any more than that,” Robyn
said.

“He thinks you’ll learn to love him, like you used
to,” Sarah commented.

“I never loved him! We dated in high school; we
snogged at the drive-in a couple of times, that’s all,” Robyn
announced seriously.