Teen Angel (21 page)

“You really want to know?”

“Yeah.”
Sex, sex, sex
. Damn that Spanish Fly. Ruben looked so good to her.

“Okay, I work as an usher at the R.K.O. Coliseum on 181st Street three nights a week.”

“That’s all!” Sonny cried. She was sure he did something seedy, something criminal, disgusting, high-paying, exploitative. But he was just one of those guys in the theater that walked around with a flashlight and told people to take their feet off the seats in front of them. What a turn-off.
Goodbye, Spanish Fly
.

“Yeah, I’d like to work more but I can’t because I don’t have working papers. But next month when I turn sixteen, I’ll be able to get them.”

Sonny’s head felt light as a balloon. It seemed to leave her neck and float over the bar. She had to pull the string real hard to get it to sit back on her neck. And then it wanted to float again. She took another sip of her drink.

“I like you too,” Sonny said, moving closer to him. “You know that?”

“I kind of thought so,” Ruben said, putting his arm around her.

Sonny nestled in his arms.
Spanish Fly, here I come
. Somehow she didn’t even feel worried. If she didn’t like it, she could just fly away like the pigeons did whenever a car came down Broadway. Or shit on its windshield. She finished off her second drink and began to laugh.

“What’s so funny?” Ruben asked.

“I just thought that if I was a pigeon, I’d shit on every car in the neighborhood.” She started laughing even harder.

“Why would you do that?”

“Why?” Sonny asked, laughing still harder. “Because. Don’t you love it when you see those grey turds all over the windshield of a car. It’s sort of their revenge.”

“Yeah,” Ruben said, “but I don’t dig it.”

“Hey, look up in the sky,” Sonny said, pointing to the ceiling. “It’s a bird! It’s a plane! It’s Su-No, it’s–uh–” Her voice dropped in disappointment. “It’s a bird.” She wiped imaginary bird shit from her eye. Then she began laughing again.

“Are you getting drunk?” Ruben asked.

“Who me? I wouldn’t dream of it.” She leaned back in her chair, dreamily. “Could I please have one more drink? Pretty please. I’ll be your best friend.”

“Sonny, if you have another drink, I’ll have to carry you home.”

“Wouldn’t that be lovely …” She hugged him.

“Okay, you can have another. But let’s wait a little bit. I haven’t finished my beer.”

“Sure,” Sonny said, kissing his neck and working her way up to his ear. “Look, my ears are clean. My mother says that’s very important. You know, I’ve had a crush on you for over a year. When I first saw you wearing your leather jacket and hanging around with your gang, it was love at first sight.”

“Really?”

Sonny was telling him all her secrets but she didn’t care. Somehow it was right that he know. “Yeah, I dreamed about you
all the time. And I’d walk by your class whenever I could.”

“I used to see you peeking in.”

“I never peeked in,” Sonny said. “I was very careful that you never saw me looking at you.”

“Well, I saw you.” Ruben kissed her on the lips.

Sonny pulled away. “I even made up a name for you when I didn’t know your name. Do you want to know what it was?”

“Sure.”

“L.B. Loverboy. And I wrote L.B. all over my notebook but no one ever knew who that was. Oh, I’ve got such a big mouth. I probably shouldn’t be telling you all this. Guys like it when girls play hard to get and all.”

“Look,” Ruben said. “I like you just the way you are. I can’t stand all those stupid games. Pretending you don’t like someone when you really do. You did that anyway. Remember, in the alleyway?”

“But if you had known,” Sonny said, “you would have thought I was a big creep. Besides, you were going with the Gooch.”

“No, I wasn’t. I never went with her. That’s just what she told everybody. But really, it wasn’t like that.”

The waitress returned and Ruben said, “Another round.”

“Yeah, but you
two fooled around
” Sonny said, trying to find a word that would not reveal how much she knew from D.B.

“That’s all it was, I swear,” Ruben said.

“Yeah, but that’s something. The Gooch really dug you.”

Ruben shook his head. “I didn’t think she was anything but a horny piece of ass.”

“But she liked you,” Sonny insisted. “I know she did.”

“I don’t feel like talking about her. I’m here with you and that’s all that matters.”

The waitress placed the drinks on the table. Ruben paid her and then said, “And that’s something for you.”

