Taking Faith (13 page)

She ran across the linoleum and leapt into his arms. He turned as if sensing her urgency and caught her easily to his chest. His arms, warm bands of comfort, held her up gently as he buried his face in her hair. “Thank you.” She pulled back just enough to speak and looked into his eyes that were the closest they’d ever been. “Thank you. You have no idea how much better I feel knowing she knows that I’m ok.”

“Why don’t you just go home?” he asked with such gentleness
as he let
h
er feet touch the floor
. “I want
you
to stay, I…need you to for more reasons than one, but I just want to know why you didn’t leave when I gave you the opportunity to.”

“
Because I…feel a spark here, something I’ve never felt before. It feels like there’s something I’m supposed to be doing here. And my mom’s fine. I was already living on my own. This isn’t about her.”

“So, you’re here because you think you can…what?”

“No idea, but I feel
…right
here. And you’re so…” She found herself gulping.

“Amy, I’m not sure if I…” He gulped, too, making Amy even more nervous. “I’m not sure I can love anyone.” She felt an odd ache hit her in the chest.

She felt her cheeks color with an embarrassed pink. “I’m just saying that I’ve grown…fond of you, that’s all. You’re sweet and careful with me and I appreciate it.”

He rubbed her arm up and down as if hesitating or prolonging something, but he soon stepped back and nodded his head toward
the doorway. “Why don’t you go sit and I’ll finish in here
.”

She nodded and left quickly. Once on the other side of the wal
l where
he couldn’t see she smacked her forehead with her palm. What was she about to say to him? Ugh… She was such an idiot.

She sat and he soon brought in some homemade
chicken noodle soup. They ate
on the couch together and watched TV for a long time before she fell back asleep. She felt him carry her to bed and thought he’d climb back in the bed with her since they’d already spent one night together, but no. He situated himself back onto the floor and she felt her mood sink even further.
Not that she wanted to jump him right then or whatever but, s
he thought they had
crossed some barrier or broken
a wall down. H
e apparently wasn’t thinking that.

He was just being nice out of obligation, of course. All the tension and…looks and closeness she’d experienced with him had just been him not having dealt with a woman before. But he’d told her himself that he hadn’t been pretending. He said he meant it all. Was he just saying that because he thought she was leaving and she hadn’t? She squeezed her eyes shut an
d
told herself to pay more attention from then on.

She had to know if there was even something to stay here for.

Chapter 12

After her shower the next day she emerged, wet hair drying on her shoulders and
a t-shirt on. She put on the cut-off shorts she’d made from a pair of jeans because the store had no shorts. None. Roger told her it was
because the women weren’t allowed to wear shorts in the community. She promptly asked him if she could wear them in the house and make her own. He grinned and winked his acceptance of it.

Now she felt cl
ean, cool and ready to face whatever kind of
day. Ready to determine what exactly was going on between her and Roger. “Hey,” she said chipperly. “Just FYI, all of the shampoo is gone.”

“
Not a problem,
”
he answered from his chair as he rested with his arms behind his head.

“Sorry,” she laugh
ed and pulled her wet hair around to the front side. “My hair is a mess. It’s a beast to keep up
with
. Maybe I should cut it?”

* * *

Roger almost
groaned at that.
And i
t was becoming a torturous thing
to look and not touch, especia
lly when she was being so sweet like this. He got up from his chair and stood in front of her. He took her hair in his hands and let his fingers
comb it through. Even wet, it was smooth and sexy. He bit the side of his cheek to keep his inappropriate comment to himself. Instead he said, “Don’t you dare cut this.”

“You like it?” she said and smiled coyly. He almost groaned again. What was this girl doing to him? He felt inside out and scorched in all sorts of places.

He smiled. “I love it.” He boldly leaned forward to hug her
around her middle and loved the way her arms seemed to fit perfectly
- and eagerly -
around his neck.
But this was just a friendly hug.
He smelled her strawberry shampoo…that shampoo…

He moved back quickly and tried to smile. “It’s Sunday so I’m going to
mow the yard and do some maintenance stuff on my truck. You all right with hanging out today?”

“Sure.”

So after
she finished breakfast, he headed outside. At least if he was away from her for a while, he could convince himself that pressing her to the nearest wall and kissing the pretty lips right off of her face was not a good idea.

* * *

After a while of watching TV,
folding clothes and other mundane housewife stuff that she’d never been that great at or interested in, she decided to see what Roger was up to.

The garage door was
heavy and creaky so she hadn’t snuck up on Roger, but he continued to work under the truck. She smelled oil and imagined he was changing it.
She knelt down and peeked under. “Hi. Mind if I help?”

“Uh…” he looked at her down his body and back up, “it’s a tight squeeze, but you can if you like.”

She laughed. “If you can fit, I can fit.” She lay down beside him on the concrete and wiggled her way up. “So, what are we working on?”

He grinned at her, a little spot of grease on his cheek. “Well, missy, we’re changing the oil. The Caddy’s next. You want to help me?”

She nodded. “
Mmhmm
. My daddy used to let me help him when I was little. I bet I can change the oil faster than you can.”

“Don’t start something you can’t finish now,” he goaded making her laugh.

