Tease (17 page)

He exhaled a great breath, evidently reading my reaction accurately. “I know I sound like a controlling prick.”

“Yeah,” I agreed, hating the wall I felt rising between us. Suddenly I remembered him at the club, informing me that I had had enough to drink right before he yanked me out of there. I shook my head, unwilling to consider any of this right now and ruin whatever tenuous bond that was forming between us. “But it’s a nonissue anyway because I wasn’t planning to go.”

His thumb gently stroked my cheek. “It’s not only your stepbrother, you know. It’s your mother, too. She doesn’t deserve a daughter like you, Em. And I don’t trust her not to hurt you again.”

Okay, so he was bossy and high-handed and sent my feminist hackles sputtering, but he was sweet, too. He gave a damn. He cared. I let him in and he reacted with concern. With more than concern. There was a hint of . . . I don’t know . . . possession in those words. In his expression. Like a part of me belonged to him now. Like we belonged to each other.
God
. And I guess I wanted that. He tempted me on every level. It was beyond appealing to just lose myself in him and let him protect me.

Only it wasn’t that simple. I shook my head slightly as if to jog some sense into myself. She was my mother. Nothing could change that. He couldn’t save me from what I was. He couldn’t save me from everything wrong in my life. But a part of me melted to realize that he wanted to. My hand crept up between us to cup his face. My palm flattened against his cheek, fingers curling inward ever so slightly. I reveled in the scratchy hint of beard coming in.

Suddenly the door to the room opened and Georgia stepped inside. “Oh, sorry,” she mumbled. “I should have texted to make sure you didn’t have company.” She turned away, but not before I glimpsed her ravaged face—and ravaged was putting it mildly. It was splotchy pink and her eyes were puffy and bloodshot.

“Georgia!” I hopped off Shaw and rushed to her side. “What’s wrong? What happened?”

She shook her head, trying to turn away. I took hold of her arms and turned her around gently. She buried her face in her hands and spoke between her fingers. “I don’t want to interrupt—”

“Georgia, tell me what happened,” I insisted.

“It’s Harris.”

“What happened? Is he okay?”

“Oh, he’s great.” She laughed brokenly, the sound wretched and lacking all levity. “It’s over. He ended it. Five years . . . and it’s done. Gone.”

I inhaled sharply. “What? Why?”

“Apparently I’m boring. He said he wants someone more . . . adventurous. Can you believe that? And guess what? He already has her picked out. He’s been seeing a girl in his econ class behind my back.”

“That asshole!” I exploded.

Shaw lightly touched my arm. “I’m going to go.” He pressed a quick kiss to my lips, flicking a sympathetic look at Georgia. “I’ll text you later, Em.”

I nodded, watching him as he slipped from the room. With a snap of my head, I refocused on Georgia.

She sniffed back a wet sob as the door clicked shut. “You and Shaw . . . I guess things are going well.”

“Let’s not talk about me right now, honey.” I smoothed a hand over her back in soothing circles.

“No. Let’s talk about you. I’m so happy that you’ve finally found someone.” She smiled, clearly miserable but determined to shift the focus from her to me. “Guess it’s my turn to be single now.”

I hauled her closer, hugging her taller frame. “Maybe he’s just stressed. Maybe you guys can work it out—”

“He’s seeing someone else, Em.”

I winced. “Yeah. Well. You two have been together for a long time. He’s going to be miserable without you. He’ll come to his senses. Maybe he’ll—”

“Emerson. I appreciate what you’re doing, but it’s done. You didn’t see his face. It’s over.”

I nodded, a lump rising up in my throat. For Georgia. For the quiver of pain I heard in her voice. I hated that she hurt. She didn’t deserve this, but it was happening anyway.

I nodded resolutely. “I know this is the last thing you want to hear . . . but I always knew you were too good for him.” I looked at her anxiously, biting my bottom lip. “Too soon?”

She laughed weakly. “Now you tell me.”

“You’ll see. It’s hard to believe now, but—”

“I’ll be glad it happened? This is all for the best?”

I shook my head. “I’d suck if I said that.” Even if I thought it. Even if I had thought she would be better off without Harris all along, I wouldn’t be that insensitive. “I wasn’t going to say that at all.” I tucked her hair behind her ear. “I was going to say, how do you feel about going out for some pancakes?”

