Taking Him (Lies We Tell) (18 page)

She made a soft sound in her throat and he felt her shiver. Then the tension left her and she began to kiss him back, tentatively at first, then with more demand. And the desire he’d been holding in check since he’d gotten back into the house began to escape his grip.

He backed her closer to the wall, pinning her against it, kissing her, devouring her. Ellie responded, her arms sliding around his neck, her body arching against his, kissing him in return as wildly and as passionately as he was kissing her.

Shit, the rules. What were the rules? Sex wasn’t okay without them but he couldn’t seem to remember what they were. He couldn’t think. Couldn’t process anything. The only thing in the whole world was the heat of Ellie’s mouth and the press of her body against his.

Hunter let go of her hair, slid his hands up her back, spreading his fingers wide to touch as much of her skin as he could. He could feel his control beginning to slip. Somehow she’d managed to pull his shirt out from the waistband of his trousers and her hands had pushed underneath, stroking over his body, leaving little trails of fire over his skin.

No, she couldn’t touch him. Was that right? And she wasn’t supposed to look at him. Or speak. Ah, Christ, he had to get a grip on this. Otherwise… An odd panic clawed at him and abruptly he tore his mouth from hers.

Her eyes had gone black, pupils huge, and she was panting. “Why did you stop?” she demanded breathlessly.

“Because you can’t… You need to…” He could barely speak. “The rules, Ellie. You have to—”

“Rules?” She stared up at him, an unconscious hand touching her kiss-swollen mouth. “After that? You’ve got to be kidding me. Jesus, Hunter, can we have no rules tonight?”

“No, Ellie. If you won’t do what I want, then I can’t—”

“Distance me?” she finished. “Because that’s what you’re doing, keeping me at a distance. Or maybe it’s not, maybe it’s so you can imagine I’m someone else.”

He fought against the cold fingers that slid around his heart. So much for distraction. All the kiss had done was to distract himself. “No, Christ, that’s not how it is.”

“Isn’t it? You as good as admitted it only a minute ago. Well, I won’t be anyone’s stand-in for you, Hunter. I won’t.”

She was going to leave, wasn’t she? She was going to leave him standing here, shaking and burning and desperate for something he couldn’t even put a name to.

As she began to turn away, he put a hand on the wall near her head again, stopping her.

“Don’t,” he said hoarsely. “Don’t go.”

Her eyes came to his and he caught the glisten of tears on the ends of her lashes. A hand closed around his heart, squeezing tight. “Why shouldn’t I? When it’s not even me you want, Hunter.”

“Yes, it is.” He took a short, harsh breath, trying to think of what to say because the truth was far more complicated than that. A truth he couldn’t bear to contemplate.

She blinked again, mascara beginning to run as a tear slid down her cheek. “I don’t believe you.”

Ah, fuck, he couldn’t bear her pain. The hurt he saw in her eyes. The same hurt he used to see in her face when she’d been a girl and Vin had left her, either to go deal with some work thing or to deal with her mother yet again.

A child starved for attention. For love. As he’d once been. Until Liz had come along.

And now history was repeating itself all over again.

He knew he should push himself away from her. Should leave her to her pain and never, ever touch her again, otherwise the guilt would eat him alive. But he couldn’t do it. Because his desire for her was stronger than his guilt. And so was her anguish. Leaving her crying was something he’d never been able to do.

“Then I’ll prove it you. No distance tonight. No rules. We’ll do it your way.”

Her gaze looked into his and he let her see that he meant it. Even though the thought of it scared the shit out of him. Without the rules, he had no idea what would happen. No idea what he would do, the things he might reveal. A feeling of vulnerability, of being exposed and undefended crept through him, but he tried to ignore it.

Ellie wiped at her eyes, mascara smearing. Even like that she was beautiful. “I want to be in your bed,” she said hoarsely. “I want you inside me, making love to me. That’s what I want.”

Inside her, making love to her.

