Tangled Dreams (22 page)

Done with his food and setting his plate down. “So you decided what you want to do tomorrow night?”

“Yeah actually.” Setting my empty plate down I turned to look at him.

“So, what do you want to do?”

“I want to go to the movies.”

“You mean you want to watch movies here?” Asking slightly confused.

“No, I mean I want to go to the movies.” Starting to object, I placed one finger to his lips to silence him. “Gavin, I need to get out of here for a while. Plus you‘ll be with me, so you know I’ll be safe. Please.” I said staring into those dark eyes.

Sighing, “Alright. Please don’t make me regret this Maddie.”

“Oh, thank you, thank you, thank you.” I said bouncing excitedly on the bed wrapping my arms tightly around his neck still bouncing.

“Maddie?”

“Yeah?” I asked still wrapped close to him.

“Your killing me babe.” Pulling back I could see the pain In his face as well as in his voice.

“Sorry.” I said sitting back knowing that he must feel some of the same physical attraction that I still feel towards him.

We sat here for another couple hours enjoying each other’s company. Around ten o’clock I finally decided to swallow my pride and decide to ask him to help me downstairs and to the shower. Aunt Julia had still been helping me. I still have trouble keeping balance on stairs and I do get scared when there is no one close. “Gavin?”

“Yeah?”

“Can you please help me down and to the shower? Julia usually helps me still but, as you can see she’s not here.”

Getting up “Yeah, I can help you. No problem.”

Getting up slowly he stood beside me to catch me if I stumbled keeping his hand on the small of my back finally making it to the stairs. Then he swept me up into his arms at the landing making me yelp. “Gavin, you were supposed to help me down the stairs not carry me down!” Still in awe of his strength, gliding down easily setting me down. Looking up at him a little peeved.

“Hey, don’t get mad at me. I’m responsible for you this weekend and your going to have to get used to me being a little over cautious.”

How could I get mad at that really? What girl wouldn’t like being swept up into the arms of a man she loved more than life itself. Even if he didn’t know it. “Alright, I can’t argue with you. I’m to tired anyhow.” I said turning and walking into the bathroom with him fast on my heels. “Whoa, what are you doing buddy?” I said turning around running into him he was so close.

“What does it look like?” Asking innocently. 

Staring at him with my hand on my hips.

“Your balance is still way off. You could fall in the shower and I would never hear you. Mom stays in here with you. What’s the problem?”

“You know the problem Gavin.”

“What? It’s not like I haven’t been close before when you have taken a shower. We practically have a routine down so I won’t see any skin.”

“I know Gavin. However there has always been other people around either in the house or outside. This time we are completely alone.”

“Your not afraid of me are you?” Asking quietly hurt shooting through his eyes.

“Oh God Gavin never. Never say that. What happened with Eric made me skittish but never around you.” I said trying to convince him. I don’t care how much I’m trying to push him away and convince him I don’t care. I would sooner die than I would ever let him think that. “Your right Gavin. I know you would never make me do anything that I was uncomfortable with. It’s alright, you can stay. I was a little worried about getting in and out since I have been sitting down to take baths. “I’m still unable to stand up long and it’s hard sitting down and pulling myself back up. That means I’m going to be naked are you comfortable with that?”

At this point he knew he was treading on very dangerous ground but he had to help her he kept telling himself. Trying to think of a way of not looking at her perfect body. Damn he would have to be a blind fool not to look. I might as well gouge out my eyes that would be easier he thought to himself.

“Alright turn around while I get undressed.” Doing so he turned around to face the wall. Trembling I got my jeans down I had changed into earlier. Working on the buttons of my shirt next but my fingers were trembling so badly I couldn’t get one unbuttoned let alone the rest of them. The fear of being naked and being this close to him absolutely terrified me and thrilled me all at the same time.

“Madison are you ready? What is taking so long?” Asking without turning around concerned.

My voice breaking “I can’t get my buttons undone.” Standing with a button down shirt on just long enough to cover my panties that was all I wore and I felt like a bumbling fool.

“You need help babe?”

“Yes but no.”

Chuckling out loud. “Your going to have to be a little more specific than that Maddie.” Disgusted with myself.

“Yeah, I could use some help.” Finally relenting.

Turning around to help her she was an absolute vision standing there looking distraught only in a button down shirt. Gorgeous and vulnerable he thought. He just wanted to pull her in his arms and be damned with the consequences. The only thing she would have to do is say the word and he would fall to pieces for her. With smooth steady hands he finished her button revealing the beautiful dip of skin between her breasts that reached down to her navel. Revealing her white panties and he thought right then and there he could die a happy man. But, he would have one regret and that is not telling her how he truly feels. He loved her so much and he wanted to take care of her just like this forever. Still forever wouldn’t be long enough. Turning reluctantly again he let her take the rest of her clothes off.

