Taming Johnny (12 page)

As they slowed in front of her apartment, she looked up to see if she’d left her porch light on. She hated walking in alone. Maybe he’d walk in with her…and stay the night.

She pulled in a breath and held it. Parked on the curb was an old, blue ragtop Jeep. She recognized it immediately. She’d made out in that Jeep, been driven to prom in it. Knew it from a mile away. And leaning casually against the driver’s side door was a tall, dark-haired man wearing khakis and a wrinkled white t-shirt.

Johnny stopped the truck and put it into park. “Who’s that?”

Emma’s throat felt as if it were lined with cotton. She struggled to swallow and found that she couldn’t. The whole thing seemed surreal. “That’s, uh…that’s Nigel.”

Johnny turned slowly, his eyes all black pupil. He looked different all of a sudden. Farther away. “What was that you said about working itself out?”

* * * *

Emma sat stiff as a board on the edge of her couch. Nigel sat across from her, elbows on his knees, leaning forward, waiting for her to say something. She was still in shock. She wasn’t sure if she could speak at all, let alone form a coherent sentence.

Johnny had left five minutes before, even though she’d desperately wanted him to stay. He’d worn a strange expression that had appeared when Nigel had.

“Ya’ll have a lot to catch up on, Beaumont.” He wasn’t gruff, but he wasn’t warm, either. “I’ll see you Monday.”

She hadn’t wanted him to go, but was learning more and more that trying to control Johnny Street’s mood was like trying to control the weather. She knew something precious was hanging in the balance here. She let him go, knowing full well that she wouldn’t sleep that night, wondering what he would be thinking about all this.

She
didn’t even know what to think about it.

“Well?” Nigel looked good. Tanned and muscled where he hadn’t been before. He’d filled out. Grown up. He looked like a different person. And he looked the same too.

“I…don’t really know what to say. Why didn’t you tell me you were coming?”

“I wanted to surprise you.”

“Well, you did.”

“Are you mad?” He looked worried and she felt guilty. Same old Nigel. He tried so hard, but never thought about the consequences of anything. He just jumped, and landed wherever the wind carried him.

“I’m not mad, Nigel. I’m happy to see you.” That wasn’t a lie. She was happy to see him. Even though their relationship hadn’t worked out, she still considered him a close friend. “I’m just trying to process, that’s all. It’s a long way to come for a surprise.”

“Dad’s birthday is next week and I haven’t seen them for so long. I thought it was a perfect time.”

“I’m sure they’re thrilled to have you home. How long will you be here?”

“A couple of weeks.” He smiled, and his teeth flashed straight and white against his olive skin. His black hair was shaggy and flopped boyishly over one eye. But that’s the only thing that looked boyish now. “You seem nervous. It’s just me, Em.”

“I know.” She answered a little too quickly, betraying herself. He was so confident. She’d always been the mousy one and felt herself slipping all too easily back into that role. Nigel walked into a room and you immediately noticed him. Her, not so much.

“You look beautiful.”

Her cheeks warmed. The way he was looking at her made it hard to concentrate. She thought about Johnny kissing her the other night, thought about the way his hands had cupped her face for just a few precious seconds, and wished that it was him sitting there now, telling her these things.

“Thank you.”

“Who was that guy?”

Emma took a breath and reminded herself that she and Nigel were no longer a couple. No matter how much he wanted to be. “That was my lieutenant from the department. He invited me to a barbeque.”

“Oh.” His face grew serious, his brown eyes searching hers. “Are you…involved?”

“No. Yes. Kind of.” If sex was what you would call
involved
, then the answer was absolutely. If calling Johnny her boyfriend was, then it was no. Emma’s stomach dipped. Was she just going to be Johnny’s booty call for the next few months until he cut her off completely? How humiliating.

“Kind of?”

“We’re
kind of
seeing each other.”

“Ah.” Nigel clasped his hands, which looked strong and capable.

“It’s complicated.” Hadn’t she just told Johnny the same thing about her relationship with Nigel?
Sheesh.

“Emma, I’d love to take you to dinner to tell you all about Dissu. And the Corps.” Nigel’s dark eyes lit up as he spoke. He was beyond passionate about what he did. “I’ve got pictures. Stories to tell. Do you think that’d be okay? Maybe tomorrow?”

