I opened my eyes, startled to find him staring at me. This close, I could see the gold flecks in his irises, luminous and intent. I stared back, unafraid for once in my life. The rightness of it all—our feelings, the way we fit together, made me dizzy. It wasn’t just Luc’s truth anymore. It was mine, even if it made everything else more complicated.
“Stop thinking,” he said against my mouth. So I did, learning him through touch alone, feeling the pulse at his throat quicken, breathing in the scent of him, smoke and secrets.
Behind us, someone coughed.
I scrambled back as the real world crashed in, my face flushing scarlet.
“Sorry to interrupt,” Lena said, sounding more entertained than apologetic. “Nice to see you, Secret Guy. Again.”
Luc dropped into my chair and waved at her, maddeningly collected.
“I came to see if you were bored,” she said, turning to me. “Since you’re not ... I’ll catch you later.”
“Do,” Luc said, twining his fingers with mine, tugging me onto his lap.
She dimpled and left.
“Nice girl,” he said. “But she’s got a nasty habit of interruptin’ at the worst possible moment.”
“I’m not sure if that’s your timing or hers. You should probably go,” I said, squirming as his fingers trailed along the lace-edged neckline of my dress.
“We were just getting started.”
I batted his hand away. “Lena’s not the only person who’s going to be wandering around. Do Arcs have nuns? Trust me, you don’t want to meet Sister Donna.”
He sighed heavily and kissed me again. “Do you believe me now? It’s not just magic.”
“I believe you.” It had seemed simpler before Lena had come in and brought the rest of the world with her. “I don’t know what to do with it, though.”
“Plenty of things we could do,” he said, eyes gleaming with suggestion. “Want me to tell you about ’em?”
“You are such a guy.”
“Glad you noticed.”
I’d always noticed Luc; from the day I met him, it had been nearly impossible to look away. Something about him compelled me. He made me question things, want things, want
more—
from myself and from the world—and he made me believe I deserved it.
“Come with me.” He was asking, not ordering. “Not home. Don’t want to take you Between if we can avoid it. Somewhere, though. Your place?”
The thought of being alone together, with no chance my mom would come home, sent a charge running across my skin. Every nerve in my body strained toward him. “I want to ...”
“Good.” He kissed the spot where my jawline met my ear.
“... but I can’t leave.” I hadn’t expected the disappointment to be such a sharp tug.
His thumb brushed the back of my knee, and my eyes drifted shut. “Why not? There’s nothing here worth staying for.”
I slipped out of his reach, afraid of how little it would take for him to change my mind. “I made plans with Lena, for after the dance. I promised.”
“You and your promises,” he grumbled. “Awful convenient.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“Never met anyone who makes excuses the way you do. There’s always some reason you can’t go all in. Always logical sounding and proper, but underneath it’s because you’re scared. Couldn’t meet with Pascal because you have this dance, can’t come with me because you’ve got a sleepover. You’re not lyin’, exactly, but it ain’t the whole truth, either.”
“Maybe you’re just jealous because you didn’t get an invitation,” I said, trying to ease the tension. Something inside me resonated at his words, and I touched his arm in apology. “I didn’t know you’d be here, Luc. Don’t make me choose.”
“Not tonight.” He frowned. “But eventually you’re going to run out of excuses. You’ll have to choose, or you’ll end up with nothing. I wish I could make you understand.”
“I do,” I said, resting my head against his shoulder. He was talking about more than our relationship, and I wanted to give him the truth he deserved. “I’m figuring it out, okay? That’s the best I can do.”
“I know.” He leaned down and kissed me, his mouth lingering on mine like an echo. “Missing that already,” he said, and vanished.
C
HAPTER
28
“I
cannot figure you out,” Lena said as we walked to the car.
“Welcome to the club.”
“Seriously. You’re crazy about Colin. Anyone can see that. He walks into the room and you light up. One fight later, and you’re sticking your tongue down Secret Guy’s throat. Which I get, because he’s, like, nuclear-reactor hot, but really? What is the deal?”
I didn’t say anything as we pulled out of the parking lot. “I wish I knew.”
“You said he was Verity’s boyfriend.”
“I might have jumped to conclusions.”
“You jumped
something,
” she said. “What about you and Colin?”
I glanced back at the truck following us. “There is no me and Colin. He has made that abundantly clear.”
“Oh. That was the fight. Earlier.”
“Yeah.”
She fiddled with the radio, regrouping. “Does Secret Guy have a name?”
I paused. “Luc.”
“Are you guys serious?”
I touched my wrist. “Hard to say. We’re figuring it out.”
Lena pursed her lips. “He looked pretty serious to me.”
“Yeah. It’s ...”
“Complicated,” she finished. “Everything is with you, lately.”
The rest of the night passed in a blur of popcorn and chocolate chip cookies, cheesy romantic comedies, and school gossip. It was exactly what I needed, and I forced myself not to think about Colin’s file or Luc’s ridiculous accusation that I was scared of us. I wasn’t making excuses, I was trying to find a balance between his world and mine.
