Tell Me What Is Priceless (Siren Publishing Classic) (7 page)

Silence fell over the room as Zar continued to brush her hair. When he was sure that she was finished, he asked, “Did you make his life better or worse with your presence?”

“I don’t know. I tried to be attentive, but I just couldn’t sit for hours and watch television. I would be thinking about what I wanted to write, and I would get jumpy, and I had to get up. I forced myself away from my writing to be with him, and I resented having to give up what I wanted to be doing. We would go out to eat, and sometimes we were good together. I suppose there were good moments and bad.”

“If he was in that much pain, and you were there to help him, it was probably better than him being alone. I wouldn’t feel guilty. If anything, it was noble and selfless. Those are not bad qualities, but they are also not the easiest ones to live with.”

Zar shifted off the bed and walked around in front of her. “I would have loved to have had a woman to stay by my side when the sheet metal fell on me. Angelica did what she did, and when I came home, I had to rely on a nurse to help me. Feel like doing my hair?”

With a slight nod of her head, Blaze took the brush and got up. Zar put his hand to her face, pushing back her bangs. “There is something very amazing about you. I just can’t put my finger on it. I will, though, as I get to know you. If you will let me.”

“I’m letting you. Now sit down.”

As he turned to sit in the seat, she noticed for the first time the slight hesitation in his movement. The idea of ending up with another man in constant pain scared her. Things with David had been hard, and she didn’t want to relive it. “So tell me why you are so self-conscious about that scar. Did something happen in particular to make you so sensitive?”

“That is a hell of a question, but also an easy one to answer. It marked the end of my last real relationship with a woman. I fell apart, and she couldn’t take it and left me.” Zar blew out an irritated breath. “A little over two years ago, a charity for children ran a contest. It was to find and create a calendar with the sexiest men in big business. One of my workers sent in my name, and I won the spot of Mr. March. I was honored, but not thrilled. I went to the committee in control of the contest and explained that I had a really bad scar across my abdomen and part way down one leg. They explained that my name had already been released in four magazines and a bunch of highly noted newspapers. It was a big event, and over a thousand calendars had already been ordered. They reminded me that it was for charity and assured me that they would airbrush out the scar.” He shrugged, his expression thoughtful. “I had little choice but to agree or feel like a total moron. I’m big on charity and on children’s causes. Probably because I can’t have any.”

It was a blunt statement that surprised Blaze, but she remained silent.

Zar seemed to hesitate and then continued, “Anyway, I showed up for the scheduled shoot and found that they had four different suits that I could wear. They were all speedos or thongs. I swallowed my pride and put one on, telling myself that I was with a bunch of professionals, and it would be no big deal. I was so wrong. No one said anything, but rather looked at me and averted their gaze. The photographer tried to conceal his revulsion, but I could see it in his eyes as he was taking the pictures. The calendar was, as promised, retouched, and I was spared the comments of those who did the retouching. I got dressed and left the studio so deep in depression I actually considered suicide. That is an option that I have thought about on occasion over the years. I am still here, so obviously I want to remain alive.”

“I’m glad to hear it. I like you alive.”

He chuckled. “I have come to hate winter. My hip aches from the cold, and the slight limp I have becomes more pronounced. Riding the Harley doesn’t help, but I’m not giving it up. Just so you know in advance, there will be days when I’m not capable of anything really physical. There are other ways to please, but as far as actual intercourse, well?”

Blaze frowned at the statement. She enjoyed the alternatives, but having a man’s warm, hard dick inside her had no replacement. “I see no point in lying to you. The idea of getting back into another life like the one I had is terrifying. History repeats itself and all that shit. How did we go from a fun afternoon of getting to know each other to questions about eternity?”

