Tears on My Pillow (10 page)

December 31
st
2013

New Year’s Day

Qia

     Qiana, Qimora, and I finish our routine to Single ladies and we all slap each other hi five. We loved this video when it first came out. We practiced that damn routine hour after hour after hour until we got it down pact. I go over to the bar and grab a Peach Margarita by Mike’s Hard Lemonade. I see Chan on the couch so I go over and sit down next to him.
“How is everything going?”

     “I’m having a great time. Love the routine.”
He says smiling broadly.

     “Shut up Chan.”
I slap him on the leg and take a sip of my drink.
“Where is Azia? Did she go home?”
I ask scanning the room.

     “Ahhh…no….oh yeah she went to the bathroom. I think.”
Chandler answers while scratching his head and sounding very unsure.

     “Well, it’s just about time to count down for the New Year and I don’t see Jakari either. Come on lets go find them so we can bring this year in right.”
I smile and take another swig of my Margarita before standing up.

     Chandler stands up and waves his arm in front of him playfully bowing slightly indicating that he wants me to go ahead of him. I shake my head and smile at his crazy behind. We walk through the dining room and don’t see Jakari or Azia. Chandler taps me on the shoulder to get my attention over the music and says
“I’m going to go and check the bathroom.”
I shake my head up and down letting him know I heard him and I enter the kitchen and look around. I don’t find my husband but I do find a full blown mess. I feel a little anxiety because I can’t stand looking at it. I begin picking up napkins and tossing them in the trash and throwing out empty and half empty cups that people just sat down and left. I close up some of the stainless steel chafers when I remember that I need to be with my husband at the start of the year and not with a bunch of dirty dishes. Jakari and I have never missed bringing in the New Year together since we have been an item. I fight my impulse to keep cleaning and head out into the main hallway. I am a strong believer in the way you bring in the New Year is indicative of how the remainder of the year will go.
“I know exactly where Jakari is”
I say to myself out loud. 

     I see Chan coming towards me as I enter the hallway leading to my bedroom.
“She wasn’t in there”
I ask as we stop and stand side by side.

     “No. I am going to go look out front. Maybe she stepped out to get some air.”

     I nod and continue walking to my bedroom while Chandler heads in the opposite direction to check outside for his girlfriend.
“Qia”
I hear Qimora call from behind me. I turn around to face her.

     “Yeah”
I yell down the hall.

     “What are you doing? The countdown will be happening in three minutes.”

     “I know I am going to get Jakari and we will be right out.”
I say pointing towards my bedroom.
“Set everything up for me please.”

     Qimora gives me the thumbs up and turns around to go back to the living room. I turn around and step into my bedroom. I don’t see Jakari but his phone is on the bed so I automatically know he came in here to go to the bathroom. I turn to go to the bathroom when I hear a woman moaning. I pause to make sure that my ears aren’t deceiving me. I know there ain’t no hoe fucking up in my bathroom. Whoever is in there is about to get thrown out on their ass. Jakari will strangle the nigga that has the nerve to disrespect our house and our bedroom like this. I take the longest strides I can with my short legs and step in the bathroom. I look to my left and I see Jakari leaned up against the shower door with some bitch riding the hell out of his dick. He is holding her waist like he is trying to help her ride him. My hands fly up to my mouth just as Jakari says
“I don’t have on a condom. Stop I am about to bust.”

     “Ummm daddy give it to me. I have missed feeling this boa constrictor inside my walls. Cum with me daddy.”

     “Oh shit….ummmm….” Jakari says as he looks up into my face. It took him a second to process the fact that I was standing there watching him fuck this bitch.
“Qia! This isn’t what it looks like!”
He rips the girl arms from around his neck as she continued to ride him.
“Azia fucking stop! Got damn it!”

     He shoves her so hard she flies off of him and onto the floor. She says
“Jakari what the hell is your problem?”
She stands up and follows his gaze which causes her to turn around and look me dead in my face.