He even tipped
. Her father didn’t believe in it. When they went
to the Chinese restaurant, he said the waiters didn’t deserve it. Besides, they were probably illegal aliens. That’s what her father said. One time, this waiter said something to her father as they were about to leave. Then he started screaming, “You’re an illegal alien and if you don’t watch out, I’ll report you.” Well, the waiter said loud enough so everyone could hear, “You’re a prick.” Except he pronounced it “prig.” Her mother had dragged her out of the restaurant so she wouldn’t hear anything else.

“I didn’t mean to bring up the Gooch,” Sonny said. “It’s just that sometimes it doesn’t seem fair. You know, how guys can use girls. Anyway, let’s just forget it.” She took her glass and clicked it with Ruben’s.

“Here’s to the weirdest girl in Humboldt,” he said, “and the one I want to be my girl.”

“Do you mean it?”

“I wouldn’t say it if I didn’t mean it.”

“But what do you mean?” Sonny asked. In other words, was he just saying it or did he want to make it
legal?

“Do you want to go steady?” Ruben gulped his beer down.

Sonny took a deep breath and paused. She took a sip from her drink and then whispered, “Yes.” But it came out slurred.

“What?” Ruben asked. “I can’t hear you.”

“This has been the best night of my whole life. I love you so much,” Sonny blubbered in Ruben’s ear. Then she fell over his lap with a thump.

The bartender looked in his direction. “Hey man, everything okay there? You know, I’m not supposed to serve you kids. Now clear out.”

“Okay, just give me a minute.” Ruben tried to lift Sonny but she didn’t stir.

“Sonny, hey you, funny-looking, come on!” Ruben called to her.

She stretched her arms out and pulled him to her. “Mmmm.”

“Listen, we got to split from here. You know, it’s getting late. I want to take you back home.”

Sonny grabbed for her drink but Ruben took it away from her. “Come on. Now we’re going to stand up.” He lifted her to her feet. “Put on your coat. There, that’s right.” He helped her button up and grabbed his own jacket.

“I gotta go t’ powde’ room.”

Ruben led her to the back of the bar and pushed open the door with a cameo of a woman on it.

“I’ll be all right,” Sonny said, holding on to the wall as the door swung shut. “I just have to … Don’t worry.”

Ruben pushed open the door again. “Sonny, I’ll be waiting right here. Now you just take care of everything you have to.” The door swung shut.

She walked into the door.

“No,” Ruben said, stopping her. “First you have to open the door.” He pushed open the door again and held it until she was inside.

Sonny entered and leaned against the wall. She looked back at Ruben. “You know, Ruben, I had a crush on you for so long. You don’t know how bad it was.”

“I know. But now you go to the bathroom and then we’ll talk.”

“I just want you to know,” Sonny said, still leaning against the wall. If she let go, she knew it would all be over. The wall would fall on her.

“You okay?” Ruben asked.

Sonny hurried back to him and put her arms around his neck. “I just want you to know something. It’s a secret but I’m gonna tell you anyway. I never told anyone else this. You know what?”

“What?” Ruben said, straining to keep the door open and Sonny standing at the same time.

“I’m a virgin. You know that. I haven’t done anything. The furthest I’ve gone is when we frenched. And that was
so
beautiful.”
Sonny began to slip to the floor. Ruben had to let go of the door. It swung shut and he caught it with his foot.

Holding her up with one hand, Ruben kicked open the bathroom door. “You’ll feel much better. Go on in. I’m right here, Sonny.”

“Okay,” Sonny said. “But don’t forget what I told you. It’s real important.” She bounced from wall to wall in the bathroom and the last thing Sonny remembered as the door closed behind her was sinking down to the tile floor and resting her cheek against the toilet bowl. It felt so cool and refreshing.

“Girlie, you can’t sleep in here. Do you hear me, huh?” Sonny felt the tip of a shoe making a hole in her side. “Girlie, I said you have to get up. Your boyfriend or whoever he is is waiting outside for you. Come on, now.” The waitress in the red dress lifted Sonny up by her underarms.

“Leave me alone,” Sonny said as her knees gave way under her.

“You can’t stay here all night so you might as well move your butt out of here!” she yelled, pulling at Sonny.

“Hey, in there, don’t you hurt her. You hear me!” Ruben yelled into the bathroom.

“Then get her out of here!” The waitress yelled back.

Sonny felt a big soggy lump moving up her chest, into her throat. She began to vomit.

“Oh, ick!” the waitress cried. “You get some of your shit on me and I’m going to drop you right into this here bowl.” She left Sonny resting one hand on the toilet paper dispenser for leverage.