I wrapped a towel around myself.

“Alright, I’m ready.”

Pulling back the shower curtain, he started my water and took me steadily by the arms and helped me step in.

Hypnotized by the look in her eyes he gently set her down never once breaking eye contact.

Staring back into his eyes I knew what he was doing and I appreciated it and it just made me love him that much more. Sitting down in the tub I handed him the now wet towel. And he was a perfect gentlemen not trying to look at my body once. Then again he probably doesn’t look at me that way anymore. Not sure that he ever did. I could hear him in the bathroom still, although he was really quiet. I could see his shadow on the shower curtain. “What ya doin Gavin?” I asked still nervous knowing he was so close, yet so far away at the same time.

“Nothin, just waiting.”

“I’m almost done.”

“It’s okay. Take your time.”

A few more minutes passed and I was ready to get out. “Alright I’m ready.” I said to him getting to my knees to better lift myself up. Letting out the water I saw him hand a towel in to me which I promptly wrapped around my body and tucked it in around my chest. Pulling back the shower curtain he stood there waiting for me. Taking me under the arms he lifted me up easily and up and out of the shower. Taking another towel I dried off my legs and arms and dried my hair as good as it was going to get.

“Ready?” Asking staring at me intently. Thinking about how it was going to be a very long weekend. Scooping me up just in my towel he carried me back up the stairs. Setting me down gently, he told me goodnight and retreated to his room in record speed.

Flopping down onto his bed and staring at the ceiling he was trying to slow down his speeding heart. Trying not to let his hormones or mind run away with him thinking of all the possibility’s with his family being out of town. Peeling off his shirt and pants he crawled under the covers and prayed for sleep. Counting backwards from a thousand he finally fell asleep.

Most of Saturday was spent doing homework. Gavin being outside most of the day. I felt so sorry for him having to do all that work by himself. Feeling guilty for making him go out tonight when I knew he was going to be exhausted. I have to get out of here for a while. He poked his head in a couple of times to make sure I was alright and brought up sandwiches at lunch.

Looking at the clock I realized my freedom was upon me. I heard Gavin come in to get cleaned up. Standing up I decided with as long as it takes me to get dressed now that I better start also. Pulling on a skirt I decided I would freeze but didn’t care. I hadn’t looked nice in so long that I would gladly risk it. I then put on a dark brown form fitting v-neck sweater and slipped on my shoes. Taking a curling iron to my hair I curled it into soft ringlets which I let fall softly down around my shoulders and dabbed some light makeup on with a hint of lipstick. Sitting at my vanity I didn’t have to wait for long. Knocking on my door and walking in he looked incredibly handsome. But, that wasn’t different than any other day. He wore a dark sweater and jeans with a black leather jacket and it was difficult to form words.

“Madison you look great.”He said with his eyes working up and down her slowly taking in the full view.

“Thank you. You look great yourself.”

“Well, you ready then?”

Standing up. “Never been more ready.” I said as he took my arm and then helped me down both flights of steps.

“I thought I’d take you out to eat to.” Smiling.

“Really? Gavin that’s sweet but you don’t have to do that. I’m just happy to get out of the house for a while.”

“Madison, I know you would probably prefer to be with someone else but I don’t want anything bad to happen to you.”

“Are you kidding Gavin?” I said whacking his arm with as much strength as I could muster. “There is no one else I would rather go with tonight.”

“Even Clay?”

“Yeah, even Clay.”

“I wish I could believe that” He said walking on to the truck to open the door for me.

Not knowing what to say or even go about convincing him I decided let it be for the moment and just have fun, maybe that would show him. I let him help me up into the truck and they drove silently to the pool hall to eat. It was Saturday night and sure to be packed. There really wasn’t much to do in this town so it was inevitable. Walking into the pool hall I could feel the eyes on us. A couple of my friends, one being Andrea, came up to say hello. Andrea gushing about how much she missed me and I truly missed her also. She was one of the few people at school that I enjoyed talking to.Walking me to a corner booth we sat down across from each other. I already knew what I wanted and he must have to because neither of us picked up the menu. “So, how is school going for you?” I asked trying to make small talk and ignore all the stares. Yeah, I know my classmates haven’t seen me in a couple of weeks but give it a rest already.“

“It’s alright. Same as always.”

Looking around tapping my finger on the table I could feel the tension between us. It always seeming to be just under the surface. Looking back as the bell to the door rang my heart sank. In sauntered in Clay with each arm resting around the shoulders of a girl on each side of him. I had to admit I felt a slight twinge of jealousy. I had no clue where it came from because in my eyes I could only see Gavin. Maybe it was left over feelings for him. After all I cared for him a lot at one point. I could even go as far as saying I had a huge crush on him. But, I haven’t felt that way in quite some time. Looking to Gavin I could see his body tense and his hands clench into fists and before my eyes I could see him closing off from me. I don’t know why it surprises me each time he does it. I pushed him to it. I have no one to blame but myself.

