Tangled Past (17 page)

Soon even those faded as Nate’s cock excited the tender tissues of her passage, building into an unbearable pressure that exploded in a mixture of light and heat.

She was barely aware of the pulses of warmth jetting deep inside as Nate followed her over the brink. A breath, maybe two later, and Jackson’s bellow joined Nate’s.

Astounded by the strength of his orgasm, Jackson pulled out of Nate. Beneath him, Nate sagged over Sarah, whose head lolled to the side, both of them gasping for breath. He touched his lips to Nate’s shoulder, then waited until Nate rolled off of her before pressing a light kiss on Sarah’s cheek. “Thank you.”

Sarah lifted a hand as if it were an effort and threaded her fingers through the hair at the back of his neck. If her touch was gentle, her expression was even softer, her eyes filled with love. “I love you.”

Tears prickling, threatening to spill, he closed his eyes and buried his face between her breasts. There was no way he could ever express what tonight meant to him. What a gift her acceptance of his proclivities had been.

He swallowed hard, once, twice, until he regained the control that threatened to flee. “I love you too, Sarah.”

His legs were as weak as a newborn calf’s as he walked over to the wash basin to clean himself. The possibilities, and the dangers, of what they’d done flooded his conscience. One night, he told himself. Just this one night, and then he’d talk to someone about buying the old Cain place. Because there was no way he could stay so close to Nate without wanting this every night.

After cleaning himself thoroughly, he grabbed a wash cloth, dampened it and returned to the bed. He found himself avoiding Sarah’s gaze as he cared for Nate. Would she want him touching her now she knew what he was? Though she’d seen Nate with his fist around his cock, seeing her husband fucking another man’s ass should have been enough to send any woman screaming into the night.

Keeping his gaze on Nate’s behind, he continued his ministrations. Sarah picked up the jar he’d placed back on the table and opened it. His breath caught in his chest when she sniffed it, then smoothed some between her fingers.

“I like the scent. Is that almond?”

“Yes.” Oh, God. With the washcloth scrunched in his fist, he dropped his eyes as soon as his gaze met hers.

Her fingers came into his field of view, rested on top of the back of his hand. “Jackson? Are you afraid I’m ashamed of you? Because I’m not.”

She pulled an edge of the washcloth from between his fingers until she’d freed it completely. After she’d tossed it back to the basin, she lifted his hand and pressed her lips against his knuckles in a kiss so tender, his chest ached.

“I love you, Jackson. I will always love you.”

He wrapped his arms around her and held her tightly, burying his face in her hair. “I thought that now that you’d seen…now that you knew…”

“That I’d leave you? No,” she whispered. Her fingers smoothed over his back until his muscles relaxed. She drew him down to the bed to lie between both her and Nate. Two sets of hands, one male, one female, skimmed across his chest, two sets of lips caressed his nipples. They teased and comforted, exciting him while at the same time calming him, until he drifted off to sleep to the gentle murmur of their voices.

Jackson awoke, his body curled around Sarah, who still slept. At some point one of them must have turned down the oil lamp, or it had spluttered out during the night because the room was still dark. It took a moment to remember why they were in Nate’s bedroom instead of their own.

Then the memory of what they’d done, what they’d shared came flooding back.

Marveling that she’d accepted his desires without demur, he kissed the back of Sarah’s head. He’d never understand how he’d managed to get so lucky in finding a wife.

Two seconds later the bedroom door creaked open. The moonlight streaming down the hall outlined Nate’s figure in the doorway.

“Where are you going?” He kept his voice low in deference to the still sleeping Sarah.

Nate didn’t turn around. “My leg’s stiff, and I need to walk around for a bit. Besides, I figured you’d want some privacy.”

Considering what they’d done earlier, giving them privacy seemed incongruous, and as much as Nate’s comment about his leg rang true there was something else in his tone that bothered Jackson. “Is something wrong, Nate?”

“No.” Before Jackson could reply, Nate disappeared down the hall.

“Damn it.” He eased from Sarah’s side but there was no sign of Nate in the hall. Since he hadn’t heard Nate’s cane thump down the stairs, and he wasn’t in either of the other bedrooms, the only place left that Nate could have gone was onto the second story porch. His hunch was right. The moonlight limned Nate’s body in silver where he stood against the railing.