     The tears are already rolling down my cheeks and dripping from my chin. The scene in front of me has become a blur. Chandler’s girlfriend was in my bathroom screwing my husband. There is a glass vase of potpourri on the bathroom counter and before I know it I pick it up and hurl it at Jakari. It wisps past Azia’s head and smashes against the glass shower door next to Jakari’s head and shatters into what looks like a million pieces. I could only imagine that if I could see my heart right now it looks just like that vase. I turn around to run away from this scene and bump right into Chandler. I can hear the faint sounds of our party guest screaming Happy New Year as I look up into Chandler’s face and I can see the anger and betrayal he is feeling all over his expression.

     I quickly step around him and exit my bedroom. I can’t see anything but pain right now. I don’t know where I am going but I have to get the hell out of here. I head straight for the front door. I grab my keys off of the small table by the door and slip on my heels. I open the door and sprint towards my car. I slip a little because the temperature has dropped and the water from the snow melting earlier has turned to ice. I catch my balance and slow down just a little because I don’t want to bust my ass. I am almost at the car when I lose my balance again and start to fall when I feel some strong familiar hands grab me from behind.
“Qia be careful. I don’t need you getting hurt.”
Chandler says as he helps me to steady myself.

     I turn and look up into his face and the pain just flows out of me. I hug him and lean into his stomach as I let my emotions get the best of me. He holds me tightly rubbing my back
“Everything is going to be okay. Please don’t cry. It breaks my heart when you cry.”
I look up into his face and know that he is telling the truth. How can he be so worried about me when his girlfriend is part of this bullshit as well.

“Chan I need to get away from here.”
I plead to him with my eyes.

“Come on let’s take my car.”

January 1
st
2014

Wednesday

Jakari

     I am standing in my bathroom with my dick limp and wet from Azia’s juices in disbelief as to what just happened. The look on my wife’s face is like a knife stabbing me in my heart. I look at Azia who is standing there with this smug look on her face like this is what she wanted to happen. She is fixing her dress as I stand there and notice that not only did my wife witness this bullshit but so did my brother. Qia turns to walk away before I can really even get myself together and runs smack into Chandler. Qia leans into him for a brief second and I can hear her sobbing. My brother wraps his arms around her and looks at me like I am the scum of the earth. Qia snatches out of his embrace and walks out the bathroom. Chandler seems like he can’t move. His glare goes from me to Azia and then back to me a few times before he starts shaking his head.

     “Chan, bro, let me explain.”
I say as I am fixing my clothes.

     He looks me up and down
“I don’t need an explanation. I took sex education so I can identify fucking with no problem.”
He looks at Azia and smiles
“Thank you for showing me what a hoe you are before I invested any more of my time or made the ultimate idiotic move of asking you to marry me. I just want one thing in return.”

     “Chandler I am not no fucking hoe! You ain’t getting shit from me. As you can see your brother is who I really want so go ahead with that whack shit.”

     Chandler leans his head back and laughs
“Oh okay so you and my brother have been fucking for a while huh? The whole display in the living room was all bull because you two are very well acquainted. I got it now. You gave me the answer to the question before I even had a chance to ask it. Good luck.”
Chandler turns and walks out.

     “Azia why did you fucking do that?”
I scream at her.
“Get out! I need you to get the fuck out now.”
She turns to me and tries to speak.
“If you don’t get out right the fuck now I will have the boys in blue to come escort your trifling ass out.”

     “Jakari I rode with Chandler. I don’t have a way back to the dorm.”
She says walking towards me.

     I storm past her and walk into my bedroom and call a cab for this bitch. I hang up the phone
“The cab should be here within thirty minutes. You are welcome to wait out front.”

     “Why are you so mad at me? You started ignoring me so I did what I had to do to get some time with you Jakari!”

    “You’re immature. You tried to fuck me raw in the hopes that you would get pregnant so you could hold that over my head and in the process you have ruined my marriage. Please just leave because I want to snap your freaking neck right now.”
I point to the door and wait for her to leave.