When Clay spotted me his arms dropped from each of the girls, and he smiled at me and gave a nervous wave. As soon as the girls seen who he was waving at they both walked away from him angrily their eyes shooting daggers my way. As if my worst nightmare was realized he started walking over to me. Looking at Gavin he was as still as a statue and I couldn’t read his features whatsoever.

“Hi Madison. How are you feeling?” Asking ignoring Gavin’s presence.

“I’m feeling alright.”

“I was worried when you didn’t call me back. I tried to call many times to talk to you.”

“I’m sorry Clay. I slept a lot and didn’t feel like getting up to the phone.”

“Oh, that’s alright. I understand. You look gorgeous.” Still staring at me. Looking at Gavin he now, he was clenching his napkin tightly.

“Can I talk to you over there for a second Madison?” Looking at me intently.

“I don’t think so Clay. I’m here with Gavin.”

“It’ll just be a second.” Torn between still wanting Clay as a friend, and not making Gavin mad I didn’t quite know what to do. “C’mon Madison. He’ll be able to see you.” Gavin shifted his gaze to Clay in a warning.

“I’ll be right back Gavin.” Sighing he looked down at the table. Getting up slowly I felt Clay grab me under the arm helping me up and Gavin bored a hole right through him in another warning. Walking me slowly over to a corner I could quite literally feel all curious eyes on us. “What did you want to talk about?” I asked him annoyed now that he put me in this position.

“I’m sorry Madison. Are you on a date?” He probed.

Sighing, “No. I’m not on a date. He was just nice enough to get me out of the house.”

“Oh, why didn’t you call me? I would of picked you up.”

“Clay, it’s no big deal. Is that all you wanted to ask?” I said trying to quicken up the conversation.

“No, I missed you. I just wanted to spend a couple of minutes with you.”

“Clay I’m coming back to school on Monday.”

“I didn’t realize. I’m sorry.” He said slouching away from me like I had just slapped him.

“I’m sorry Clay. I didn’t mean it to sound so mean.”

“It’s alright. I know you have been through a lot. But, you have to realize I haven’t seen you since the hospital. You looked so small and fragile laying there in that bed bruised up and scared. It haunted me many nights.”

Oh he is good I thought to myself. “You didn’t look so haunted walking in with those two girls.” I said raising my voice a bit. How stupid does he think I am? I thought disgusted to myself.

“Madison, you have told me there is no chance of us being together so I’m just concerned about you as a friend. Why? Is there a chance now?” Asking with hope in his voice.

“Clay, I have to get back to Gavin.” I said turning to walk away.

“You didn’t answer the question .” Grabbing my arm. In an instance Gavin was getting up to come towards me with a very pissed off look on his face. I knew Clay keeping me from him was the reason. I put my hand up to him in a way to tell him just another minute and he sat back down reluctantly. Turning back around. “Clay I have to go. Gavin is about to come over here and get me himself. Believe me when I say you don’t want that.”

“Madison?”

Sighing “Yes Clay?”

“I meant what I said earlier, you do look absolutely gorgeous tonight. I am so jealous right now that you are going back over there to him and that your not here with me.”

“Clay don’t make this any harder than it already is.” I said shaking my head looking down.

“Why won’t you let me in again?” He begged.

“Clay the truth is I never totally opened up to you to begin with.”

“So, maybe that’s what happened to us. In the end you never completely gave us a chance.”

“Clay you tried to sleep with me. Did you forget that detail?”

“I know. I am sorry, but your telling me you wouldn’t have forgiven me if you were in love with me? As much as I was in love with you and still am.”

“I can’t answer that Clay.” I said starting to walk off again.

“Madison, promise me one thing and I will let you walk back to him with no further arguments.”

Now ready to promise anything before Gavin came over to beat his ass I looked up into his eyes expectantly.

“Promise me you’ll think about giving us another chance. Really sit down and think about it. Please.”

“Alright Clay. I promise.”

“Thank you.” Smiling reaching for my hand and squeezing it before I walked away and let it drop. Sitting back down our food had already arrived and he was waiting for me and hadn’t touched it yet. “I’m so sorry Gavin, I just went over there to get him to leave. I know how you feel about him.” His right fist was still clenched tightly sitting on the table and his knuckles had turned white. He didn’t say a word and I could tell the rage that was bubbling inside just by looking into his eyes.

Sitting here watching them together she had no idea how much strength it took for me not to come over there. Especially when he grabbed her. He felt so much pain and anger inside that his vision was blurred in anger. So much so that he barely realized it when she sat back down in front of him reaching out for his hand. Still so scared of not being able to protect her from preditors like Eric.

Taking his hand briefly I wanted to show him I was still right where I wanted to be.

