Tears Are for Angels (21 page)

    Little darts of fear began to shoot through me. This may be all, I thought, this may be the end of everything for us. But it can't! We've got to get out of it. there's a way to get out of it if I could only think of it.

    I felt the car sway as we turned onto the bigger road.

    "Are you scared?" I whispered.

    "Yes. I've never been really scared before. But I am now."

    "I am too. He's drinking and he's got a crazy look to him. I never figured him for this. I never thought he had the guts."

    She didn't say anything for a long time. We bumped roughly along the road. I figured he must be making about fifty. I could twist my head and see the tops of the tall trees flash by outside.

    "I'm sorry," I heard her whisper, almost inaudibly over the sound of the engine. "I'm sorry it's all ending this way."

    "Maybe we're not done yet."

    "Where is he taking us? What's he going to do with us?"

    "The millpond. Where we were going to take him. Only he's going to throw us in, after he shoots us."

    She didn't answer for a long time. Then:

    "Maybe it's like you said. Maybe it's what we deserve for even thinking about killing him."

    "The way you kept egging me on. I thought you only wanted to kill him. I thought…"

    "I know. I wanted you to think so. I thought you'd back out if I didn't keep pushing you. And I thought you had to kill him to be all right again."

    "And Lucy. You didn't want to get even for her?"

    "Only at first. Then I did. But after that night-I only wanted you and to have you strong again and not going crazy over what she'd done to you."

    "It's no good talking about it now," I said. "It's too late now."

    "I know. But there's one other thing. What you said about me hating men. That was true too, until that night. But… it was different that time. It hadn't been that way before. Not ever. That night I wanted you to have me."

    "I know now. I remember."

    We had been jolting along on the big road, toward the millpond, for some time now. I judged we were halfway there.

    "Listen," I heard her whisper. "Do you remember about Achilles?"

    "This is no time for myths or whatever he was. This is for keeps."

    "I know. But remember? Achilles had one weakness. His heel."

    "Yes. but I can't…"

    "Like Stewart. He has one weakness too."

    Then I knew what she meant, what she had in mind. There was no sound from the front seal and we were moving steadily along the bumpy road.

    "No," I said. "You don't have to do that."

    "I'd do anything, if we could only live, Harry! II we could only be together always."

    "So would I. But there must be some other way besides that."

    She didn't answer. This is what it's all boiled down to, I thought, two people, two humans, tied together like bundles of old clothes, tossing and bumping and hurting, waiting to die, to feel life go out of them, and thinking, thinking, thinking, aching from the thinking, just trying to find a way to stay alive, to keep on breathing.

    And we can't even say it's not our own fault. We can't even say we didn't get ourselves into it. And, God help me, I can't even tell the girl I love, more than I have ever loved anything except maybe life, that I don't want her to use her body on him so we can stay alive. I can't even tell her that.

    Because maybe it is the only way. And I want to live. I never wanted to live so much. And I want her to live.

    The smooth power of the engine mocked us and we moved on through the blackness. We didn't say anything else. There wasn't anything else to say. But I knew she was lying there against me, aching too from the thinking and the fear and the wanting to live.

    I wrenched my body furiously against the ropes that bound us and I heard her gasp in pain.

    "I'm sorry," I whispered.

    "That's all right. It didn't hurt much."

    "Can you move your arms at all?"

    "No. just my legs."

    "The bastard. He's fixed us good, all right."

    And then I felt the car slow, sliding a little on the dirt, and we turned and slowed even more. Branches slapped against the car and the darkness was closer to us. We've turned off, I thought, we're almost to the pond.

    I twisted my head to look out the window. The trees leered at me. Then they were gone and I could see the same old stars and the vast sky and I knew we were on the shore of the pond.

    The car braked to a sudden halt, jerking us hard, so that I rolled a little and her weight crushed down harder on me. I heard an oath from the front seat, startled and frightened. The door on the driver s side slammed, and the silence settled down again.

    "Where are we?"

    "The pond," I whispered. "He must have seen your car."

    It seemed a long time that we lay there unmoving, waiting. Then I heard his slow steps crunching over the sand toward us. Here it comes, I thought, it's coming now. I heard her whisper:

    "Whatever happens, remember I love you."

    The door at my head opened suddenly. The beam of the Hash swept into my upturned eyes and I blinked.

    "It's a small world," he said. The flash had me blinded but I could almost feel that evil grin across his dark, flushed face. "Imagine finding your car out here. Imagine that."

    The flash clicked out. Rough hands went under my shoulders and he began to drag us both from the car. He was breathing hard, he really had to struggle to get the two of us out of there. But he did it. There was another rough, aching jolt against the earth and we lay in the sand at his feet.

    "Now the fun begins," he said. "Right where you had it figured to kill me. Yessir. It sure is a small world."

    This rime he laughed out loud and the echoing lake multiplied it into a hundred voices, mocking and sneering and triumphant.

    

    

    The circulation was almost gone from my arm now and I ached all over from the rough handling and the ropes and the bumpy ride on the hard floor. I could hear her short, quick breathing and I knew it was bad for her too.

    He knelt by us and checked the knot at her back again. Quickly he stood away from us and I caught the gleam of starlight on the barrel of the gun.

    "Get up," he said. "On your feet."

    Again the struggle, the fight to get four feet under us at one time and to push two bodies erect as one. We tell back three times before we made it. I felt the pull of her against me as she swayed on her feet and I quickly leaned against the car, so we would not fall again. We were pulled together like Siamese twins, our backs rigid and our heads forced back.