Emma smiled and nodded. Sitting there was her old friend, Nigel. It had been a long time, and she’d missed him. She was dying to know all about Africa. But at the same time, she was trying to ignore the nagging voice in her ear.
What will Johnny think?
She’d just have to tell him the truth, that’s all. Nigel was a friend. That was it.

“I’d love to.”

“Your…lieutenant won’t mind?”

“Of course not. You and I were friends before we ever started dating, remember?”

“I do.”

For the first time, Emma noticed the beginnings of fine crinkles at the corners of his eyes. They suited him. He would age well.

She stood up and walked to the door. Suddenly, she was tired and just wanted to lie down. It had been a long day. “Tomorrow night then?”

“Tomorrow night,” he said, standing. He looked like he wanted to say something more, but didn’t. Fishing his keys out of his pocket, he gave her one more smile before walking out the door.

Emma stood at the window and watched him climb into the old Jeep. The engine rumbled to life and the sound stirred something inside her that had been sleeping for a long time. Memories of being in a relationship. Of having another half. Of not being so lonely all the time.

And she missed Johnny more than ever.

Chapter 12

Johnny’s phone rang again. This was the third time that afternoon. Jake looked up from the magazine he was thumbing through and eyed the cell which was lying on the coffee table.

“You gonna answer that?”

Johnny kept staring at the TV. “No.”

The phone rang insistently. Jake leaned forward and squinted at the lit up screen. When he leaned back, he tossed the magazine aside.

“What’s going on, man?”

Johnny still didn’t look over. He kept his eyes on the baseball game, effectively blocking everything else out. Jake’s worrisome stare, the obnoxious ring of the cellphone, the tightening of his own heart at the sound.

“Not a thing.”

“Don’t lie to me, dude. I know something’s up.”

Johnny tossed a few peanuts into his mouth and took a swallow of beer.

“She’s a nice girl,” Jake said quietly. “We all liked her a lot.”

“Most people do.”

“Do
you
like her is the question.”

“I guess.”

“You guess?”

Johnny set his beer down a little too hard. Some of it sloshed out the top of the bottle. “Jesus. Is this the grand inquisition?”

Jake leaned over, grabbed the remote, and turned the TV off.

“What the fuck?” Johnny snapped.

“I want to talk to you for a minute. Is that going to kill you?”

Johnny turned, blood heating his face, adrenaline rushing through his veins. He didn’t like to feel this way. He didn’t like being pissed off, despite what people thought. So why did everyone keep pushing?

“Just
what
do you want to talk about, Jake? Huh? How great she is? How great she would be for me? I don’t need this. I don’t
want
it. I’m not some charity case who’s sitting around waiting for some woman to come rescue me.”

“Nobody said you were. But I know you pretty well. It’s obvious to me, and everyone else who cares about you, that you might be pushing away something good here. Why would you do that? Tell me. I just want to know.”

Johnny balled his hands into fists. “God, Jake. Spare me your therapy shit. I’m damaged, so I sabotage every chance I have at happiness?”

Jake’s face fell. He sat back and rubbed his hands along his thighs. “What would you call it then?”

“I’d call it being busy. I’d call it not having time for much else but work.”

“But you have time to sit here with me on a Sunday afternoon and vegetate in front of a baseball game?”

Johnny rubbed the back of his neck. “Yeah. So?”

“Johnny.” Jake leaned forward again, studying his clasped hands as if they would tell him what to say next. He took an audible breath and when he looked up, his face was as serious as Johnny had ever seen it. “There’s nothing wrong with opening yourself up to someone again. Not everyone is going to die and leave you. I know you’re pissed at me right now, and I know you think I’m pulling my mothering shit. Maybe I am. But it’s because I love you, man. I want to see you happy. So does Eli. So do Mom and Dad. But you’re never going to be happy again until you let some of this go.”

Johnny was close to losing it. Suddenly, he just wanted to get up and punch something. Break something. Or break someone. He didn’t want it to be Jake. But if he didn’t shut up…

“Say something,” Jake said.

“I don’t know what the hell you want from me.”

“I want you to tell me how you feel. For once.”

“How I feel. How I
feel
…” Johnny shoved the coffee table so hard his beer fell over and spilled onto the floor.