Zar stood up, moving the chair and pushing her back onto the bed. He crawled over her and stared down into her eyes. “I don’t know. Are you going to tell me that all you really want is to get laid and leave? If that is what you want, then say so. I don’t want to get into this any deeper. I really like you, and want you, but the more I know about you, the less I want to just have sex with you. You are reaching me in some deep way that I forgot existed. I don’t know about eternity, but I know how I feel around you. You fire me up in every way, and that hasn’t happened in forever. Shit! I don’t want to find out that sex is great with you and then have you blow me off. It would be easier to forget you if I just took you home now and took a cold shower.”

Her forehead furrowed as the stared at him in irritation. She wasn’t sure if she wanted to go home, and he really needed to stop offering to take her there if he wanted her to stay. “You are the most aggravating man I have ever met! That is the third time you have threatened to take me home. I don’t know what I want, Zar. I didn’t even want to go out last night. Nancy broke my balls until I went. I’m not ready for a heavy relationship. I’m sorry, but I don’t want to be with another man who turns into a simpering, needy crab when he is in pain. My body isn’t always the greatest either. I get brutal headaches that make it hard to keep my eyes open. My body aches, and I have trouble getting out of bed some mornings. I don’t become a dependant bitch because of it. I do what I have to do to get through until a better sun.”

“Do I get a chance to prove that I’m not a simpering crab? Winter is a long way off, and I’m usually a good boy during the summer. I promise.”

She let her head fall back onto the bed and sighed. “I don’t want to go home. I want to be with you. I like you. I can’t promise anything besides that I want to try this and see what happens between us. If you are willing to accept that, then great. If not, then get the fuck off me.”

Zar grabbed her, flipping over onto his back and pulling her on top of him. “I’m willing to accept that. This is backward. It’s the man who is not supposed to want to get serious. It’s the woman who is supposed to fall like a rock. What happened here?”

“I don’t know. Are you falling like a rock for me?”

“Yeah, I am.” A smile bloomed on his face. “I hate you, Bell Zeal. I said I would never get serious with a woman again. I’ve kept that promise to myself for years. Now I’m breaking that promise for a woman who only wants a piece of ass.”

Her eyes narrowed in mock irritation. “Don’t call me Bell. I hate that name. I won’t give you a decision until my dogs approve of you. I hope you like wacky dogs.”

“I get to come home and meet the family? How special. Do I have to bring flowers?”

Blaze giggled at his chagrined expression. “No, a steak would be better appreciated. They also like pizza. Do you like dogs?”

“I love dogs and all animals for that matter. What kind of dogs are they?”

“A mutt and a basenji. He is really odd. I call him Mr. Moosey because he is so big for a small dog. I adore my dogs. They are a lot of fun, and they keep me going.” Her fingers trailed lazily over the muscles of his chest. “You feel really good. Am I hurting you?”

“No, you are not that heavy. In your books, a kiss is a promise of their love. Can we make a pact like that? The day you leave me without a kiss, it’s over. Let it be a signal between us. I like the idea of starting each day with a passionate kiss. I also know that I won’t start each day with you, so we will adjust it. I won’t drop you off or walk away for the day without kissing you unless I don’t plan to come back.”

Blaze frowned, her entire body sagging against him. “Why does that idea scare the shit out of me? You said that, and my heart skipped a beat. I don’t want to fall in love with you. Love ruins things, because it fades.”

“It doesn’t have to. I think you hit on something in your books. Love is a combination of friendship and physical passion. The friendship fades if the sex does and vice versa. The goal is to keep it from growing stale by keeping it interesting and new. Anything that becomes complacent and repetitive gets old. I think sex and emotions are the same way. Two people get overly accustomed to each other, and it ruins their relationship because mold grows on it.”

“What a pleasant translation that is. I don’t recall ever mentioning mold in my books.”

“I don’t think you did. It’s just the way my mind perceives it. Mold is something that people want to get rid of, or in this case change. It is obviously encouraged by the proper atmosphere, but it usually grows on things that are sedentary. When a relationship gets sedentary, the people involved get stagnant. I see it with the people who work for me. I listen to them talking and wonder why they stay married. They cheat on their partners because they are looking for something to stir up the sedimentation in their lives. It’s exciting and new, and it usually ends what they had in one way or another. Why are we discussing this when we don’t even know if we are going to last out the day?”