     “Jakari please talk to me.”
She says in desperation. I remain quiet still pointing to the exit. After a couple more failed attempts to redeem herself she walks out the door. I stand there for a few minutes trying to gather my thoughts.

     I knew I shouldn’t have fucked with her. Something told me she was going to cause more problems than could be solved with a good screw. Damn! I can’t believe I let myself get caught up like this. What a way to bring in the fucking New Year. I can faintly hear the party still going on in the living room and realize I have to go out there and get these people out my house so I can get my wife to come home so we can talk. I don’t know if I am ever going to be able to smooth this shit over. This is just total disrespect. God I don’t know why I gave in to Azia’s ass. Her pussy is good but no pussy has ever been sweet enough, wet enough, tight enough, or deep enough for me to sacrifice my Qia for it. I lean my head back and cover my eyes with my hands trying to figure out my next move.

    “Jakari”
I hear Qimora say.

    “Hey Qimora. What’s up?”

     “Where’s Qia? You guys missed the ball dropping.”
She asks looking around the room and then pointing to the bathroom.
“Is she in the bathroom?”

     “Ahhh….no….she went to help Chandler with something. She said she will call you when she gets back.”

     “What could he possibly need help with on New Year’s? I tell you those two will do anything for each other.”

     I force a smile
“They sure will. I am gonna walk up front with you so I can clear the house out. It’s late and I’m tired.”

     We walk into the living room and I thank everyone for coming and walk everyone out. I see that Qia’s car is still in the driveway and wonder where she is. I close the door after the last guest leaves and go to her office but she isn’t in there. I check the other three bedrooms praying with all my brain power that she is in one of them but she isn’t. Where the fuck could she be without her car? I have never, not known where Qia is and what she is doing and who she is doing it with. The thought of not knowing is slowly killing me. I know Chan is heated with me right now but I have to call him and see if he knows where she is. I go back to the front door and look outside to see if I see his car because maybe then he went for a walk around the neighborhood with her or something but his car is gone. I dial his number as I am closing the front door. Just as I figured, he is ignoring my call. I sigh as I walk back into my bedroom and dial Qia’s number. I know she isn’t going to answer but I figure I can leave her a message. I am trying to put together the message I am going to leave on her voicemail when I hear her phone ringing. I look to my right and see her phone lighting up on the dresser. I end the call and throw my phone across the room. It strikes the wall and falls onto the gray carpet.

January 3
rd
2014

Friday

Chandler

     I still can’t believe what happened at the party. I mean I know my brother can be a hoe but he has never slept with a girl that I was messing with, not that I know of at least. Honestly though I am not upset because I knew Azia wasn’t what I really wanted but I was willing to settle because I am tired of being alone. I want what Qia thought she had with my brother. I want what my brother just fucked up with Qia. She loves him. She would do anything for him and she had grown to trust him with every fiber of her being. Azia called me trying to apologize but I cut her line of shit short because I know she don’t mean it. She knew who I was the whole time and then had the nerve to act like she didn’t know Jay when I introduced them. That’s some bitch shit right there. At some point I will talk to my brother and find out why he didn’t just tell me right then and there that he was banging her but for right now I am ignoring his many calls.

     He deserves to sit by himself and think about what his side chick habit has gotten him into and maybe have cost him the ultimate price, Qia. I have covered for him for so many years that I feel I owe it to Qia to cover for her now. She has been staying with me for the past few days. That is another reason why I haven’t answered Jakari’s calls because I don’t’ want to tip him off to the fact that Qia is with me. When she is ready to go home she will let me know.
“Good morning”
Qia says as she steps into the living room. She looks absolutely beautiful with her hair all disheveled and wearing my black and white Welch College T shirt with some white b ball shorts.

     “Good morning Qia. How’d you sleep last night?”
I ask as I turn down the volume on the television that I wasn’t listening to anyway.

     “I was sleeping great until I woke up and noticed that you had left me. Why did you sleep in your guest bedroom?”