So much for needing to walk off the stiffness.

Nate spun away from him the second his fingers touched Nate’s shoulder. He grabbed for the railing before he lost his balance, but his cane fell through the wooden slats and landed on the ground below.

“Don’t touch me.” Nate held up his hand as a barrier to stop him from touching again. “For pity’s sake, just leave me alone.”

“Damn it to hell, man. What’s wrong?” His chest splitting wide, he forced himself to drop his hand when all he wanted to do was grab Nate and hold him close. “Do you regret tonight?”

Nate closed his eyes. “No. But I should never have agreed. It’s going to kill me when you leave.”

“Leave? Where am I going?”

“The McLeod place. It’s yours now. Yours and Sarah’s. Didn’t Sarah tell you?”

“No.” McLeod was dead? Why hadn’t Sarah told him? Because he’d kept her busy in the bedroom—in Nate’s bedroom—instead of listening to her.

“They found McLeod. He’s dead. Which means since Sarah’s technically his next-of-kin, she’s inherited his farm. You’ve got your own place, Jack.” Nate turned around so Jackson couldn’t read his face. Not that he needed to. From Nate’s slumped shoulders and the way his voice had fractured, Nate was holding on to his dignity with a slim thread that threatened to snap at any moment. “You have no reason to stay here anymore.”

His mind raced through the possibilities. They had their own land, their own ranch. He wouldn’t have to rely on anyone else ever again. But he did have a reason to stay here. One very important reason. Nate himself.

Had tonight been good-bye without him realizing it? No, he was getting ahead of himself. “Did Sarah say she wanted to go back?”

“No. That’s why I was going to the kitchen when I interrupted you two—to find out what you’d decided.”

“I hadn’t told him yet.” Sarah stood in the doorway. She’d put on Nate’s robe. A strange warmth floated over him at how they blended together so well. She met Jackson’s gaze. “I was going to tell you earlier, but I got distracted. Besides, I didn’t think it was something we had to decide about right away.”

“It’s not,” Jackson said slowly. “What’s your gut saying about it?”

“I don’t have any fond memories. And I was glad to leave. The idea of going back…” She walked into Jackson’s outstretched arm and snuggled against him. “We could sell it. Maybe buy some land here close by? The old Cain place you were talking about, perhaps? It’s close enough that we could have some cattle of our own, and you could still see Nate.”

It was a solution he’d considered himself. Part of him clung to her saying he could still see Nate, while another part of his conscience reminded him of his marriage vows. If she decided to leave, he’d go with her. It didn’t matter what he felt for Nate—he was Sarah’s husband, and he’d given her, and the preacher, his word.

Nate forced his gaze to Sarah and took a deep breath. “There is another solution. You could stay here. With me. Make this your home permanently. Like we are right now. As lovers.”

Lovers. The three of them. Sarah’s knees were still wobbly from the orgasm they’d given her earlier. Was it possible to have this type of pleasure night after night? Them pleasuring her and her them?

Maybe loving between men involved a different set of emotions. Maybe they only sought physical pleasure, not emotional.

You can’t leave me. Don’t die on me, you hear? I couldn’t take it. I love you.

I love you, Sarah. I love Jackson too.

Maybe not.

“The choice is yours, Sarah.” Jackson stroked her shoulders, then trailed his hands down her sides to cup her breast. “I’ll do whatever it takes to make you happy.”

“And if I said no, you’d walk away, sacrifice your own happiness?”

“If you’re not happy, I wouldn’t be either. I told you, I gave you my vows to love and cherish you. If that means leaving here, never seeing Nate again, then I will.”

“But you love Nate too. I heard you, when you thought he was going to die.” She squared her shoulders. “I can go back to the McLeod place, hire a manager to run it for me, and you can stay here to live with Nate. The way you were before.”

“Yes. It’s true. I love Nate. But that doesn’t mean I’m not capable of loving you too.” When she shook her head, he gripped her arms until she looked at him. “Does Miss Martha love one of her children more than her others? She loves ’em all equally, Sarah. It’s the same with me. I can love Nate at the same time that I love you.” He glanced at Nate who stared out over the dark pastures. “Besides, even if you do pack up and leave, it’s too dangerous for us to go on the way we had been. What happened that night in the barn proved it.”

