Taking Heart (22 page)

“I’m not asking you to trust me with everything,” he said, touching her
cheek. “I’m just asking you to give me a little benefit of the doubt.”

“I will.”

When next he looked over, he realized that Karen’s eyes were glimmering
with unshed tears, triggering his flight mode. “Well, I’d better go meet up
with Carson.”

Karen leaned over for a short kiss. He met her halfway. “Happy birthday,”
she said softly. “I’m sorry it was such a crappy night.”

“It’s fine. It’s fine.”

“What?” Carson asked later that evening at a quiet, laid-back bar called
Linger. “You’re telling me that the girl you’ve been hung up on since you came
back from Colorado is here? In Los Angeles?”

“I’m not hung up on her,” Eric murmured into his Scotch.

“Yeah, tell that to the judge,” Carson said dismissively. He leaned
forward in the leather armchair. “So Karen went all
Fatal Attraction
on
her, did she?”

Eric nodded miserably.

“So how does she look? Why is she here?”

Eric remembered the glorious moment when he’d opened the door and caught
sight of Ren. “She was lovely and amazing, like she just walked out of a dream,”
he said, and realized too late that he had said it much too wistfully. He
swallowed some Scotch to conceal his shame. “But, you know, in a non-sappy
way.”

Carson bit back a laugh.

“Anyway, she’s not here for me. She’s here for some cake convention down
in Burbank.”

Carson slapped his palms across his knees and got to his feet. “Well, I
just made the executive decision that I must meet this woman.”

“What?” Eric stood up in surprise, splashing some Scotch on his
shirtsleeve in the process. “No.”

“What do you mean no? This opportunity will not present itself again.”
Carson downed his drink and dialed a taxi service from his cell phone.

“It’s almost midnight. She’ll be asleep by now.” It struck him then that
he was holding her duffel bag hostage in his apartment.

“What is that look?” Carson asked, making Eric rue the day his best
friend learned to read his every expression.

“I have her overnight bag,” he said with a defeated sigh.

Carson’s face lit up. “Perfect! Come on, we’re going to Burbank.”

Thirty-five minutes later, with the leather duffel bag in their
possession, they arrived at the only Ramada Inn in Burbank. They entered the
empty lobby and had to wait a few minutes before a clerk appeared at the desk.
“Can I help… holy shit, you’re Carson Kingsley!” the clerk said, his eyes wide
with wonder. “What the hell can I help you with?”

Carson leaned into the counter and smiled. “I’d like to know what room a
guest is staying in.”

“What’s the name?” the guy said, fingers already poised on the keyboard.

“Renee Lawton,” Eric said, enjoying the weight of her name on his tongue.

“Room 315,” the clerk said then smacked his forehead. “Crap, I wasn’t
supposed to tell you that. Company policy.”

Carson winked and flashed one of his practiced blinding Hollywood smiles.
“Don’t worry, Miss Lawton won’t mind. And we won’t tell.”

As they went up the elevator, Eric couldn’t help but feel as if they were
violating Ren’s rights. What would happen if it had been strangers with ill
intention who had asked for Ren’s room number instead? He couldn’t even allow
himself to imagine such a scenario. All of a sudden he felt the overwhelming
need to see her, to make sure she was
alright
.

He knocked, more like pounded, on her door, and she opened it several
seconds
later, still wearing the purple sweater and dark
denim jeans from earlier in the night. “Eric? What are you doing here?” she
asked huskily, with her hair tousled and her face dreamy from sleep. She saw
Carson and yawned.

Carson pushed past Eric and held out a hand. “I’m Carson Kingsley,” he
said, pumping her hand. “I’m sorry we’re here so late, but my boy Eric here
couldn’t sleep until he knew you had your belongings.”

Like a tool, Eric held out the duffel bag. “I figured you’d need it.”

Ren smiled sleepily as she took the bag and dropped it at the foot of the
bed, motioning for the men to come inside. “Thank you. You didn’t have to drive
all the way out here for that.”

“All the way out here is only twenty minutes,” Carson said, his hands in
his slacks pockets.

“Where’s Karen?” she asked.

“She’s back at home. Her home,” Eric said, his hazy little bubble of
denial effectively popped.

Carson clapped him on the shoulder. “I took him out for a birthday
nightcap after their date and he mentioned that you were in town and that he
had your bag. We had nothing better to do, so here we are.”

She ran her fingers through her hair and smiled. “I find it hard to
believe that a big star like you has nothing better to do.” She turned to Eric
and shook her head. “Karen’s not going to like you being here.”

“So we won’t tell her,” Carson said, but Eric’s eyes were fixed on Ren’s
as his heart beat loudly in his chest, and for one wild moment, he truly wished
he had actually received Ben’s heart. Maybe then they could be together right
now.

“You have to tell her. She’s your girlfriend,” Ren said.

Eric let out the breath he’d been holding. “I will.” He turned to Carson.
“Come on, man. It’s getting late.”

“You’re already in trouble, so might as well stay a while, right?” Carson
asked, sitting on the edge of the flowery bed. “So Ren, tell us about this cake
convention.”

Ren flashed Eric a smile letting him know that their continued
disturbance of her sleep was okay. She turned back to Carson and said, “It’s a
convention where cake professionals display their work as well as teach new and
classic techniques.”

“Sounds like fun,” Carson said. “Do you get to sample the cakes?”

“Not usually.”

Carson pouted. “Not so fun then.” Suddenly his cell phone began to ring.
He motioned to the bathroom. “Do you mind if I take this in there?”

“Knock
yourself
out,” she said, then quickly
added, “Well, not literally. The last thing I need is an injured actor in my
hotel room.”

