Tales From a Broad (2 page)

“Lu, we can see you,” Morgan shouted through
the door. I quickly ducked my head down. Busted.

I put my hand on the doorknob and froze in
contemplation. They had driven an hour, so technically, that
couldn’t even qualify as a drive-by visit. Oh, how I wished it were
a drive-by shooting instead. And I was the victim.

Then again, I wouldn’t want to be found
looking like this. I had been sporting one of Cooper’s very old
t-shirts with my pajama bottoms. It had been worn so thin that the
grey material had become practically see-through. To make matters
worse, I had cried myself to sleep the night before and used the
shirt as an eye-makeup remover. Mascara as a pick-me-up is highly
overrated.

What wasn’t covered in mascara was covered in
ice cream stains from a late night feeding frenzy. Classy. I wasn’t
sure what was more humiliating, the way I looked or the fact that I
still slept in my ex-fiancé’s shirt. And actually, my pajama
bottoms were his boxers.

I swept my eyes around the messy apartment
and caught a glimpse of a framed photo that hung in my foyer.
Morgan had taken it years ago, but I remembered the moment as if it
were yesterday. She and I had been shopping in Soho when we were
caught in the storm of the century. In the photo, we were huddled
under a plastic bag, soaking wet and giggling like silly
schoolgirls.

My heart softened a bit, and I experienced a
pang of longing for the simpler days. I knew I should just open the
damn door. Morgan wasn’t exactly the type to make a quiet exit. If
I didn’t acknowledge her efforts, she’d only try harder.

“Just a minute!” I shouted.

I looked down and knew I had to change my
clothes, stat. I started to pull the shirt over my head and heard
the doorknob click. I immediately froze as the door swung inward. I
stood in the vestibule, topless, with the shirt over my face. I
could actually see them staring at me, through the worn out
material. Morgan’s hand flew to her mouth, and Tess omitted a quiet
giggle. Sheepishly, I pulled it back down.

“Hi,” I said shame-faced. “I was just...” I
trailed off. Morgan was speechless.

“We used the key,” Tess said, shooting me a
look.

I knew she was mortified for me. Boy, did I
regret giving her a key to my crash pad for her twenty-first
birthday. I was trying to send the message to drink responsibly.
Little did I know that three years later, she would be using it to
have an intervention with me.

“C ... can you just give me a s ... second?”
I felt like a cross-dresser who had been busted. “Then we can have
a proper hello,” I said, walking down the hall towards my bedroom.
“Make yourselves at home and I will be right...”

“Lucy,” Morgan commanded. “Wait.”

I stopped in my tracks, did a reverse, and
slowly approached my sister. She rushed toward me, her eyes
glistening with tears. She gripped both of my elbows and looked
into my eyes.

“Lu, I’m really sorry about last night. I
didn’t mean to badger you. It’s just that.... I wanted to see my
sister. I’ve missed you so much.”

As I stood face-to-face with Morgan, I
suddenly felt foolish. I sheepishly ran my hand through my unwashed
hair and waved it in the air. “Let’s just forget it. I probably
overreacted.”

“No, you didn’t. I was the one who
overreacted. Lu,” she paused and placed a hand on her chest,
looking me up and down, “I didn’t realize you were still in this
much pain. You never even talk about it, anymore.”

“Well,”—I widened my eyes—“I guess you had to
see it to believe it, huh? Surprise!”

I held my arms up, and after Morgan’s eyes
darted to a hole in my armpit, I folded them protectively across my
chest. Morgan’s lips formed a sympathetic pout. I drew in a breath
and released a long sigh.

“Look, I’m sorry too. I didn’t mean to shut
you out. From now on, you have an open invitation to my pity party.
Come here.” I tilted my head and stretched my arms out.

Morgan heaved a sigh as she came in for a
hug. “I’m always here for you, Lu.”

“I know you are,” I whispered in her ear. “I
love you.”

“I love you too.” She gave me a tight
squeeze.

I drew in a breath of relief myself, and in
doing so, I got a whiff of her signature scent. She’d been wearing
Chloe for as long as I could remember. I, on the other hand, was
aware that I smelled like a dirty sock.

“Now, do you mind if I shower quickly? You
guys look so nice, and I just can’t stand the thought of looking
like a vagabond in front of you.”

