Tasting Never (16 page)

“
I
didn't,” he promises me.

“
Liar.”

“
Never,
if I had, I would tell you.”

“
You're
the kind of guy that lies, that cheats, that – ” Ty
takes my chin in his hand and forces me to look at him. I try to
jerk my gaze away, but he won't let me.

“
Maybe.
And you're the kind of girl that loves and leaves, that breaks
hearts without even knowing that you're doing it. If you want, we
could be good friends, Never.”

“
I've
been nothing but honest with you,” I tell him. “Can you
do the same with me?”

“
I'm
willing to try,” he says, and when I open my mouth to protest,
he releases me and steps back. “That's the best I can do. I'm
sorry you feel betrayed by me, Never, I really do, but I never
intended for that to happen. Just tell me what you want from me, and
I'll do my best to respect that.”

“
Ty,
I have one chance left. If I give it to you, will you make sure that
I don't regret it?”

“
Of
course,” he says, but I don't think he gets it.

“
I'm
drowning in lies, McCabe. One more and I will sink. Do you
understand me?” Ty and I stare at one another for a long time.
After a few moments, I sit back down on the swing. Ty moves around
behind me and wraps his hands around mine, curling our fingers around
the chains.

“
Okay,
Never,” Ty says. “Give me your chance, and I'll give you
mine.” I look up at him, crane my neck up so that I'm leaning
back on the swing. When Ty starts to push me, I don't protest.

“
So
am I allowed back to come back to the group?” Ty chuckles.

“
Vanessa
begged me to bring you next week. She says that you remind her of
herself.” I smile because that woman is strong, like a pillar.
I'd like to be that way someday, too. “So no sex for six
months?” I ask and Ty grins.

“
No
sex for six months.”

“
Should
I get you tissues and lotion for Christmas?”

“
Nah,”
Ty says. “I can't wait that long for it. I'll get them
myself. What about you? Do you want a vibrator for Christmas?”

“
I
have three.” Ty pauses and his dimples appear, deep and round
in his perfect face.

“
I
knew it,” he says and a chuckle escapes my throat. Ty pushes
me harder and I rise into the sky, feet pointed towards the stars.

“
Ty,”
I say because I think this is important. Whether Ty believes he did
something wrong or not, I was angry with him, so I have to do this.
“I forgive you.” Ty stops the swing by wrapping his arms
around my waist and pressing his face into my hair. I get chills
down my spine and the mood at our dark, little playground goes from
angry to happy to sad.

“
Thank
you, Never,” he says and he sounds genuine. “I forgive
you, too.” I smile and tilt my face back. Ty presses a soft
kiss to my lips. We don't linger and we don't use tongue, but
there's intent there and a promise to try. At this point, what else
can I ask for?

24

Ty
takes me up to his apartment. It's the first time I've ever been,
and I'm impressed. It's a one bedroom, one bath, with a good sized
living room and a small, galley kitchen. Ty says the girl he picked
up trashed it when he asked her to leave (not that I blame her), but
it looks perfect to me.

There's
a big, red couch with a pair of black pillows, a coffee table in the
shape of an eight ball, and pictures on every wall, framed photos of
vintage cars.

“
My
mom took those,” Ty says, but he doesn't elaborate, and I don't
ask, just follow him into his kitchen where he opens a stainless
steel refrigerator and grabs a couple of beers. He opens mine for me
and passes it over with a smile. I'm scoping out the kitchen now,
touching bowls full of fruit and a stack of folded wash rags. Not
bad for a young bachelor. “I know how to take care of myself,”
Ty says as he notices me looking. I point at an electric stand mixer
and he grins. “I said take care of, not pamper,” he
tells me with a wink. “I won that at my work's Christmas party
last year. If you want it, you can have it.” I give him a
look that says,
I don't know shit about cooking,
and take a
swig of my beer. It's malty and smells like roasted caramel. I love
it, but then, I'm not exactly a connoisseur of alcoholic beverages.
I almost wish that I was, that I used alcohol instead of sex to make
my problems go away. Seems like that would be less complicated than
this.

Ty
motions me to follow after him, past a small wooden table with a pair
of chairs, and into the bedroom where his twin bed sits against the
wall, rumpled and disheveled. There's a squat dresser against the
wall opposite and a flat screen TV sitting on top of it. Ty has
these big, black curtains over his windows that block out all the
moonlight, but that I guess come in quite handy in the morning.

I
want to ask Ty if he ever did business in here, if ever accepted
money in exchange for false love, if this room is tainted. I keep my
thoughts to myself, convinced that this is not the time or place for
that. It doesn't matter anyway. What's done is done, and there's no
taking it back. I push my trepidation and fear aside and look down
at the bed.

“
It's
clean,” Ty tells me as reaches down and straightens the
comforter, the pillows. “I don't bring people into my
bedroom.” I raise my eyebrows and down half of my beer in one
swig.

“
What
do you do with them?” Ty shrugs, but I don't press him for
answers because I don't want to know. I decide that at the very
least, I can sit in here without imagining Ty's cock sliding in and
out of another woman. The thought makes me physically ill.
I am
fucking jealous,
I realize which is ten shades of stupid because
Ty and I are not a fucking couple. I don't want to be a fucking
couple. I do not want a fucking boyfriend.

“
Are
you hungry?” he asks me. “There's a spicy curry stand
that delivers from down the street, if you're into that kind of
shit.”