Once they were alone, Ren and Eric shot each other awkward looks across
the room. He had so much to say and so few words with which to do it, so he
began with the easiest. “I’m sorry about Karen’s behavior,” he said, his hands
in his pockets as he continued to stand by the door. “I didn’t realize she
would act that way.”

“Don’t worry about it. I might have done the same thing if I were in her
place.”

“I really doubt that.” He looked around, searching for another subject.
“So when do you fly back?”

“Tomorrow night.”

“Ah, that soon, huh?”

“Yeah.” She grinned ruefully as she looked him up and down. “Twenty-nine
suits you.”

He scratched the back of his head, wanting nothing more than to cross the
room and sit on the bed with her, but didn’t dare. Strange things happened to
him when he was in close proximity to Ren. “I’m sorry we woke you,” he said
instead.

“Will you stop apologizing?” she asked with a tinge of irritation. “And
could you please just start saying what you’re thinking already? You’ve never
held back before.”

He gave up the act and finally allowed himself to come closer. “I can’t
go around telling you my every thought anymore. It’s not fair to Karen and it’s
not fair to you.”

“What about you? Is it fair to you?”

He paused as his eyes bore into hers. “Well, no, but that’s a choice I’ve
made.” He turned at the sound of Carson saying goodbye, and before his friend
could come back and ruin the moment, he turned back to Ren and said, “Don’t
think I don’t know why you’re really here.”

“Oh? Why am I here?” she said with eyes sparkling.

But before he could reply, Carson emerged from the bathroom and the
moment was lost.

Back at his apartment, Eric walked straight to his bedroom, to his
dresser drawer, and pulled out the ring he had hidden underneath a folded pile
of shirts. He flipped open the velvet lid and took a long look at the solitaire
cut diamond ring. It had belonged to his mother, given to her by Eric’s
biological father, and she had bestowed it on her young son the day before her
wedding to Jens. Eric had kept the ring all this time, had actually forgotten
about it for many years as it sat in a lock box at the bank, but lately all
he’d been able to think about was the circular piece of white gold and what it
meant to present it to a woman that he loved.

As he stared at the ring, a soft knock at the front door made his heart
rejoice. He gave the ring silent thanks before putting it back inside the
drawer,
then
headed towards the front door in heady
anticipation.

But the woman standing outside his door was not the one he had wanted to
see, and he realized then that their fate was sealed.

“Karen,” he said as he let her in. He glanced at the clock on the wall.
“What are you doing here so late? Or so early?”

Karen swallowed hard as she clutched the collar of her sweater tight
around her neck. She was in jeans and flip-flops and her face was devoid of any
makeup. “I couldn’t sleep. I had to talk to you.”

He held her by the shoulders and tried to look into her eyes, but she
held them pointed at his chest. “What’s the matter? Are you alright?”

She sniffed and it was then he saw the puffy, red skin around her eyes.
“I’ve been thinking. About you and me and Ren,” she said in a hoarse voice.
“And I can’t help but come to the conclusion that I am the odd man out of the
equation.”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean
,
I will always lose when I come up
against her. And
I get it
,
she’s
awesome
. She’s beautiful.” Karen wiped at the tip of her nose and
finally met his eyes. “And I see the way you look at her.”

“How do I look at her?” He had been hyper-aware of his actions, had tried
so hard to keep his gaze from touching Ren’s face that it was almost painful.

Karen sighed. “I think it was more like, the way you wouldn’t look at
her. Like you were afraid to get caught staring.”

“That’s ridiculous.”

“Is it?” she challenged. “Can you please be honest with me, on your
birthday of all nights?”

“It’s not my birthday anymore,” he said with a wry grin.

But she was not to be swayed. “Tell me the truth, Eric. Are you in love
with her?”

They both held their breaths and stared at each other, waiting for the
words to come out of Eric’s mouth. He knew the answer, she knew the answer,
so
he didn’t know why he still felt the need to deny it.
“I’m not.”

“Bullshit.”

“Okay, I am,” he said with a sigh. He ran a palm down his face. “I’m
sorry.”

Karen’s eyebrows knitted in anger. “Then why did you keep telling me that
you were just friends, that nothing is going on?”

“Because that’s the truth,” he said. “And because I didn’t want to let
you down again.” He stared at a shiny track on her cheek and suddenly realized
that she was crying.

“You let me down the moment you lied about her.”

“I didn’t lie! I was even thinking about proposing to you,” he blurted
out, as if that would ease the pain he was causing.

A few different emotions flew over her tired features, until she finally
just settled on anger. “Why the hell would you do that when you are obviously
in love with someone else? Are you stupid?”

“Apparently so,” he threw back.

Karen closed her eyes and wiped at her damp cheeks with her sleeve. She
began to nod softly. “At least this time, there’s closure. I know not to expect
your call in the morning.”

He suddenly felt so small, so unworthy of anyone’s love, especially after
having treated this woman so horribly. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry is all I can say.”
He held out his hands, palms up, and she looked at them for a long time before
placing her own on top.

“Don’t ever call me again,” she said gently, but the anger and blame
simmered close under the surface. “Bye.”

He watched her walk down the hall and
disappear
into the elevator. His insides were a food processor full of emotions, but the
thought that kept making its way to the top was that he had finally
acknowledged his feelings for Ren. He was in love with her. Now, much like the
state he was in while in Colorado, he was back at square one, because she was
still in love with a dead man. He would give
anything,
go to any lengths to finally give her the closure that she needed.

Later, as he drifted off to sleep, somewhere between the ribbons of dream
and reality, he came up with an answer.

chapter
fourteen