Hunter felt the world begin to slow and come to a halt. His heartbeat sounded loud in his head, and he became excruciatingly aware of the rush of blood in his veins. Aware of her.

Of her body so close to his, her eyes glittering like diamonds, the scent of her threading through his senses like a garland of flowers.

A wave of heat enveloped him, burning over his skin, and he all of a sudden couldn’t breathe.

Misreading his silence, she gave a choked little sob. “But it’s not what you want, clearly. Well, great. Thanks for offering me a shitload of noth—”

Hunter caged her against the wall, surrounding her with his body, keeping her close. “I want it, sweetness,” he said. “I want it now.”

Ellie’s breathing faltered, her gaze locking on his. A tear glittered on her cheek. Then she reached up, gripped the back of his neck and pulled his mouth down on hers. Her kiss was hungry and hot, feverish. And he could almost taste her desperation, her need.

He found himself leaning into her, one arm wrapping around her waist, pulling her against the length of his body so he could feel her everywhere. Touch had always been difficult for him and yet now he wanted it. Now he craved it like he needed air to breathe.

Ellie trembled then pulled her mouth away, breathing fast. “Your room.”

He didn’t want to let her go. Her touch made everything all right, everything bearable. Made him think he could lay her on his bed and make love to her and it would be fine. It would be okay. And dear God, if there was one thing on earth he wanted it was for everything to be okay.

She seemed to pick up on his hesitation, concern shifting in her eyes. Her fingers touched his cheek. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing.” He took her hand in his, turned it over and kissed her palm. She couldn’t doubt him, not again. “I want this to be okay for you.”

“Oh, Hunter…” Her voice sounded thick. “It’ll be okay. It’ll be more than okay. I’ve been waiting for this for…oh my God, you don’t want to know how long.”

He understood. He’d been waiting his entire life. But she wasn’t to know that. No one could know that. The thirty-three-year-old man who’d never been inside a woman, how fucked up was that? He was fine with it though, wasn’t he? It had been his choice.

Hunter released her reluctantly but kept her hand in his, wanting to retain that connection. “Come on then,” he said softly. “Let’s go upstairs.”

His room was in darkness but he didn’t turn the lights on—he already felt exposed enough as it was. Pulling Ellie into his arms, he held her for a long moment, trying to get his racing heartbeat under control and get a little space to think. Because there was so much fear and desire bound up in this moment, in this particular woman. A moment he’d never thought he’d have and definitely not with Ellie. But somehow here she was, half naked in his arms and he was going to have her, and Christ, he badly wanted to. He…he didn’t even know how to start. Like a compass needle trying to find magnetic north, he was spinning, directionless. Without his rules he had no place to begin. It scared him and yet he couldn’t just stand here holding her forever. She would begin to wonder if something was wrong like she had downstairs, and Jesus, he didn’t want to have to tell her.

So he started where he’d always done in the past—with her clothes. She wasn’t wearing much so it didn’t take long to strip her bra off her then push her gently onto the bed so he could take off her ridiculous boots. Then her tights and knickers. Until she was sitting there, completely naked. In the moonlight coming through the windows her hair spilled like red wine over her shoulders, her white skin glowing alabaster. His breath caught and he found himself kneeling in front of her, his hands on her thighs, unable to move, the sheer force of his emotions gripping him by the throat and refusing to let go. Protectiveness. Desire. Need.

She looked down at him and in the darkness of the room he couldn’t read the expression in her eyes. It made him feel like he’d been stripped bare of every defense he had.

Afraid and unable to work out why, Hunter bent his head, kissed her thighs, stroking them with his hands, pushing them apart. He had to gain back some of the power, some of the control and the best way to do that was to give her all the pleasure she could handle.