“
I
love that kind of shit,” I tell him as he pulls out his phone.
There's this weird moment in time where everything seems to slow as
it drops down to the carpet in front of my feet. I bend down and
pick it up out of habit, noticing too late that Ty is reaching out to
stop me. The background on his phone is a photo of someone very,
very familiar. “Ty?” I ask as I stare at hazel eyes
flecked with green and ebony hair with one, angry, rebellious red
streak. “I'm wearing the red dress I had on when we first
met.”

“
I
thought you were beautiful,” he tells me with a smile. I hand
him back the phone and he looks at the picture. I don't know when he
managed to take it; I never saw him do it in those few, strange
moments we shared in the bar. It's a nice picture, but it's a little
weird. I shift uncomfortably. “I've taken a lot of pictures
over the years.”

“
I
don't care.”

“
Lots
of women have graced this screen.”

“
Men,
too?” I ask sarcastically. I didn't mean to. The little
monster inside of me is still there, still making me do things I
don't want to do. I apologize immediately, keeping my eyes on the
poster that lines Ty's door. It's a pinup girl by Gil Elvgren.
She's got a hammer in one hand and her thumb in her mouth, face
twisted all innocent like, at odds with her sexy thigh highs and
pointed bra. For just a split second, I wish I was as glamorous as
her, and then it fades away and I'm happy to be a modern woman who
can rock jeans and a T-shirt the day after she rocks a cocktail
dress. I like having choices.

“
I'm
not gay,” Ty tells me with a shrug. He sips his beer and grabs
a cigarette out of a box on his dresser. It's not a Marlboro this
time but a Djarum Black with cloves. They're banned in the US and I
wonder where Ty got them from. I won't smoke them, but they smell
good. Still, seeing that little, black cigarette in his mouth makes
me want to quit. I don't know why; it just does.

“
I
never said that,” I tell him, finishing my beer and standing up
so that we're facing one another. “I'm sorry.”

“
Men
pay better than woman, and it's easier to get clients.”

“
You
don't have to explain yourself to me,” I tell him as I turn
around and walk into his kitchen like I own the place. I don't know
how else to act. Ty and are not close, not really; we don't even
really know each other yet I feel like I've
always
known him,
like he's a part of me, my other half or something. I wonder, if he
could read my mind, would he ask to me to leave like he did with the
last girl? Would he stop coming around? Would I scare him away?
It's only now that I'm even admitting these thoughts to myself.
They're scary as fuck, and I don't know what to do with them. I
don't know why I feel like this, and I don't like it. I wish I'd
never met Ty McCabe.

I
put my beer on the counter and open the fridge. Ty stops me with a
hand on my arm.

“
I
don't have to explain myself, but I want to. I wish you were
interested in hearing what I have to say.”

“
How
do you know that I'm not?” Ty releases me and some of the
anger goes out of his face. I make an effort not to slam the fridge
and set the two beers on the counter before I turn to face him. He
moves up next to me and pops both tops with a bottle opener he gets
from inside a drawer. “You were saying something about curry?”
I continue.

“
Tell
me about Noah Scott,” he says as he dials a number on his
phone. I sigh.

“
To
tell you about Noah, I have to tell you about everything.”

“
So
do it,” Ty says. “Tell me.” He pauses. “Spicy
curry or mild curry? Those are your only choices.”

“
No
choice of meat?” I ask.

“
I
don't know what it is, and I don't want to know,” Ty says as I
hear a voice on the other end of the line. “It tastes good,
and I'm not willing to risk never being able to eat it again.”

“
Spicy,”
I say and Ty grins.

“
How
did I know?” I tug on his nose ring, wondering how much it
hurt, wondering why he thought it would be attractive to have a
piercing in between his nostrils. It's quirky, I must admit, and it
does suit the whole bad boy look he's got going on. “Two spicy
curries,” he tells the man on the other end of the line.
“Yeah, yeah, this is Ty.” Ty puts his hand over his
mouth to block his voice from the receiver. “He's surprised
because I only ever order one.”

“
You
never ordered in for your girlfriends?” Ty hangs up without
another word, and I think it's funny that he's on a first name basis
with the curry stand.

“
I
never had girlfriends, Never,” Ty says as he grabs my hand and
pulls it away from his ring. He presses a kiss to my fingertips that
only confuses me and pisses me off. I tug my arm back and cradle my
fingers against my chest. “There were clients and there were
fucks. There's not much more to it than that.”

“
I
was in love once,” I tell him. Ty's face falls.

“
I've
never been in love.”

We
stand in silence until the curry arrives at the door. If someone
were to spy on us through the window, they might think we were nuts,
but it works for us. It works for Ty McCabe and Never Ross and
that's just the way things are.

25

“
Start
from the beginning,” Ty says with a Marlboro hanging out of the
corner of his mouth and a box of takeout in his hands. I'm sitting
across from him at this tiny, little bistro set that's so rusty I
can't even tell what it might've looked like before. Ty says it came
with the apartment and that it was this way when he moved in. He
says it was the only thing he didn't throw away when he cleaned. “I
mean the beginning-beginning. Start when you were born.”

“
You
really want to go back that far?” I ask with a sigh. Ty is
right. This curry is
amazing
. It tastes like a hundred
countries and a thousand plants and deserts and bazaars and all sorts
of other strange, wonderful things. He's also right about the meat.
I don't know what it is, and I don't want to know. It better not be
cat. I take a sip of my beer and grab the cigarette from Ty's mouth.
“Fine, but first, I want to know what your chance is. This is
my last one, so if I'm going to trade it for yours, I want to know
what I'm getting.”