     Qia and I use to share a bed many a nights when we were teenagers but last night I lay there and I couldn’t keep my body from reacting to her. I lay there looking at her sleeping so peacefully and wish that I could reach over and kiss her sweet lips and slide my pipe between her warm thighs but know that I can’t. I honestly couldn’t trust myself. My dick got so hard that I tried to justify my desires for her by saying that she deserved better than my brother and that this would be pay back for him fucking a skank in Qia’s bathroom. It took every ounce of strength and grown man I possessed to get up and leave out without making a move on Qia but I did it.
“Ah, I just wanted to make sure that I didn’t disturb you. I was tossing and turning a lot and you were sleeping so peacefully that I moved into the guess room.”

     “Thank you for the clothes and toothbrush. I really appreciate it.”
She smiles a sweet innocent smile and looks down in her lap at her hands causing her hair to fall forward and cover her beautiful face.

     “Oh no thanks needed. I figured you were tired of walking around in my ragged T shirts and basketball shorts.”
I really went and bought her some things from Macy’s last night because I couldn’t take too much more of her walking around in my clothes. It turned me on to think about my shorts touching parts of her I only dream about being that close to. I figured if I got her some regular clothes it would help me deal with whatever is going on in my head when it concerns her. I was happy but at the same time concerned when she took a shower but still put on some of my clothes last night. I was like damn I don’t know how much longer I am going to be able to hold my composure but I made it through another night. Hopefully she will put on the clothes today.

     “No I like wearing your stuff. I always have. It makes me feel safe.”
She lifts her head and runs her left hand through her hair pulling it back away from her face. I can see the tears running down her face and my heart breaks because I know she is broken right now.

     “Do you know when you are going to at least talk to Jay and let him know you are alright? I mean even if you don’t go back home you need to let him know you are safe.”

     “I don’t know Chan. Why do you even care?! He slept with your girlfriend!”
Qia asks through her tears.

     “My ex-girlfriend.”
I correct her. No sooner than I finish my sentence the doorbell rings. Qia’s eyes get big. I go to the door and look through the peep hole. I turn to Qia and mouth “It’s Jakari.” She shakes her head no indicating that she doesn’t want to speak with him. I motion for her to go in my room. She quickly gets up and goes into my room and closes the door. I scan the living room before opening the door hoping there is nothing laying around that will indicate that Qia is here or has even been here. I don’t see anything so I open the door.

     I just stand there looking at my brother. One small part of me feels bad for him because I know he really loves Qia but he is just used to having shit on the side and the larger part of me feels like this is what the fuck he gets. You can’t see what you have in Qia? You can’t see that there is no-one out there who could ever compare to her?
“What Jakari? I am sure that you can tell I have nothing to say since I haven’t answered any of your calls.”

     “Chan, can I come in please?”
I stare at him for a minute and then move aside so that he can walk in.
“Thank you”
he says as he walks past me. He heads over to the couch and sits down on my black leather furniture. He is sitting there cracking his knuckles like he always does when he is nervous or deep in thought and I am willing to bet he is experiencing both of those right now.
“I haven’t seen or heard from Qia since the incident.”
He looks at me like he is expecting by some miracle that I will be able to take him out of his misery.

     “Well what were you expecting after this so called incident? I mean let’s be real clear you were fucking my girlfriend in your wife’s master bath. I would say that is pretty major wouldn’t you?”
I sit down in the curved leather chair that Qia was just sitting in.

     “Yo, I know it was fucked up but I didn’t plan for that to happen. I told that bitch no and she kept going.”

     “Oh so you were raped?”
I ask arching one eye brow.

     Jakari sighs loudly.
“This is why I didn’t want to say anything to you when I saw who you brought to the party because I knew you would act fucked up.

     “Oh so now it’s my fault that you weren’t honest?”

     “Look Chan I am sincerely sorry. I have been fucking Azia for a few months but I had stopped seeing her over the past couple of weeks. I know you probably won’t believe me but I am trying to turn over a new leaf.”
  He looks over at me and I can tell that he is being sincere but hell it may just be too little too late.

