Authors: Nicole Peeler
Tags: #Romance, #Fantasy, #Contemporary, #Fiction, #General
They think they’re doing something, but the fact is that they’re giving up the moment things look difficult, because they can’t imagine really rocking the boat…
Standing there, I had a sudden moment of clarity. Or at least I thought it was clarity at the time. Looking back, I realized it was the sort of “clarity” that is really the hangover effects of that potent cocktail comprising a lack of sleep, grief, stress, and overweening anxiety.
I am going to have to do it myself
, I realized.
I am going to have to take on Jarl.
With that thought came a curious sense of calm. I’m an English lit nerd, as everyone knows, and one of my favorite authors is James Joyce. It took me forever to understand what he was all about when I first read his book of short stories,
Dubliners
. They’re the coolest short stories that all end with their protagonist having an epiphany: one of those lightbulb moments when everything becomes clear. But in some of the short stories, like “Araby,” the epiphany was definitely important to the character, but I could also see that his “epiphany” was really a shortsighted reaction to an event, and one that would get the character into trouble in the long term.
Then I read Joyce’s
Portrait of the Artist as a Young Man
. That book is five chapters, and each chapter ends with this great big epiphany that totally changes Stephen Dedalus’s perception of the world and his place in it. He
has this transcendent moment and then
bang
: The next chapter starts with him living through the issues, problems, and backlash of whatever choice his epiphany led him to make in the preceding chapter. I finally realized that Joyce’s epiphanies weren’t wrong or right; they just
were
. The epiphanies brought a kind of momentary clarity that would soon be dispelled, but in that moment they were all-encompassing.
And that’s the sort of calm I felt right at that moment. I felt as if I’d realized something so fundamental that, for me, it was as important as realizing the earth orbited the sun. Granted, I should have known to distrust such emotions from reading my Joyce, but whatever. The power of the epiphany is that you don’t realize it’s slightly batshit till
after
you’ve acted on it.
It’s all up to me
, was my epiphany, my moment of clarity. I also realized I couldn’t let anyone know what I’d realized.
They’ll try to stop you
, I told myself. I wasn’t sure yet what they’d try to stop, but I knew something was cooking in my overwrought brainpan.
So act normal
.
And normal I acted. I apologized, then sat down and watched TV with Daoud and Caleb. Ryu and Anyan talked strategy for a while, then both went to make some phone calls. Anyan tried to get me to go train with him, but I begged off, claiming exhaustion. I went to my room early, saying I wanted to shower and hit the hay. And I did take a shower, but I also packed up my bag with what I thought would be good sneaking-away items.
I waited, listening, till everyone had gone to bed. Then I crept out of my room. I tiptoed through the silent common area, only realizing when I was halfway through
that Daoud was snoring away through his big hawk-nose where he’d fallen asleep on the couch.
Taking a deep breath and trying to still my pounding heart, I grabbed the keys to one of our rental cars, Ryu’s Garmin, and a box of Clif bars (a girl has to eat, even when she’s on the lam), then snuck out the main room into the hallway. Trying to be as quiet as I could, I very, very slowly and carefully closed the door behind me, where it settled with the softest of
snicks
. Standing there, listening to hear if Ryu or Anyan came bursting out of their bedrooms, I nearly realized how stupid I was being. But I was, in fact, being stupid, so that moment was short-lived.
Soon enough, there I was: waiting for the elevator, my old duffel slung half-empty over my shoulder. It felt strange to be waiting for an elevator when I was embarking on what was going to be, one way or another, the climax of my vengeance quest, but I suppose that even the baddest badass sometimes has to wait for transportation.
Then I was in the parking garage, pressing the unlock button on the keys to figure out which of our rental cars I had the pleasure of stealing. When I saw lights flash from the SUV to my left, I went to throw my bag in the passenger’s seat. And nearly pissed in my pants when I heard someone clear his throat behind me.
Clutching my racing heart, I turned around, ready to be yelled at by either Ryu or Anyan. Instead, watching me quietly and cleaning his glasses, stood Julian.
“Off to get captured?” he asked mildly before putting his glasses back on.
“No.” I frowned. “I’m off to seek revenge!”
My voice echoed hollowly around the nearly empty
parking garage as Julian and I blinked at each other. Then started giggling.
When we were finished laughing at me, and I’d retrieved my duffel from the passenger’s seat, Julian and I sat on the rear bumper of the car so we could talk.
“Nothing’s going to happen, Jules. Can I call you Jules?”
“Only if I can slap you each and every time you do.”
“Hmmm. Fair enough. Seriously, though, nothing’s going to happen. Jarl’s gonna walk away from all this chaos, again.”
“I know.”
“We have to
do
something.”
“We do. And, believe it or not, I think you have the right idea.”
“What?” I asked, blinking at him. Now that I’d been stopped, I realized just how patently ridiculous my “plan” had been.
“You’re Jane. And Jane does rash, stupid things that get her captured. You’re our weak link, or so everyone thinks. No offense.”
“None taken?” I replied drily.
“Seriously, think about it. Everyone’s always talked about using you as bait, about how you need to be watched, and guarded, etcetera. I think, even more than revenge, that’s why Jarl’s going after people close to you. I mean, I know he does hate you, but Jarl hasn’t gotten to where he is today because he can’t control himself.”
