Tangled Dreams (15 page)

Gavin stared at her with concern in his eyes. He could hear the hurt in her voice and just wanted to get up to hug her close but, knew that wasn’t an option.

“Alright, Madison you got your phone call now go sit back down.” William said sternly taking back control of the situation.

“I’m not hungry anymore.” I said still staring at the wall trying my hardest to get my anger in check.

“Well your not leaving unless excused.”

“Well, then excuse me.” I said turning around with my temper simmering underneath the surface.

“No. Now sit down.” Raising his voice, his face now turning red with anger.

“I said I’m not hungry.” Raising mine even louder as if I was in a shouting contest.

“You know I knew you had more of your mother in you than your father. You even look like her.” He said disgusted.

Finally my temper snapping. “How would you know who I’m like? You hadn’t even talk to my father in years. You weren’t even at his funeral.” I said with tears blistering my eyes refusing to let him see me cry.

“Oh your father was no angel either little girl. Your mother ruined him and your just like her.” He said banging his fist down on the table so hard it made the dishes jump and clatter. Turning before the tears burst through, I ran out the door as fast as my feet could carry me running straight for the creek. The only place where I felt somewhat at peace.

Gavin fuming started to get up from the table.

“Sit down boy.” His father said sternly already feeling like he had lost one battle and not willing to lose another.

“Don’t you think that was kind of harsh?”

“The truth hurts and I said sit down! She’s a bad influence on you anyways. You need to stay away from her as much as possible.”

“Why? Because she’s kind? She’s nice to Kayla and Kylie? She’s an honor student? And she’s always bending over backwards to try to make everyone happy and trying her hardest to belong to this family?”

“No matter what she does, she’ll never belong boy.”

“What do you mean by that father?”

“Nothing.” Saying nervously.

“That is your mother and I’s business.”

“Gavin, sweetheart go see if Madison is alright.” Julia said patiently closing her eyes shut from her instant headache and defying William for the second time that night.

Those are the only words Gavin needed to hear. Not that he was going to sit here and listen to his father spit venom much longer. He had to admit however it was hard consoling her when he loved her so much knowing he couldn’t take it to the next level. Walking out of the house he knew exactly where she was. As soon as the creek came into sight he saw her kneeling beside the creek crying softly with her head bowed.

“Gavin, just leave. I’m like a disease to your family.”

“Madison, don’t say that.” Reaching down to touch my shoulder.

“Don’t touch me. I wouldn’t want to ruin you.” I said much to harshly. Pulling back from her and standing straight up he could see how hurt she was by the phone call and worse yet by his own father’s words. It just made him feel even angrier.

“Madison don’t listen to him.”

“Why not? He’s probably right anyways. The only thing I have done is ruin your life.”

“Madison, that couldn’t be farther from the truth.”

“I just have to face it. With daddy gone their is no one left on this earth who loves me.”

“Madison.” He wanted to pull her in his arms and tell her how very badly he loves her with every aching pain in his heart. He knew however, it wasn’t what she wanted and would only make the situation worse.

“Gavin just leave me alone. I’m done ruining your life by involving you every time I’m upset or get myself into a bad situation.”

“Babe, your not ruining my life.” Now almost begging her to snap out of her sadness.

“Please leave.” I said closing my eyes shut tight knowing if I looked at the hurt in his face that I would cave for sure and go running straight into his arms. I couldn’t and wouldn’t keep doing that to him. It just wasn’t meant to be, especially now after I really know now how Uncle William feels about me. I don’t want to go proving him right by ruining his sons life.

“Madison, I don’t want to leave you.”

“I want you to.” I said lying to him and to myself.

“I don’t believe you.” Staring down at me.

“Believe it. You have to move on without me.”

“Your just saying that because of dad.”

“No, you don’t have a choice. I’m with Clay now Gavin.” Knowing how much the sting of those words would affect him.

“Fine then. I’ll give you your space. Besides like you said you have Clay. So who needs my ass around.” Walking away from her pissed off and hurt.

“I do.” I whispered quietly sobbing even harder over the realization of what I had just done. I knew I succeeded in hurting him and pushing him away and out of my cursed life. It was best for him I thought. But, part of me still wanted to be selfish and go after him and tell him how much I loved him.

Going back into the house he could hear his mother and father arguing about Madison. His father telling her he didn’t want her to come in the first place, and of course his mother wanting her to come more than anything. My mother was so caring that she would take in anyone in need. He couldn’t bare to hear any more and went up to his room to hide. Worried about Madison sitting out side by herself. She made it clear who she wanted with her and that was Clay. Well, she can have him he thought angry flopping down on his bed to stare up at the ceiling.