Ellie gave a little groan, falling back on the bed as he pushed her thighs wider, spreading her open with his fingers so he could taste her. She was already wet for him, her body trembling as he covered her pussy with his mouth, licking her so that she gasped. Her thighs shook beneath his hands, her hips giving a little jerk. He pressed down, holding her in place, licking deeper, the taste of her exploding in his head, making it difficult to concentrate on anything else.

She moaned as he moved his mouth higher, circling her clit with his tongue, her hand on his head, holding him in place. Jesus Christ, he loved those sounds she made. The way her body shifted restlessly under his fingers, under his mouth.

“Hunter…” Ellie pleaded hoarsely. “I want you inside me, please…please…”

He didn’t want to, but the note of desperation in her voice made him stop, lift his mouth from her. His breathing had become ragged and only now could he feel the pain in his groin, his cock hard and aching.

She watched him as he pushed himself up and began to undo his trousers. And an echo of discomfort whispered over him.

For a long time he’d kept his virginity an intensely private secret. It was his, the one pure part of himself. The one thing Liz had never taken. But tonight he would give it to someone else.

He would give himself to Ellie. And it would be his decision. His choice.

The discomfort vanished, taking the doubt and the fear with it. He kept his gaze on Ellie as he pulled open his trousers and pushed them down and off, along with his boxers. Watched her eyes widen as she looked at him with obvious desire, then held out her arms to him.

And he went to her, placing a knee on the bed between her thighs and leaning over her. She put her hands on his shoulders, sliding them along his spine, pulling him down so they were skin to skin. The heat of her body took his breath away and he couldn’t move for a long second, staring down into her passionate, flushed face, wordless.

It struck him then with all the force of a freight train.

He’d never done this with Liz. Which meant there would be no memories to ambush him. No flashbacks. This was new. Untainted.

Something broke inside him and he felt himself begin to shake.

Ellie’s hand stroked down his back, a soothing, gentle touch as if she could sense the hurricane going on inside him, a look of concern on her face. “Hunter?”

His throat felt almost too tight to speak, the heat of her body burning against his like a furnace. “Condom,” he managed to force out, the only thing he could think of to say that wouldn’t give him away entirely. Fuck, he hoped she’d brought some with her because naturally he didn’t have any.

Ellie shifted beneath him, making the breath hiss in his throat. “Oh, don’t worry about that,” she murmured. “I actually never stopped taking my pill after Cam and I broke up.”

“Thank fuck for that.” He could barely think, every sense he had concentrated on the press of her body and the wet heat of her pussy against his cock. “Jesus…Ellie…”

“And I’ve only ever had one boyfriend so I’m clean.” She stroked her hands down his back, lifted her legs then wrapped them around his hips, shifting her pelvis so he was almost there, the head of his cock pressing against her entrance.

His mind nearly blanked and he had to swallow to get his voice to work. “I’m clean too.”

“Good.” Her voice had gone all husky. “Come on, Hunter. I need you.”

She made it so easy. All he had to do was shift his hips and the next minute he was sinking into her, the tight wet heat of her surrounding him. And he had to go slowly, otherwise all the sensations were going to do something to him, blow his mind or his heart or something else equally important.

Ellie groaned, her thighs tightening around his waist, her back arching as he sank even deeper into her. “Oh…God…Hunter….”

He couldn’t think. Couldn’t speak. All he could do was look down into her beautiful face, watch the ecstasy begin to unfurl over it, feel that same ecstasy unfurl inside him too, as he began to move, an insistent, primal urge.

She felt so hot. It astonished him. He put his hands on either side of her head, looked down at her, into her wide, dark eyes, pushing deeper. Harder. She moaned, her spine bowing as her hips rose to meet his, the scrape of her nails on the bare skin of his back adding to the intensity of it all.

“Ellie…” Her name was a whisper and he bent his head, covering her mouth with his because he couldn’t stand even that small amount of distance between them. Wanting to surround himself with her. Have the scent and the taste and the feel of her body impressed onto his skin, mark himself indelibly with her so the purity of this moment could never be taken away from him. Never be tainted with anything else.