A shaky smile curved her lips. “Chocolate chip pancakes?”

“Are there any other kind?”

UNCORRECTED E-PROOF—NOT FOR SALE

HarperCollins
Publishers

....................................

Chapter 17

A
squirrel? Are you
kidding me?” Georgia rocked on the bed, clutching her bag of Twizzlers to her chest as she laughed. As far as she was concerned Twizzlers went with Chinese food like milk went with cookies, and since she was the girl mourning the loss of a five-year relationship, who was I to argue?

Pepper cuddled with Georgia on her bed while I stretched out on mine, several white cartons from the Golden Palace between us.
Law and Order
played on the television. A safer choice than the romantic comedies that seemed to be on every other channel.

“I kid you not. He was a giant squirrel . . . man.” I waved my hands all around me for emphasis. “And he kept bumping me with his squirrel penis!” I sat up on my knees on my bed and jerked my hips for illustration. “It was more like a body check really.”

Pepper’s eyes bulged. “A squirrel penis? What did that even look like? I mean was it . . . squirrel size?”

I settled back on the bed, shaking my head. “I’m not an authority on squirrel penises, but this one—” I gestured with my hands. “About so big, so I’m gonna go with no.”

Georgia’s laughter turned into gasps. She fell sideways on the bed.

“Are you serious?” Pepper paused, her fingers clutching popcorn midway to her mouth. “All the girl squirrels must have run away screaming when they saw him coming.”

“It took everything in
me
not to run away screaming.”

“Oh, oh! Stop! I can’t breathe,” Georgia wheezed, her laughter slowing to pants.

“And you didn’t want to stay after that?” Pepper teased. “The infamous kink club didn’t live up to your expectations?”

I shrugged. “Not all of it was that absurd. There were some”—I searched for the right word, remembering the sounds drifting from rooms upstairs—“interesting things going on for the more adventurous in spirit.”

Georgia’s grin slipped away.
Damn
. Poor word choice. She’d gone over in more detail all the reasons Harris had given her for breaking up. The fact that she was predictable, unexciting, and all-around boring being his chief points.
Ass hat
. He actually told Georgia that their sex life sucked.

Pepper mouthed at me:
Nice going
.

I shrugged helplessly, feeling wretched.

“Maybe I need to go then,” Georgia said glumly, rolling onto her back and flinging her arm over her forehead. “Maybe I could learn how to not be so boring.”

“You? At a kink club?” Pepper wrinkled her nose.

“See!” Georgia stabbed a finger in her direction. “You think I’m boring, too.”

“No, I don’t,” Pepper denied.

“Georgia,” I said gently. “Why would you want to go? You don’t have anything to prove.”

“Yeah,” Pepper agreed. “Are you actually hoping to get Harris back? You’re better off.”

I nodded. Pepper and I had been doing our best over the weekend to cheer Georgia up. We pulled out all the stops. It was a true girls’ fest replete with takeout, movies, and late-night milkshake runs. Suzanne joined us for some of it, but she had a group project to prepare for, so it was mostly just us three.

“Ugh, I’m going to have to run every day this week.” Georgia tossed her chopsticks into a box.

My phone buzzed on the shelf beside my bed. I reached for it, my heart speeding up, already suspecting who it might be. Okay, hoping.

I hadn’t heard from Shaw since he left, which could mean two things. He got what he wanted and was done with me. Or he wanted to give me time to be with Georgia. Somehow I knew he wasn’t capable of the first. He wasn’t a user. And he sure as hell wasn’t anything less than honest. If he’d been looking for a fling, he would have been up front about it. My gaze landed on the screen.

And I was right. I smiled like an idiot.

Shaw:
I miss you

I was still grinning over his words when he texted again, before I even had a chance to reply and tell him I missed him, too.

Shaw:
How’s Georgia?

Me:
Good

Shaw:
Good enough to be left alone yet? I have this bed that’s too big. It needs you in it.
I need you in it.

“Oh my God, you’re blushing. I think that’s a first. What’s lover boy saying?” Pepper teased in a singsong voice.