Jake didn’t flinch, his face drawn and sad.

“How I feel.” Standing up, Johnny began to pace the room, like a tiger in a cage. All the walls seemed to be pulsing, getting closer by the second. He wanted to shrug off his skin, like a jacket he’d grown out of. It was crawling, tickling his nerve endings, and making him want to scream. “I feel
angry
, Jake. I feel angry. All the time.”

“What can I do?”

It was a question that ripped Johnny to the bone. It was a knife with a serrated edge, merciless and savage. He turned, his throat hot and aching. “You can’t do anything, cousin. I’m a lost cause.”

“No, Johnny.” Jake was pleading now. But for what? How many times had they been through this? And how many times had he asked himself these very questions, deep down. Why couldn’t he be happy? Why couldn’t he settle down with a nice girl like Emma? Someone who, if he was being honest with himself, he was falling in love with.

“You’re right,” Johnny said, his voice low and unwavering. “Not everyone is going to die. But they don’t have to die to leave.”

“No, they don’t. But that’s a chance you’re just going to have to take. Don’t you think she might be worth it?”

Johnny stopped in front of the window with his back to Jake. He put his hands on his hips and looked down at his shoes, trying to get a hold of himself. “I don’t know. Is she?”

Jake was quiet and Johnny was grateful. He knew the answer to that question. She was. But that wasn’t enough.

Slowly, he crossed his arms and turned a little. He could see Jake out of the corner of his eye, waiting for him to say something. Before he could think better of it, he did.

“I don’t think I could take it again, Jake. And that’s the God’s honest truth.”

* * * *

Emma gripped the phone as if it were going to wriggle out of her hand on its own. She didn’t like doing this. She felt like a stalker. But Johnny wouldn’t answer her calls and she needed to talk to him. He left her no choice.

“Sally, I need his address. I know you have it.”

Her friend let out an exasperated sigh on the other end of the line. “Why would I have his address?”

“You’ve been at the PD long enough. The sergeant has a list. You’ve seen it.
Come on.
”

“Emma, you go over there and have a lover’s quarrel and he’s gonna kill me. Shoot me dead. Ask questions later.”

“No, he won’t. I promise you.” Emma tried to keep her tone light, but she knew there was a possibility that he could very well be furious. He liked his privacy. She’d never been invited over and had to assume that was a way of keeping her at an arm’s length.

Sally was quiet. Too quiet.

“Sally,
please
.”

Emma must have sounded desperate, because Sally sighed again. But this time gave her the address. “Got that?” she said. “Because I’m not repeating it.”

* * * *

Emma stood in front of Johnny’s door with her heart doing summersaults. His truck was parked in the driveway, along with an SUV that she didn’t recognize. The fact that she could be interrupting something hadn’t occurred to her until now. She’d been so focused on talking to him that she hadn’t thought too much beyond getting to his house.

Now, here she was. The late afternoon sun was fierce, making her wish she had put her hair up before she’d left her apartment. It was sticking to her neck, and her sundress was clinging to every damp curve. Texas was usually hot in the summer, but the last few days had been scorchers with little to no relief, even when the sun went down in the evenings.

Emma squared her shoulders and was poised to knock when the door opened wide.

“Emma! What gives?”

Jake stood dwarfing her, smiling in a way that made her feel instantly at home. Emma smiled back, relieved. It wasn’t until she saw Jake standing there that she’d realized just how worried she’d been that the SUV might belong to someone of the female persuasion.

“Hi, Jake. I hope I’m not interrupting anything. I just needed to talk to Johnny for a minute. Is he home?”
Stalker.

Jake looked over his shoulder. “You’re not interrupting a thing. He’s here, and I was just leaving.” He retrieved his keys from his pocket. Jingling them, he squeezed past her. “I was just telling Johnny how much we all enjoyed meeting you yesterday.”

“Thank you. I enjoyed meeting all of you too.”

Jake leaned down quickly, surprising her. “Don’t give up on him, okay?”

When she looked up, he was already walking away. The same body type as Johnny, the same shaggy, blond hair. Jake was just taller. Emma watched him climb into his SUV and wondered where that random statement had come from. Then her stomach twisted. Just what had they been talking about before she decided to barge in? Why hadn’t Johnny answered his phone?