Lena finally crashed sometime around two
AM
, snoring daintily on the couch. I burrowed into my nest of pillows and blankets on the rug, feeling nostalgic. Verity and I had slept over at each other’s houses at least once a week, just like this. A friendship with Lena wouldn’t be the same. I knew that. But it was a start, one small aspect of my life that was a little bit normal again. The thought cheered me as I drifted off.
An hour later, I jolted upright as the sound of shattering glass filled my ears. I struggled against the tangle of blankets wrapped around my legs. Lena jerked awake just as another brick came sailing through the front window, landing at her feet.
“Out the back!” I shouted, pulling her off the couch and shoving her toward the kitchen. “Go!”
I was about to follow when someone kicked open the front door. A man in a ski mask filled the doorway, and I screamed.
“Mo!” Colin burst through the kitchen door, gun drawn. “Upstairs. Now!”
But I stood, frozen in place. Lena hauled on my arm. I barely registered the movement.
“Come on!” she cried, pulling me up the steps. I shook her off, unable to take my eyes from the scene in front of me. The stranger pulled a gun—the biggest I’d ever seen—and aimed it at Colin, shaking his head in warning.
“Snap out of it!” Lena hissed, dragging at me.
A second man appeared behind the first, gun in hand.
Aimed directly at me.
My legs gave out, and I sank down on the step, clutching the banister.
Colin glanced up at me, and retrained the gun on the second man, eyes hard. “You’ve got no beef with her,” he said. “It’s smarter to walk away.”
The door creaked, swinging drunkenly on its broken hinges.
“Walk away,” Colin repeated. His finger moved the tiniest bit on the trigger. “Walk away now, or I will end you, and everyone you’ve ever loved, and it will. Not. Be. Quick.”
On the landing above, Lena was begging me to move. The curtains twisted in the night air, and the temperature plummeted so rapidly my teeth chattered. I gripped the banister, feeling the wood splinter underneath my nails, anchoring myself with the pain.
Colin never wavered, his grip perfectly steady, his gaze never shifting from the man still pointing the gun at me. The barrel seemed impossibly long, the hole in the center infinitely deep. I wondered if it would be the last thing I ever saw.
And then he lowered the gun and tapped his partner on the shoulder. Silently, they backed out the door. Colin kept his gun on them the whole time, glass crunching under his feet, edging toward the door to get a better view as they escaped. Across the street, an engine revved, tires squealed, and they were gone.
I squeezed my eyes shut, curling myself tighter and tighter against the shivers racking me, and then Colin was kneeling on the step below, wrapping me in his arms. “Mo? They left. They’re gone. They didn’t hurt you.” The stubble covering his jaw was the color of wheat, but the skin underneath was pale.
“They had guns,” I said.
“I know. It’s okay. You’re okay. Jesus,” he said, blowing out a breath. “You’re okay.”
Lena appeared at the top of the stairs, phone in hand. “I’m calling 911.”
“Don’t,” Colin said. “Leave the police out of this.”
“Dude? Those people just tried to kill us. Of course I’m calling the police.”
He let go of me and bounded toward her. “No. You’ll make it worse.” Neatly, he plucked the phone from her hand.
“Hey!” She shoved at him. “Did you miss the part with the guns? It can’t get worse!”
“It can. If we report this and make her a target, it will.”
Lena shook her head. “The alarm company will call them anyway.”
“The alarm only notifies me,” he replied. “No police. There are times they can’t help, and this is one of them.”
She looked at me. “Are you sure?”
“No police,” I agreed, pulling myself up. “I’m so sorry, Lena. Are you okay?”
Her hands shook as she pushed her hair out of her face, but she said, “I’m fine. You?”
“Yeah.”
“We should take you home,” Colin said.
“Right. Because that won’t raise any red flags, showing up at my house at”—she checked her watch—“four
AM
. I’ll go home in the morning. Can I have my phone back?”
He studied her for a moment. “Here.”
“Thank you,” she said stiffly. “It’s freezing in here.”
“I’ll get something on the windows,” Colin said, pulling out his phone, no doubt calling my uncle.
“I’ll make tea,” I said, needing something to do. “Meet you upstairs?”
She hesitated, cutting her eyes toward Colin, then nodded. Picking my way around the glass-strewn living room, I made my way into the kitchen. The rear of the house wasn’t damaged, but the alarm panel was flashing wildly. As I punched in the code, I caught sight of Colin’s truck in the driveway. He must have sent the other guard home and instead stayed to watch over us himself. I refused to wonder what would have happened without him.
Mechanically, I filled the blue enameled kettle and waited for it to boil. Chamomile, I decided, getting down mugs. I stretched to get the box down from the top shelf, going up on tiptoe, not quite able to reach.
“Got it.” Colin set it down, then leaned against the counter, arms folded.