“Mister, your girlfriend is making a fucking mess of herself in
there,” she told Ruben as she walked back out through the door. “And I ain’t going to touch her. No thank you.”

“Oh God,” Ruben groaned. He edged the door open with his toe and called in, “Sonny, you all right?”

Sonny continued to retch until the lump was gone. It was everywhere. In her hair. Up her nose. On one cheek. She looked down at her dress. There too. Sonny flushed the toilet and sat on it, cover down. She wanted to kill herself.

“Sonny, I’m still here,” Ruben called, “won’t you come out?”

How could she? She had shot off her big mouth about everything.
Everything. Diarrhea mouth!
She wanted to kill herself.

She had told Ruben about her crush, even her secret name for him. AND SHE HAD TOLD HIM SHE WAS A VIRGIN. Everything. And he was still out there waiting for her. How could she face him?

“I’ll be right out,” she called back to him.

“Listen, it’s after twelve. So hurry up.”

After twelve. Her mother had probably turned into a pumpkin by now and her father had joined the vigil of waiting. And there she was, stinking of booze, vomit, and piss. Sonny made a thick roll out of toilet paper and dipping it under the water faucet, she began to wipe herself. Then she wiped the toilet seat and the puddle she’d left on the floor. The smell was so bad she was afraid she’d start again. She had to face Ruben. Couldn’t she bury herself right here?

As she opened the door, she could see Ruben standing several feet away, smoking a cigarette. Even though her vision was still blurry and the world had slowed down to 33 rpm, she could see his expression. And it wasn’t cool or aloof the way it usually was. He actually looked concerned about her.
How could she have told him everything? Damn Spanish Fly of the mouth
.

“I’m so sorry,” she said, biting her lip. “I was all right and suddenly I got sick and–”

“Don’t worry about it. You’re not used to drinking, that’s all. I
should have known better,” Ruben said, putting his arm around her.

“You really shouldn’t do that,” Sonny said, moving away from him. “I smell like a urinal.”

“Come on.” Ruben pulled her close to him. “Bye, Tony.” He waved to the bartender, who just shook his head like all the news in the world was bad news.

“Oh, fresh air! Thank God!” Sonny said, breathing deeply, even though it was crummy polluted Broadway air.

As they walked to 161st Street, Sonny asked shyly, “Do you remember what we talked about?”

“Sure.”

“No, I mean something specific that we talked about. You know …” Sonny said, her voice trailing off.

“That you’re a virgin?”

“No! Besides you shouldn’t listen to anything I said before because I was crazy. Okay? Do you promise to forget everything I said.”

“Then what are you talking about?” Ruben looked bewildered.

“Didn’t you ask me to go steady?” Sonny blurted out. “Or was that just my imagination?”

“I asked you,” Ruben said defensively. Then, silence.

He didn’t want her anymore. He thought she was a messy blabbermouth who vomited all over herself. She was tall and ugly. He couldn’t wait to dump her at her apartment building and that would be it. She blew it. He would never ever want to have anything to do with a slobbering idiot like Sonny Palovsky. She wanted to cry.

“I was just wondering,” she said because she couldn’t think of anything else to say.

“What?”

“Nothing.”

“Sonny, do you feel any better?” Ruben asked.

“What’s it to you?”

“What do you mean what’s it to me?” He took her in his arms. Right there, on her block. “Aren’t you my girl?”

“Still?” Sonny asked.

“Of course. We go steady.”

“Oh,” Sonny said, dumbfounded. “I thought that, that, after you saw me and … you know, I embarrassed you and all …”

“Forget it. If you knew how many times I’ve done the same thing. At least you didn’t try to drink out of the bowl, I hope. I once did that.”

“Ick,” Sonny said. She could feel the lump rising again. “I’ve got to …” she began and then ran to the curb and retched again. This time she did it at an angle so as not to get any of it on herself.

When she returned to Ruben, he said, “You’re learning, kid. Aim away from yourself. Don’t worry, the dogs will eat it in the morning.”

“Oh, gross.” Sonny made a face. But she felt all right. If he could like her when she was puking and blubbering, maybe he really did like her. For her personality. But she couldn’t believe it.

“What does it mean when you go steady?” she asked, never willing to leave well enough alone. She went for the stars and usually ended up in a heap of shit. “I’ve never gone steady before.”