Morgan pulled away and gripped my elbows at
arm’s length. “But you look so handsome in men’s loungewear.”

“Shut up.” I gave her a playful punch in the
arm. “I can’t even bring myself to hug
that
one.” I pointed
my thumb in the direction of Tess, who looked like her usual
gorgeous self. Wearing jeans, a simple tee, and a long scarf, she
looked perfectly put together.

“Oh, whatever!” Tess laughed and glanced up
from her phone.

She was effortlessly beautiful. In fact, one
of the things I loved most about her was that she was completely
unaware of her good looks. I’ve come to realize that’s probably why
she’s so awesome.

What I haven’t quite figured out, though, is
where her looks came from. Yes, my brother-in-law happens to be
attractive, and Morgan has always been a pretty woman. She may be
eight years older than I am, but for someone nearing fifty, she
looks pretty damn good. Now, if she could bring herself to part
with the minivan and her love of L.L Bean, she’d probably knock a
few years off her look. But even if she were a Corvette driver, she
still wouldn’t look like an older version of her daughter.

Nor would I for that matter. Our side of the
family just doesn’t produce honey-colored hair and blue eyes. We’re
all dark-haired, dark-eyed clones of one another.

“Sweetie,” Morgan called out to Tess. “Should
we make Aunt Lu open our gifts first?”

“Gifts?” I echoed. “Is it my birthday?” I was
only half-joking.

For a minute, I had to stop and actually
think about the date. With no job, and no life for that matter, I
was having trouble keeping track. My days had no beginning and no
end.

“Mom and I brought you a little something,”
Tess said. “A peace offering.” She stepped down from the barstool
and gave me a wink. She walked over to the door, extracted a box
from her oversized bag, and handed it to me.

“Ooh!” I smiled at Morgan while giving the
box a small shake. “Let’s sit.” My shower could wait.

We took our places in the living room as they
watched me lift the lid. Two books lay inside and suddenly my
excitement began to dissipate. “
Eat, Pray, Love
and
Under
the Tuscan Sun,
” I read off the book covers. “Hmm. Old stories
about lost women trying to find themselves,” I said in a falsely
upbeat tone. “Is this a hint?” I watched Morgan and Tess exchange a
look.

“I’m sorry,” I winced. “I don’t mean to be
unappreciative. I know I’m a mess.” I crossed my legs to close the
opening on Cooper’s boxers.

“Actually,” Morgan said with a smile, “it is
a hint. We think it’s time you give yourself a break for once in
your life. Go find yourself.”

I looked at Tess who was gazing at her
mother, rapt with admiration. It was as if she had just witnessed
her mom pass on the family stone. Yes, it was a nice gesture, but
two books didn’t quite warrant such a reaction. I drew in a slow
breath.

I gave my sister a puzzled look and tucked my
ratty hair behind my ears. “I’m not so sure I follow.”

I extracted a peanut M&M from the candy
dish that sat on the table, popped it into my mouth, and leaned
back on the couch. I carefully bit the candy and released the nut
with my tongue.

“Open the next one,” Morgan said with a
smile. Tess reached into her bag and handed me another gift.

Based on how it felt, I could already guess
it was another book. “Did you ever think of starting a book club?”
I said. I ripped open the paper. It was actually a journal.

“Okay,” I smiled and nodded. “I’ll give you
an A for effort. I see you have a whole theme going on here. The
books, the pep talk, the journal...” I waved the book in the air. A
piece of paper slipped out and landed on my lap.

“What’s this?” I picked it up and held it
under my nose. “It looks like an airline ticket.”

“It is!” Tess exclaimed. “We’re going to
Europe, baby!” With that, she leaped onto the couch and jumped up
and down. She kind of reminded me of a judge on “The Voice.” Or Tom
Cruise, when he professed his love for Katie Holms on “Oprah.”

Tess plopped back down beside me, barely
taking a second to catch her breath. She grabbed my arm. “Aunt Lu,”
she panted, “this is going to be so much fun!”

I looked over at Morgan, who was happily
nodding her head. “Go have the adventure of a lifetime.” She leaned
closer to me and tapped her hand firmly on the journal. “And
remember it.”

“But ... I thought.... Wait, what?” I shook
my head in confusion.

“Okay, here’s the deal.” Tess clasped her
hands together. “Since college, I’ve wanted to travel Europe, but
never had the time—or guts, to do it. That’s when my mom suggested
that we go together!”