     “When did you flip that leaf over? Before you slid into Azia’s pussy or after?”
I lean forward in the chair and run my tongue over my top teeth.

     “Before that is why she came to the party because she said she wanted to talk to me because I wouldn’t communicate with her any other way.”

     “It would be sort of hard to communicate the way you two were communicating if you were trying to do that over the phone I would think.”

     “I know you’re pissed Chan and you have every right to be but I am worried about Qia. Do you know where she is?”

     I lean back in my chair and look him dead in his worried eyes.
“No I don’t know where she is and even if I did I wouldn’t tell you. Oh and thank you so much for your permission allowing me to be pissed. I appreciate it.”

     “Damn Chandler! I know you know something. She is your best friend. She wouldn’t go days without calling you.”
He looks so pitiful but I really don’t give a fuck.

     “I’ll tell you this. I have talked to her but I don’t know where she is. I can confirm that she is safe though.”

     “Thank you, Bro. Can you please tell her that I love her? I’ve tried calling her but she left her cell at home. Do you have the number she called you from?”

     “Jakari, when she is ready she will contact you. I am done being in the middle of your shit. I told you that weeks ago.”
He stands up and fixes his T shirt before walking over to the door.

     “I hope you can forgive me Chan.”
He reaches out to shake my hand. I shake his hand and pull him in for a hug. He is my brother and I love him; ain’t no bitch going to come in between that. I open the door and watch as Jakari walks out and down the driveway.

     After I close and lock the door, Qia comes out of the bedroom. Her eyes are red and there are fresh tears on her face. She sits back down in the chair and I sit on edge of the couch closest to her.
“Did you know that he was cheating on me?”

     My heart sinks into my stomach. I hate being in this position. I don’t want to lie to her anymore but I also don’t feel like she should hear from me that her husband has been cheating on her since day one.
“I honestly didn’t know he was cheating with Azia otherwise I would not have been dating her.”

     “So then you knew about the others? You knew about Anjela?”

     I get up and go into the kitchen and grab a paper towel and hand it to her so she can wipe her tears. I sit back down and hold my head down in shame. This is some fucked up shit. I always knew it would come down to a situation like this. I hate that I feel ashamed about some shit that I had nothing to do with and could in no way control.
“I did know about Anjela but I just didn’t feel like I should be the one to tell you something that major about your husband.”
I reach out and place my hand on her knee.
“I’m really sorry Qia.”

     She places her hand on top of mine.
“It’s not your fault Chan and I certainly don’t blame you. This must be a really awkward situation to be in. I have to admit that I am a little hurt by the fact that you didn’t tell me though. It’s weird, I know the situation and understand your loyalty to your brother, but didn’t you have some loyalty to me? I thought we were better than that.”
Her tears begin to flow harder as she poses her question. I truly feel like shit. I want to hold her. I want to tell her that I am the man she deserves. Hell I want to lay her down in my bed and make love to her for hours on end. I want to stop her pain, but I just don’t know how.

     I close my eyes and say a silent prayer to my heavenly father asking him to give me the answer.
“Qia I am so sorry. I damn near begged Jakari to stop what he was doing because I knew you didn’t deserve this. I also knew that it was going to end in a situation like this if he didn’t, but all I could do was ask. I didn’t want you two to break up. I didn’t want your heart to end up broken and Lord knows if I had….”
I had to catch myself before I said something stupid. I almost admitted to her that if she was mine I would know how to treat her. I pause for a moment and collect my thoughts.
“If I had this to do over I would re-evaluate some things.”

     She stands up and leans down. She lifts my head, using her pointer finger and her middle finger under my chin, so that I am looking up at her. She kisses me softly on my forehead. I close my eyes and relish in the feeling of her warm lips touching me. I feel my nature rising between my legs as I fight the urge to grab her and cover her mouth with mine while lifting her in my arms and carrying her to my room and showing her how much I love her.