I knew how pathetic I looked at this moment. I was giving serious thought to just picking a direction and start walking, and never come back. Where ever I end up it really doesn’t matter. I don’t belong anywhere particular anyway and If it wasn’t for Gavin I probably would start walking. It would kill me to leave him behind even if I can’t be with him. I can’t believe that self righteous asshole is my brothers dad. I thought banging my fists on the ground. They’re nothing alike. My father was so kind and gentle and the best father in the world. Uncle William on the other hand is the exact opposite. The most unapproachable person I’ve ever met. I’m happy Gavin is nothing like him. Who ever ends up with Gavin will be the luckiest girl in the world. Under that rough gorgeous exterior, is the most caring, sweetest person I’ve ever met. Some people walk into your life and change it for the better without you ever knowing it.

The weekend stretched by with no other occurrences thankfully Uncle William just ignored me, which isn’t much different than any other time. But, I knew Aunt Julia was the one who told him to be nice or keep his mouth shut so, he obviously opted to keep it shut. Which is fine by me. Gavin has stuck good to his promise to stay away from me unfortunately. Daddy always told me to be careful for what I ask for because, I just might get it. Well, in this case I did and I feel miserable about it.

Before I knew it the days stretched by and Homecoming was coming near. Of course aunt Julia was excited about me going with Clay, and besides Clay I think she was the only one. None of the popular girls at school was very happy to see us still together let alone going to the Homecoming dance together. What ever Gavin said to Eric must have worked because, luckily he has been avoiding me like the plague. Clay liked taking the credit for it however. I never said anything but I knew Eric was not intimidated by Clay in the least. It was Gavin and Gavin alone that put the fear of dying a painfully slow death in him. But like always, I just sit here and let him pat himself on the back and boost his already big ego. When we first started dating I thought it was kind of cute but, now it’s getting a tad annoying.

Going Homecoming dress shopping with Aunt Julia I had to admit was a lot of fun. It almost made me feel like I had a real mother. Almost. She bought me the most beautiful dress. A red silky number that went to just above my knees that hugged my body snugly and had a beautiful v-neck cut with spaghetti straps. She even bought me matching high heels. Which I’m most definitely going to have to practice in. She also bought me red lipstick to match and I felt like a princess. The only thing that would have made the moment even more perfect was if I was going with Gavin.

The kids at school have finally stopped trying to figure out why I moved here. Most of them think that I am living with them as a friend of the family and I am alright with them thinking that. It’s no ones damn business anyways. Besides, I don’t want anyone to know I’m related to that asshole uncle of mine anyways. Rumor going around school now is that Gavin is taking the most popular girl at school to Homecoming. Later finding out unfortunately, it is true. I couldn’t expect him to wait around when I made it clear I was with Clay but, that doesn’t mean it hurts any less. What I wouldn’t give to just steal one dance with him to have him hold me close and to have me be one of his precious memories of his last homecoming dance. But, that will just have to stay a wish, a simple wish I know I won’t reach. But, what’s the hurt in hoping?

Clay has been bitching for days about how I’m just not acting the same around him anymore. He graciously has told me he understands I’m still probably upset about the “incident” and he will wait for me to snap out of it. Isn’t that nice of him. Sometimes the male species are so utterly, completely shallow. I have to admit I have been pulling away from him. I really should put in the effort. He did say he loved me and even acts like it sometimes but, unfortunately the feelings on my side just are not there. God knows I’ve tried. I keep telling myself if only I just tried a little harder. No sooner than I think that I find my mind, and my eyes drifting back to Gavin. I know I don’t deserve Gavin but, it’s hard accepting anyone else deserving him either. Clay is coming over tonight to talk plans for Homecoming. It’s the first time I’ve ever had him over, other than to pick me up of course. Since I refuse to go over to his house after what happened and I don’t feel like going out in public, or be alone with him, this is my only choice.

When he finally did pull up the sun was starting to set low and he was late. I didn’t really care I just wanted to get it over with as soon as possible. Knowing Gavin was still in the barn working I prayed they didn’t come into contact. Gavin has been civil to him thus far but I could tell he was still mad and he reminded me of a ticking time bomb one wrong look or word from Clay and he would feel Gavin’s wrath. So, I just try to keep them apart as much as possible. He had every right to be mad. I did pull him into the whole mess after all. When you pull someone into your mess you can’t expect them not to have opinions on it. I can tell by the look in his eyes he doesn’t approve of my taking Clay back and he was probably right about that but, chalk it up to weakness. An unforgiving heart could be a miserable thing. I’ve seen it to often. Besides, it’s not like I went and forgave Eric. Then again Gavin did have a point Clay was reckless with me and I know Gavin would have never have done that. Not in a million years. He would much rather hurt himself than see me in pain. What I did to ever deserve such loyalty I’ll never know.