“How kind of her.” I shot Morgan a silent
look of death. “What about Jack?” He was the guy she had been
dating for years.

Tess shrugged her shoulders. “We’re on a
break.”

“I had no idea.” I frowned. “What happened?
Was it mutual?”

My stomach lurched, and I immediately
regretted my choice of words. After calling the wedding off, I had
received dozens of responses from friends who were happy to hear
the breakup was mutual. I had come to loathe that word.

“Aunt Lu, I’ve been dating the same guy since
high school. We’ve become more like brother and sister.”

I glanced at Morgan. She tugged on her bottom
lip to fight the corners of her mouth from twitching their way into
a smile. I bit my own lip and turned my attention back to Tess.

“I don’t know any man other than him, and I
think it’s time to experience new people, new things,” she said
with an eyebrow raised. “My life is so dull. Believe me, you’re not
the only one who could use a change. I took that job at the daycare
center as a short-term plan while I waited to get a real teaching
job. That was
two
years ago! I’m sick of wallowing about not
having a ‘real’ job,” she said, making air quotes. “I haven’t done
one productive thing since college.”

She formed the letter “L” with her thumb and
index finger and rested it on her forehead.

“That’s not true, honey,” Morgan said.

Tess cocked her head to the side and raised
her eyebrows, waiting for her mother to elaborate.

“You made those beautiful window treatments
for our living room,” she offered.

“And let’s not forget my gorgeous pillows,
thank you very much.” I picked up one of the throw pillows she’d
made me for Christmas and hugged it protectively.

“Sewing is just a hobby,” Tess admonished.
“It doesn’t pay the bills, and it’s really depressing not being
able to find a job. However, I can wipe a butt like it’s no one’s
business.” She held a triumphant fist in the air.

“Tell me about it,” I scoffed. “Not the butt
thing, although I wouldn’t mind that either,” I quickly added. My
superstitious self never wanted the universe to hear any negativity
when it came to babies. “But Tess,” I furrowed my eyebrows, “do you
really want to take this trip with
me
?” I scrunched my nose
and tapped my chest. “Take your old aunt on a road show? An antique
road show, no less?”

“Oh, please. There’s no one else I’d rather
go with. You’re like a mother to me. Or big sister,” she quickly
corrected herself. “I have it all mapped out.” Tess’s eyes shone
with excitement as she spoke. “We’ll fly to London—”

I held a hand in the air. “I’m telling you
right now. I am not a very calm travel companion. You do know how
much I hate to fly, right?”

“I’ll get you drunk and hold your hand,” she
encouraged.

“Ok, I’m just saying. On my last flight, the
turbulence was so bad that—”

“So.” Tess silenced me with her enthusiasm.
“We’ll start in London, take the train to—”

I groaned. “I get the chills when I even have
to travel below 14
^th
Street.”

“Oh Lucy,” Morgan chided. She gave me a
sideways look. “Live a little. Go fill up that beautiful
journal.”

“Yeah.” Tess gave my arm a supportive
squeeze. “We can’t allow our fears to hold us back. All you need is
that journal and a backpack—”

“Come again?” My stomach dropped.
“Backpack?”

“It’s the easiest way to go from hostel to
hostel.”

“You’re kidding me, right?” I laughed out
loud.

“Would you rather roll one of your Louis
Vuitton suitcases on and off trains and in and out of hostels?”

I held a finger in the air. “No, no, that’s
not what I meant. I already forgot about the backpack. That pales
in comparison to the other thing you said. Hostels?” I made a face.
“I’m sorry, do I look like I’m on summer break from college?”

Tess looked at Morgan with the same
I-told-you-so look she’d been casting her mother for years.

“Oh, Lu,” Morgan said, shaking her head. “I
saw pictures on the internet. There are some really nice, clean
youth hostels out there and they’re so affordable.”

“Youth
hostels?” I sat back on the
couch in defeat and looked at Tess. “Sweetie, you know I love you
but if I were to do Europe, words like backpack and youth hostel
would not be rolling off this tongue.”

“Um, hello?” Morgan waved her hand in front
of my face. “I hate to burst your bubble, but you’re not exactly
bringing in the big bucks, Lu. You may have done well in your
heyday, but you should probably tighten your belt now. When was
your last paycheck?”