    He went to the door of the car again and got the bottle. Beyond us I could see the bulk of the Chevrolet, where I had parked it that afternoon. And I had thought I hadn't forgotten anything then. A million years ago.

    To my right, the pond lay waiting in the starlight. She'll go down in there and never come up, I thought. She will go down under the malignant waters and the weeds will cling to her body and the fish will pass over her in incurious motion and there will never be again the joy of her for anyone. And especially not for me, because I will be with her.

    The water was very still, the stumps blacker than ever in the night and the sound of it spilling over the dam clear and unbroken. There's not much time, I thought, there's not much time left.

    He backed away from us, about ten feet, and calmly sat down on the sand. He lifted the bottle and took another drink. Let him keep on, I thought. Let him get stone blind and see if I care.

    "Now let's talk," he said, his voice a little excited, a little keyed up, but the gun still rocklike in his hand. "Let's talk about you two."

    The whisky. It's making his tongue loose. He wants to brag a little, hold it over us a little. And I'm glad. Because that gives us another minute or two to live.

    I could feel her body hard against me and I looked down at her and her eyes were already on my face and I was very proud of her. She didn't show the fear that must have been in her and I remembered again the night I had torn her clothes from her and she had disdained to run, but had fought back.

    This is a woman. I thought, this is all a woman can be.

    His voice-sneered at us again:

    "That car you brought out here-I could drive it away. But it would be found and that would get them to wondering what had happened to you two."

    "Damn right," I said. "You'll never get away with it."

    "Maybe not. But I think so. Even if I did it like that, just drove it away, I don't think they could hang it on me. But I have a better idea now. The car being out here gave it to me."

    "Look," I said, "for the last time. Just let us go and you'll never have to worry about us again. You don't have to do this."

    "Shut up. I'm not going to worry over this thing any more. One hour in bed with a woman isn't worth it. That's all I got-less than that-and it's been keeping me awake nights for two years, worrying about you. I'm through with all that. Especially now I know you were planning to kill me."

    "All right. Be a fool, then."

    He chuckled.

    "Suppose," he said, "I just let them find the car right there where it is now. But they don't find hide or hair of you two. What are they going to think?"

    "You tell me. You're doing the talking."

    "They'll think you went swimming out here. They'll think maybe this way: Here the two of 'em are. having a swim, only the girl hits her head on something and sinks. Harry dives in to get her out. He gets tangled in the weeds. And they both drown. It's happened before."

    I said nothing. I could feel cold fingers around my heart. I heard Jean's breath catch.

    "That's better," he said. "Much better than what I had in mind. No gunshots. And then, if they ever do find your bodies, no trying to find out who did it. They'll figure it was an accident."

    I still didn't say anything. The cold horror of it was beginning to be almost a tangible thing in me, a hard lump in my belly.

    "But I'll need a little co-operation. From both of you."

    "I'll be damned if you'll get it. If you think-"

    "Shut up," he said. "I can still do it the other way, just shoot you and toss you in with a couple of rocks tied on your feet and drive the car off and ditch it. They won't connect me with it."

    "Then do it that way."

    "All right. The girl gets it first. In the belly. I'll let you watch her for a little while after I do that, and then maybe I'll work on her face a little bit. With this."

    There was a sharp click and the smooth gleam of a switch-blade knife appeared in his hand.

    I was sweating freely now. His last words had almost made me sick. I looked at Jean again. She still showed no fear, but even in the night her face was pasty white.

    He's crazy, I thought, he's gone right off his rocker. He'd do it. He'd do what he said with that knife.

    We had pushed him too far.

    "All right," I said. "What do you want us to do?"

    He laughed.

    "Now that's better. Now you're using your head." He took another pull at the bottle.

    "First I'll get her to tie you up, good and tight."

    Then he'll have to untie us first, I thought. Maybe we'll have a chance to…

    "Then I'll hit her over the head. That'll get her out of the way while I hold your head underwater until you drown. Then I hold her head under too and toss you both in."

    "My God!" I said. "You're crazy, man!"

    He came to his feet in one smooth, even motion and I saw his lips pull back in a snarl.

    "Just be quiet," he said. "Just keep your goddamn mouth shut or you'll get it right now, right where you said you'd give it to me that time."

    I knew he meant it, and I remembered he was going to untie us if he went through with the drowning scheme, and I shut up. I didn't even move until I saw him begin to relax.

    "All right," he said. "It's either that way or a slug in her belly. Which way?"

    "Anything you say. You hold all the cards."

    "Damn right. Once I sink the two of you in that lake I won't have anything else to worry about."

    "How about the weeds? You'll have to take us down there"-I shuddered-"and tangle us up, so we'll stay. Maybe they'll get you too."

    "Not with this." Again the swift gleam of the knife. "Not me. I can't lose tonight."

    You lost a long time ago, I thought. And so did I. And so did she. We all lost. None of us ever had a chance after the night you went to Lucy.

    "All right," he said. "I'm going to untie you. But remember. I've got the gun and I won't mind shooting it. Not a bit."

    "We'll remember."

    He came up behind her and I saw the gleam of the knife and felt the rope give as he cut it. In a minute, we were out of it. She slumped wearily away from me, and I let my shoulders relax and stood there flexing my fingers, trying to get the circulation back into them. Needles of fire flared up my arm.

    "Now," he said. "I'm sorry I can't furnish bathing suits. I guess you'll have to take your clothes off to make it look right. Both of you."

    We looked at each other dumbly.

    "Don't worry," he sneered. "You got a lot more to worry about than your modesty."

    No, I thought, modesty doesn't mean anything now. Nothing does, but staying alive, even just for one minute.