They finished with the truck and the
n moved on to the convertible.
She finished it and put the plug back in, screwing the filter and everything tight. He was just about to tell her what a great job she’d done when
oil
flew all over as he fought to
plug it again. He
cursed and sputtered, but eventually got it
back in
. He glanced at her with oil all over his neck and cheek.

She was sorry. She was
so
sorry. But it was so funny she couldn’t help but laugh. She giggled in the way one does when they are fighting it. He laughed, too, and wiped as his face. “Ha, ha. He, he,” he said jokingly
and
reached under her arm to tickle her ribs
.
“Now who’s
laughing?”

“I’m so sorry,” she said through her laugh and
jerked. He continued to tickle her until she begged him to st
op through her screaming giggles
. Then she
pulled a towel from under his leg up. She leaned over him as best as she could in the tight space that the jacked up car provided. “I
am
really sorry
, you know
.”

She wiped at his neck and worked to get it all. She felt his Adam’s apple bob as he swallowed under her fingertips. But when she moved up to do his cheek, she saw the look he was giving her. He was solely focused and enraptured with her ministrations. She
wiped the last drop away right next to his mouth. They just stood there looking at each other and she could take the questions no more. She leaned forward and kissed his chin. He gripped the back of her neck and she braced herself for lips, but it was his forehead to hers that touched.

“Thank you, sweetheart,” he said sweetly and let his fingers caress her neck. She pulled back and saw that he wanted to kiss her, he did. But he just wasn’t
ready to do it for some reason. So she smiled and mouthed, “You’re welcome,” and leaned her head on his
shoulder as he finished the car
.

It didn’t escape her notice how his skillful hands took d
ouble the time to finish everything
with her head on his shoulder and her hand resting on his belly.

* * *

The next few weeks were carbon copies of that beautiful, serene day. They ate
together,
laughed together, tickled and hugged and she got forehead kisses constantly. But at night, she still slept in his bed with him on the floor and he never, ever tried anything further.

Well
, she thought, if this is what she had
to live with she’d say she was doing pretty good.

Then one afternoon, Roger seemed to be on edge. His hands shook as he tried to work that day on a broken doorframe at the office, but his eyes scanned her constantly. She was beginning to be a little self-conscious about it by dinner time when nothing she seemed to do or say could make any difference with him. But then he pulled the biggest surprise of all.

“I’m going to run an errand real quick. I’ll be back in a little while, all right?”

“You’re leaving me here…alone?”

“Lock the door behind me,” he said and slipped his boots on. “Don’t let anyone in except me. I’ll be back soon.”

“Can I ask where you’re going?”

“The only place I can go right now,” he asked vaguely, but seeing her distraught face, he paused.

“Are you upset?” she asked and cleared her throat. “You’ve been weird all day.”

“I have,” he admitted. “I just can’t do this anymore, Amy. Something has got to give.” And then he was long gone, the truck’s peeling tires was all she heard.

What the hell did that mean? Something’s
gotta
give? The lump that formed in her throat at what he might mean by that was too much. She curled up in his chair, smelling him on the fabric and
closed her eyes, waiting for her husband to return.

* * *

When he banged on the door at full speed about an hour later, she jumped and ran to see who it was. “Roger?”

“Open up, baby,” he said and she felt her heart lift a little. He sounded happy, but when she finally got all the locks done and she saw his face, he wasn’t happy. He looked like that broken man again and she shook her head. No, no, she thought. We’d made so much progress.

But when he slammed the door behind him and came at her, she wasn’t scared. She knew enough about him now to know that he’d never hurt her. And he didn’t. He fell to his knees at her feet, taking her hands in his. “Amy,” he begged, but for what she didn’t know.

Then he released her hands and wrapped his arms around her waist, pressing his face to her belly. “Oh, God, please. Please forgive me.
Please, please, forgive me
.
”

Amy stood stunned with her hand on his head. “Roger, what-“

“I have done nothing but lie to you and hurt you from the moment you got here.” He lifted his face to rest his chin on her belly as he looked up at her. He was crying and
she couldn’t stop the gasp.

“Roger, what is going on? Where did you go?”

“I went to see Alex.” He smiled. “He told me he was in love with Elena. That he and Elena have been pretending, too.”

“What?”
she asked and it all seemed to make sense, falling into place. That was why Elena had been so strangely happy on the phone that day.

“Amy,” he said, pulling her from her thoughts, “I was nothing. I was an empty shell. I was filled with lies I believed until you came and showed me the truth. You are the only person in this whole world – the whole world, Amy – who ever showed me that love was a real, tangible thing. That love was something you could grab onto even if you didn’t deserve it. That kindness wasn’t just an idea, but a face that’s soft and
always smiling even when I was
a bastard to her.” His arms tightened. “I love you, Amy. I know I don’t have the right to and I told you that I didn’t think I could love anyone, but that was a lie. I love you and it scares me
to think about that, but it’s there to my core. Amy, you changed me. You changed everything about me. I’m inside out and I don’t ever want to be right again.” He smiled and nuzzled her stomach. “I don’t know if I could ever live without you. To go back to a world with no light or goodness.” He looked back up to her
and she pressed her lips together and wiped his face with her hand
. “I love you and I’ll do anything for you, including let you go if that’s what you want. I know you said
you’d stay, but it was wrong of me to just keep you here for my own selfish reasons. You can leave at any time. I’ll take you anywhere you want to go.”