My face flamed. “Shut it.”

“I never thought it would happen. You’re in love.” Georgia smiled almost sadly. I knew she was happy for me, but it must be a bitter thing to watch something grow between me and Shaw while her love life crumbled. I couldn’t help feeling a little guilty even though I knew she wouldn’t want me feeling that way.

My thumbs moved over the keys.

Me
:
Can’t tonight.

Shaw:
Understand. You’re a good friend

I smiled, my chest swelling. He understood. He didn’t try to guilt me. He really was unselfish that way. Or he wasn’t nearly as anxious to see me again. Not as anxious as I was anyway. My smile slipped. Ugh. This relationship business really messed with your head.

Shaw:
Let’s go out this week

Me:
Are u asking me out

Shaw:
Assbackwards, but yeah. I am. We’re overdue a real date

Me:
Ok. But I have big test Thur that I need to study for

Considering I hadn’t studied all weekend, I was really going to have to cram over the next few days.

Shaw:
You’re killing me, but I guess I can wait that long. As long as I get to see you. Thur night then?

Me:
Ok

Shaw:
Bring an overnight bag minus pjs. You won’t need those

I set my phone back down on the shelf and curled my legs up to my chest, hugging my knees. Pepper and Georgia both stared at me with funny expressions on their faces.

“What?”

Pepper grinned. “Guess you don’t mind my interference now, do you?”

I rolled my eyes. “Whatever. Don’t sound so smug. It’s not like he’s my boyfriend.” I didn’t know what he was.

“Not yet.” Pepper arched her brows. “Give it one more week and you’ll be saying ‘I love you.’ ”

I snorted and reached for another crab rangoon. “That’s a reach.”

“We’ll see.”

I settled back on the bed and turned my attention to the cop chasing down a bad guy on the screen. I bit into my crab rangoon and resisted the idea that her suggestion could possibly be true. That it wasn’t crazy. Not feeling the way I did.

We made arrangements to
meet at seven at Mulvaney’s. Reece owned the place, but they also had great burgers. From there, who knew what we would do. Or where we would go. Okay. I had a few ideas of what we would do. I’d packed an overnight bag like he’d suggested, so I knew where the night was going to end. Leading up to that point I wasn’t sure.

Friday night felt like a long time ago. All I could think about was being alone with him again. Just the idea sent all my girl parts dancing. I might not know what we were, exactly, to each other. More than friends? More than a passing hookup? But I was glad it was him. I was glad I’d waited all these years. I couldn’t imagine my first time being with anyone else.

I cleaned up my station around four
PM.
I wanted to shower before heading to Mulvaney’s. I’d started a new project this week. I wasn’t sure where I was going with it yet. Right now it was just a lot of blue on the canvas.

“Emerson.” Professor Martinelli came up behind me. “I wanted to talk to you about the showcase.”

I cringed, hoping she wasn’t going to fuss at me for leaving so early last Friday.

“Your work received much praise.”

“Oh.” I flushed, delighted and embarrassed at the same time.

“My friend the gallery owner from Boston was very interested in your work. Especially
A Winter’s Morning
. In fact, she would like to display it in her gallery.”

“Are you serious?” I hopped anxiously in place, feeling like a kid at Christmas.

Professor Martinelli reached inside her pocket and pulled out a small business card. “She would like you to contact her.”

I took the card with shaking fingers. “Thank you. I will.”

She smiled and squeezed my shoulder. “I’m proud of you, Emerson.”

Her words warmed me all over. From the inside out. I wasn’t accustomed to praise. Maybe I was even starved for it. It wasn’t something I ever got from my parents, after all.

“Thank you.”

“Keep it up. You’ll go far, Emerson.” Nodding, she turned away.

I took a step after her. “Professor Martinelli.” She stopped and looked back at me. I moistened my lips. “Would you know anything about airbrushing?” I didn’t even know I was going to ask the question until the words came out.

“Airbrushing?”

“Yes. I was interested in trying a new medium.”

She cocked her head, considering it. “Interesting. Tell you what, you get me a list of the materials you’ll need, and I’ll order everything for you, okay? I’m fascinated to see where you go with this, Emerson.” She scanned me. “You never cease to intrigue me.”