Sitting on the porch swing I watched his fancy car pull up the driveway and get out looking as well put together as always. I wondered why on earth he would want me? We couldn’t be any more different than if we tried. Shutting his car door he swiftly ran up the steps with a grin on his face. Standing up I wasn’t sure why he was so happy. Sweeping me up into his arms and laying a long kiss on my lips. Something that we hadn’t really done since I agreed to give him another chance.

Gavin wondering who had pulled in the drive walked to the end of the barn door. Seeing the two of them entwined and locked in a kiss, he didn’t know whether to hit something or march up there and lay him out where he stood. Deciding with a heavy heart that he had seen enough and turned to walk back in to the barn to finish shoveling stalls.

Pulling out of his grasp and away from his very eager lips, “What was that for?”

“I’m just happy to see you.”

“You just seen me today at school.”

“Yeah, but every attempt I’ve made to spend time with you outside of school you have declined until tonight, so now I’m happy.”

“Oh.” Smiling nervously. Sitting down on the swing he put his arm around my shoulders and nudged me closer to him.

“So, Homecoming is next weekend. Are you ready?”

“Yeah, I already have my dress.”

“Excellent. I can’t wait to see you in it.” Drooling in anticipation. Thinking to himself how much he couldn’t wait to see her out of it. Hoping to convince her to come back to the hotel room he had reserved. Thinking he would surprise her with it after all that is what two people did when they loved each other. Well, he had never actually heard her say it back. However, she did take him back and invited him down that was reason enough he thought excitedly.

He must have stayed at least a couple of hours talking my ear off and trying even harder to nibble on it. Finally we got the plans mapped out. What time he would pick me up, the the exact color of my dress so he could order the corsage and so he could also get a matching tie. When he finally did leave I was all to relieved and decided to wait on the porch for Gavin to come inside. It was really getting cold now at nights with winter all but here. Wrapping a sweater around me I decided to wait it out anyhow. When I finally did get a glimpse of him walking up from the barn he looked tired and irritated. I was secretly hoping he would ask me for Friday night movie night like he used to instead of going up alone.

Walking up the steps he hadn’t seen her until halfway up and noticed her curled tightly up with an over sized sweater. She had pulled it up over her knees with her chin resting on the top of them. Her legs pulled in as tight as she could get them to her chest. “Madison, what are you doing? Don’t you have enough sense to come in out of the cold?” Still irritated about seeing her lip locked with Clay.

“No, don’t you?” I said slightly annoyed with the tone he had taken.

“Well, If I had any choice I sure the hell wouldn’t be out there shoveling shit stalls.” Trying not to sound to harsh and not knowing anything to do other than tuck his dirty tired hands into his jean pockets.

Choosing to ignore the hostility in his voice and his even more hostile eyes I chose to try to get him to smile instead. “Well, If I had a choice I wouldn’t let you because I am down wind from you and it ain’t pretty.” I said scrunching my nose up.

Looking at her astonished he didn’t know whether to laugh or be insulted. It had been so long since either one of them had taken a playful jab at one another that he wasn’t sure if it would ever be possible again. But, he couldn’t help it and it did bring a resemblance of a smirk to his face which she decided that was a good enough start. “Well, be lucky it’s not you in there instead then.” Now taking the last few remaining steps up and closer to her.

“Oh believe me I am thanking my lucky stars right now.”

“Hey now I don’t stink that bad.” Now with a look of annoyance on his face. Lifting his arms up so he could get a whiff of them.

“Oh, I’ll be the judge of that.” Reaching out I grabbed his hand and pulled him closer and put it up to my nose looking up and into his eyes. He felt his heart skip a beat as he looked down into her gorgeous green eyes and got mad all over again about Clay’s lips being on hers when it damn well should be his. “No, I guess you don’t smell that bad.” I said smiling up at him. “Do you want to sit with me for a second?”

“I guess I could. If you can stand the smell.” Walking over to her.

My heart fluttering I knew I had won him over a little bit. This is the most he had paid attention to me since that day at the creek when I sent him away.

Sitting down beside her he wanted to be the one to pull her into his arms and warm her up but, refused to play second fiddle. “So, I seen Clay was here.” Looking down at his filthy hands wishing he had a showered before sitting this closely to her. When really she could of cared less what he smelled like.

“Yeah, he wanted to go over plans for Homecoming.”

“Oh, Yeah?” With a questioning look in his eyes.

“Yeah, I didn’t want to go over to his house.” Now my turn to look down at my hands.

“I can understand that. Maddie?”