“We are exchanging ideas, trying to see how we fit together. It’s scary that we share the same thoughts. I think that we should try the ultrathin, ultraribbed.”

“I think you have given me a headache,” he said with a teasing smile.

“That is my line. I have an ache, but it’s not in my head. Lying on you certainly isn’t helping. Do you know that you smell really good?”

“No, I didn’t. What do I smell like? I don’t use cologne.”

Blaze sniffed him and then lifted a piece of his hair, smelling it. “It’s your hair. It smells great.”

“I use custom shampoo made with herbs. It’s the only thing that keeps my hair from turning into a mass of fuzzy ringlets.”

“Really? Your hair is so smooth and only slightly wavy. It was all wet, so why didn’t it curl up?”

“Because of the shampoo and conditioner. You will see it in the morning if you are still here.”

“Stop trying to get rid of me.”

Zar wrapped his hands around the back of her head and forced her into a kiss. She went limp in his arms, eager to return the embrace. When he released her, the anger was gone from her expression. “I’m not trying to get rid of you. I just can’t stop feeling that you are going to bolt at any moment.”

“Where would I bolt to? We are in the middle of nowhere.”

“I don’t mean that way. I just keep feeling as if you are too unsure of this. You are fighting an urge to get up and ask me to take you home.”

“So convince me to stay,” she said, her eyes locking on his. The visual touch was so strong that Zar blinked. Blaze slid down his body, her lips to his skin. She slid the towel off him and ran her tongue over the scar. Zar gasped at the touch and sat up, taking her by the arms. “Don’t do that!”

“Don’t do what? I think the scar is sexy. If it hurts for me to lick it, then it’s going to hurt you to make love to me.”

“It doesn’t hurt. I’m just not used to a woman touching it. I don’t think it’s sexy.”

“Well, I do! You are hurting me. I’m not into pain.”

He instantly released her arms. “I’m sorry. I’m used to women shying away from the scar, not being attracted to it. It freaked me out when you ran your tongue over it. I have to admit it’s really sensitive.”

“Do I have your permission then?” she asked, looking at him in challenge. “I think it feels good against my tongue.”

Zar pushed her to her feet, tearing the towel off her and then sliding around on the bed. He gestured with his fingertip for her to join him, and Blaze stepped up onto the bed over him. She rocked her hips provocatively and slid her hands down her legs to his.

He took the remote off the bedside table and turned on some soft music. The beat caught in Blaze’s mind, and she swayed over him, her eyes remaining fixed on him. Zar asked, “Is this part of your fantasy?”

“At the moment, I’m enjoying the look of lust in your eyes. I’m also forcing myself to not be inhibited by the ghosts of my past. Are you enjoying the show?”

“Immensely. Can’t you tell?” Zar gestured downward with his eyes to indicate his dick. “Do you know how to put one of these on?” He quickly opened the box and removed a rubber from it. Zar tore the foil open and handed it to her.

“No, I’ve never had the honor. I suppose I know the concept.”

“Put it over the tip and roll it down. When you are done, I want to play with you.”

Blaze took a deep breath, somewhat clumsily sliding the rubber over his erection cock. Zar smiled and shook his head. “Not bad for a first try. David never used a rubber?”

“No, I was on the pill. If for some reason we needed a different form of protection, we didn’t have sex.”

“I don’t particularly like it either, but until I get tested I don’t want to risk it. Would you have an HIV test if I paid for it?”

“I can pay for it myself. I never thought about it, but it would be no big deal. I didn’t think they were all that reliable.”

“They are. I know people who are tested quite often, and they say the test is 99.9 percent accurate now. Nothing is one hundred percent. Of course there are other tests for different STDs, but they have to be sent out.”