I blinked at Julian’s words. I was used to thinking of Jarl as out to get me, but even I had to admit that what Julian was saying made sense.
“Jarl thinks if he can get to you and flush you out,
you’ll be easy pickings. You are strong, and what you did to Ryu and Anyan proves your strength. But your greatest asset is that people can’t help but underestimate you. Even people who should know better, like Ryu, can’t help but think you’ve vulnerable. It’s like you channel some baby seal aura that makes everyone want to coo over you. We can use that to our advantage.”
I giggled, knowing that what Julian said was true. And the thought of using something that had always driven me crazy—people’s perception of me as weak—thrilled me.
“So what do we do?” I asked.
“We go rogue. You and I: Team Halfling.”
“But what do we
do
? Besides order vanity T-shirts?”
“We do what the others won’t. We use you as bait. But we have a plan; we don’t just send you out into the night with some Clif bars.”
“Clif bars are very sustaining. And delicious.”
Julian laughed. “Only you would pack snacks for revenge.”
“Be nice. So what are you thinking of?”
“I’m thinking we figure out a way to track you. With current technologies, that should be pretty straightforward. Then we wait till we know the harpies are watching and we do a repeat of tonight’s escape. Only smart and strategic, instead of cockamamie.”
“Did you take your sassy pills tonight, Jules?”
“Seriously, Jane. I will cut a bitch.”
“Where did you even learn that expression? Have you been watching
RuPaul’s Drag Race
again?”
We laughed at each other, a laugh full of not only humor but also anticipation. I felt good about this—about having a plan and working with Julian.
“I think this might just work,” I said after a few moments.
“Yeah,” Julian said, meeting my black eyes with his sea-green. “I do, too.”
At that moment, I remembered talking with Iris. It felt like years but was only a few weeks ago when she’d said, “Your plans always suck, Jane.” And she was right. My plans
did
suck. But we could use that fact to our advantage, by backing up people’s perception of me as a bit of a fuckwit with Julian’s cool head for strategy. In other words, Team Halfling could use all that prejudice against halflings to our advantage, setting it against the worst perpetrators of that prejudice.
The only thing I enjoyed more than karma was chocolate cake. Oh, and cheese. And oysters. Oh, and… Anyway, my point is that I
liked
the idea of Team Halfling, on every level.
O
ver the next week, Julian and I lay low. I made a show of sulking for a day or two, then slowly getting back on board with the investigation. Julian, meanwhile, did what Julian always did: He ordered gadgets, did computer research, and blinked owlishly at all of us from behind his glasses.
In reality, however, he was planning what we’d dubbed Team Halfling’s Debut du Shenanigans. We were feeling international when we named our mission, as we’d been drinking Chimay. It happens.
Reports from the Borderlands and throughout the Territory, meanwhile, remained grim. Labs were still cropping up, burned out, with everyone in them slaughtered. Ryu would diligently travel to each place, looking for clues, but never turning up any.
The only good news we received in this time was that the powers of Ula Kappa and the other rescued females had begun to regenerate. She’d be able to return to the
ocean soon, which I was very happy to hear. Otherwise we sat, and we waited. And whenever I started to lose my nerve, another report would come in, screwing my courage to the sticking-place. We needed a break in this case, and I was determined to be that break.
That said, I’d begun to lose faith we’d ever get our chance, when Caleb came into our suite one day carrying coffee.
“Harpies are back,” he declared. “Caught a glimpse of one of our foul-feathered foes on the roof.”
I felt my face flush and forced myself not to look at Julian.
“Well, we knew they were probably around somewhere at this point.” Anyan sighed. “Now we just have confirmation. Their presence changes nothing.”
Little does he know
, I thought, then felt an uncomfortable flush of betrayal. The barghest and I had been training every day, laughing and enjoying each other’s company. I felt horrible holding anything back from him, but I knew he would never agree to the scheme Julian and I had cooked up. And if I had to ruin my chances with Anyan long-term to get the evidence we needed against Jarl, so be it.
Idiot!
my libido hissed at me, and if I were honest I had to agree. I hated the idea of betraying Anyan’s trust. But some things were bigger than me and my own desires.
That night, I went to bed early and I did actually doze off for a few hours before there was a gentle knock on my door, at around three in the morning.
“They’re all asleep,” Julian whispered, sidling into my room after I cracked the door open and closing it behind him. “And Ryu’s out feeding. This is our moment.”
It was testament to my nervousness that I didn’t flinch at Julian’s saying Ryu was out feeding.
“Let’s do this quickly. I’ve tested the device—taped it inside Daoud’s iPod arm-holster before he went jogging. Knew where he was every step of the time. Which reminds me, I’m not sure stopping at Dunkin’ Donuts is really part of a serious fitness regimen, but it’s his body.”
I giggled, only to have my giggle turn to a gulp as Julian pulled out a massive syringe.
“What the fuck?” I asked, wide-eyed.
“It’s the only way to implant the device quickly,” he explained, his voice very reasonable for someone holding what looked like an elephant tranquilizer. “This syringe is loaded with a tiny GPS tracker, about the size of a grain of rice. We need to insert it under your skin, and this is the best way.”
I blinked at Julian, then at the syringe, then back to Julian.
“C’mon, Jane. With this device, I know exactly where you are, every second you’re gone. This is not negotiable.”
I gritted my teeth, nodding once sharply.
“Fine. Let’s do it. Where do you want to stick it?”