“He’s right, Sarah.” Nate faced them. The moonlight highlighted the stark fear and desperation in his face. “Things around here aren’t the same as they were even fifteen years ago. There’s more people movin’ in, bringing rules and order to these parts that we never had to worry about before. You leave, and people will start talking. And as much as they may have whispered about us, tolerated us even, one day someone’s going to get a burr under their saddle, and they’ll stretch our necks for us on that old oak out front.

“Same goes.” Nate’s smile was crooked. “Don’t leave me, Sarah. Don’t leave Jackson either. We both love you too much.”

If she left, they might be happy together for a while, but she wouldn’t. She loved Jackson. Life without him and Nate in it would be cold, dull and lonely. If she left, she’d constantly worry that their secret would be found out, and they’d be lynched. She wouldn’t be able to live with the knowledge her presence might have saved their lives.

Yet if she stayed… “I don’t want you to wake up and realize you resent having me in your bed instead of Nate.”
I don’t want to wake up and discover I’m unwanted. Unwelcome.

But if she asked him to move back to the McLeod place, wouldn’t she be asking him to give up Nate, asking him to give up a love he’d had long before he’d met her? That wasn’t fair either.

“It doesn’t have to be that way,” Nate stated.

Before he could continue, she waved him off any arguments. “Because you say it won’t? My mother told me Mr. McLeod ‘forgave her’ for sleeping with my father after I was born, yet he never touched her again. They grew to despise each other.”

“Sssh, it’s just a suggestion.” Jackson tucked her head beneath his chin. “We don’t have to make any decisions tonight. Or even this month.”

Nate touched her shoulder. “Come back to bed. Both of you. I don’t want to waste another minute tonight. Even if we do nothing else but sleep, I want you both beside me.”

They followed him back to his bedroom, where they positioned her between them. Perhaps they knew she couldn’t sleep, for they distracted her with kisses and gentle soothing touches until the sky was grey with the coming dawn.

Chapter Ten

After a brief moment of panic when she opened her eyes, Sarah realized she was in Nate’s bedroom. Alone in Nate’s bed. The memories of what she’d done—they’d done—the night before played through her mind. While she knew it was scandalous, she couldn’t find it in herself to regret a single moment.

The delicious scent of bacon drifting up from the kitchen tempted her to climb from the bed. The ewer had been filled with fresh water—Jackson’s doing, most likely—but its water was lukewarm, not hot, which meant he’d filled it a while ago. She dunked the wash cloth into the water and washed her face and hands in what her mother would have called a lick and a promise, but it would have to do. She dressed quickly, not bothering to seek her corset from her own bedroom, simply pulling the shift they’d dropped on the floor the night before over her head.

To her surprise, the only person in the kitchen was Martha. Before she could dart back to her bedroom to get properly dressed, the woman looked up from sweeping the floor, her gaze taking in Sarah’s unbraided hair, loose dress and bare feet.

“Good morning, Martha. I didn’t realize you were back.” Reminding herself that Nate had told her this was her home, or might be if she and Jackson decided to take Nate up on his offer, Sarah held her head high. “Have you seen Jackson or Nate this morning?”

“Jackson’s already left for the fields, and Nate said he was restless, so he had the boys hook up a carriage and has driven into town.” Martha gestured for her to sit at the table then slid a plate of fried potatoes, bacon, sausage and eggs from the oven.

Sarah toyed with her food, cutting the sausage into pieces and moving the eggs around on the plate.

Martha slanted her a glance she couldn’t read. “Are you going to eat that sausage, or just play with it for the rest of the mornin’?”

What had happened between them last night was no one’s business but their own. But she had so many questions. She wanted a woman’s point of view, but that would be impossible. With a sigh, she set her fork down on her plate. “I guess I’m not hungry.”

“That can portend a great deal.” Her gaze fell to Sarah’s flat stomach. “Shall I be offering Jackson my congratulations next time I see him?” Martha’s expression hardened. “Or Nate?”

“I beg your pardon?” She flattened her hand over her belly. The idea that she could be carrying either man’s child caused the blood to flood her face. Yet if she did get with child, she’d love it no matter its father, and she knew with absolute certainty both men would love the babe as well.