My heart swelled. “Oh, thank you, thank you!”

After she left, I hurriedly finished cleaning my station and left. My boots crunched across the snow-coated sidewalk. The suite was empty and I shot Georgia a text to check on her before jumping into the shower, where I shampooed, lathered, exfoliated, and shaved.

Georgia’s reply was waiting for me when I got back to the room. She’d gone to see a movie with Suzanne. I sighed with relief, glad she wasn’t alone. She seemed to be doing okay, but I knew she wasn’t sleeping well. Even if I didn’t hear her tossing and turning at night, the shadowy smudges under her eyes served as evidence.

I was dressed and ready by four forty-five. I sank down on the edge of my bed, smoothing my hands over the thighs of my skinny jeans. I glanced at the clock. Only one minute had passed since the last time I looked at it. Seven seemed a long way off.

An idea hit me. Grabbing my keys, I decided to get this night started.

I pulled in front
of Shaw’s house at half past five, the heavenly aroma of meat, cheese, and fried goodness wafting to me from the passenger-side floorboard. At five, there was no line at Mulvaney’s. I only had to wait ten minutes for them to prepare my order. I assumed a guy like Shaw could eat his weight in food so I ordered two large sides of Tijuana fries and fried pickles to go along with our burgers.

I eyed his truck, relieved he was here. Only after picking up dinner from Mulvaney’s had it occurred to me that he might not be coming from home before meeting me.

Hefting the warm bag from the floorboard, I exited the car. My boots thudded up the front porch steps. I knocked on the front door and hit my heels into the porch, shaking loose some of the snow so that I didn’t track it into his house. A full minute passed before I knocked again, not wanting to appear overly impatient. Maybe he hadn’t heard my first knock.

Another minute passed and I was starting to feel foolish for coming here unannounced and debating whether to knock for a third time or just skulk away. I could toss the food and show up at seven like we had originally planned.

God, when did I turn into one of
those
girls? The kind who was always second-guessing herself when it came to a guy.

Not that he was
any
guy. Clearly. From the first moment I met him he had been different.
I
had been different.

I’d started to turn away when the door was suddenly pulled open.

“Emerson.”

I turned, my hand shifting slightly to the bottom of the bag and the heat practically singed my fingers, but I didn’t care. It was nothing compared to the heat that swept through me at seeing him standing there damp from the shower, a towel wrapped loosely at his waist.

“Hi.” My voice was strained and breathless. I lifted the bag in my hands. “Change of plans.”

His dark eyes scanned me and the bag, his mouth quirked in that sexy half grin I was coming to love. “We’re eating in?”

“Hope you don’t mind.”

“Are you kidding? A beautiful woman just showed up on my doorstep with food. I might be in love.”

My smile froze on my face. Heat swarmed my body and I knew I must be every shade of red from the neck up.

It was just an expression. A joke. Of course it was a joke, but everything inside me seized with a mixture of fear and hope.

And that’s when I knew I wanted the words to be true.

“C’mon inside.” He waved me in, either unaware of or prepared to ignore how his words had just shattered me. He couldn’t know what they did to me. How badly I wanted them to be real.

I carried the food to the table and began removing cartons with trembling hands. It was embarrassing. We’d already had sex. The ultimate intimacy. Why did I still feel so vulnerable and exposed around him?

Because you just realized you were in love with him and that gives him the ultimate power over you
.
Even if he doesn’t realize it.

I felt him before he spoke. His body radiated heat as he stopped beside me, his chest aligned with my arm. “Hey.” His voice whispered across my cheek. “Why are you shaking?”

I didn’t look at him. If I looked at him he would know. He would see everything I was feeling shining in my eyes. Too bad running away at this point wasn’t an option. I’d come here. I had to stand my ground and hope that I didn’t make a fool of myself.

With slow movements, I removed my scarf, then my coat. Drawing a deep breath, I faced him. But not for long.

“Hey,” I whispered back.

“I missed you.” His thumb dragged down my cheek.

Stretching up on my tiptoes, I kissed him, slowly, tenderly, savoring the smooth firmness of his lips. I savored him and the moment. Our first kiss with the full knowledge that I loved him. Whatever else happened, I could have this.