“Thanks.” I placed a tea bag in each cup, arranging the tags just so, keeping my back to him the whole time.
“You were supposed to go upstairs.”
“I forgot.” Funny how having a gun aimed at you will do that.
“Remember, next time.”
“There’s going to be a next time?” The kettle shrieked and I poured water into the mugs.
“We need to get you out of town for a little while.”
“No.” I turned around. “There’s too much going on. School. Magic stuff. I can’t leave.”
“Screw the magic,” he said. “Your life’s more important.”
“I’m staying.” This wasn’t the time to explain the two were interconnected. “It’s not your call.”
His eyes were weary, and the square line of his jaw clenched at my words.
“When you left for the dance, something was off. I could see it in your face. What am I missing?”
I steeled myself. “Nothing. You were right, that’s all. We don’t work—not while you’re working for Billy. I don’t see that changing, do you?”
“Mo—”
“Billy wins. I’ve had enough, Colin. You trust him, not me, and I can’t fight that.” I picked up the tea. “That’s what I decided today, before the dance. That’s why I was upset. Billy gets you, and I don’t.”
He covered my hands with his own, chamomile-scented steam curling up between us.
“Do you know how many times I’ve watched you almost die?” he asked, staring into the mug.
“Counting tonight? Three.”
“Too many. I can’t let that happen.”
“You wouldn’t.” I thought about his family, about the little girl that was his sister, out in the world somewhere, and pulled away. “But you can’t stop all the bad things. You can’t save everyone. Not all the time.”
“I don’t care about everyone. Only you.”
I thought about how he was keeping entire parts of his life secret, just to spare me. Keeping me from knowing him, shutting me out with the very noblest of intentions. He was so devoted to protecting me that he would never trust me. We’d never stood a chance.
I picked up Lena’s tea and left.
Lena sat on my bed, huddled into an tattered Northwestern sweatshirt. One hand twirled her ponytail, and the other was holding the transcript of my dad’s court case.
“What are you doing?” I asked, coming to a halt. Hot tea sloshed over the side of the mug and burned my hand, but I ignored it.
Lena looked up, mouth agape. “Your family is seriously messed up.”
I shoved the mugs onto the dresser and snatched the file away. “That’s private! What gives you the right to go through my stuff?”
“You left it on your desk,” she said. “Not very private.”
I paged through the papers I’d taken from her. “This is the just the trial transcript,” I mumbled, shoulders dropping in relief. Colin’s file was still safely tucked away in my messenger bag. My family’s secrets were bad enough. I couldn’t bear the thought of anyone else knowing Colin’s past, especially when I’d only started uncovering it myself.
“
Just
the transcript? There’s more? Have you read this?”
“Not yet.” I set the stack of papers in my top drawer, shoving it closed with both hands. There weren’t enough drawers to hold all my secrets these days, and I was struck with the sickening certainty that nothing I did could keep them all back. Lena’s expression was pitying. “You knew what it was,” I said. “Why did you keep reading?”
She threw up her hands. “Because people in masks broke in here tonight, threatened us with guns, and your reaction was to
avoid the police
. Because your bodyguard threatened to go scorched earth on the bad guys and you didn’t flinch. Because I think you are in really, really big trouble, and I’m trying to be a friend.”
“By snooping?”
“I’m trying to figure out what’s going on with you. So I can help. That’s what friends do, unless you’ve forgotten.” She exhaled slowly, staring at the ceiling for a long moment before meeting my eyes. “Are we friends?”
I hadn’t forgotten the way Lena had covered for me, more than once, without batting an eye. When everyone else had decided I was responsible for Verity’s death, she’d ignored the talk and sat with me during lunch, and without making it seem like she was doing me a favor. Until tonight, she’d let me keep my secrets without a fuss. Not for the first time, I wondered what secrets she held that made her so accepting of mine.
What kind of friend would I be if she got caught in the crossfire between my uncle and Ekomov? Or attacked by Darklings? There was so much I couldn’t tell her, so many things I couldn’t warn her about. Then again, she could have left tonight, when Colin offered to take her home. Most people would have run screaming out the door. Lena had stayed. Maybe she could handle it. Maybe I could trust her.
“We are friends. I mean, I hope so. But my family ...”
“You are not your family. You need to read the file.”
I toyed with the drawer pull. “I’m familiar with how the story ends.”
“It’s not the ending,” she said. “Everyone knows the ending. You need to see the beginning.”
“But ...”
I’m scared,
I wanted to say, but couldn’t.
“Those guys tonight could have killed us.” She shuddered and took a sip of tea. “Someone’s after you, and I am way grateful that Colin was here, but you can’t keep living like this. If we find out the truth, we can find a way to fix it.”
She took the second mug of tea from the dresser, carried them to my bed, and sank down onto the floor.
“Read the file, Mo. I’ll keep you company.”
I opened the drawer and took out the stack of papers. If my world was going to explode, better that it happen with a friend at my side.