“Yeah?” Looking over at him sitting quietly next to me with a few short strands of his hair curled out of his hat with straw stuck in it.

“Why did you decide to give Clay another chance?” Asking with an undertone of pure hatred in his voice.

Reaching up I picked the straw lovingly out of his hair looking into his eyes and saw nothing but pain and confusion. Something I was all to familiar with knowing I was the one who caused it was killing me inside. Deciding on the truth I didn’t have the heart to lie to him. Sighing and dropping my hand back down.

“Because he told me he loved me and begged me for another chance.”

“Oh.” His heart now dropping to his feet, expecting her to say that she had said it back.

“You’re a better person than me.” He said honestly knowing he would never forgive such betrayal.

“Hardly.” Smiling over at him.

“You forgive when most people wouldn’t. That takes a big person.” He said looking back at me.

“No, that takes a coward, and that’s what I am.”

Astonished. “How do you figure?”

“I forgave what should have been unforgivable for reasons that are stupid and my own.” Like lying to myself. Using Clay to push Gavin away. Having someone at school to be with. To not feel so alone when I know I can’t lean on Gavin anymore I thought disgusted. I could never tell him those reasons.

“Well, I’m sure you have good reasons. Reasons that I will never understand but, when you love someone enough you can forgive them for almost anything.” He said sadly looking into her eyes.

Looking out into the clear night I was torn on whether to lie and tell him I loved Clay. That would surely be easier and would ensure our separation. Or to tell him the truth and tell him I could never and would never love Clay. Any other time I might of just let him think I loved Clay but, I was getting tired of lying to someone who meant the world to me, and tired of lying to myself. “Gavin, I don’t love Clay.” Saying matter of fact.

He felt his heart beat back to life and wanted to get up pump his fists in triumph. However, he refrained himself and thanked God he quit being stupid and sat down to talk to her or he would of went on thinking so. “I saw you two kissing.” He prodded on.

“He kissed me.” Keeping it simple trying not to give any explanations. Changing the subject, “I hear you have date for Homecoming to?”

“Yeah.” Now fidgeting trying to figure out what to do with his restless hands.

“I’m sure you two will have fun.”

“I guess. Just like you and Clay will.”

“You think you could save me a dance?” Asking hopefully, still afraid to look at him. Reaching up he grabbed my chin between his forefinger and thumb and turned my head so we were eye to eye.

“I can absolutely save you a dance babe.” Scanning her face for any emotions.

Turning my head back away from him, “Thank you. I don’t deserve it after the awful way I treated you.”

“You were hurting, and sometimes the truth comes out when your upset.” Sadly remembering her screaming at him to leave and telling him she had Clay.

“Yeah, and sometimes you say things you don’t mean.” Getting up quickly to leave before I spilled my guts wrapping myself around his gorgeous body and telling him how deeply in love I am with him.

Leaving him there sitting more confused than before wondering if the reason she sent him away that day at the creek was something she wanted to do? Or if she did because of what his father said to her? Or for any other reason? Now thoroughly confused. Wanting to get up and follow her to get answers he reluctantly decided against it. Knowing the turmoil she has gone through is more than any person deserved. He still woke up hearing her cry out at night in the next room for a father who couldn’t come back and a mother who wouldn’t come back. Listening sometimes she quieted down into a calmer sleep and sometimes he heard her stir waking up crying softly as to not wake any one up. So many times I wanted to go in and wrap my arms around her consoling her. I knew I shouldn’t or couldn’t. Not sure which one. Wishing with everything inside me she would make the decision for me and come to me instead. Finally forcing my sore back and body to move he got up to go get a hot shower wanting to leave his worries out on that front porch swing.

The week went quick enough and everyone was so excited about Homecoming and the big Homecoming game. My boyfriend was the star quarter back and that’s all he could talk about. I really don’t have much interest in football and even less of an interest in going to the game. So I concocted up a story about having to do chores and earn my rights to go to the Homecoming dance so I couldn’t have both. So, of course Clay relented wanting to go to the dance with me was more important I guess. When it was time for Gavin to leave to go pick up his date I stayed shut up tight in the bedroom not wanting to see how handsome I knew he would be in his suit. I had been ready for a while and I had my hair twisted up with curls draping down everywhere. Already put on my makeup with my red lipstick and even had my beautiful dress on . Kayla and Kylie couldn’t resist not coming in to watch me get ready and told me I looked like a princess. I almost felt like one, too bad my prince was going with someone else I thought sadly. Looking down at my red nails I patiently painted to match. Hearing Clay pull up I hurried to rush downstairs having to admit I was excited and at the bottom of the stairs stood Aunt Julia camera in hand waiting for me. “Do you have to Aunt Julia?” I whined annoyingly.