Feeling her warm touch snapped him back to reality and the clouds parted from his vision and he could see her again.

“Gavin, did you hear me? I’m sorry.”

Relaxing now, “Lets just eat so were not late for the movie.”

Saying between clenched teeth. Clay was now across the room at one of the pool tables and every time I glanced over he was watching me. I couldn’t wait to finish eating and get out of here. We didn’t really talk the rest of the time. He paid the bill and we got up. This time he didn’t touch me on the way out and didn’t again until he had to help me up into the truck. “Gavin, I’m sorry again for ruining the night.”

“Maddie, I promised you it was your night out. You can talk to who ever you want.” Slamming the gear into drive and taking off towards the theater on the edge of town. Without saying another word we made it to the theater in record time and he helped me out of the truck and paid our way in and was polite enough. But, the coldness had returned with a ferocity. I was mad at Clay now for the way Gavin was acting. But, I knew it was my fault. I could have told him that I would talk to him later, or at school. I didn’t have to leave Gavin sitting there and now I felt the whole amount of guilt set in and I was fighting the tears. Why is it I hurt everyone I come into contact with? I asked myself barely paying attention to the movie excusing myself to the bathroom he didn’t offer to walk me there and I was glad. The tears were edging closer and closer to the threshold. I found the last stall and threw the seat down and cried my eyes out for at least fifteen minutes. I was so tired of feeling this pain inside. The pain and guilt of losing daddy. The pain and abandonment I feel of my mother dumping me off and leaving me. The obvious pain I’m putting Clay through by rejecting him. And most of all the pain I feel for Gavin. Of loving him so much but, not being able to show it. Of making him feel bad. Him having to baby sit me all the time. Then I show my appreciation by talking to a guy that I know he doesn’t like, all because of me. I ruined their friendship by running to Gavin when he wronged me and then when Clay comes sniffing back around I forgive Clay and then get mad at Gavin for staying loyal to our friendship. I am such a freaking mess! All the while I have no one to talk to or lean on. Times like these is when I miss daddy the most. I’m tired of crying. I’m tired of messing up. Most of all I’m tired of hurting the people closest to me. Sitting here I gave serious thought to just walking out these doors and out of the theater and going to go try to find mother and leave this all behind me. Of course I would miss everyone, Gavin especially. They are better off with out me. No, I thought. Now is not the right time. Besides I have no money on me. I wouldn’t get far. All the money I have hoarded the past couple of years is at the house. Knowing that there is at least a couple thousand which always gave me peace of mind, if I ever did have to leave. A lot of it came from baby sitting in our apartment complex. Mother always thought I spent it all when actually I hid it under a floor board in my bedroom knowing she would spend it on booze if she found it. I didn’t even tell daddy about it. But, I think he knew since he never seen me spend it. Besides I would get Gavin in so much trouble if I took off under his watch. I couldn’t do that to him.

After about twenty minutes I got up, dabbed my eyes with toilet paper, and thanked god I was going back to a dark theater hoping he wouldn’t notice my blood shot eyes. I hated showing weakness and God knows he has seen a lot of that lately. So, I sucked it up and walked out of the doors and found Gavin waiting for me sitting on a bench outside of the doors. “Gavin, why aren’t you watching the movie?”

“It’s almost over and I was worried about you. You’ve been gone almost half and hour.” Just as he said that he seen her blood shot eyes. “Maddie what’s wrong?” He asked standing up concerned. “Are you in pain? I should get you home.”

“Gavin I’m not in pain. I’m alright.” I reassured him with a fake smile. Which I don’t even know why I bothered because he seen right through it. “Lets go back in and watch the rest of the movie.” And just as I said that the doors swung open and people started filing out heading to their waiting vehicles. A blast of cold air hit me and I shivered. “I’m so sorry Gavin. This whole night has been ruined all because of me.”

“No, I’m sorry Madison. I promised you a night of fun and I failed miserably.”

“How could you even blame yourself Gavin? Let’s just go back to the house.” I said now feeling defeated. Agreeing he walked me out to the truck and helped me in. Getting in he turned up the heater full blast and it rumbled to life. Leaning my head against the cool window, exhaustion set in and I felt myself drifting off into the same old nightmares.

That was the last thing I remembered when I woke up in my bedroom and looked at the clock it read 2 am. I didn’t remember how I got up here. Gavin must have carried me I thought sadly to how I ruined his whole night. Kicking of my afghan I was still fully dressed. So, taking off my skirt and shirt I didn’t bother going to look for my bed clothes in the dark I was to tired. Deciding to sleep in my panties slipping off my uncomfortable bra. I wedged my self back down under all my blankets this time and quickly fell back asleep. I woke up in the morning sleeping on my stomach and feeling a very cold breeze against my back, my blankets kicked off. I was to tired to readjust and fell back asleep immediately.